0:01

Joe Rogan podcast, check it out!

0:03

The Joe Rogan Experience.

0:06

Train by day, Joe Rogan podcast by

0:08

night, all day! That's

0:12

her. That's her. Whoa! Blanched

0:15

in that bullies, bullies. That's no.

0:18

That's a lizzo. You just passed him. That's

0:20

Joey Diaz, laughing gas weed. Oh

0:22

my god, dude. You both pussy dialed. You called

0:24

him a pussy and then you passed him. Yeah, I was joking.

0:26

I was never gonna smoke that. I'll be under the

0:28

table. You smoke it, you coward. I was already smoking

0:30

it. I just bullied you into smoking it, dude. You

0:33

can't bully me when I'm already doing it. He's bullying and he's not doing

0:35

it. He bullied him and he

0:37

didn't do it. Shane is the king of that. Here's

0:42

my only impression of Shane. You won't. Yeah,

0:44

you won't do that. Whatever's

0:47

brought up, you won't. You have my favorite childish

0:49

humor. It's so fun. And it

0:51

works, too. It's very fun to be childish. Grab your friends,

0:53

you go. You don't do that, dude. It's

0:56

very fun to be childish. You're not gonna do that. He's

0:58

dumb. Give

1:00

me that shit. I'll do it right now. I'll cut myself.

1:03

Well, he's jet lagged. He came from another country. I

1:05

can't believe you're doing this. He had a day. He had a day to rest.

1:08

Yeah, I had Athens, fucking five hours. Did

1:10

you go see the Acropolis? I did.

1:13

Wow, shit, huh? It's

1:14

so cool. What's Acropolis? It's

1:17

a bunch of fucking rubble. Oh. Yeah,

1:20

it's just a spill down the... The Acropolis is

1:22

the base. The Parthenon is the building, correct? Yes. Dude,

1:25

I tell you, I looked up that a bunch of times

1:27

when I was there, and I still don't know. Nobody

1:29

knows. Yeah.

1:31

No idea. Yeah, the Acropolis is the building.

1:33

The Parthenon is what it's built on.

1:36

Oh, interesting. The Greeks were gay. Greeks

1:38

were gay. Okay,

1:41

the Acropolis of Athens is an ancient

1:44

citadel located on a rocky outcrop. Wait

1:46

a minute, which one's the Acropolis, and which one's

1:48

the Parthenon? I think the...

1:52

Oh, yeah, I don't know. I think the Acropolis is

1:54

the building, and the Parthenon is what it's built

1:56

on. The Acropolis

1:59

is, I think, the entire thing.

1:59

and the Parthenon to one of the buildings. Yeah. What's

2:03

the structure that it sits on? What's the Parthenon?

2:05

Yeah, Google that. I'm pretty sure the... One

2:08

of them... That's that one. Okay. That's

2:11

under construction. So the Parthenon is the build in the Acropolis. The build

2:13

to back up. There's scaffolding everywhere. Wow. The

2:16

roof fell off. How about that stamos? The centerpiece.

2:19

The fixer upper for sure. So, okay. The

2:25

Parthenon is a former temple of the Athenian

2:27

Acropolis, Greece, that was dedicated to the

2:29

goddess Athena

2:29

during the fifth century BC. All

2:32

those people were tripping balls, you know. Goddess

2:34

of beauty. Yeah. There's a great

2:36

book on it. The Immortality Key by this guy

2:38

in Brian Murrow Rescue. It actually opened up a

2:40

field of study at Harvard. This guy wrote

2:43

a book about how they did... They

2:45

always suspected that their wine

2:47

was laced with something. But then they got

2:50

definitive proof because they found old vessels

2:52

and they tested these vessels and they found ergot

2:55

in them. Which is a

2:57

fungus that has LSD-like effects.

2:59

Wow.

2:59

Yeah. So they made up that

3:02

they were gods? Dude, that must have fucked them up. That's

3:04

where they came up with everything. That's where they came up with democracy.

3:06

They came up with so much from tripping balls. It

3:09

makes sense. They were sitting in the trees. He hit this rock and it

3:11

became a spring. Tripping balls. To fight

3:13

him, he hit a rock. It became a tree. All

3:15

those old people were tripping balls. What they were doing

3:17

was hiding it from the Romans and they had

3:20

to move away. They started

3:22

going into other countries when they got kicked out of Greece.

3:25

They moved the illucinian mysteries all

3:27

over the world.

3:28

The what mysteries? The what mysteries? Illusis.

3:32

Illusinian mysteries. All the Zeus stuff?

3:34

All the fucking... All the

3:37

trip ball stuff. People

3:40

like scholars from all over the world would go there

3:42

and participate in these rituals. And

3:45

they would just trip their fucking brains out and

3:47

figure things out. How

3:48

about those grape leaves? I

3:51

don't think that had anything to do with it. That's

3:53

Greek. Those are just leaves. They're

3:55

not great. They're not great. Overrated.

3:58

They overrated. They kind of dip into a ziggy.

3:59

to make it even edible. They're pretty bland.

4:02

Yeah, they got the same food as Middle

4:05

Eastern. Soup, yeah, they got kebabs. A lot of pita, kebab,

4:08

hummus. Yeah. Fucking delicious.

4:10

Or as David Telkall's a terrorist peanut butter.

4:14

His joke.

4:16

Yeah, so did you have fun? Oh, it was a

4:18

blast. Did you have a good time? Yeah, yeah, yeah,

4:21

Athens is a cool city. Did you get to hike? Did you

4:23

get to hike? I did get to walk and hike. Yeah,

4:25

it's a big national park in the middle. Ah! It's

4:28

like Central Park, you walk through it at night. Yeah, parks are

4:30

parked though. Looking for rapists, what? Do you like to hike?

4:33

I don't know why I don't like hikes. Did you protect

4:35

those parks in Athens? People

4:38

have asked me about the parks.

4:40

Yeah, everyone you try to protect goes away. So I went somewhere,

4:43

like, have you protected any parks lately? And I was like, no, I've only

4:45

failed in protecting any parks. Well, you only tried

4:47

one. Yeah, utter failure. But sometimes

4:50

it's your first time trying to protect a park. True.

4:52

Why do you like parks?

4:54

They're a joyous place. He's

4:56

a city dork. It's the only nature he gets.

4:59

They stink. It's

5:01

the only nature he's allowed. I took my nephew to a park. I just looked

5:03

like a fucking pedophile the whole time. He was looking

5:05

at a little tiny park. Yeah. With a

5:08

swing set. Yeah, I just took him to a park. I was just yelling

5:10

at him. You're not allowed to go without a kid. Yeah, a lot

5:12

of these places. Right. Yeah, that's weird.

5:15

Going to a park and just watching kids. Boy, I love

5:17

watching kids interact. Yeah!

5:20

You can't, you can't. So innocent. You have to go

5:22

with your own kid. Dog parks are

5:24

what you can't enjoy. Dog parks, you can't go in without a dog. Really?

5:27

You can. No. They won't stop

5:29

you, but the rule is, you can't go in without a dog. Oh really? Is

5:31

that the rule?

5:32

Is it written? Yeah. So

5:35

it's written, so it's told. It is

5:37

written. That's the only way I know it. It is written.

5:40

My niece's nephews are black and my dad

5:43

took him to the park by himself. My

5:46

niece was on the swings and she was like, slap

5:48

me, Pappy, slap it. He was down there

5:50

pushing her ass. Pretty funny, right? People

5:53

are looking at it like, what the fuck is going on

5:55

here? Slap me, Pappy. She's

5:57

like slap it, Pappy. He's like Jesus Christ. I

5:59

can see.

5:59

There's a playground outside my apartment

6:02

and a mom was on her phone the whole

6:04

time pushing this kid on a swing it killed me Because

6:07

so easily steal a kid So

6:09

distracted now's the time yeah

6:12

My friend almost got his kids stolen from a park. What

6:15

yeah, yeah, he Noticed

6:18

at the last minute that someone was calling his

6:20

kid towards a truck

6:22

Brian Laundry and he stopped

6:24

it He ran out and stopped it, but I think

6:26

he was just not paying attention for a brief war To

6:30

steal his kid

6:31

I got a hit on my pedophiles as

6:33

a youth the thing is it does happen I mean it's

6:36

not so insane. Yeah What what actually

6:38

does happen people still children cuz that kid

6:40

will forget just might be crazy enough to work

6:46

Remember milk carton kids yeah, that was a big

6:48

thing big thing. I think a lot of them are stolen

6:50

by the parent All

6:53

the stats of like abducted kids are just the dad I

6:55

was like I want some People

6:57

use their kids as like leverage to get back

7:00

at the spouse Yeah,

7:01

like the husband and the wife get divorced

7:03

and the wife won't let the husband see the kid yells

7:06

at her I want my fucking kids you won't

7:08

let that whore in the house with her That

7:11

would be nice getting so like hammered and just going

7:13

to your fucking ex-wife's house I There's

7:20

a horrible video of a guy getting shot doing that

7:22

oh really Goes to the

7:25

the house where his kid lives and there's

7:27

a guy there and the guy and the wife

7:29

are there and he's yelling And

7:31

the guys get get off my fucking property and

7:33

the guy when the guy's a big guy and he gets in his face And

7:36

the guy goes and gets an AR and they struggle with No,

7:39

I struggle with the gun briefly and then

7:41

the guy lights him up. That's a good dad I like

7:44

him up in front of the guy's mom

7:48

Wait who shot who the biological

7:51

father got shot by the stepdad yes Who's

7:55

a smaller guy there's the biological

7:57

dad's a big guy why would you get closer?

7:59

up with an AR for some other guy to grab

8:02

it. I think he was just trying to

8:04

threaten him. Like if he pulled out a gun, the guy would

8:06

be like, that's it.

8:07

Okay, he got a gun. I'm going to leave now, but

8:09

this guy was an idiot. I've seen quite a few

8:12

of those people just, people

8:14

get nutty and they don't understand risk

8:17

and they don't understand danger, even just with fights

8:19

when they get in people's face. Yeah,

8:21

man. Fuck you. Well, fuck you.

8:24

Do something, man. one

8:26

of the most dangerous things that people can do

8:29

other than using weapons. Yep. Happens

8:31

all the time. But I saw a video the other day, this guy,

8:34

they're in front of like a truck and

8:36

this guy's yelling at this guy, come on,

8:37

pussy fight like a man. He takes his shirt off

8:39

and the guy just shoots him. Oh, I didn't see that

8:41

one. I saw a punch. Holy shit. I

8:44

didn't see that one at all. The guy just shoots him. And

8:47

the guy's like, come on, pussy. He takes his shirt off while the

8:49

guy has a gun out. He's the machine. And he comes towards

8:51

him and he just, boom. Nope. Wow.

8:54

The guy goes down screaming. The guy died. What

8:57

happened? Yeah. Jones was just

8:59

like enough. Oh, yeah. Jones. What

9:02

did he have, a whip or something? No, he had like a sword. Yeah.

9:05

You know, that was like a supposedly

9:07

like, wasn't

9:07

supposed to happen. Adlai's like a... Really?

9:10

Yeah. Oh. He

9:12

was high all the time. Harrison Ford gets high all the time. Wasn't? No.

9:17

He's really depressed. I think when you get older, that's the move. Yeah.

9:20

Still nails it. You can't control this one. He

9:22

knows what he does. You're

9:24

like, what's the kids these days? What is

9:27

happening? You're changing genders. Just

9:29

get high. Just get high and just go

9:31

through life spaced out. Indiana stoned.

9:33

Oh, there we go. His alternative pastime. His

9:35

wife is hideous. Hey, how dare you? That's not

9:38

his wife. That's Chewbacca,

9:40

you son of a bitch. Jesus Christ. Got

9:43

it. He's got that

9:45

gay earring too still. So he's a

9:47

lifelong stoner. Is that what it says?

9:49

You ever see Scrape take that kid, steal that kid?

9:52

Scrape? Scrape, they'd shot a video. They just

9:54

distracted someone and grabbed their kid. No, no, I'm

9:56

just kidding. I'm just kidding. Get the kid back.

9:59

It was great.

9:59

Funny what was funny

10:02

what what was funny? They stole a

10:04

kid and the parents are freaking out And

10:06

they're like I'm kidding Ari always wanted to be stolen

10:10

Definitely what you in like a shitty

10:12

Christian family called Jewish. Oh,

10:14

you ever heard Metzger talk about his cult life a little

10:17

Jehovah It's

10:20

so well it explains a lot how you won't tolerate

10:23

any bullshit right that he's the

10:25

he's religious He'll call me sometimes like what

10:27

about this table? What about? He

10:31

knows I know enough he will rant you

10:33

send a text to Metzger be prepared

10:35

for 17 straight. Oh, yeah,

10:38

yeah, but like anytime

10:40

there's some fucking fuckery some shenanigans

10:43

with words some weird thing

10:45

they're trying to pull on you Metzger gets furious because

10:48

he grew up in a cult so He's like I know what the fuck

10:50

this is. Yeah, I know you know I can't notice

10:52

this I can't pay attention this if I talk about

10:54

this. I'm a bad guy. That's his joke He goes

10:57

they told you you can't masturbate. Do you know what happened

10:59

to you if you don't masturbate?

11:00

No, no one does because everyone masturbates including the people

11:02

who told us you can't masturbate Cult

11:06

documentary that Korean guy you

11:08

see that one no Jamie see that one It's

11:10

like in the name of the Holy Father something pull

11:13

it up pretty real Korean dude just

11:15

started called but one of his things north or south

11:17

made everybody south watch him He

11:19

would play soccer

11:20

in the cult and he would score like 70 goals God

11:27

of course you fucked everybody Fuck

11:30

and they always fall for everybody

11:32

dude my favorite cult movies the movie about

11:34

the building I bought holy hell Yeah,

11:37

fucking amazing cult documentary

11:39

what it's so crazy who huh? Do

11:41

you know the story now the building that I

11:43

bought originally for the mothership was a place called

11:45

the one world theater And that one world

11:47

theater was built by a cult so that their leader

11:50

could dance in front of them Oh,

11:52

they put on these performances. They documented

11:54

it all this guy filmed everything wow

11:57

this this crazy dude Who is a gay

11:59

porn?

11:59

He looks so gay. He's so gay.

12:02

Oh, he's cute. He was, he was, that's

12:04

his older self. You can tell. He's young. He's

12:07

young. He's already getting old then. If you see

12:09

the videos of him when he was young, he was a beautiful

12:11

man. Yeah.

12:12

He was this really gorgeous, like

12:15

ripped yoga instructor. Yeah. And he

12:17

started this call in West Hollywood called the Buddha

12:19

Field.

12:20

And then they moved it out to Austin.

12:23

They're all preys for you. Jamie, let me see the penises. Whoa.

12:25

He started this the way. The pouches. The pouches.

12:27

Down, down, down. Oh, yeah.

12:30

They wouldn't let that lady get close. Like

12:32

you'd be lower. It's like a fucking Bud Light commercial.

