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of being feeling the zone by years

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and then there today

1:18

welcome to in her she's i'm lindsay people's

1:21

editor in chief of the pet on ,

1:23

show i get to talk to people that we love

1:25

admire or just fine interesting will

1:27

explore how they sound their path without in their

1:30

way and how they think about brain others along

1:32

now that they've arrived

1:35

pretty minor injury ninety greenberg a really

1:38

good at present things out the

1:40

, of like the training as the self

1:42

help version version new podcast

1:44

by the books they apply advice given from different

1:46

self help books in their own nice to see

1:48

will actually will on

1:50

the discoveries they went onto right how to be

1:52

fine will be learned from living by the rules

1:55

as to be self help books now

1:57

in his latest her tests roman throats

1:59

it a candidate film and t to

2:02

their partners their new show test

2:04

out relationship hacks relationship the merits you

2:06

can listen to the episodes of romance

2:08

protest on audible thank

2:10

you again for both doing this it really it will

2:13

be fun thank

2:13

you so much for us so

2:15

i have this or by

2:18

asking my guess, the kinds of she's they have on

2:21

our because the or interceded the

2:23

an i like to be nosy excel what kind of cheesy

2:25

on or what are your favorite pair of she's right now

2:28

wow we don't wear shoes

2:31

in my house right now or

2:33

ever worked were very strict about the know she was

2:35

in the house because brooklyn is a beautiful but

2:37

very self he plays seltzer and barefoot

2:39

at this moment is is is but i will

2:41

say this since the pandemic

2:44

gotten kinda lazy with my footwear

2:46

and i only wear two pairs of shoes in

2:48

the summer i were house

2:50

trophy metallic sandals to

2:52

say which are kind of like on gladiator

2:55

sandals that are armed gold or silver

2:57

yeah and then in then winter the winter

3:00

all bird papers

3:02

which are just it will be sec more

3:04

sneakers then i've been wearing these

3:07

two types of shoes for two and

3:09

a half years every single day

3:11

elaborating

3:12

our routine of

3:16

a diesel into diesel am of

3:17

wearing know she is scares

3:20

me don't like to bring in the their

3:22

groceries streets and length other down

3:24

my that have the lack of stepping on

3:26

into the house but i was just

3:28

wearing

3:29

some some regular like birkenstock

3:31

like what's like the double strap is

3:33

that like the arizona

3:35

yeah just i just ran

3:37

those a black lab is walking the dog

3:40

that , burning below

3:43

the both obviously you know have your own

3:45

projects of projects together you have

3:48

podcast by the birds eve author

3:50

has to be fine am any of your

3:52

latest fantastic roman road test

3:54

walk me through i mean what was even a story of

3:56

you got targeted create content together

3:58

and continued to

3:59

the old into to making so many projects over

4:02

time

4:03

i don't want to you that it's held us because this is your

4:05

you see that credit here this is your our race we

4:07

met gosh it's them like a

4:09

and we met like a deck ago ah

4:12

and we were working for a

4:14

radio news program legs

4:17

just your just your like daily

4:19

news sort of round up so and

4:22

ah we would get hitched books

4:24

a lot i'm sorry bundesliga hosting a podcast

4:27

you get pets like books and stuff then he

4:29

ball publisher as public first

4:31

send you all these books and i

4:33

was or the administrator in charge

4:35

of getting all these books as the whole i

4:38

would open them started distribute them mostly

4:40

pomona pile for like anyone can take these

4:42

select give lance presents and stuff because

4:44

we're not gonna cover like all

4:46

, eighty biographies of like real housewives

4:50

not we also got lots and lots of self

4:52

help books which again we probably work

4:54

in a cover on like you know the

4:56

news yeah so i

4:58

began like hoarding all ma'am at because

5:01

i was sort of a mid twenties

5:03

like the figure out what i'm doing my life still

5:06

was trying to be an actor trying to be a comedienne

5:09

and was like maybe if i follow

5:11

these books i'll get my sit together

5:13

and me cause i'm determined to be

5:15

an entertainer like i said record this

5:18

so then i wrote my friend christian

5:21

and to at because they see

5:23

it was probably my best friend at this hour

5:26

has she was the call to reporter and to talk about

5:28

like movies and tv and

5:30

also while i like want

5:32

to believe the promises of self help

5:34

kristin is a bit more skeptical

5:36

and i felt like she'd be sort of a good like control

5:39

group to try out the is that

5:41

these cells help tactic is me

5:44

answer to keep me grounded maybe keep me from like

5:46

joining a colt by accident so

5:49

then we started making by the but yeah

5:52

the me rather all and endured tenth season

5:54

correct and yes yes

5:56

and me but what is like kept that longevity

5:58

going how to eat cheaply

5:59

they're coming

6:00

in what what is that process then like to

6:02

to have ten season is such an amazing see

6:05

thank you i'm we

6:07

keep coming back partly because we're very lucky

6:09

to have a ,

6:12

of self help books hundreds of new ones

6:14

get published every sunday and ah

6:17

yes and were also lucky that we have listeners

6:19

who want to continually see us tortured

6:21

living by these books and but

6:23

the show is essentially show is show

6:25

podcast self we don't just live

6:28

by the rules of each of these books we

6:30

record ourselves while living

6:32

by

6:32

the book following you know every

6:34

single ruled

6:35

the letter self listeners

6:37

here as doing things like taking our life and

6:40

do our own hands or saying terrible things

6:42

to ourselves or or saying you know ah

6:44

loving mom

6:45

this to ourselves they are there as we

6:47

throw everything that we

6:49

on our if it doesn't spark joy

6:51

it's they are there as we

6:53

experiment with our relationships so

6:55

i think that that's part of what keeps it going

6:57

to is the fact that's it's not just to

6:59

show where we review books it's a show where

7:02

our lives are fully a part of the show

7:04

and because our lives just dunno

7:07

the going and going and going so does the show

7:10

i feel like that experimentation

7:13

though and to continue doing

7:15

it so much overtime has to be

7:18

incredibly vulnerable and i mean

7:20

i'm obviously like the listener love it because

7:22

it feels like they have some insight into

7:24

the process and knowing if they want to read that voters

7:26

they want to try this in the process has

7:29

either have you ever those struggled

7:31

with that or struggled with like the vulnerability

7:33

and just how much you have to share to go through that process

7:37

totally especially

7:39

and you like navigating not with release

7:41

and we encountered

7:43

this ally i'm in our in our newer

7:46

so the audible original romance road test

7:48

where we testing romance advice

7:51

specifically and just sort

7:53

of meeting our partners

7:55

were their boundaries are because like this

7:57

isn't their work this isn't necessarily

7:59

the their vulnerability understand even

8:02

though it's like relationships vulnerability

8:04

so , able to like find the fine line of like

8:07

how do i get my husband's like the read

8:09

erotica i'm on

8:11

might say me about like

8:13

make him feel comfortable possibly

8:15

searing mess so

8:17

like were me i can have no boundaries

8:20

but like learning to sort of find

8:22

and respect other people's in this process

8:24

has been really interesting

8:26

the

8:28

yeah i have to say for me it's been harder

8:30

than for sale once that because i came into this

8:32

as as don't want to us

8:34

earlier a culture reporter a culture

8:36

critic

8:36

my job was to analyze things

8:38

not necessarily to speak to

8:41

my deepest insecurities or

8:43

the things that are sad

8:46

or traumatic in my life and this show kind

8:48

of has pushed those things

8:50

the for where i talk what all of those things

8:52

now remember the first episode where i

8:55

really my dad all

8:57

be broadcast where i started revealing things

8:59

about my in the first season was we

9:02

were living by french women don't get fat and i

9:04

cry in an episode and i never thought

9:06

i would be the person who is crying on

9:08

a microphone after nearly done

9:11

in media where i am making

9:13

documentaries or i am you

9:15

know reporting on reality t

9:17

v tempering in my own story

9:20

and my own self was really hard and i remember

9:22

the night before that episode came out i

9:24

did not sleep of lick all

9:26

night i stayed up all night i was so nervous

9:29

i had diarrhea his decision air

9:31

about what would happen and

9:34

then it came out and we started

9:37

getting the couple

9:39

trickles here and there and then before you know what it was

9:41

an avalanche of letters from people who said

9:44

thank , i see myself in your story

9:46

thank you for talking about what it's

9:48

like to live with disordered eating thank you for

9:51

talking about creating your own

9:53

body you're living body you're world that doesn't

9:55

necessarily treat women

9:57

like we matter unless our

9:59

size this or this or this and

10:02

i , know what i thought would happen to me i thought maybe i would die

10:04

of embarrassment that the vulnerability would

10:06

tell me somehow but susan it was such a tremendous

10:09

relief to hear from listener saying it

10:11

made them feel less alone in the world and