12:35

He had all these boys with him and

12:37

he fucked all of them. He's not gay. Oh,

12:40

he's gay. He was a gay porn

12:42

star, but he had girls in there too. I

12:44

think girls is how he got straight guys

12:47

to come to the cult. Smart. Because he fucked

12:49

all the straight guys. Ladies

12:50

night. He convinced them? He's supposed to get

12:52

hit with his nipples. You

12:55

should watch the documentary. He was a hypnotist.

12:58

He was a hypnotist. So he gave

13:00

them therapy and then he'd fuck them. And he charged

13:02

them for the therapy. Whoa. Charged for 50 bucks.

13:04

And he owned the mothership. No, he owned

13:06

the One World Theater. I see. It was like

13:09

the people that I was buying it from were people

13:11

that used to be in the cult. Got it. Now they owned

13:13

it.

13:14

But that was the original location for

13:16

it. That's nuts. I got

13:18

to support these dudes. I love it.

13:20

I was watching that Korean guy and I was like, this guy fucking...

13:22

He had 900 women as cheerleaders.

13:24

The stadium would be packed and he'd score 80 goals.

13:27

And he'd be like, we got to arrest this son of a bitch. I was

13:30

like, dude, this guy is dominating. He rules.

13:32

He rules. Did they kill him? Did you see the guy in

13:34

Australia? They caught him. They captured him in the end. He's

13:36

in a tent with two girls.

13:38

And they live camera. They're like, what are you doing back here?

13:40

He's got a boner. And he's like, stay out. Get

13:43

out of here. That's how they got him? Yeah, they caught him with a

13:45

boner. Boy, it goes from 90 goals scoring

13:47

to being in a tent with two girls. The last cracklers.

13:50

The last ones. Yeah, it was tough.

13:52

Still, still everybody. Fucking three way in

13:54

a tent. Yeah. Sweaty. That's pretty awesome. That's our game.

13:56

That's our point. Yeah. Which he dominated. That's

13:58

an MVP performance. Dude.

14:00

You got to see his soccer Line

14:03

up like 15 people in the goal. We'd be like I can still

14:05

score them They would all like get out of the way

14:08

Wild that everybody knows about cults,

14:10

but yet people can still form calls

14:13

so well. I'm gonna join I want to go in for a

14:15

week. Just see if they'd get me

14:17

Knowing to any culture snowing. I'm like I

14:19

know what this is, but like let me like you Judaism

14:22

cut to you getting fucked in the ass Like

14:25

two days later, and it happened quick man.

14:27

They make some good points You were like

14:29

a serious Orthodox Jew if

14:32

you got out of that that's a girl's like

14:34

a respected Call to respect to

14:36

one. No 45 I

14:38

Got a bow was in for a while. Mmm.

14:40

I might get out of this too,

14:42

Indianapolis cult. They hit low

14:45

protein diet Well, you know

14:47

this that's the question of like when does it

14:50

become a cult? What is Christianity

14:52

called as Catholicism? Oh, they're all cults.

14:54

Yeah You want to look at what makes a cult what makes

14:57

a cult first religion? You're not watching some Korean

14:59

guy fuck everybody and score Those

15:02

are the Producers a lot of boys that's

15:04

why they didn't last but the religions they went to art

15:06

tell that to the Catholics Yeah, that's what I'm

15:08

saying. That's a good color. They figured it out

15:11

good marketing. They figured

15:12

out how to make the Vatican out country Yeah,

15:14

and while this shit ever yeah Yeah,

15:18

yeah, you got a hundred acre country

15:20

in the middle of your city. It's very nice Cult

15:23

of symptoms in a town in a city. Hmm.

15:26

Well the cult is the people that can't keep it

15:28

together They got fucks everyone's wife. Yeah

15:31

Yeah, yeah, well

15:33

how many preachers are banging people's wives?

15:35

Oh so many get about it We

15:38

had a guy in a community said the girls had to do

15:40

a ritual bath to get clean fucking peep the

15:42

whole Ritual

15:44

yeah, there's a ritual I was skipping

15:46

over those New York Jews got to take

15:48

a couple more ritual The

15:59

Joel Osteen

15:59

Fucking moms Mmm.

16:02

Oh good question. I bet is cuz you

16:04

know, we could so knowing he could

16:07

and knowing what you know about men But he might be gay

16:09

but the amount of women that must throw themselves

16:12

at him Oh, he's a superstar and he's a

16:14

man of God. Is there any hotter sex than religious

16:16

sex? Father really

16:19

hot believer. Oh, but if you can't

16:21

get her off, that's pretty it's a letdown

16:31

What have you done wrong this week God doesn't let me eat pussy

16:35

I'm on

16:36

a strict diet this week. Can you stink?

16:41

There's something about a crazy hot believer

16:43

like

16:44

you both believe in the same nonsense You just she's

16:46

crazy hot and just like Jesus wants me to

16:48

suck your cock. So I agree with

16:51

Jesus I can't argue Jesus you talk

16:53

to God. Yeah, the gods give me an exception

16:58

Magic God God just tests you with an exception.

17:01

Well, I'm gonna put it in God's hole That's what

17:03

he's doing Catholic school the old anal but

17:05

God's hole. Yeah, it's uncount. Yeah

17:08

The gale that is so wild but

17:10

someone found that fucking workaround the wildest

17:13

was the Mormons. It was just guys trying to fuck

17:15

I Was

17:17

trying to get fucked in the light. Yes. I'm gonna work out here.

17:20

You know the Mormons are the docking You know

17:23

that's okay stick it in soaking

17:25

leave it in Choose

17:31

who's the top foreskin because that's

17:33

like good question. You should rock

17:35

paper scissors for that. Yeah

17:40

Small spoon I

17:49

More diamonds have your skin around it. It is

17:51

more Strictly the field, but it's

17:53

also so ridiculous like I had do

17:55

that you fucking you just stand stare

17:58

at each other. What are you?

17:59

No, no, I'm

18:02

fucking your dick. You're not wrapping

18:04

your dick. No, I'm sucking in

18:06

your dick. No, no, no I'm fucking your

18:08

dick. I don't know sucking

18:11

in your dick Fuck

18:17

your mouth you might be sucking my

18:19

dick, but I'm fucking your mouth

18:29

I'm like an enjoy for you the best part Dan

18:34

Henderson, you know Dan Henderson fucking one of

18:36

the elite MMA fighters of all time He was at my

18:38

show in New York City once he likes knocking

18:40

this hacker was talking. I said to the

18:42

hacker Hey, if you don't shut the fuck up I'm gonna have

18:44

Dan Henderson hold you down and

18:47

fuck your girl right in front of y'all and Dan

18:49

Henderson goes

18:50

Why would I hold him down when I could just stare

18:52

him down? Damn!

18:55

I remember that, it was nuts. And we were just

18:57

like, oh Jesus, damn. There was like a chill

18:59

in the room, like oh you could. It was so real. Wow.

19:03

If the guy like took one step forward, like hey stop

19:05

fucking my wife, he's like uh uh. Okay,

19:07

fucker. Dan Henderson was a fucking animal.

19:09

Just the fact that he could come up with that on

19:11

the fly. Yeah, like in the

19:14

things like that. He said that before. Why

19:16

would I hold him down when I could just stare him down?

19:18

That's a terrifying. The wife was like, alright,

19:21

let's do this. It was a joke,

19:23

brother. Was the hacker even that bad?

19:27

The guy was out of control, his wife was out of control, they were both out

19:29

of control. Caroline's right? Wow,

19:32

Caroline's. You get some rough hecklers

19:34

in there. I think a brawl broke out that

19:36

night, or maybe the next

19:37

day. They were throwing chairs. Yeah,

19:39

I think it was the next day. How

19:42

many shows have we done together? A bunch.

19:45

Fucking thousands. So

19:47

many shows together, all over the fucking country,

19:50

all over the world. Those shows were

19:52

right after Baby Bird. That's right.

19:55

And then we went there. And

19:57

Stern Complain got it taken down off YouTube. What?

20:00

Yeah, and then I remember like one of those go wait

20:02

a minute one of the others turn But like their

20:04

group was like what shit that cuz they didn't want them

20:06

succeeding and then they were like this happens all the

20:08

time We'll just have to file the thing that we'll get put back

20:10

up

20:11

What was so they were saying that it was offensive.

20:13

That's how they get it Maybe

20:15

they were the one they were like now where the edgy we

20:17

should say that it was we know that's true We need

20:20

to find out that cuz that's like such a fucking egregious

20:22

Evil thing to do if you're in that business.

20:25

Yeah, like say something's offensive like or

20:27

like saying Don I miss much too far Yeah,

20:29

you got a book. Yeah,

20:32

he was he would he'd be like I'm the offensive one. No one else.

20:34

Yeah Well when he silenced

20:36

opie and Anthony wouldn't let them talk shit about him. Yeah,

20:39

well, he was talking shit about that wild

20:41

Yeah, he was like I use any tool against

20:44

my enemies like For

20:46

anything though. Yeah, you just fucking radio

20:48

guy. Yeah That

20:51

guy was alone I think that guy was

20:53

alone on the front line for so long

20:55

Imagine if you're it's World War two and it's just

20:57

you against the Japanese and you're on this

21:00

fucking island I'm just killing just killing

21:02

people every day for like a

21:04

Decade and a half and then

21:06

new people come up and they're like what should you have my back? I

21:08

fuck you Where are you? I needed

21:10

you? Yeah, this is my fight true. I heard

21:13

people had to avert their eyes when you came in I don't

21:15

think that's probably true. Not true. I don't see I

21:17

think I think that

21:20

is people that work for handler saying

21:22

that tell him don't look at him. Don't talk to him

21:24

And so he probably doesn't even know

21:27

that they're doing that. I know that happens with some stars.

21:29

I know that happens. Yeah,

21:31

damn Yeah, J. Lo weird. We did a commercial

21:33

man. Is he's a commercial Tiger Woods? I don't curse

21:35

around it. These before the scandals like don't curse around

21:37

him. Don't do anything Okay, and he comes in he goes

21:39

you guys ready to do this shit

21:41

and we're like wait

21:42

What did you just tell us not to be dirty? He

21:44

was like just handlers just handlers Yeah, weird

21:47

people this there's weird people that get a kick out

21:49

of having power over the star Yeah,

21:51

like they have power to access like you

21:53

can't have access to the star You can't

21:56

get close to them. We're people at clubs

21:58

do that. Yes

21:59

That happened to me. I did a club in Erie, Pennsylvania.

22:02

Yes. And the guy goes, you better be clean. You better

22:04

be squeaky clean, TV clean. I was like, oh

22:07

shit. I was three years in. And

22:09

then the host goes up who told me that? He's

22:11

like, so I was fucking my wife in the ass. I jizzed

22:13

in her daughter's hair, and I'm like, what the hell? That

22:15

I went out and was like, so, uh,

22:18

cereal's weird. And they're

22:20

like, ooh. Ooh.

22:22

Get the host back up. Cereal's weird. It's

22:26

hard to run into her. I run the fly. He

22:28

got dead. He's taking all the fucks

22:30

out, the jizz out. Those were the worst gigs when you

22:33

had to wear clean. They're like, you've got 20 minutes to

22:35

wear clean, so you're stretching out your pits. You're

22:37

like, oh, this is a clean bet. And then halfway in, you're like, oh,

22:39

it does go to end. Damn. Fuck. It

22:41

does go to end. I'm like, how

22:43

can I re-aim this? I

22:46

never had to do one.

22:48

Clean? Clean show? Almost. I don't think ever.

22:50

It's tough. Like I said, no every single time. We

22:53

just don't talk. They just don't exist anymore. They don't. They're

22:55

stupid. I never had to do late night or

22:57

anything, honestly. When I was coming up, it was

22:59

like, do you want money or not? Yeah. Do

23:02

you want food or not? It's like if you

23:04

want to get that 100 bucks, you got to go do

23:06

that clean show. Oh, yeah. That's a good

23:08

exercise. To think about the language

23:11

for the first time in your life or in

23:13

a decade of like, is this dirty?

23:15

Well, it wasn't a decade for me, but it was early

23:18

days of stand up. I was 20. And the thing

23:20

is,

23:20

back then, they really wanted

23:22

stand up to be clean. Everybody wanted

23:24

you to work clean because that's how you got on The Tonight Show. Yeah.

23:27

Right. You know, once Steven Wright

23:29

got on The Tonight Show out of Boston, it kind of like changed

23:32

how everybody thought about comedy. Everybody was like, you're

23:34

going to get on The Tonight Show now. Like you

23:36

got to work clean. If you want to make it, you got to

23:38

work clean. I remember there's a bunch of guys who were

23:40

just in town who were

23:41

telling me, if you want to work, you got to work clean. I'm like, you're just

23:44

here. Yeah. We were talking about it last night. There's still,

23:46

that still exists. It still exists. There's still people that are like,

23:48

I got to get my stuff together for a late night spot.

23:51

Oh, it's like, dude, what? Late night's

23:53

over. It's kind of a fun thing. Just make your

23:55

fun. No, don't get me wrong. It would be cool

23:58

to do. But I'm saying there's guys that are like, here's my.

23:59

way out right right right right

24:02

right right right right it doesn't launch anybody anymore no

24:04

yeah crazy like it's worthless like

24:07

if you have a set on tonight show how many more

24:09

tickets six yeah nothing

24:11

I just thought I felt that one like six seven

24:13

years ago it was cool to see him put together a late

24:15

night set or yeah norms at the end of letter

24:18

man real I think that was great yeah what

24:20

do you think you are Mars no master

24:23

he was a master he was so I teared

24:25

up at the end of that it gets me that gets

24:27

me

24:28

brutal yeah whatever happened

24:30

that guy oh fuck I forgot he vanished

24:35

bomber gangster way to go I don't even know he was

24:37

gangster way to go out not telling anybody

24:39

blame you don't want out of me get I know his biography

24:45

the book he wrote is just trash is out of me

24:47

it's great 200 page he calls him

24:49

a whole whole thing cause I'm a holocaust denier doesn't

24:52

mean you can't be under an overpass

24:55

bill on people makes it

24:57

worse that's what Adams like known for people

25:00

see him like are you blown

25:01

guys under the bridge yeah that's a fucked

25:03

up aspect of people you will

25:05

have some white people

25:08

yeah

25:08

who hate white people you will have

25:10

some Jews who hate Jews you have some Jews who

25:12

want to join a Nazi party yeah yeah

25:14

you you will

25:17

have some black people who hate black

25:19

people you will have people that will go

25:21

against their people to be in with

25:23

the other you have Jews that will join the Nazis

25:25

are you excusing he gets behavior no like

25:28

to be a traitor

25:33

like that is a there's a compelling desire

25:36

to join the enemy it's very weird what if you

25:38

hate yourself

25:39

I think that has a lot of it but there's like

25:42

there's always been people that have joined the enemy

25:44

during like times of war really Benedict

25:47

Arnold yeah

25:48

although I heard Benedict Donald got set up really

25:51

yeah I heard Benedict Donald it

25:53

was really like another guy who was like Shane knows about I

25:55

don't know if that's true I know what happened with Benedict

25:57

Arnold I just know you He's

26:00

a traitor. He rushed out of West Point while

26:02

George was there. Traitor goes. I already

26:04

got a real rope. Hamilton, they all chased out. I'm sure there

26:07

was something there. But it may be his family that wrote that,

26:09

you know? It's like him and his wife escaped. A traitor.