10:14

that's kind of what's kept me going opening

10:17

up

10:18

even though

10:19

the really hard sometimes and i don't share every

10:21

single detail of my life i definitely keeping something

10:24

close to the vast but that that's

10:27

what helps me go back and

10:29

how more and more of my story new

10:31

to

10:32

obviously you guys know this us who

10:34

love the self help johndroe though is

10:36

so crowded and there's a

10:38

new trend and new birth and new

10:41

idea the or an old idea with a new name

10:43

on tic tac every leaf and

10:45

it's obviously hard to parse out he knows is

10:47

a scam is with this the really helpful

10:50

after several seasons of code in a living

10:52

by the book what has been your consensus about

10:54

justine of south gianna and

10:56

all of these in a quote unquote wellness trends

10:59

that are you know trying to help people but also

11:01

understandably says trying to sell products

11:04

in books and and new line

11:06

every week as well on top of it

11:09

right right it's definitely hard

11:11

to sort of parse through what

11:13

is essentially dislike an influencer

11:16

self promoting endlessly and

11:18

what is like axl advice that could be

11:20

worth listening to christian

11:23

and i have found it's like the

11:25

finale a look at your source if

11:27

the person says there a doctor i can see

11:30

where that doctorates from sometimes as honorary

11:32

sometimes it's from you know a

11:34

nice prestigious institution

11:36

or just like a one that's real and you've heard of

11:39

you know make sorry you

11:41

know where the advice as coming from a lot

11:44

of these self help authors are people who are

11:46

really into a certain

11:49

subject and how that subjects can

11:51

enhance their life whether it's tidy and are

11:53

getting up early or

11:54

and if if i usually just like rarely

11:57

zeroing in on something them that vibe

11:59

with them or something they have struggled with it's

12:02

not necessarily like an overarching theme

12:04

and like a usually we have found

12:07

advice that's about groups

12:09

or like that collective are how to make the

12:11

world a better place tends to be

12:13

better advice less blame

12:16

me more actionable more about

12:18

like doing that and putting that out into the world

12:20

and less about like visualizing

12:22

things you want for yourself and like blaming

12:24

like that days these things don't happen

12:28

the know that also add to that sets

12:30

a lot of self help books are so

12:32

navel gazing and there's nothing wrong with looking at

12:34

our navels from time to time and looking

12:37

inside of ourselves and what

12:39

makes me feel this way where did the stem

12:41

from in this match but oftentimes

12:44

would it's really stemming from isn't or naval the

12:46

all it's from structural inequality it's

12:48

from larger issues like racism

12:50

and sexism and so on and

12:52

so you know just saying

12:55

a monster every day is not going to fix the thing

12:57

that really the cause of my

12:59

unhappiness in this world or really because

13:01

and feeling unsafe or

13:03

unsettled in this world and i'm

13:06

a lot of the authors of self

13:07

but according to good read

13:09

the kurds are the author's are man and two thirds

13:11

of the readers are women so it isn't industry

13:13

of men telling women what to do a lot

13:15

of these men coming from very

13:17

privileged backgrounds born on third base

13:19

saying if i can do what anyone can season

13:22

but i don't know that's true that anybody

13:24

can when you already had most of

13:26

life handed to you on a silver spray

13:29

is there a particular

13:32

oh please you don't have read over

13:34

the past ten seasons or just mantra

13:36

is if a book is sue hard to to recall

13:38

that is then the most helpful

13:42

that's a tough fight

13:45

i know it's like naming for me

13:47

i always back

13:48

the lab know what to say when you talk

13:50

to yourself by sad how center

13:53

it air he's a real doctor

13:55

her and talks about the sort of like

13:58

the cognitive pathways that are made that

14:00

when we sort of sat

14:02

thoughts as like concrete facts and our head

14:05

and how we can change those and why we

14:07

tend to absorb negative the facts

14:09

about ourselves and not positive ones

14:11

and that like literally changing

14:13

how you talk to yourself can change how you

14:15

feel about your self worth and like for

14:18

me personally it's than one that's like

14:20

stuck the long test and just

14:22

is that in our follow again visualization

14:25

or like blaming yourself for things that

14:27

are like far beyond your control

14:30

it's not a perfect

14:31

they a really took some good

14:33

things away from a book called white good things

14:36

happen to good people and

14:38

the idea of that

14:39

that's really more about

14:41

you know self care but about

14:43

community care about putting out

14:45

goodness into the world about making the world a better place

14:47

to make yourself happy or by also

14:50

the endorphins we get when we commit

14:52

an act of kindness in the world it

14:54

genuinely feels good and

14:56

it makes us feel less alone it makes us feel more

14:58

connected with something larger than ourselves

15:00

it gives us a sense of purpose and stuff tix

15:03

all of these bought boxes and life

15:05

because saying because month for doesn't necessarily

15:07

fixing things that doing

15:08

good in the world does

15:16

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15:18

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15:51

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15:56

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15:59

ramos room

15:59

the host of today explained boxes

16:02

daily news

16:03

explainer pot and and the well you've

16:05

been here for what like eight months now at this

16:07

point eight months i feel like we've

16:09

accomplished a lot yet we've had fun

16:11

with and serious we've been asking

16:14

some very big important questions

16:16

that you have yourself probably been asking

16:19

noel your two part series recently

16:21

on the new right comes to mind

16:24

oh and lot of politics may

16:26

have a lot of coulter you did a great episode

16:28

honest last he ought to be forgeries

16:30

in which a former forger

16:33

told us house

16:34

art a book that the

16:36

guy console within

16:39

, realize i start coughing

16:41

it was very detailed affect

16:44

someone's gonna get arrested if you haven't

16:46

given today explained today chance yet

16:48

we implore you to do so new episodes

16:51

chopped every weekday

17:08

the opposite spectrum is there

17:11

really bad advice they choose the

17:13

chances are high give you good

17:16

is healthy bulls to assist

17:18

stray away from or just eat out i

17:20

love with you were saying earlier dylan about a i

17:23

do feel a lot of the social

17:25

media trends come about and everybody's

17:27

like now you have to manifest

17:29

saving you're going to be the first in an inner seeing

17:31

them seeing real time than being let down

17:33

because they thought to say they had this is

17:35

where did this is slaves and within a half and

17:38

is there's certain by say you sound

17:40

as you were that you were like this is crazy

17:42

advice i would never do this again nord by citizens

17:44

is kind of taking now because it's popular

17:46

that me want people to still

17:48

the bit more research fine

17:51

i i mean we

17:53

hate the i had a advice

17:55

like we lived by a french

17:57

women don't give fat and our first season

17:59

and after that decided never again

18:02

it's nice self how the ads

18:05

like weight control

18:07

and the off and like disordered eating

18:09

veiled as like healthy

18:11

advice so we so

18:14

we clear of all of that

18:15

how to win ten i take real

18:17

issue with anything that includes the law

18:19

of attraction which is a lot of self

18:21

help books the idea that if you

18:23

believe that you can be it but

18:26

the idea that you only get what you manifest

18:29

like i received this thing because i

18:31

believed in it harder than others gray

18:34

, the fact that i'm you

18:36

know are you saying that people fool

18:39

are poor people who are living with

18:41

debilitating diseases did they ask

18:43

for that because they didn't believe hard enough and health

18:46

did they not believe hard and us in having

18:48

us in wage

18:50

and you know the first place we saw

18:52

lot attraction was the very first episode of though

18:54

we met by the secret in season one and

18:57

the question came up like oh so if you

19:00

were in a death camp during the holocaust

19:02

if you have cancer is that because you distant believe

19:04

hard enough and yes according to the book

19:06

it is earlier i just refuse

19:09

to believe that people were

19:11

asking for it people didn't ask for

19:13

abuse people didn't ask for poverty

19:15

by and the law of attraction says that they dead because

19:18

they didn't believe hard enough in what they deserve also

19:21

any advice

19:22

it talks about men and women as like two

19:24

different animals two different species from

19:26

different plan and it's like

19:28

a further as these sort

19:31

of the now how

19:33

song structures of gardener

19:35

and like furthers the divide between them

19:37

and does that remind us like we're all human

19:39

we all were socialized to communicate

19:41

in certain ways especially by sender

19:44

and the like we're not different animals

19:46

like not all men should be approached

19:49

a certain way off and advice that

19:51

ah as per se les tends

19:54

to be advised like has a further one

19:56