26:11

Yeah. He'd go to the British?

26:13

He was a hero, though. Yeah.

26:16

He was a hero. He was the captain of the fort at West Point.

26:18

And yeah, slipped

26:21

out. He said that was the only time they

26:24

saw George Washington crying. Whoa. When,

26:26

yeah. Maybe it was because

26:28

of Pussy.

26:30

Hot red head. He was with his wife. Yeah.

26:32

Wouldn't she? He was like, you gotta get out of here, baby. Snuck

26:35

out in the middle of the night. Yeah. Like

26:36

a bitch, dude. And then where'd he go? Just straight

26:38

to the Brits? There was ships out

26:41

in the harbor. He just went out and joined the British.

26:43

He snopped and said, here's how you take the fort. Whoa,

26:46

he told him everything. He had to get in. That's the way I get in.

26:49

So he gave me all the info. Was his wife British?

26:51

I'm not sure. Probably dirty bitch. I bet

26:53

you're a disgusting bitch. Those hot Russian broads come over

26:55

here and trick CIA guys. Trick our

26:57

fucking beautiful president? Donald

27:00

Trump? Hey, trick them all. They trick everybody.

27:03

This hot Russian broad. That was the spy

27:05

way. If you're a fucking guy in the

27:07

government and you meet a hot Russian lady, you're like, god damn

27:10

it. I'm fucked. It's like being a shark

27:12

when you're in the ocean. Right. It's

27:14

over. No, I just look good. Oh,

27:16

she's just a ballerina. Nothing

27:18

weird about this. She just plays violin. And

27:21

she

27:21

likes me. She likes me and I'm disgusting.

27:23

Who's the politician that was fucking the Chinese spy? Oh,

27:26

he's so funny. It's the worst

27:29

thing. It's so funny. Yeah. Hey,

27:31

you know that chicken fucking? Oh, please don't tell me my wife found

27:33

out. I was like, no, way worse. Worse. She's

27:36

a Chinese spy. Chinese spy. And you opened

27:38

up. Yeah. Dude, just think

27:40

about being like, oh, fuck. Imagine

27:43

that job. Think about everything you told her. But my wife does not

27:45

know though. Suspected

27:47

Chinese spy reportedly slept with

27:49

courted US officials to

27:51

gain intel. Wow. How many officials?

27:53

More than one? She's banging a bunch of guys. So she's really

27:55

just a glorified prostitute.

27:58

Fank fank. I feel

28:00

like a helpful prostitute. What was her name? Her name's Fang

28:02

Fang. No way. There's nothing funny about that. Her name

28:04

was Fang. Oh, it is Fang Fang.

28:07

Wow. AKA Christina Fang.

28:09

Enter the US through California as a college student

28:11

in 2011, spent the next four years wooing

28:14

everyone from local politicals

28:16

to US congressmen. The prostitute. Wow.

28:18

Who travels? Among the polls, Fang got

28:21

close to his California Democrat, Eric Swalwell.

28:24

She also once helped

28:26

raise funds for Tulsi Gabbard. Uh-oh.

28:30

You think she's on a mission? She's on a mission. I don't

28:32

think so. She probably was doing hopes of that. I think if you're gonna.

28:34

She at least was like threw it out there. Yeah. Test

28:37

the waters. Hey, Gabby. Fang Fang. For

28:39

waking up and someone being like, dude, you're chick. He's like, fucking

28:41

Fang Fang? She's like, oh, you're pushing for the C-C

28:44

thing. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

28:46

no, no, no. She had sex with an Ohio mayor

28:48

in a car, an incident caught on FBI

28:50

electronic surveillance. Which guy

28:52

was it? That's her right there? Kiss, kiss, Fang Fang.

28:54

She's not bad. She's not great. I'll

28:56

be honest. That's probably how

28:59

you get by. She looks regular. You get by by being

29:01

regular. Can't be too high. She looks regular, yep.

29:03

What a stupid fucking spy to just fuck a mayor

29:05

in Ohio. Maybe like, we got a lot of information

29:08

out of this guy. He's the mayor of fucking Cleveland.

29:10

Right. Yeah, the mayor of Cleveland

29:12

knows that the FBI is gonna be in town

29:15

because of this name. She's setting back Morse

29:17

code like the Rock and Roll Hall

29:19

of Fame is expanding. Also, but

29:21

also, Jake Balsam here. They're changing the name to the Guardians.

29:24

The cure is

29:24

winning. But also, she's

29:26

a human being. And even though she's

29:29

working as a spy, maybe she just wanted to fuck the mayor in

29:31

her car.

29:31

Human being, she's Asian. She still wants to fuck the show. Unrelated

29:34

you're saying. She was like, hey, I'm trying a bigger

29:36

thing, but this guy's cool. Yeah, she wants to fuck him. Maybe.

29:39

It can't be all of her sex can't be for Intel.

29:41

Could be. I don't know. That's hot Intel puss.

29:44

Another US mayor described as

29:46

older and from obscure city

29:48

in Midwest called Fang his girlfriend at

29:50

a conference in Washington, DC in 2014. Oh.

29:54

Damn. Suck

29:56

in the mayor of Sousa. The soda bear insisted

29:59

the pair's relationship.

29:59

Was the real deal despite

30:02

their age differences. Oh, she's fucking old

30:04

guys This doesn't work for guys a

30:06

guy can't be a spy that fucks all the she allegedly

30:08

worked Working at the direction of Chinese

30:11

ultra secret ministry of state

30:13

security spy agency oxymoron

30:19

Interesting

30:20

thank thank god damn it. Where's she

30:23

now in jail? I don't know where she dude She

30:25

got traded for Brittany Griner. Nah The

30:28

merchant of head how crazy is that they

30:30

traded a mass murderer who's

30:32

responsible for thousands of deaths For

30:35

a basketball player the crazy thing is they told the

30:37

Americans who love Brittany Griner like hey guys You

30:39

got to keep quiet about this. That's your only way to get her out Can't

30:41

make it a big deal and though people like now

30:44

all we do is make big deals out of things. Yeah They

30:50

didn't make a big deal about it in the government negotiated

30:52

she's let out in a week

30:54

you think so yeah No, just

30:56

a week charge. Do you think it became we get

30:59

also became a fuck you? Yeah,

31:00

exactly. Yeah public fuck you Yeah,

31:03

cuz nobody knows about that marine. It's over there. They

31:05

had the choice of Releasing a marine

31:07

or releasing Brittany Griner. No. Yeah,

31:09

there was a marine charged with espionage.

31:12

He's probably a better basketball player Jamie

31:17

you look up what Brittany's averaging this season see

31:19

if it was worth it Did you

31:21

start how she doing she got a first game

31:24

she got eight points. I think she got fucking leading

31:26

score

31:30

There's

31:35

weird videos of her There's

31:53

a big 17 25 31 ocean I take it back, but who's nice

31:55

best player in the WNBA? No

31:59

Oh shit, that one guy. Margaret.

32:03

Sue Bird. Sue Bird, I don't think we

32:05

don't know. We won't know the name. How come trans?

32:08

How come no trans? Yeah, I was just gonna say that. How

32:10

come no trans? True, Joanna, man. TNBA. How

32:13

come none of them have tried that out? I know.

32:16

Yeah, they would be Duncan. You'd be nuts not to. Who,

32:18

what idiot has not tried? All you'd have to

32:20

do is be a mediocre male basketball

32:22

player. Dude, I was a practice player for the women's basketball

32:25

team at Maryland. We figured it out. I would

32:27

have been a sixth man.

32:28

Mm, Jesus Christ. First off the bench. It's pretty good.

32:31

Yeah, without working out hard. But imagine if you were like a

32:33

mediocre professional basketball player, couldn't

32:35

cut it in the NBA anymore, and you just transitioned.

32:38

Easy. I'll show it to you.

32:40

Go for it. You'd be a savage. And

32:42

they can't stop you. Yeah, no one can stop you anymore. You don't even

32:44

have to do anything. You don't have to take drugs. You could be

32:46

retired. You're well retired.

32:47

It's the whole thing is- Mid to late 40s. It's

32:50

so strange. But I mean, do it. Who's

32:52

listening? Yeah. Do it. That's

32:56

not even physical. Who did? The guy.

32:58

He identified as a lady and won the poker tournament.

33:00

Well, that could easily be because

33:03

men play more poker. Ah. There's

33:05

more men playing poker. Look at this. Look

33:08

at this. Look at this. What? That's

33:10

a nutty. That's a nuttiest

33:13

one. Look at this passer man. We

33:16

sucked. It kind of worked. He

33:19

turned all the way around. That's wow.

33:21

Full CTE. That was bad. That's all that

33:23

boxing training he's been doing. He turned all the way around. I was like, where did

33:25

that pass go? I don't see the ball. Wow.

33:28

What? What? He's wearing

33:31

Jordan's number. Fuck off. Do

33:33

I get it? I get it.

33:34

You'll finish, dude. You got a

33:36

layup. Until you dribble, until he hears the dribble, he

33:38

doesn't know. Oh. That was

33:41

the fun. They fought the entire time, dude. That was insane.

33:45

Did they take it seriously? They challenged us. So

33:47

seriously. Way too seriously. Me

33:50

and Matt were on their podcast. They were like, we

33:52

can beat you in basketball. We were like, I was

33:54

like, I've seen you play basketball. They played each other once.

33:57

And they can't play. They dribble with their

33:59

head down. I was like you guys we suck

34:01

me and Matt suck, but we can beat you and

34:03

then they were like fine a thousand dollars We're like alright. Let's

34:05

play

34:06

beat him 11 12 nothing We

34:12

got a fight for a while over that they were

34:14

so just paid Year

34:17

and a half Lewis gets Lewis kept asking me

34:19

to do podcasts, and I was like I'm not doing

34:21

it until you pay me He's gonna fucking pay you right now. I don't give

34:24

a fuck Yeah, that's like it works. Hey How

34:27

come he didn't pay you immediately? Well? He's

34:29

Lewis

34:30

No, he's get paid at the game.

34:32

Yeah, after the game. It was it got

34:35

heated

34:36

About what everything everybody was

34:38

seriously you went too hard. We should have Dave

34:42

Dave never agreed to go It's got a fight.

34:44

I was a little out of line. He was a little out of line Lewis

34:48

is great. He gets drinking. No it

34:50

looked like it Line

34:52

up the handle then forgiving you the next day. Yeah,

34:55

that's his thing. Yeah Him

34:57

fight a lot Are they

35:00

girls like that are fun? Actually, I

35:02

forgive them sometimes you freak out I

35:04

go hey fucking you dumb. Yeah

35:06

What

35:08

makes them fun sometimes make some problematic

35:11

you got that right yeah Psychotic

35:16

and erotic and next-door neighbors That's not

35:19

bad. They're right next to each other.

35:21

Oh, yeah, so the butthole and the vagina hey

35:26

Don't tell that Jesus What

35:30

are you doing? What's gonna

35:32

ring the bell takes a second Jay was so

35:34

mad that you beat him so bad Jay

35:39

sometimes you can't he just can't take it. He's competitive.

35:41

Yeah, but don't play a video game with him

35:44

Yeah, it was a big video gamer Yeah,

35:48

but what can we plan NBA Jam? He

35:58

loves basketball

35:59

That was what started the argument is he was like I'm getting pretty

36:02

good does he actually play basketball? That

36:06

was in his apartment building Yeah,

36:10

I wore a chain wallet once he tackled me That's

36:15

his thing he was a chain wall. That's a joke But

36:20

it got a word I used to wear a chain wallet yeah,

36:23

it's a great way to not lose your wallet I lost

36:25

my wallet once in New York City. I left it in the back

36:27

of a cab It

36:28

was such a fucking pain. I'd rather

36:30

lose my wallet. I'd rather lose my

36:32

wallet What if you get a chain wallet inside

36:34

chain out there? Bro the best thing is

36:37

so corny so corny Not

36:39

J. These are the record. He doesn't wear it anymore. This

36:41

is these are the best. What are those? It's a like

36:43

little front zip up wallet for

36:45

credit cards So I got that's all you need credit cards

36:48

driver's license all that shit, and I got multiple things

36:50

here I want one thing so I got

36:52

any pack full to the bills

36:55

That's a fanny pack. I'm aware yeah

36:58

Don't you block me motherfucker wear that I

37:00

got the same one dice ass. That's where

37:03

oh, that's our learned about this model That's

37:09

a fucking beautiful fanny bag is it nice

37:11

right? What'd you get is roots

37:14

of Canada? I'm like oh shit. We sell these on higher

37:16

primate calm. Ah

37:17

They legit from

37:19

roots Good band

37:21

you scared of fanny packs. I don't know why I don't care

37:24

for them They're very convenient. You

37:25

know where I'm over the shoulder. That's what people do now that hip that's cowards.

37:27

There's two cowards way Scared

37:30

you want you want you want the convenience

37:32

of a fanny pack But you want to be a little

37:34

more awkward to wear yep, just so

37:36

that you don't look like I'll give you that fanny Back yeah,

37:39

cuz you're a forward don't go for it. Don't be a coward

37:41

wear a fanny pack. We're right over your dick

37:44

There you go sit right there right there keys.

37:46

I'm just supposed to put on your fanny though cover I

37:49

don't know why they call it a fanny pack. Do

37:51

you know fanny in English is pussy? Yeah?

37:56

Cuz I had a fanny pack pussy pack and they were making fun

37:58

of me would you call it?

37:59

Yeah, I'm doing

38:02

right next week. I got it's called the fanny guy tour.

38:04

They were like might might that's a vagina

38:10

They call it a bum bag over there a bum

38:12

bag Your butt like

38:15

fanny, but that's called a bum bag I was

38:17

working the door at the Comedy Store and somebody you know they always make

38:19

jokes and they come in and it's like They're like do you love fags

38:21

in here? I'm like yes, whatever And

38:24

then I got turned back around they were just smoking

38:29

We shouldn't

38:43

Someone's saying

38:45

that though that's like willful ignorance.

38:47

They gotta know that that is a different meaning

38:49

in the United States Yeah, it's a because it's

38:52

such a different meaning. It's not only

38:54

that like everybody knows about the different

38:56

meaning

38:57

Yeah, that's a big one.

38:58

Yeah

38:59

that in the loo the loo yeah,

39:01

and the boot On

39:06

British speak lift yeah, I'm great trunk

39:09

elevator. Oh, yeah, I think it's a truck

39:11

yeah lift We're

39:14

in a cookie is a cracker the boot is

39:16

weird What do they call the front

39:18

hood the bonnet the bonnet? Oh

39:26

Well also we invented the car

39:28

so why you change the

39:29

names yeah He's

39:32

spelling tire with a why Why

39:37

you got a you in color Flavor

39:46

There were no tires I say we perfected it

39:48

they invented it We're like not bad not bad, and then

39:50

we ran with it They had to go on the other side of the road

39:53

to those dorks Yeah, put the steering

39:55

wheel on the other side of the road that'll fuck you up. I drove

39:57

on there. Well. Yeah, it's hard yeah

39:59

Didn't Matthew Broderick get in a car

40:01

accident because of that ran over a kid? Who

40:07

is Robert he'd be a better actor he

40:09

was getting held by Jennifer Grey, that's the rumor

40:12

no way pull it up Yeah,

40:16

they were dating and now they're done and so there

40:18

was Jennifer Grey I think yeah,

40:20

so there was a job Jennifer Oh, yeah

40:23

blow job Wow

40:27

Bonnet Raina

40:31

bonnet Remember

40:34

that story that was big news That

40:41

was a giant story course it was

40:43

what was the name?