man and how to approach or man and

19:58

like you know not cause

20:00

spread sand but not necessarily how to communicate

20:03

like wants and needs or like have

20:05

like a nice equal exchange so

20:08

i any advice that really

20:10

men and women as like masterly

20:12

their friend i'm like it's impossible

20:14

to be from the same plan and like that

20:18

didn't , this is out of here

20:21

i mean only know the you

20:22

target on the pad for about

20:24

how seventy self help

20:25

look for written by men by read

20:28

by women and but it does

20:30

seem like even in a league gets

20:32

sent a ton of books to review or

20:34

like exit for the current state women

20:36

seem more inclined even read self

20:38

help books in the first place so how do you

20:41

guys in a manage both

20:43

ends of that and also just the idea

20:45

that it it feels like

20:46

that are more

20:47

concerned with bettering themselves and were

20:49

concerned with it with the topic overall

20:53

i mean i also think that where you live

20:55

in a world where the idea

20:57

of masculinity is you toss it out

21:00

and you don't ask for help

21:02

you don't go to was swink you don't read self

21:04

help books those things are

21:07

weak , their feminine or their sissies

21:09

there are a lot of words for what that is

21:12

as far as how we treat our gender binaries

21:14

in the world and when he eats eats

21:16

a gendered as and i

21:19

think that it's interesting to see over the last decade

21:21

how there has been kind of this rise

21:24

and self help books for man but they never identified

21:26

themselves as self help books oftentimes

21:28

their business guides their

21:31

guidebooks to stoicism they

21:33

are books that have the word fuck in the title

21:35

the and there's a whole

21:37

world of books now that are self help from and

21:39

but most man and most marketers

21:42

and most publishers don't even put them in

21:44

the cells house pulp section house

21:46

, agree and i also was just curious

21:49

what now with you all doing the romance

21:51

protests in trying to extend

21:53

all of the scenes and learn

21:55

to romantic relationships

21:57

were your partner analysts how

21:59

is that

21:59

conversation of you know getting them

22:02

to be willing to go on this journey with you did

22:04

it take convincing what was that like

22:07

again i feel lucky because

22:09

my partner as he is like the

22:11

activity per and i'm that not

22:13

activity person in the relationship

22:15

psyches always like

22:17

top another bad to go do something gone

22:20

and different on a date or try something new so

22:22

when i pets this to him and was like will be trying

22:25

like fifteen different like dating tips

22:27

like probably in a row like every week

22:29

he was like yes finally it like

22:31

sales and activity is so he

22:34

was most

22:34

the onboard except for every once in awhile and something

22:36

would scare him like one of the day

22:38

it's was doing something scary so that's

22:41

given to him and i have reading erotic that

22:43

did scare him but we made

22:46

and my

22:48

husband he

22:50

you such a ham and he loves being

22:53

on the microphone because in his

22:55

regular day to day life she is

22:57

in you know his a chief technologist

23:00

for a company and he as

23:02

he always says he's like from such a nerd and

23:04

on the so i get into be a star

23:07

pop , assess our although

23:10

the way she is a star is despite being

23:12

a loving supportive husband most of the time

23:14

and then every once in awhile just getting set

23:16

up which he does many times on romance

23:19

or other sites that are many episodes what it's like

23:21

like , it is a terrible

23:24

never take me to another play again at one point

23:27

i brought him to live theater and he just

23:29

seated at on yeah we had a couple of

23:31

a where he he did not

23:33

enjoy it were

23:36

there any things that she tried

23:38

with your

23:39

is that a cause like

23:41

actual real tension outside of you

23:43

know the recording of the the episode

23:46

they mean

23:49

i can say in my marriage yes

23:53

well said the time we went to live

23:55

theater that was on our hobby

23:57

date i introduced to my hobby into

23:59

made his hobbies to the hobby is playing

24:02

video games a week

24:05

recorded at any are episodes

24:07

of our so are only about thirty five forty

24:09

minutes long but the

24:11

op's wall raw recording of us

24:13

fighting or playing video games was like this and

24:15

i don't know an hour and a half or something was

24:18

like

24:19

the went on and on and on we are

24:21

not getting along fearing bad

24:23

and there were definitely

24:25

other points where what

24:27

you hear on the show is just a tiny snippet

24:31

i'm how much bigger at was when it was earning

24:35

yeah i would say like him

24:38