40:45

Bonnet no no he was a well-known John

40:47

Wayne Bobbitt John Wayne He

40:51

was a running late-night joke for years Forever

40:54

every comic had a joke about we might we have to have

40:56

talked about this I

40:58

was I'm talking about just the idea

41:00

of just like you'd never find my dick in that

41:03

field I

41:05

don't think it was like I think she just threw it out the window.

41:07

I know but mine's gone I

41:09

mean, I think she probably threw in a very specific

41:11

area while they're driving the earbud while you're

41:14

biking Airplane

41:20

seat well my dick's gone We're

41:23

never getting that they stowed it back up you

41:25

got your phone light out No,

41:28

they they did the first

41:30

I think recently they did the first

41:32

Phoenix penis transplant Let's

41:36

get it going, but they can't transplant your

41:38

balls Good because

41:39

what happens she left

41:42

with it. Yeah drove away and left the apartment

41:44

with the severed appendage And the road after

41:46

where the time driving it's pretty good dick

41:49

struggling to steer with one hand struggling

41:51

to steer with one hand She's

41:53

a lady Stopped

41:59

and

41:59

called 911 telling them what had happened. Wow.

42:02

And where it was. It was found after an exhaustive search

42:05

and after being washed with antiseptic and

42:07

packed in saline ice, it was reattached

42:10

in the hospital. And he did two pornos. Yeah.

42:12

I remember the pornos. Really? Really? Franken

42:14

penis, I call them. No. I'm good produced. Franken

42:17

penis? Yeah. Franken penis. That's one of the funniest.

42:19

That's one of the funniest. What was I just talking about? Why

42:21

did you pull that up? What were we just talking about while

42:23

he pulled that up? Franken penis.

42:26

Should have gone with Franken weaning. What was I just talking about?

42:29

Right when we pulled that up. What were you talking about? We're

42:31

talking about something different. Docking.

42:33

No. In between there.

42:36

Brittany Griner. God damn it. Her dick

42:38

got cut off. Bob it. Bob it.

42:40

Okay. Cut off. Find a indicative field? You think they find

42:42

ears? Oh, penis transplant. Transplant. That's

42:44

right. Transplant. That's right.

42:47

So they've done the first penis transplant. But they can't

42:49

transplant balls. Because the balls

42:51

carry your loads forever. You have to

42:53

do transplant or something else. Your balls carry your

42:55

DNA. Whoa. Yeah.

42:58

So if the balls, if you transplanted

43:00

balls, there's an ethical problem.

43:02

Because that guy's obviously dead. And he's still

43:04

having kids. He's out.

43:06

Wow. You're having his kids. Also

43:08

if you got a dick transplant, you're going black though.

43:10

No. For the request. It's

43:12

a penis dance. Why would you go black? I want, what do you

43:14

mean? Well you want it to look like yours. Yeah

43:17

but you also want the girl. Imagine

43:20

if that was a question. Same, I got a two tone. What

43:22

color do you want? I got a two tone question. Like what do

43:24

you want? What do you want? What do you want? Do

43:26

you care? We could bleach it. We just had to

43:28

give the patient testicles after consulting

43:31

with the bioethicists. They determined the sperm.

43:33

Bioethicists. Yeah, the sperm generating

43:35

tissue would confer the potential for having

43:37

children with genetic material from the donor.

43:40

Wow.

43:40

I mean we keep going. Pretty good.

43:42

Yeah, keep the guy on. Dick Reddit. Dick

43:45

Reddit. His name is Dick Reddit. Dick Reddit. Dick

43:47

Reddit. Dick Reddit. His name is Dick

43:49

Reddit. So was this the first

43:51

one? Yeah.

43:52

The patient who also lost both

43:55

legs in the blast, scroll down a little bit. I

43:57

don't want to make a escape to do

43:59

it.

43:59

You guys notice the doctor who did the most on this

44:08

We can go bigger we can't let we can't let

44:10

nature hold us back Yeah, did

44:12

you hear about the kid who was born with a giant

44:14

dong so they had to get surgery? And

44:17

they've got the dad was like go eight inches so

44:19

they went down eight get a football-shaped

44:21

dick Whoa, and they surgery to down to

44:24

a aider. It's a good dad Okay, yeah,

44:26

yeah, yeah, give him girth. Yeah, but

44:28

what if you wanted nine?

44:30

When he's friends good of his friends like yeah,

44:32

my dick's an inch bigger like mother fucker. I

44:34

ain't football Yeah,

44:36

I don't want that all cock

44:38

when I was a baby Oh, yeah, what the ladies

44:40

keep it keeping a kid with a giant dicks like the opposite

44:42

of a boy named sue

44:44

You're an easy life Remasculating

44:46

him yeah He

44:52

learned to walk at nine years old That's

44:57

the dick. I don't think that's it. That's just a kid. That's just

44:59

a random kid.

44:59

It's hilarious But why would they

45:01

use this kid is he why sexual

45:04

organs of a grown man due to rare hormonal

45:06

condition? I bet that means he's Jack too.

45:08

Yeah, he came out of the womb fucking jacked

45:10

with a giant hog I bet he fucks great

45:13

well the dad said he was on on it

45:15

imagine walked in Nursery

45:18

and saw one baby with a giant dick trying to fuck

45:20

the other baby. There's one freak nurse I

45:23

know you're only one can't do that Don't

45:26

put that in your mouth don't fuck the kids.

45:28

He's just like looking at you scolding him while he's

45:31

stroking it Yeah, nothing comes out

45:33

knuckles up. Yeah Imagine

45:35

the ultrasound lady be like no

45:38

Dick

45:42

stuck in there. Oh my god. They can't show the

45:44

dick is it'll get baby born with three penises

45:46

makes medical history Wow

45:50

You gotta keep the middle one imagine if the

45:52

mom was like I don't want a big one

45:54

No, let him keep all three give him a normal

45:57

size. Give him the Hydra. Give

45:59

me three dick

45:59

Oh, yeah,

46:02

no girls is that a total man? You

46:04

could put one in the badge one on the be-hole

46:06

and one can just hang out to off With

46:09

these organ transplants not bad. Sure. They

46:12

can make college education. You saw it. No,

46:14

no, there's no picture But it describes what

46:16

it is. What is it? One

46:18

was under the primary of

46:21

the root under his primary Like in the

46:23

tank. Yeah, hit a 10 centimeter long schlong. Did

46:25

we all picture side to side? I did Now

46:34

if he jizzes do they all just look a

46:37

question one jizz at a time immediately

46:39

go again immediately go again Yeah, like

46:41

do you do just the one you work Particularly

46:46

mysterious a child hadn't been exposed to drugs

46:48

in the womb and didn't have a family history of genetic

46:51

operations

46:52

Right interesting

46:54

old parents a lot of weird dicks

46:57

out there Horrible

47:04

whale movie that's what's the New York post? Oh, they

47:07

didn't have three wheelies the New York prices

47:09

always fucking around It's the best back page go right

47:11

to sports. Oh, it's some page six.

47:14

Yeah Three wheelies that

47:16

writer must have been a fucking sixth grade bully,

47:19

dude. What a beast Three wheelies

47:21

that's a crazy nickname. Did you found it's

47:24

one of three decks? He called him three. Will he's that's

47:26

pretty good Now

47:30

remember they had chink in the armor that was them

47:32

No, that was ESPN

47:35

no ESPN ESPN

47:40

Jeremy Lin was a Asian

47:42

basketball player and he was dominating and said chink

47:44

in the armor was the ESPN headline really?

47:47

Yeah,

47:47

I'm just quoting the headline

47:49

That's crazy. According me that one ESPN

47:52

fires employee after offensive Lin

47:54

headline Wow He said I didn't know I have

47:56

no idea was not on purpose. That is a thing

47:59

that you would say

47:59

Like there was a player that

48:02

found a hole in the defense. He found

48:04

a chink in the armor I would like to hear the phrasing.

48:06

What do you mean?

48:07

It's a friend in the hornets defense You

48:09

found a chink in the hornets defense. That's a

48:11

it's an expression. It is a common expression

48:14

Yeah, tough one on this one though It is a tough

48:16

one on that one But you could make that mistake and

48:19

she made that mistake like you say

48:21

it all the time She said is announced. I don't forgive

48:23

him. No, you try to say the Negro baseball

48:25

hole But he said it's fast with an accent

48:29

It came out the worst way possible. I

48:31

will not

48:32

We've got a great time

48:34

here we went to the

48:35

Baseball League Hall of Fame

48:37

Fool if you

48:39

have an accent

48:44

Yeah,

48:46

he said it wrong he accidentally said he said

48:49

it the n-word yeah, not I don't

48:51

know and we're oh damn But see

48:53

the one in there is a new Looks

48:55

like oh, there's a newscaster talking about this

48:57

guy who had done something like on this long height

48:59

hike But the amazing thing is that he's

49:02

gay She said gay instead of blind like oh

49:04

my god, how do

49:07

you get the gay

49:10

from blind though panic?

49:25

The cameras on them they just panic they don't know what they're

49:27

saying if you misspeak It's bad enough to go the

49:29

amazing thing

49:29

is that he's house. Oh, that didn't make

49:31

it. Sorry about that But when you say that you're like fuck

49:35

Sense if you miss be if you

49:38

say something and as you're saying like this doesn't

49:40

make sense, but it's cheek in the armor You're like,

49:42

oh Jesus. Yeah

49:44

Think about that fucking the base the the

49:46

Hall of Fame the baseball Hall of Fame guy must have been like

49:48

holy Soon as they fucking went like

49:51

all right. We're done with that segment. Just like Yeah

49:54

Yikes. No, I'm great. That's one ever is

49:57

a

49:57

the live They'd alive feed before

49:59

capital of the world. This

50:02

guy's baseball announcer's already just goes Kansas

50:04

City, fag capital of the world.

50:07

Cincinnati. Cincinnati. Cincinnati.

50:10

Doesn't matter. Five minutes later. He's

50:12

one of his mouth. He's getting ready for the broadcast. And he doesn't

50:14

know the broadcast is already live. And I had a fag capital of a war girdle. No, he's

50:16

not doing that. Hi, everybody. He's talking to

50:18

the guy with him up in the booth. He didn't know it was a hot mic.

50:21

And they were like, it was like B-roll of the stadium

50:23

before the game. You just hear the announcer go, fag

50:25

capital of the world. And then he gets fired

50:27

in like the fifth inning. Oh, he has an

50:29

apology. He's like, oh, I'm so sorry

50:32

if you never want to work with me again. All this. I

50:34

can't see how it hits a home run in the middle of his apologies

50:37

going to my wife and my kids. I

50:39

love you. Deep drive that things out. He calls

50:42

home. He did his job. He went

50:44

down. He went out doing his job. Oh, yeah. What

50:46

do you think happens to a guy like that? He's doing

50:48

a TV show with Joe List. Oh, that's

50:50

right. I guess went

50:53

out over the year that I am deeply ashamed

50:55

of. If

51:03

I have heard anyone out there, I'm

51:06

close. Now he's working against digital. I'm

51:09

so very, very sorry. This is the most

51:12

I pride myself and think of myself as

51:15

a man of faith. Let's

51:18

go. He's on autopilot. He's got to

51:20

do it. He's got to do it. He's been doing this for 30 years.

51:23

Whatever happened that

51:26

guy, he's going to show Joe List. Yeah,

51:36

for real? Yeah, like a minor radio.

51:39

Yes, yes. He's going to minor league stadiums.

51:41

Joe's taking batting practice at minor league stadiums. He

51:44

got a jersey for like the Montana.

51:45

That's right. That's the Whitefish.

51:47

Yeah, they put him in. Does Joe List have some baseball fantasy?

51:51

He's a hell of an announcer. He's

51:53

got a great voice. And a good dancer and a singer. But

51:56

he's like, this is my co-host. That guy. No

51:58

kidding.

51:59

Think about it. Yeah Fag

52:04

yeah starting over the thing is there's

52:06

so many people out there. There's so

52:09

many people out there that could do that job

52:12

Yeah, you know some are better than others Miller's

52:15

the best baseball is tough too because it's

52:17

basically like a podcast because it's such a boring Funny

52:22

captivating

52:25

Yeah, that's interesting

52:27

baseball slow hockey fighting is easy Hockey's

52:30

hard

52:31

fighting is easy. It's all happening right?

52:33

It's like the excitement is not you talk

52:35

Yeah, it's all happening or so you just have

52:38

to describe what's going on But what if they're just

52:40

kind of circling but they want to put it on the ground.

52:42

Do you guys have to go? Oh, he's circling so About

52:47

what he's trying to do like I was trying to set something up

52:49

like what what do you see in the movement? What do you see in

52:51

the way there? They're interacting with each other like what

52:54

patterns do you see you see thousands of fights

52:56

you see patterns? When someone's starting

52:58

to set things up you see someone who's pressing

53:01

someone

53:01

who's biting on feints you see things But

53:03

I also see some announcers be like so they talked

53:05

start talking about his past and how he came up and

53:08

how he trains Yeah, sometimes you do that and

53:10

it's all free flow. You know you don't know what you're gonna

53:12

say. Yeah That's why an ik is the best.

53:15

He's the best that guy John's crazy He's

53:17

good when you take me those fights, and I see that guy

53:19

work. It's fucking crazy. It's so much

53:21

hard Just to go

53:24

he's the best he's the first of all this the smoothest

53:26

he's the the most knowledgeable He's the best

53:29

at recall. He's the best that he never flubs

53:31

any of his lines Everything

53:33

is smooth as fuck. He knows when to get in

53:35

he knows when to get out He knows when to set you up He's

53:38

so aware of like if something

53:40

goes to the ground like DC's explaining

53:43

wrestling positions never gets in the way He's

53:45

just the fucking man Love's

53:48

a sport my favorite about him is watching

53:50

him when you guys start the main

53:52

event broadcast you see him like because it's

53:55

so loud You guys can't hear each other. He's got

53:57

an earpiece in they're like

53:59

he's like we are

53:59

Live from Yeah,

54:04

well people say like why are you why are you yelling during the broadcast?

54:07

I can't fucking hear in the middle of the night in

54:09

the beginning when the UFC is about to go live

54:11

on pay-per-view Especially like they

54:14

should that who song square card playing the who song they

54:16

still do that. Oh, yeah It's it's like we're

54:18

starting now. It's such a good song

54:20

is the shit. What song

54:22

is that's Bob O'Reilly Oh,

54:26

all the highlights of like 30 years

54:28

of crazy

54:29

If

54:36

you ever working out you can put that on a loop fucking

54:39

go they change out the video all the time Mm-hmm.

54:41

Yeah, there was a new highlights new

54:43

things is the shit That's out of all

54:45

the jobs that I have like that one

54:48

like I fucking never get tired No,

54:51

so much the best I always get excited that

54:54

fucking Salt Lake City lineup I showed you

54:56

bananas Justin Gaits you versus Dustin

54:58

Poirier. Yeah my two

54:59

Shit

55:02

yeah, the whole fucking card is bananas.

55:05

That's a big one man. Oh, yeah, that's

55:07

a big ones that July 29

55:10

I believe I'm going July 8th. Oh Let's

55:15

go doing shows in Vegas. I texted you. That's right.

55:17

Where do you do them?

55:18

Or if you were doing any if

55:20

I well if I did a theater I would

55:23

do that place at the Mirage I like that

55:25

place a lot. I think I'm doing that That's the one Ron

55:27

White always does that places a shit, but

55:29

last time I did the MGM Grand Arena And that was

55:31

pretty bad. I'm not gonna do that one Baby

55:36

surprise I bet you could I'm

55:38

gonna do that theater. Yeah, there's another theater that I did

55:40

too. That's like 4,000 What is that

55:42

one the one that sort of connected to the MGM

55:44

then?

55:46

No, no the other one there's another

55:48

one There's a theater

55:50

like it's a really nice theater. We hold the weigh-ins there sometimes

55:53

I forget the way in for others No,

55:56

no no no no no no no no no no it's like this

55:58

evening something point

55:59

Theater something we've had the park

56:02

MGM. That's right park MGM. That's

56:05

a really good theater. Yeah, it's like Was

56:07

it like 4700 capacity? That's

56:09

a good one

56:10

I gotta get back to Vegas, but the mirage is

56:12

the shit you can't beat that mirage that

56:14

fucking Terry Fadore room is perfect

56:17

It's like it's angle that sets up for

56:19

you Is this the card? What

56:23

I'm going to Oscar versus

56:26

killer

56:28

Hooker Let's

56:33

go Nicklin dime

56:35

Jalen Turner versus Dan hookers a great fucking

56:38

fight. Oh, yeah, holy shit. That's a great fight.

56:40

Yeah,

56:41

well, I'll be there Brandon Moreno

56:43

versus Pantoja. That's a fucking great fight

56:45

But then I kick around this that yeah,

56:48

have you seen Yaya Rodriguez right? No,

56:50

it's one of the wildest motherfuckers

56:52

that's ever fought an MMA I'm gonna go to a Zaire.

56:55

Rudry Yaya. Rudry is highlight Yair

56:57

has some of the craziest kicks He's

57:00

got this Taekwondo background, but

57:02

he does all this wild shit He's hit BJ

57:04

Penn with a 360 roundhouse

57:06

kick. He's around that one spins 300 BJ

57:11

towards

57:11

the end Off

57:13

the top of the dome he kicked him with the

57:15

right and then in the air hits him with the left He's

57:17

a high. Yeah, he's so Dynamic

57:21

Wow, that's a tall Mexican his striking

57:23

and is on the ground He's fucking that he

57:25

finished Josh Emma with a triangle on this last fight

57:28

on the ground. He's nasty Oh, this is old

57:30

bro. He is fucking wicked

57:33

He's wicked and he's really hard

57:35

to figure out because everything he does

57:37

is different than anything any Kick

57:43

but back that up. Look at that. Look at that behind

57:45

the back swings around Spinning

57:47

back kick to the supporting leg watch

57:50

that again. Look how creative this fucking

57:52

guy is Nobody does that. Let

57:54

me see that again back up. Look at that behind the back

57:56

and then spinning back fist I'm

58:00

fucking genius. Holy shit. Fucking

58:02

genius. That reminds me of something I would do though. He

58:04

does. You would crush it. You should

58:06

join the UFC bro. Watch this elbow. Look at this.

58:09

Boom. Check this out. The

58:11

guy's chasing him. He does a spitting elbow.

58:13

Look at that. Boom. What?

58:16

That's a

58:17

famous clip. An up elbow. He's so dynamic.

58:19

You didn't even see it. Was that the zombie? Look

58:21

at this shit. Flying jumping roundhouse kick. What the fuck

58:23

is this guy's problem dude? Bro he's so

58:25

good. He should be arrested for that. And

58:28

off his back. He's fucking nasty with

58:30

submissions. He does everything man. Yair

58:33

Rodriguez is a motherfucker dude. And

58:35

he's a guy that had his ups and downs in the UFC.

58:39

He had some fights where he got dominated

58:41

by wrestlers. Where he really

58:44

had like you know Frankie Edgar

58:46

fucked him up. How long has

58:47

he been around? He's been around a while. He's been

58:49

around a while. He looks young. I feel like

58:51

I remember his name. He's fairly young because he got into the

58:53

UFC fairly young. He's really good

58:55

man. He had like a back and forth with Max Holloway.

58:58

Like he's down to the wire. Oh Holloway's a beast.

59:00

Yeah he was on the 2014 Ultimate Fighter.

59:02

Yair. He

59:05

won that. Real Jewish. He threw

59:07

up once when I was interviewing him. Oh that's Jomar Naverz.

59:10

Bro he's so good dude. This dude's so good.

59:12

He's just so different than anybody else.

59:15

And he's a really good grappler too. That's what's

59:17

crazy. It's like usually when guys are that good at striking

59:20

their submissions aren't top notch. But

59:23

he's got everything. He's not really

59:25

a wrestler but he can wrestle. But my

59:27

god his fucking kicking's off the charts. He's

59:29

going up and down. Look at the distance. See in

59:31

that distance you're fucked. Because

59:35

he's, that guy's good too. Yeah. So

59:37

he's getting popped. Well

59:38

this is the rise of him. So

59:42

this is how he won the Ultimate Fighter. He

59:44

won that. And then you know you

59:47

just get to see some highlights from some

59:49

of his fights. But

59:51

Volkanovsky's the baddest motherfucker alive.

59:53

So that fight is incredible.

59:55

That fight's going to be fun. But Volkanovsky's pound for pound

59:57

number one. Volkanovsky's the man. What? Number

1:00:00

one yeah, he lost to to It

1:00:03

is Islam Akash of very

1:00:06

very close fight barely lost I

1:00:08

thought he edged him, but it was a very

1:00:11

very good fight And then you look

1:00:13

at Volkanov ski, you know at 145

1:00:16

and he's just unprecedented he storms the game But

1:00:23

back up that fight does it show the 360

1:00:25

roundhouse kick you hit BJ with all that But

1:00:28

look how he does that that round

1:00:29

kick to the straight punch in the same

1:00:32

motion Like the kick lands and the punches

1:00:35

right behind straight into big brother punch. He's so

1:00:37

nasty Big

1:00:45

brother

1:00:46

All right, call it will ya yeah, jeez

1:00:49

Louise

1:00:51

That was

1:00:53

when BJ went to 145 and BJ at 145 was very

1:00:56

depleted It

1:00:58

was not a good move for him to get down to that

1:01:00

weight class. He said he was the toughest fighter He's ever fought

1:01:02

night. Yeah when BJ was 155, but

1:01:04

as he got older he tried the lower weight classes,

1:01:07

you know It's just tired with bigger

1:01:09

guys and it just his body

1:01:11

wasn't the same. He was so good BJ

1:01:14

was the motherfucker when he was in his prime

1:01:16

Hawaiian But I always say that like you got to look

1:01:18

at a guy like in their prime like Mike Tyson

1:01:21

in

1:01:21

his prime You got to look at them like in their prime and

1:01:23

then stop watching. Yeah, you can't look at them

1:01:25

when they're deteriorated and say oh Overall

1:01:28

they didn't cuz overall you're correct, but if you

1:01:30

want to look at the greatest expression, but if you're tired

1:01:33

Then you'd still only look at the primes. Just look at

1:01:35

that part. Yeah, I would say the same for comedians.

1:01:37

Yep Yeah, can we really fall

1:01:40

off was the

1:02:00

And for Alex to go right up there Lewis

1:02:04

and Marcos was a cheerio de Lima.

1:02:06

That's a great fight, too I'd love to kiss Michael

1:02:08

Kiesa and Kevin Holland. That's a fucking great fight,

1:02:10

too Holy shit, Wonderboy is

1:02:12

the man cool, dude Good

1:02:15

scroll back up. So he's funny to do that one mark well hovich and

1:02:20

I'd love

1:02:22

to go. That's a crazy fight cuz you can't fuck

1:02:24

up a behoavage that guy throws Let's

1:02:27

do a wise guy show and then pop over here.

1:02:29

That would be a good time. Let's get let's get prayer

1:02:31

easy It's right there, right? It's like prayer

1:02:34

Right there, but I would go three because I

1:02:36

don't think they ever really want to make 85 anymore It's

1:02:39

absolutely brutal and there's a lot

1:02:41

of speculations. So that's why well first

1:02:44

of all

1:02:45

Israel hit him with the perfect punch. It was perfect.

1:02:48

It was perfect. The follow-up was perfect. It was a beautiful

1:02:50

knock It was cool spectacular But

1:02:53

a lot of people are

1:02:55

Speculating that he doesn't take a punch that well

1:02:58

because he cut so much weight prayer

1:03:02

Maybe better if he walks around

1:03:04

way over to a five he walks around like 230 It

1:03:07

just seemed like they huge it just seemed

1:03:09

like they immediately got rid of the idea of a trilogy

1:03:11

immediately Yeah, you know, I mean like as soon

1:03:13

as the fight ended. They were like, what are you doing next? No,

1:03:16

not even a mention of yeah, I never

1:03:18

want no.

1:03:19

It's one one an MMA and it's Three

1:03:22

two right overall. Yeah

1:03:24

three two overall

1:03:26

anyone You already

1:03:28

did some Let's

1:03:33

go I'm still trying to wake up from that hangover.

1:03:35

That's a big fight for pay head I'd go up

1:03:37

to 205 and into fight ball which

1:03:41

That's a big test. I'm excited about that

1:03:43

one So Yeah

1:03:47

chocolates were these ones we were eating last time. Mm-hmm.

1:03:50

They're like one careful Vulcan ox. He's funny,

1:03:52

too Oh, he's hilarious. Well, can I ask

1:03:54

you to the fucking bros? Oh

1:03:56

to the old shoe drink

1:03:59

That a lot I have nothing

1:04:01

to evas a tie to evas a yeah,

1:04:03

you mean David to it was another one the boxer

1:04:06

No the shoe guy. Yeah,

1:04:08

that's Do

1:04:10

a shoey when you're in Australia Bert crush was saying he

1:04:12

got a throat infection from doing shoes in our throat. Oh,

1:04:14

that's from blowing Dudes, yeah,

1:04:16

yeah, I'll show you down under

1:04:24

They try to get me to do a shoey

1:04:26

when I was there What'd you do? I said no

1:04:29

on stage My

1:04:32

shoe Oh Ty tried to drink a beer out of

1:04:34

my shoe and a post fight Shoes

1:04:41

I don't support that behavior. You know, that's the cool

1:04:43

shit they do No,

1:04:51

no chance I said no

1:04:53

they hawk Louise there they

1:04:54

Do

1:04:57

it

1:05:00

Drink

1:05:07

milk so they have extra phlegm. That's not that's

1:05:09

gayer than Jews. Is it? Yeah

1:05:13

Haka Lu yeah Okay,

1:05:19

I think sucking someone's cock and come coming in

1:05:21

your mouth is the most gay well I

1:05:31

Guess in a way you're right coming from

1:05:33

a guy who watch people drink come on TV. Oh, yeah

1:05:38

Watch people drink a glass of come

1:05:40

and that was bull come. Yeah donkey donkey

1:05:42

donkey You know why cuz

1:05:44

it's the cheapest great punk band because

1:05:46

don't try to say my getting anybody Donkeys

1:05:49

get useless. Yeah mules and horse. So if I

1:05:51

put donkey jizz at a lady's veg, she

1:05:53

won't knock her up my killer Interesting

1:05:57

try it imagine if it was one animal

1:05:59

that could fuck a person

1:05:59

But they never have before and one lady

1:06:02

gets pregnant with like koala and like oh yeah,

1:06:04

it's Christ It's like one sperm

1:06:06

that actually does work on human eggs flights

1:06:09

to Australia quadruple He would already be

1:06:11

hybrids if that was the case Imagine

1:06:14

if your jizz worked on everything like everybody

1:06:16

like we have like universal jizz You

1:06:19

know like we have a positive blood. I'm

1:06:21

just learning it doesn't imagine some people the

1:06:23

have a positive blood You could donate blood to anybody right

1:06:25

if you have universal jizz

1:06:28

Yeah, every everybody gets it it

1:06:30

just works on every dude's of jizz don't aunt Everything's

1:06:35

getting the old days I don't know if you guys remember

1:06:37

this but they used to do tests on people

1:06:39

to see if you could have kids together

1:06:41

Yeah, yeah,

1:06:44

I don't think it was real. I don't think it really made

1:06:46

sense Able to

1:06:48

do like blood tests on people to see

1:06:50

if you should have kids together. I remember this Take

1:06:54

sex I'm ever take not only that I don't even

1:06:56

think it's real no I don't think

1:06:58

it works like if it's safe for you to have

1:07:00

kids together There was some thing that they did I

1:07:02

think it was just nonsense. It's weird how incest

1:07:04

I just vaguely remember that when I was a kid

1:07:07

I'll see you find what that is get a weird camp

1:07:10

counselor They

1:07:12

definitely weren't doing genetics how old were you

1:07:14

that you knew about this? I remember hearing about it when

1:07:17

I was like 10 or something like that I go.

1:07:19

Hey fuck is hanging out with weirdos

1:07:21

have fishing the guy when you're fishing strange

1:07:23

people The

1:07:27

Hoover salesman from different strokes Yeah,

1:07:35

he's trying to give you the trout he's a big fellow to

1:07:37

Salmon Hey,

1:07:47

we should go fishing It

1:07:55

was so fun we went salmon fishing we have

1:07:57

a black

1:07:59

I'd love to do that. We could eat it after. Yeah,

1:08:02

it was fun. Yeah, it was so the mosquitoes were

1:08:04

insane Alaska

1:08:06

yeah, they're crazy like we had spray

1:08:09

here. We had

1:08:10

2014 maybe we

1:08:12

had bug spray and look at that northern

1:08:15

pike eating another northern pike. Wow

1:08:17

Christ. It looks like a dude

1:08:22

Wow look at that is that the picture

1:08:24

of Ari salmon click on it Oh,

1:08:26

is that right that can't be what it is.