lingers for me it's not necessarily

24:40

tension my partner but just like a

24:42

sour taste

24:43

i'm like oh right when we do that

24:45

that like this

24:46

out of me we did each

24:48

other's grooming and land

24:50

my part or was doing my makeup he was like oh my

24:52

gosh this i guess as the art projects

24:55

like i didn't sign up for a camp leave you do

24:57

this all the time like ah this

24:59

is this is a waste of time and

25:01

like one of your longer a drawing and now

25:03

every time i do my makeup either think about

25:05

him complaining and being like cod the social

25:07

an equity of the fact that like i said have eyebrows

25:10

on for

25:10

car and like it doesn't

25:12

matter if lead times and so of like now

25:14

when i do my makeup sometimes i'll just think about

25:16

how he made the sag like to

25:19

do over how ridiculous

25:22

this whole process as and now

25:24

it's much more apparent even i

25:26

always knew it was ridiculous now it just feels

25:28

am i i i was us a serious

25:30

within the romance or it's has since i'll

25:32

give been able to have conversations you know

25:34

with your own friends and and community about

25:36

it because i do austin see

25:38

like when i

25:39

talk to

25:41

my girlfriend's i always feel like they're doing

25:43

a lot more of that the work in

25:46

make like making the relationship better and similarly

25:48

with like all the self help books feeling

25:50

like as you know women tend

25:53

to be more interested in the books are in better themselves

25:55

are the same the forests and i'm just

25:57

curious as you know what your conversations

25:59

of like with women in your lives

26:01

and how they have self about trying to better

26:04

their real romantic relationships that wow

26:07

yeah i mean my , friends

26:09

it's been really interesting i'm talking

26:11

with some about as because because

26:15

are not dealing with those same

26:17

sort of socially a sign norms of

26:19

like women do this or men do this do

26:22

some of my gay friends of listen to the show

26:24

as well some of our day listeners are just like ah

26:27

straight people ah world i

26:29

know i'm

26:32

definitely heard that i'm and

26:35

so much and i but definitely both heard from

26:37

i lot of women in from

26:39

a i would call really had or a normative

26:41

more traditional relationships

26:44

where they say that they always

26:47

carried that mental load it's always

26:49

on them to be

26:51

pretty be exciting

26:54

for the relationship be relationship good mom

26:56

keep a good house ah do

26:59

all of these things and we hear from them

27:01

also on the up you know because i'd i

27:03

would say joints and joints are kind

27:05

of more in the middle of

27:07

those extremes we are not

27:09

what i would call patriarchal marriages and we

27:11

are not in same sex relationships

27:13

either but i people do right

27:15

in and are like well you have

27:18

partners who do all the housekeeper

27:20

than cooking so you don't know how hard it is that

27:22

his arms so we hear that too because

27:24

that comes out in the showed that are specific gender

27:26

dynamics don't always match those

27:29

of other people in traditional relationships

27:31

where yeah

27:33

is there anything that both of he

27:35

has taken away and i'm

27:38

in just having a bit for the

27:40

a retrospective approach of how

27:42

you actually are near relationships are just

27:44

things that she discovered about yourself that she didn't realize

27:47

of

27:48

the way that you are in your relationship

27:52

wow here's a silly thing

27:54

i'm at one of that we

27:56

did romance road test as we didn't like thirty

27:59

six percent

27:59

love they were like in the new york times

28:02

and supposedly yeah yeah like if you answer

28:04

these questions with someone you're on a day at westlake

28:06

and i'll help you fall in love and

28:09

, all like you know get to know your type class

28:11

sense and one of the questions was like

28:13

why when was the last time you

28:15

sang ah and

28:18

maybe to whom are i'm not sure if

28:20

that was part of at an my partner and

28:22

i realize like oh right leg probably

28:24

earlier today when i was like making up a song about

28:26

like the dog or you were like what i was doing

28:29

and we realize like oh right we sing all

28:31

the time to each other and i don't think he's

28:34

ever stops and notice that

28:36

about our relationship even though it's a weird

28:38

like you know surface level

28:40

saying it's like oh we love singing

28:43

to each other and like we've never thought of ourselves

28:45

as a couple that like makes of songs all

28:47

the time but we are is

28:50

now

28:52

nice and i would say for me

28:54

and dean it just hit me this weekend

28:56

actually i'm he

28:59

went on a bike ride and he was

29:01

five neighborhoods away and he called