1:08:29

No these you go to Instagram. It's the actual cat picture

1:08:31

somebody else stuck that in there That's it 2013 to 10

1:08:39

years ago, brother. Wow we haven't gone since

1:08:41

then it was so nice so I saw moose Yeah,

1:08:44

no moose northern Eagles. I was my

1:08:46

first That

1:08:49

was my first time seeing an eagle in the wild Get

1:08:57

the Bud Light cans out you not even hide them anymore

1:08:59

I

1:09:01

agree with you. There's nothing I feel like you should be the

1:09:03

new spokesperson. You could turn this motherfucker around They

1:09:05

better hurry up and give me some money or I'm gonna start drinking Coors

1:09:08

like we were talking about the ways They could turn

1:09:10

around last night remember Their

1:09:19

stocks would go through the roof, but the country would

1:09:22

actually yeah Start off

1:09:24

the most innocuous one I had was Pepe the Frog

1:09:26

holding a Bud Light. It says feels bad, man

1:09:29

Yeah,

1:09:29

and Pepe just released

1:09:31

that people Turns

1:09:37

full heel like Hulk Hogan did yeah Pepe

1:09:54

is that fucking poor dude

1:09:56

his cart the guy was like this little liberal

1:09:58

fella be funny as the frog Like she'd he got four

1:10:00

chance you got four chance. I don't allow that. But

1:10:02

sweet, then we're definitely gonna use it. And he tried to kill

1:10:05

off his frog. Is he gonna stop using it? Oh,

1:10:07

yeah, you could just draw it. If you

1:10:09

go to Truth Social, how many frog

1:10:12

avatars are there? It's quite a few.

1:10:14

Oh, it has to be, right? I've never gone. Would

1:10:16

it be? Where would you get the most frog

1:10:18

avatar? It would be a 4chan thing. Yeah. More than anything,

1:10:20

right? Ah, Keelan. But I can see him. They're looking at

1:10:22

a random image and just saying this now means

1:10:24

this. Yeah. And it doesn't. But

1:10:27

they're just like this. This one was the greatest.

1:10:29

The AOK. That was Arabic. You know about that

1:10:31

one? That one's insane. That one's insane. Which one?

1:10:33

Just getting everybody. White's supremacy.

1:10:36

White power. And that guy got fired.

1:10:38

That truck driver. He's like a Mexican guy. I

1:10:40

was like, hey, you took a photo and they they. They start showing

1:10:43

like they start showing Steph Curry doing this. I

1:10:45

have to like, wait, hold on. Maybe we got

1:10:47

it wrong. A

1:10:49

lot of guys told me that if you do that on your pants

1:10:52

and someone looks, they hit you in the kitchen. Yeah.

1:10:55

Yeah. They took the arm. I

1:10:57

didn't

1:10:57

know.

1:10:59

Bro,

1:11:02

he got a clean shot off you. Punch buggy.

1:11:04

Come on. I didn't look. I didn't look. So

1:11:06

rude. I didn't look. I don't feel the tape. I don't feel

1:11:08

the tape. I'm not really looking. I might have punched

1:11:10

you too hard. My bad. I think he slightly

1:11:13

turned his head in a conversational

1:11:15

manner in your direction.

1:11:16

Jamie, can you review the tape right now? I can't

1:11:19

do it. I'm not sure I had the camera on you. I was. What

1:11:21

are you? Too reflicious, dude. I

1:11:23

don't even know what's down there. Who did that? When

1:11:25

did that start? I never was a rat. That was big.

1:11:27

I'm a fuck-up rat. All right, all right. You cocksuck.

1:11:29

You didn't do that in high school? No. No, I didn't do that.

1:11:31

I was huge in high school. How about you? That's shotgun. What's

1:11:33

the capital of Thailand? What? Get

1:11:36

him. Hey. Back

1:11:38

cock. Back cock. Back

1:11:40

cock. That was a classic.

1:11:42

Here you go. I was like, what's he doing? What

1:11:45

the fuck? Here's one. Me and Matt McCuskey.

1:11:46

I'm looking for an archeology question. Me and Matt McCuskey

1:11:48

have been working on this one. When

1:11:51

you're ordering dinner and the

1:11:54

waiter comes in and is like, what would you like for dinner? You

1:11:56

go, I'd like a hot dog. Oh,

1:11:58

that's fun. And you sexually

1:12:01

assault the waiter. Jesus Christ. You

1:12:03

go, I'd like a hot dog. He's got three bucks an

1:12:06

hour. And now this. He's

1:12:08

got to be nice because he still wants you to tip him. Yeah.

1:12:11

He's like, all right, guys. No,

1:12:14

I told you, I got Adam with it last

1:12:16

night. My dad,

1:12:17

this is one of the most uncomfortable things

1:12:19

that's ever happened. We

1:12:21

were at a fucking restaurant,

1:12:23

and we're talking to the hostess. This was like a very

1:12:25

cute girl. And I was talking

1:12:27

to her a little. My dad came up and goes, Shane, you see

1:12:29

where the horse bit me? He went like this.

1:12:31

I go to

1:12:32

look over his shoulder and he goes, bloop,

1:12:35

bloop. He got me right

1:12:38

in front of this girl. That one got me.

1:12:40

That's a good one. You can get everybody. What a misdirection.

1:12:43

You see where the horse bit me? Or you go, dude, look how fucking

1:12:45

summer I am. Bloop, bloop, bloop. Do girls

1:12:47

do things like that? They just do this one. No. I

1:12:50

hope so. No. I hope so.

1:12:52

They do not. Grab each other's butts and boobs. Girls get mad at each

1:12:54

other. Give each other a vag grab. Oh, I'm like,

1:12:57

hey. No chance. It's disgusting.

1:12:59

Is it? Grab your dicks, OK? Pussies

1:13:02

in the wild?

1:13:02

Oh, in the wool. Just

1:13:04

say when you're out walking around, you touch one of those things.

1:13:07

Oh my god. It's very, it's like seafood.

1:13:09

Yeah, you gotta go home. Octopus.

1:13:11

I like them. I like pussies too. OK.

1:13:14

I'm convinced. I'm convinced. We

1:13:16

sound like the gayest guys. I

1:13:19

like pussies. I actually love having sex. Bro, this is one

1:13:21

guy that I knew was gay. But he just wanted to admit he was

1:13:23

gay. Jamie. Everybody knew he was gay. I

1:13:25

mean, he was a great guy. But he

1:13:27

told me this story about making out with this girl in a club.

1:13:30

And the way I described it to my friends is like if

1:13:32

you told me all the words in French, but I didn't know

1:13:34

what they meant, and I said them, even though I

1:13:37

said them right, you'd be like, something's

1:13:39

wrong. Yeah,

1:13:41

I saw her and just looked at me and

1:13:43

just started fucking making

1:13:46

out in the middle of the club. I was

1:13:48

like, it was so hot kissing. I'm like, I don't

1:13:50

think this happened, sir. Yeah. I do not

1:13:53

think that he's doing an impression of what he's overheard.

1:13:55

I support the gay community. You don't have to do this

1:13:57

to me. Yeah. Just be gay.

1:13:59

Yeah, it's fine. You don't have to do this. You're

1:14:02

gay fucking rules bro. The saddest shit

1:14:04

ever those gay guys that are in the closet It's I

1:14:07

know that does suck Ari

1:14:09

because they can't they just fucking they've been

1:14:11

so long Yeah,

1:14:15

they're just used to it. It's great.

1:14:17

It's nutty Kevin Meany wait till dad

1:14:25

Wow imagine imagine who's

1:14:27

this

1:14:29

He was You

1:14:41

could light a cigarette off of that dude He

1:14:51

was awesome what he was what he get a Ron and Fez

1:14:53

great I used to love them I

1:14:56

came out to own a and it was like wait What's this

1:14:58

now and Ron was a great like

1:14:59

he was a real fan of comedy? Fucking

1:15:04

good comic too. He does the seller old time.

1:15:06

He's killer. I didn't even know he wasn't calm. Yeah hilarious

1:15:08

Awesome any

1:15:11

laws New York when they tore down the stand Because

1:15:13

like the built the whole building sold Stan was like we have a five-year

1:15:15

contract like dark buy us out It's the only way

1:15:18

and then they eventually tore down. He goes. Yeah, so fucking rich

1:15:20

people can live higher in the clouds Like

1:15:22

damn he's like the way you're yeah, Ron

1:15:25

has like it. I'm gonna fuck it up It's I'm gonna make

1:15:27

it not that funny, but it's a joke. I think it's one of those jokes

1:15:29

I think about constantly. Oh, yeah, Ron has

1:15:31

a joke about

1:15:33

He was walking down the street in a crane in New York

1:15:36

collapsed and almost felt like almost hit

1:15:38

him He had like run and he's like New York's

1:15:40

so fucking crazy that I forgot

1:15:42

that happened And

1:15:43

then I was at home watching the news with his wife

1:15:45

who he was with his wife or I don't know if he's

1:15:47

married But he was like oh

1:15:49

shit. That was I was there He

1:15:55

had one he had one it's just about like

1:15:58

somebody called and was like hey you haven't been funny all

1:16:00

morning

1:16:01

and his response he just goes so such

1:16:05

a conversation. Ron Bennington's unmasked

1:16:07

with Patrice O'Neill is unreal to

1:16:10

best. So unmasked. Yeah,

1:16:12

the one that's with Norton I I I

1:16:15

everything I did on podcasting was just mimicked

1:16:17

off that yeah, great broadcaster.

1:16:19

Yeah, isn't interesting like what podcasting

1:16:22

is now is like what that was

1:16:24

yeah, I was an unusual

1:16:27

thing yeah, an unusual thing to sit down just

1:16:29

talk to someone one on one as a young comic

1:16:31

there was none of that on comedy

1:16:33

CDs I used to listen I was like Woody Allen

1:16:35

Seinfeld and now young comics

1:16:37

have so much to go well that never end

1:16:40

these four masters. Oh

1:16:42

yeah. The

1:16:44

true masters. Yeah,

1:16:49

so much more.

1:16:54

Well,

1:17:00

I want to watch you that's the most amazing thing. Well,

1:17:02

it's hard to like get a get ahold of a good

1:17:05

VHS back there. You

1:17:07

have to loan CDs to each other. Yeah,

1:17:09

I see you have somebody like let me have

1:17:11

that I never even saw comedy.

1:17:13

Yeah, right only only listen ever my dad.

1:17:15

I started the first two specials. I

1:17:19

remember was

1:17:20

dang cooking Carlos Mencia's Comedy Central presents

1:17:23

easy and I remember sitting there

1:17:25

going God Dan this these are the this is it

1:17:27

that's the top of the never saw

1:17:29

shit. Mm-hmm. Yeah, comedy Central put

1:17:31

a lot of stuff on for like people didn't have HBO.

1:17:34

Yeah. Oh yeah. Those have been

1:17:36

coming through it did my comedy Central special

1:17:39

on 2014. The idea was like if I did

1:17:41

it anywhere else we get less people see more

1:17:43

people. See that's crazy. Comedy Central is huge

1:17:45

back there was huge. I watched all those are

1:17:47

Parker Doug Benson. How did they

1:17:50

fuck that

1:17:50

up? I'll tell you they didn't adapt is

1:17:52

not happening. I

1:17:55

got rid of our issue here. There

1:17:57

was a host of this is not happening. And they got

1:17:59

a great

1:17:59

It's a royal would he got a

1:18:02

superior deal at Netflix and they wouldn't

1:18:04

allow him to it was nuts They were

1:18:06

like they lost their fuck. You were saying sometimes Jews

1:18:08

hate Jews

1:18:09

True They

1:18:11

didn't run that company Was run by Norwegians.

1:18:14

Yeah You

1:18:19

were gonna pay everybody yeah, that was

1:18:21

really what we're trying to figure out how to They

1:18:24

were trying to hold it off my head. They were going they were going like we're

1:18:26

gonna fire everybody under whole crew That's been

1:18:28

around for five years. We're firing with two weeks out.

1:18:30

Good luck paying their rent. Yeah, or

1:18:33

you fucking Good they said

1:18:35

it that way. Yeah, Jesus or you comply

1:18:37

and you do fucking turn on his Netflix deal

1:18:39

and Yeah, I was like no fucking

1:18:41

way what yeah, Rogan was like all hosted

1:18:44

episode for free Wow. I hope you I

1:18:46

was like, okay You were gonna do on Tom.

1:18:48

Yeah, I said, well, we'll get a bunch of people that

1:18:50

are your friends will host him for free They go. No, they

1:18:53

were so mad Wow They They

1:18:56

went full

1:18:58

Yeah, there's a collapsed.

1:19:01

What are you doing? No nothing you watch that? No,

1:19:03

it's the office. There's studio. I mean

1:19:05

if you looked at the drop off of Comedy,

1:19:07

so it's gotta be insane to think about they had

1:19:09

Chappelle show. Yeah, South

1:19:12

Park and man, Charlie Probably

1:19:16

the only thing that keeps them alive. I think they're

1:19:19

more I think they're just a studio HBO man They

1:19:21

take their stuff and sell it off 0.0 is

1:19:24

gigantic what happened atosh? What's he doing?

1:19:26

He's around. He's so funny. He's hilarious He's

1:19:29

an underrated most underrated solid

1:19:31

comic Is he doing stand

1:19:33

because he's so no for the show that people I don't know.

1:19:36

I don't know I think that rape thing fucked him up.

1:19:39

No The joke

1:19:41

was great. Oh, yeah, but I had a joke

1:19:44

about that too About his thing.

1:19:46

Yeah, but the cancel thing that was 2014. Yeah,

1:19:48

really. Yeah, I feel like he fell

1:19:50

off after that There was a petition to get him fired Fucking

1:19:59

sold out

1:19:59

What the fuck are these guys doing? He's

1:20:02

doing the Mirage. Yeah, there you go. All

1:20:04

right, good for Tash. Geez. Still

1:20:06

killing it. That was one I listened to constantly.

1:20:09

That was like when I was in college when he was... They

1:20:11

had great writers. Which was just listening to all of his

1:20:13

albums. Same.

1:20:15

He was so good. He has a new spell, not new,

1:20:17

but new, his latest. Yeah, it was great. It's

1:20:19

great, but no one talked about it. It was on Comedy Central.

1:20:21

That's why. It's called People Please Show. Yeah, it's

1:20:23

so funny. It's like Roy Wood. They

1:20:26

locked him up in this deal and then the whole thing collapsed.

1:20:29

And he's like, it's still like, I guess I'm still

1:20:31

responsible for him at the World Trade Center. Right. So

1:20:34

here's what's fucked up is that you didn't

1:20:36

have a deal to do a special there. You

1:20:38

had a... You didn't have an exclusive deal. That was

1:20:41

so insidious about it. You had

1:20:44

the option to go

1:20:45

other places. I could do whatever I wanted. Exactly. And

1:20:47

they're like, no way. And then they said, I was

1:20:49

like, guys, it'll bring more viewers to the show. But we

1:20:51

think it'll bring more viewers to

1:20:53

Netflix,

1:20:54

which at the time... Good call.

1:20:57

What? All of them work at Netflix now, by

1:20:59

the way. Yeah, some of them do. It was so bad. They

1:21:02

all get to... They just get to pack... Like they go

1:21:04

somewhere else. Exactly. They go to work in comedy.

1:21:07

Yeah, exactly. They go to someone else. You know what I should have done? I didn't do

1:21:09

it. What I should have done is I have access to a giant

1:21:11

platform. I'm just going to go and publicly say

1:21:13

to the public. I

1:21:14

guess that's how you say it. They're like, hey, they're

1:21:17

doing this. What do you guys think? Yeah,

1:21:19

I think quiet. Yeah, I should

1:21:21

have gone

1:21:22

wild with it. Yeah, but you were still trying to salvage

1:21:25

it. I was going to pay everybody. I was like, sweet. Let's

1:21:27

just sell it. I was going to borrow

1:21:29

a bunch of money from you. They're

1:21:32

like, why would he give it to you? I'm like, he'll give it to me. I'll

1:21:34

pay it back. We'll give it to me. And

1:21:36

then just pay all these employees and

1:21:38

be like, no, I'm still doing my... Yeah,

1:21:40

we talked about that. I was totally willing to do that. We're

1:21:43

just going to pay him off. Yeah, you were

1:21:45

the first guy to do the... You didn't get

1:21:47

hired. Then you got a bunch of views on YouTube.