29:04

me up and he said you want to meet me in this neighborhood and i'll take

29:06

your for lunch and i

29:08

paused for paused second oh my god or really when

29:10

i got how many subway lines

29:12

to after take off to transfer and then

29:14

i was like

29:16

yeah

29:16

i do want to do that and one

29:19

thing that romance road test while we were in production

29:21

on the show did was every , i

29:23

did that to him see this week we're going to do

29:25

this say the signal gonna do this and

29:28

i'm it's a gift

29:30

to be able to shake things up and to

29:32

be able to say yes to those things and we

29:35

definitely have our routines and we have moments

29:38

of relaxation and and

29:40

those were teens there's nothing wrong with those routines

29:42

there's absolutely not but

29:44

when there's the chance to shake it up it is nice

29:47

to see us so oh

29:49

yeah that's a sent me this past weekend

29:52

the that deliver how

29:54

do you both feel about you know agitating trying

29:56

of his of in life hacks in you

29:58

know requested by se every he

30:00

feel like it's enhance your relationship

30:03

the like it's either change your view of yourself

30:05

what what is then that some take away

30:07

his after doing this for so long now

30:10

i definitely think it's enhanced communiques

30:13

and i i feel like it has to have for both

30:15

of us were it's like have to

30:17

really break down what we're about to do

30:19

like a wild kind of what we expect

30:22

and the you know we have to break down

30:24

our boundaries that like what we're willing to

30:26

expose are just like how what we're willing

30:29

to do on a date events that's definitely

30:32

then something that

30:34

i've had to like get better and that fled

30:37

been last and luckily

30:39

i think it's so hard for me to measure that

30:41

because for our

30:44

entire marriage we've been making

30:46

the shell arm we started making

30:48

the pilot for the shell are

30:50

actually joe lunch at the earliest it

30:52

or east of the so before it was even with a network

30:54

our first go at it dean and i'd

30:56

only been dating for dating few months i think at that

30:58

time so dean has essentially

31:01

lived his entire really

31:02

and shipwreck me being recorded though

31:06

i think they're real test will be like once

31:08

the recording stops more below what will

31:10

things be a success and nurses

31:14

and

31:15

it is my last question i mean if there's

31:17

you know one thing that she want listening to

31:20

take away living vicariously through you

31:22

all the things he have tried what would

31:24

you say to them

31:28

something it rubs you the wrong way

31:31

it doesn't mean like oh i need to

31:33

try it my plus my boundaries like a mighty

31:35

because it's bad advice

31:38

and that's one thing we have learned

31:40

lads like

31:40

the time and i'm like oh like

31:42

is usually because it's not sound like

31:45

the now i if i do that more research

31:47

like i can prove my god right so

31:50

i'm not saying never push yourself that like

31:52

especially when it come the just sort of a random

31:54

self help advice never like to hear on

31:57

ticked off

31:57

there's something and i feel like he like

31:59

it's fine if he are like that

32:02

it doesn't need to resonate with you you're not broken

32:04

if it doesn't resonate with the a like it might be

32:06

city

32:09

oh absolutely and on that note

32:11

as children to always says nobody is

32:13

more of an expert in you than you

32:16

especially not this person who wrote

32:18

a self help books in their

32:20

santa barbara office overlooking the ocean

32:23

is ocean millionaire who you have never

32:25

met before they're not more of an expert

32:27

in you than you sell this you know take what

32:29

they say with say grain of salt and

32:31

go back to what i was saying earlier keep

32:33

in mind also so much

32:36

of what is

32:38

hurting you are challenging you

32:40

are making a question yourself keep in

32:43

mind that some of that may not be you it

32:45

all it may be

32:46

the bigger structures and

32:48

problems in this world

32:49

yeah

32:52

you got so much for doing so so appreciative

32:54

of see taking the time

32:56

thank you thank you so much subtler

32:59

to dot

33:04

energy the physical me when people

33:06

our producer an editor for this episode

33:09

is tacos and are engineer

33:11

is brenda macfarlane and are executive producer

33:13

is hannah present the cat is made

33:15

possible by the excellent team and new york

33:17

magazine subscribe today at the

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cut dot com slash subscribe i'm

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lindsay people's and thank you some [unk] religion

33:28

we're in in all neutral everything

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