1:21:49

Then you got hired. Yeah, that's right. Yeah. I

1:21:51

had to go around the system to get Norman on. They

1:21:54

were like, we can't find anybody out.

1:21:55

And I was like, Norman, can you just plan a

1:21:58

trip to LA and do like an LA hire? And

1:22:00

you're like, yeah, okay. Also, fuck the makeup

1:22:02

girl. Hey, easy. That's

1:22:05

that one stripper really liked you. Oh, yeah,

1:22:07

yeah, well. She was. You're a handsome devil,

1:22:09

dude. You are. You cute little... Then

1:22:11

they, goddamn, they gotta hang out with you. That's

1:22:14

tough. Then

1:22:16

they see the pack of notes and it's hard to reconsider.

1:22:19

He made the pack smaller after we criticized him. You

1:22:21

got that right? It got through to him. Well, I got made fun

1:22:23

of on the road. We were like, pull out the joke book.

1:22:26

And they would all die laughing. So I

1:22:28

cut it down. Can I see? That's

1:22:29

way less crazy. I would not give it to him. Please let

1:22:32

him see it. The wallet though is still... Dude,

1:22:35

the fuck is in your wallet? Look

1:22:38

at that. What is in there? Jesus Christ, dude.

1:22:40

What kind of note? It's all... Oh, what do you

1:22:42

call it? Spot pay. Spot pay. Oh,

1:22:44

nice. Well, the hooker's in a... Why don't

1:22:46

you get a money clip?

1:22:47

Huh? You know what a money clip is? I know

1:22:50

what it is, but... Keep it in your front pocket. What

1:22:52

am I, gay? Hey. Come on. I

1:22:54

can't do a money clip. He's got a point. Thank

1:22:56

you. Money clips are gay. It's a gambling thing.

1:22:59

Unless you got a monocle. It's not allowed.

1:23:01

Dude, the right fucking monopoly guy. The

1:23:03

right money clip really is a rubber band. No,

1:23:05

I got three more of these. I got a free smoothie. I can't...

1:23:08

You're out of your mind, dude. You're out of your fucking mind. He's

1:23:10

got 20 grand and a three hole punch for a fucking

1:23:12

free smoothie. Those smoothies are $9.99. I

1:23:15

go to the same coffee shop every day and I don't

1:23:17

do a punch card because I'm like, I'd

1:23:19

feel worse going, could you punch my card? Oh,

1:23:22

you get over it. I pay $5 on the 10th one to go. I'm

1:23:24

waiting to cash this. This is not being too... Olive Garden.

1:23:26

Oh, yeah. Olive Garden will come with you. All

1:23:29

right, you got it. Breadsticks. Do you

1:23:31

use those?

1:23:32

Oh, yeah. No. I go all the room. It's still in there.

1:23:34

Dude, Norman is way juicier than

1:23:36

anyone you know. You can hear the... It's crazy. ...what

1:23:38

he's drawing up. Today we got lunch. Me and

1:23:40

Mark got lunch. I had three French fries left.

1:23:43

The guy came to take it and he goes, no, no, no, no.

1:23:45

He ate three of my French fries. Can't

1:23:47

let those go. Those are truffle. We're

1:23:49

at Bonnaroo. We're staying late because they were like, drove

1:23:51

everybody home. Norman was off doing a

1:23:54

Norman adventure. Comes back at like 1 a.m. There's

1:23:56

a staff party. Crawfish boil, whatever.

1:23:59

It was over four hours ago. He goes back

1:24:01

to, wow, I got the craziest thing to tell you. Ah,

1:24:03

you wasted all these heads! They're chugging back!

1:24:06

Suck in the heads.

1:24:08

You can't let that go to waste. Yeah, you're fucked up.

1:24:10

The heads are good. He never changed. We

1:24:12

had no food in my house as a child. That camp dude,

1:24:14

you guys had food. We didn't have food, we had evaporated

1:24:16

milk or powdered milk. I was just looking in the

1:24:18

wrong drawer. Dude, wait, this isn't the fucking,

1:24:20

this is 2005.

1:24:22

What are you talking about? What

1:24:24

do you mean?

1:24:25

Who's poor? You were that poor from the 30s. I

1:24:28

was in college. Oh, all right. But, I didn't

1:24:30

have any food in it. You guys had evaporated milk? Yeah. What's

1:24:33

that mean? I mean, we had it amongst

1:24:35

the chunky soups. Yes! We had a lot of

1:24:37

growth. You had chunky? Yeah, but chunky.

1:24:40

You were talking about powdered milk, right? Yeah, powdered. What

1:24:42

was I saying? Powdered milk. I said

1:24:44

evaporated milk. You'd get powdered milk. Yeah, powdered

1:24:46

milk. I remember growing up having it, but... You had water to

1:24:48

it. Yeah, tap water to it. Yeah. It's

1:24:51

pretty rough. So you're just drinking fluoride and powdered

1:24:53

milk. How calcium? Is it like...

1:24:55

It's

1:24:57

not even supposed to drink tap water. What? You

1:25:00

should absolutely filter your tap water. No. That's

1:25:02

all I drink is tap water. Really? Yeah,

1:25:04

yeah, yeah. It's so safe. Saying

1:25:07

tap water is the best. It's the best. New York

1:25:09

tap water. It's the best tap water. It's fucking

1:25:11

tap water. It's disgusting. And they do that show up to see those

1:25:13

pipes. Get a Brita. Yeah, get a filter. We

1:25:16

had lead pipes. They just got them up. Really?

1:25:19

Oh, yeah. Lead poisoning?

1:25:21

Yeah, we had lead pipes. Yeah, if you turn your faucet and brown

1:25:23

comes out, like, what are you talking about? I don't...

1:25:25

The pipes made the water's fine. They used

1:25:27

to use lead paint until they realized kids were getting really

1:25:29

stupid. And they're like, hey, what's going on here? Oh,

1:25:32

yeah. That was the original autism. Yeah.

1:25:35

That's asbestos. Lead paint. We used to tell kids, oh,

1:25:37

he ate paint. Right, paint chips. You ate

1:25:39

a lot of paint chips as a kid? Yeah. Tommy

1:25:42

boy. That was a thing, man. Lead paint fucked

1:25:44

up. Really? Yeah, lead paint. Do

1:25:47

you know that lead gasoline, before they made unleaded gasoline,

1:25:49

lowered everyone's IQ in cities?

1:25:51

No. Really? Wow.

1:25:54

Like, literal lead

1:25:56

poisoning from the sky. Send it to China.

1:25:58

Wow.

1:25:59

They did no fucking no

1:26:02

protection. They would put up blue

1:26:04

fucking powder fumes

1:26:06

out of it Breathing

1:26:09

it you're breathing in hey,

1:26:11

is that that yeah, that's the lead paint doing

1:26:14

the bell You would you would breathe in

1:26:16

lead see we can find that like lowered IQ

1:26:18

here It is lead exposure in

1:26:20

last century shank shank IQ

1:26:22

scores of half of America Wow

1:26:26

the 40s let it gasoline calculation to have stolen

1:26:28

over 800 million

1:26:29

cumulative IQ points since

1:26:32

the 1940s holy hell That's

1:26:35

a lot of the great old artists died of lead poisoning

1:26:37

Let's Epplin lead was the first additive

1:26:39

to gas in to help cars engine healthy however

1:26:42

automotive health came at a great expense

1:26:44

of her own well-being when did that happen when they switched

1:26:47

to unleaded because

1:26:48

I Seem to remember it like when I was

1:26:50

in high school if you had a muscle car you wanted to get

1:26:52

leaded gas Oh really yeah,

1:26:54

it's a lead related to help bad

1:26:56

ass now to get a leaded car Faster

1:26:59

aging of the brain leaded gas for cars was banned

1:27:01

the US in 1996 Wow that's pretty

1:27:04

late. That's late 1996 yep But researchers

1:27:06

say that anyone born before the end of

1:27:08

that era and especially those the peak

1:27:10

of its use in the 1960s That's me and

1:27:13

the 1970s had concernably

1:27:16

hot consider Concerningly

1:27:18

high level high lead exposures as

1:27:20

children That's me, bro. That's

1:27:23

why you have patience. I'm nerds. Yeah,

1:27:25

what dorks. Yeah from dorks. Yeah lead

1:27:27

exposure

1:27:29

Tough times that fucked I could've been way

1:27:31

smarter Think they'll

1:27:33

do that with a achieving Have

1:27:36

you tried paint? Fucking

1:27:38

smart delicious you think they'll do that with

1:27:40

the internet at some point for sure Yeah,

1:27:42

everybody's killing these girls are killing so there

1:27:44

was depressed Yeah,

1:27:47

it's Graham. Yeah, it's been a big Factor

1:27:49

and self-harm for for kids you

1:27:52

look at the invention of

1:27:54

social media on there's a giant spike

1:27:57

There's a great book about it

1:27:59

lack of privacy

1:27:59

seeing your friends doing

1:28:02

better things, parties you're invited to, seeing pictures

1:28:04

of the parties you weren't invited to, instead of just hearing

1:28:06

about it later. No, it's fucking crazy

1:28:09

if you really think about it. Imagine,

1:28:11

because those filters, like TikTok,

1:28:13

my daughter was complaining about it yesterday, they

1:28:16

don't show your real face. They put a filter

1:28:18

on automatically. When you do stuff

1:28:20

on TikTok, it changes the way your face looks,

1:28:22

it smooths out your skin, makes you look

1:28:24

prettier. So everybody's comparing what

1:28:26

they see in the mirror to what they see on Instagram.

1:28:29

They look like shit.

1:28:29

But I

1:28:32

thought big was beautiful. Yeah,

1:28:35

everyone has this fake old LA kind

1:28:37

of stripper face, like it's all like devoid of character.

1:28:40

When I see a guy use those filters, I

1:28:43

immediately dismiss everything

1:28:45

you say. Yeah, that's a pretty cigarette. You're

1:28:48

wearing a filter. When

1:28:50

you're doing your selfies, you're taking

1:28:52

pictures. It's like putting makeup on. It's worse, it's a

1:28:54

mask. It's like

1:28:57

you're hiding, this is fake. When

1:28:59

you see people

1:28:59

do it, you're like, what are you doing? Do you not know

1:29:02

that everybody knows that? That's so crazy.

1:29:04

That's wild. It's like having giant fake eyelashes.

1:29:07

Everybody knows. Like, what are you

1:29:09

doing? This is insane. It doesn't look good, it looks crazy.

1:29:12

You've got a filter on your face. It looks like a cartoon.

1:29:14

You look like a cartoon, but it looks good. It

1:29:16

is like those people who get plastic surgery, like

1:29:19

it looks fine. Everyone else is like, no way. They

1:29:21

all look crazy. Well, the thing is, some

1:29:23

plastic surgery looks good. I've seen

1:29:25

some women. They're all going for that. They get jowls

1:29:27

or hanging in their eyelids, and then they get tucked

1:29:29

up nice. Not crazy, but

1:29:32

nice, and they look way better. There's guys

1:29:34

out there that are masters, but

1:29:36

then there's monsters. There's one step down. The

1:29:38

filler monsters. But why these millionaires

1:29:41

get bad surgery? Because they also want

1:29:43

this youth. Michael Jackson, it's body dysmorphia.

1:29:46

You go crazy. You don't know what you're seeing. And

1:29:48

the doctor's like, I don't think we can do what you're asking. I'm

1:29:50

like, just try it. They gotta do it. Yeah, that's

1:29:52

one guy you never hear bragging. Michael

1:29:54

Jackson's plastic surgeon. He

1:29:57

didn't get any other work. What the fuck was that?

1:29:59

I was like I'll do it, but you can't tell anybody.

1:30:02

I think the opposite of the Kardashian surgery

1:30:04

goes right The Kardashians all have

1:30:06

great surgery very nice like you look at what they

1:30:08

did like they shaped their fucking skulls I

1:30:11

mean Bruce Jenner looks great the Jenner's

1:30:13

the kids they shaped their skull really

1:30:16

By day job down what the

1:30:18

kids do like Caitlyn and all those with the little

1:30:21

one Photos

1:30:23

before and after it's like wait is Caitlyn

1:30:25

wait

1:30:26

G

1:30:34

Houston Astro

1:30:37

guy people get surgery on their

1:30:39

fucking jaws That's why

1:30:41

I was trimmed down to narrow

1:30:43

their face didn't Dylan Mulvaney your favorite

1:30:46

Bud Light drinker Didn't that person

1:30:48

do that? I think they got feminizing surgery.

1:30:50

I don't know who that is. Oh It's

1:30:54

a kid Kid rocks arch enemy

1:30:56

can I ask what happened with that thing because

1:30:59

I never saw a single Bud Light can

1:31:01

I Just heard about it all

1:31:03

I own one you do really yeah I

1:31:07

got one with how where from where

1:31:09

eBay you have to order it Oh,

1:31:11

it was not cheap, but I think it's gonna go way

1:31:13

up. Oh, yeah

1:31:15

This is demise of the company someone

1:31:17

from course is gonna buy that for you for a million dollars bring

1:31:20

it on course Everlasting gops

1:31:22

ever my dogecoin I mean they

1:31:24

made everybody else make more money and

1:31:26

they've lost like some insane amount

1:31:29

like something like in the 20 plus percent

1:31:31

of sales Six billion so crazy

1:31:33

and so what did they they wanted to go all?

1:31:36

faces on these Sent

1:31:39

one yeah,

1:31:40

Dylan Mulvaney

1:31:42

Canned cuz they were like oh, this is a viral

1:31:44

person. It

1:31:45

was just like It's like

1:31:47

is it like sending you a Phillies Gillis shirt. Yes,

1:31:49

Jersey. Yes. Yes. It was

1:31:52

a year of being a woman

1:31:54

Here's your reward gender fluid.

1:31:56

And so why does everyone care that much

1:31:59

cuz it's funny

1:31:59

It is funny. It's something to do. It's

1:32:02

funny if you order a blood light people go yeah,

1:32:04

what is it you period? It's

1:32:07

yeah, it's hard. I'm out here The

1:32:11

bar owners are stopping they won't carry

1:32:13

it because people who want it and buy it are getting

1:32:15

attacked Jesus Order

1:32:19

a blood later bar and someone's like we fucking

1:32:21

gay. What are you doing when you go to bars now? Dude,

1:32:24

I stand straight like this No one's

1:32:26

gonna beat up somebody for supporting trans in New

1:32:28

York, but on stage

1:32:29

on stage. Yeah, what

1:32:32

tough? Yeah, bring it a bloodline on stage

1:32:34

now. You're gonna somebody's gonna yell. Yeah, they're

1:32:36

gonna be different It's gonna be a subject

1:32:38

you got to get the draft is the text edition.

1:32:41

Yeah Nice. Yeah, well, they're

1:32:43

gonna sell camo bloodlights now Show

1:32:49

a dead Arab See

1:32:53

the dick

1:32:55

Yeah camo I Like

1:32:58

that that's fun. I Don't

1:33:00

know. It's all it's not it's a non thing But

1:33:03

it became a joke

1:33:05

and that's tough to overcome marketing wise

1:33:07

It's tough to it's get you to order a blood

1:33:09

light publicly now that I know the joke You're gonna

1:33:11

get a photo. It'll be forgotten in a month. No,

1:33:14

no two months. It's gonna be a while Remember

1:33:17

really you'll make a joke on stage be like what

1:33:20

no no no you guys are crazy to bear, dude You

1:33:22

guys are crazy. It's gonna hang in there for a long

1:33:24

time This is gonna be one of them cultural

1:33:27

things. It's there's never been a brand that

1:33:29

got hit like this before They'll be this is a big

1:33:31

do some titty titty shots. You think so?

1:33:35

Remember

1:33:35

that lady sand that we got to get

1:33:37

away from the fratty Sense

1:33:39

of humor more inclusive. Yeah

1:33:43

Yeah, yeah, she's out

1:33:45

Well, they're gonna be fired and

1:33:48

it's real hard to argue with that one. She works at

1:33:50

Comedy Central I

1:33:52

swear to God though. They're gonna get they'll be saved this month

1:33:54

every single company on earth is gonna do a commercial

1:33:57

all of them They've already done it Miller light star

1:33:59

For Raptor did a gay

1:34:02

commercial. I saw Raptor. Yeah, the

1:34:04

truck. The redefined. The running tough. Yeah, and

1:34:06

they did it because one poster.

1:34:08

The show market's a really like

1:34:11

far more lesbians. Oh! One

1:34:13

poster. Did you let me finish? One poster did

1:34:16

it because one guy

1:34:18

wrote a homophobic comment on one of the Bud

1:34:20

Light Raptor Ranger trucks. Don't regret that

1:34:22

comment. And so they came up with this fucking whole

1:34:24

campaign to counter that. This is it. Hey,

1:34:27

that's a good-looking truck. Very gay Raptor.

1:34:29

What is it? Literally. Like, it says

1:34:32

it. Hashtag very gay Raptor. We

1:34:34

scored dinosaur. Scroll

1:34:36

up so I can see the top of the top. The

1:34:39

Ford's redefining tough rainbow Raptor

1:34:41

commercial goes viral. Sparks online

1:34:43

backlash. Everything sparks online backlash.

1:34:46

But barely. Yeah, barely. What if

1:34:48

these journalists gonna like actually write the story

1:34:50

and not like the small percentage backlash?

1:34:52

I think that's the Raptor Ranger, isn't

1:34:55

it? Mmm. Is that the Raptor Ranger? It's a good-looking

1:34:57

truck. I think the Raptor Ranger is the smaller

1:34:59

one

1:34:59

and I think that's where somebody said

1:35:02

something like

1:35:03

the rap.

1:35:04

Yeah.

1:35:05

Okay. Yeah, Ranger Raptor. That's what it is. So

1:35:08

someone said something. Oh, it's the gay Raptor because

1:35:10

it's the smaller Raptor. Some

1:35:12

fucking moron. True. Here's right. And so

1:35:14

they actually painted it in gay colors. That's

1:35:17

big gay Raptor. Ford sucks

1:35:19

anyway. Everyone's having a good time. Everyone's having

1:35:21

a good time so far. The number one fan. Ford

1:35:24

sucks anyway. I always knew them trucks was queer.

1:35:27

It shoved you all the way. He got them. That's

1:35:30

a pro now. No one's

1:35:32

not gonna buy Raptor. Shut the fuck up. Yeah, Raptors

1:35:34

are cool. They're the shit.

1:35:35

They're the shit. Yeah. I had

1:35:37

one of those. They're awesome. But why do these companies

1:35:40

feel like they have to do it? Because to me it's just

1:35:42

unoriginal. I feel like they're doing it for a small

1:35:44

percentage online, like media for whatever. And

1:35:46

then people are like, ooh, let's get that and push that other place. I know

1:35:48

the answer. What? It's the women. They're hiring chicks

1:35:52

from college. They're like, oh,

1:35:54

we need to hire women in our company. Who's

1:35:57

going to college to study marketing?

1:35:59

College chicks will get them in

1:36:02

and then they right away. They just fucking

1:36:04

but why does a woman won't work at it Ford? Anywhere

1:36:10

it's like she's in the fucking factory It's not like she

1:36:12

loves Ford people marketing people don't

1:36:14

get a job at tampons because they love tampons Yeah,

1:36:17

we'll work at Geico don't love. Yeah,

1:36:19

it's just we think about that because that's what we do.

1:36:21

We do what we love ah Yeah,

1:36:23

you're lucky. He's lucky most people

1:36:26

live and suck most people don't get drunk with

1:36:28

their friends at work Well,

1:36:31

this is a job what we're doing is a job It's

1:36:33

funny the difference between the the people the

1:36:36

Venn diagram of dudes who get drunk at

1:36:38

work with their friends It's like us

1:36:40

and then it's like

1:36:49

About the couple that got beat

1:36:51

up it says is What

1:36:54

that says a couple was beat up for allegedly

1:36:56

purchasing That's happened in

1:36:58

Canada,

1:36:59

but you don't say allegedly beat up

1:37:01

they said allegedly purchasing There's

1:37:04

no there's no evidence and anything

1:37:06

I'm reading that says that they even had Bud Light They did

1:37:08

not they were mistakenly were

1:37:11

picked out of a crowd apparently those the

1:37:13

guy the paint hoppers Well, these are the guys

1:37:15

got silver painter on his face. I beat him up

1:37:17

apparently Of his fucking

1:37:19

mind yeah, he thought he saw Bud Light So

1:37:21

this story went wild is still I think this

1:37:23

is the only case I could find where this happened It

1:37:25

might have happened somewhere else probably a douchebag

1:37:28

that wanted to go beat up somebody for buying Bud

1:37:30

Light Nobody was buying it so he found the skills

1:37:32

the next best thing which is Canadians After

1:37:35

9-11 Is

1:37:37

like they'll buy but most of blues Bud Light exactly

1:37:40

most in blue

1:37:41

Actually, no, sir Strong

1:37:45

though, right 9% higher

1:37:48

is it really yeah, it's a higher

1:37:50

percentage of alcohol Canadians drink hard

1:37:54

they do Pore advice all the

1:37:56

people listening don't try to keep up with the Canadian or

1:37:58

shingles. Yeah

1:37:59

Either war either or I'm struggling those

1:38:02

mushrooms really you feel so getting

1:38:04

involved. Yeah, I don't feel it yet They're

1:38:07

fully involved. Maybe I'll take a half e like you did

1:38:11

Stem oh what stems I got

1:38:13

Eat the other half

1:38:15

of that chocolate. I got Mr. Wayman. I think he ate

1:38:17

it 165 170

1:38:20

I'll tell you by 10 yeah Well

1:38:23

you why are you sizing them up? Just money you

1:38:25

want to go? That's like a try to go with them alcohol

1:38:28

is more like weight. I don't think mushrooms

1:38:30

are yeah mushrooms takes a lot of body There's a

1:38:32

matter. Oh, it is. I'm sure yeah

1:38:34

boy. I mean bloodstream body mass.

1:38:37

It's going it's getting absorbed It's

1:38:39

going through your stomach. I feel like some guy's

1:38:41

bigger

1:38:42

Hits them hard smaller hits them hard

1:38:44

to yeah Well also

1:38:46

they're inconsistent. They're inconsistent. Oh,

1:38:48

yeah Intensity of psychedelic experience

1:38:51

after taking psilocybin does not depend on body

1:38:53

mass index Interesting

1:38:56

so what's it depend on childhood? I would assume

1:38:58

that everything you eat They

1:39:01

have dosages that are different for children with medication

1:39:04

because you eat and swallow and your body's different Yeah,

1:39:06

I would imagine that would be the same everything

1:39:12

Would

1:39:14

imagine it would be the same with everything it's certainly with alcohol.

1:39:17

Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah alcohol for sure right? Yeah,

1:39:20

yeah, yeah, yeah, they can take it yeah Yeah,

1:39:24

it's a Weed is not

1:39:26

though right? No weed stick you

1:39:28

ever meet a guy who can't get high I can't

1:39:31

oh you mean not able to get Yeah, it's like

1:39:33

Jamie can't get high off edibles what

1:39:36

you do you have a pizza with it? Jamie has

1:39:38

this crazy where he could eat like a thousand

1:39:40

milligrams, okay? You

1:39:42

can't get once I mean just I

1:39:45

get to say what didn't feel a thing off of

1:39:47

that is

1:39:48

That's a stretch, but like I didn't feel

1:39:50

what the fuck you should a thousand milligrams you should

1:39:52

be done Yeah, it's

1:39:54

your obliterated a thousand milligrams like you don't know

1:39:56

how to turn your car. Yeah

1:39:59

Once Diaz got me once he gave me a 25 milligram

1:40:02

edible and I was like all right This is farther

1:40:04

than I want to go what I'm doing your podcast so like fine

1:40:07

Yeah, and then I like you ever have

1:40:09

something nagging at you And I was like that

1:40:11

fucking 25 was crooked

1:40:13

and then I went over to it and peeled it off was 250

1:40:20

Ten times a stretch oh

1:40:22

no Yeah, how do you feel? Yeah,

1:40:26

he broke on a slinger. Yeah, really

1:40:28

broke on bro going yeah, whoa

1:40:31

Owen like legitimately was never the same person

1:40:34

Yeah from that moment. Yeah, legitimately.

1:40:37

What'd you do with that 250 after you? What'd you do the

1:40:39

rest of the day? I mean I was gone

1:40:41

there

1:40:43

How long is the podcast Paco's

1:40:45

two hours then Diaz's thing was like I'm

1:40:48

out see you guys I Probably

1:40:52

drove home I

1:40:55

probably eventually drove home, but I might stay with Lee for

1:40:57

a while Let me see hours you're out of the

1:41:00

void and you're back on earth after

1:41:02

about two hours No, that boy is bad.

1:41:04

I hate that voice those breath strips. That was

1:41:07

the whole six hours at UFC That's

1:41:09

a half of one. What a nightmare. That's

1:41:12

one thing. I don't do ever

1:41:13

never did the FCI ever

1:41:15

You shouldn't know you

1:41:17

should do I did not work it you

1:41:19

should come in the sea Oh, I've done that

1:41:22

when it was in Austin. I was high as fuck. It's

1:41:24

not it was great I love going to watch

1:41:27

the really best place for me to watch my favorite

1:41:29

place to watch is the apex I was

1:41:31

the apex center is a small arena that

1:41:33

the UFC built in in Vegas

1:41:36

for their Tuesday night

1:41:38

contender series the Dana series and

1:41:40

for the ultimate fighter and for all so it's a

1:41:42

smaller cage And there's only

1:41:44

a hot cage.

1:41:45

Yes. The cage is like 40% smaller

1:41:48

kids. There's only a hundred people

1:41:50

in the fucking room It's amazing

1:41:52

the pearl used to be dude. I saw a steep

1:41:54

a miyocha fights Francis and gone. Yeah Was

1:41:58

crazy during the pandemic? Yeah The

1:42:00

one he won or lost? The one he won. The one

1:42:02

he won. It was a destruction.

1:42:05

It was like the finest performance of Francis'

1:42:08

career because he was patient and just moving

1:42:10

forward and just, oh, just

1:42:13

a systematic destruction. It's an

1:42:15

amazing fight. But play it because

1:42:17

it's crazy. There's no one there.

1:42:19

What? It's

1:42:21

COVID? It's COVID. Oh, shit.

1:42:24

Dude, I feel so lucky to have been there

1:42:26

during COVID. Like, I always feel lucky when I work UOC. There's only

1:42:28

sport going on. But to be there during

1:42:31

COVID, like, I'm the only one here. Like,

1:42:33

it was just me and D.C. and Anak

1:42:35

and the people that work the production. We're

1:42:38

just sitting there like, this is crazy. We're watching

1:42:40

Justin Gaethje versus Tony Ferguson

1:42:43

in an arena. An arena

1:42:45

with no audience at all. It's like

1:42:47

some fucking musicians, uh,

1:42:49

one of them. acoustic. Oh, yeah.

1:42:51

Dude, it was incredible. It was incredible because

1:42:53

you could hear every impact. You

1:42:56

could hear them breathing. You could hear them

1:42:58

talking. They can hear you guys. They could hear me a

1:43:00

hundred percent. They could hear like, guys were chasing it.

1:43:02

Yeah. You say like, what he used to do is put

1:43:04

his left foot down. His head should be on the inside. Yeah.

1:43:07

Like a fucking jujitsu roll. Exactly. Yeah.

1:43:10

They were like, you guys got to be quiet. Just like, listen to this. And

1:43:12

he goes, yep, that would work. Listen, listen to this. He

1:43:14

had the bad hair. Listen, there's no audience. Look

1:43:17

at the audience. My hands are shaky. I'm so

1:43:19

sweaty right now. I get so nervous. These were weird times.

1:43:21

I like that. These title fights,

1:43:24

man, are the best. There's no one there. This is

1:43:27

the heavyweight championship of the world.

1:43:29

It's in a small cage, which is terrible

1:43:31

for steep.

1:43:32

Why are they making a smaller cage? Because they do it for all

1:43:34

the fights there. It's a smaller arena. That's

1:43:37

not good. We had a smaller cage

1:43:39

that we use for the ultimate fighter. Back in the day,

1:43:41

we fought at the palm.

1:43:43

We had fights at the palm. The pearl. The pearl

1:43:45

at the palm, right? The palm casino. Why

1:43:48

is that bad for steep? Because you got to get

1:43:50

away from that guy sometimes. Yeah. Any

1:43:52

time you can't move backwards because there's a cage there. Yeah. You

1:43:55

got to get away from that guy. From which guy? Francis.

1:43:58

He's so destructive. He's so terrifying.

1:43:59

still one-and-one though right they never

1:44:02

did a right tiebreaker this is it's one-and-one

1:44:04

right this was this was this was

1:44:06

this was you seeing Francis trained

1:44:09

by extreme couture now

1:44:12

so he's with Eric Nixik who's like a really

1:44:14

intelligent very very

1:44:17

good trainer and he's got him very

1:44:19

patient and he's not just charging

1:44:21

in like he did in the first fight he's like

1:44:23

picking him apart so he's chopping at his legs

1:44:26

well

1:44:27

I'm just talking there about the smaller octagon

1:44:30

damn yeah you can't be on mushrooms

1:44:32

for this a lot yeah

1:44:34

to be there live man three

1:44:37

people in there no crowd it was fucking

1:44:39

incredible

1:44:41

steep a should have gotten a haircut 30%

1:44:44

smaller boys a tough guy dangerous

1:44:48

and

1:44:54

a fireman look at those back steep

1:44:56

is an animal animal successful heavyweight

1:44:58

champion of all time you think yes 100% he

1:45:01