0:19

Ever seen anything

0:21

birch me. Every

0:23

little thing. New

0:25

thing. Virginie. Every

0:28

little thing that's just feeding

0:30

the agree to our bear

0:32

that you live. Without

0:35

he. You're

0:38

listening to the Minimalist podcast with. Joshua

0:40

Fields, Melbourne and Tk calm

0:43

and faint. Umalat bam are

0:45

hello everybody! Tk is looking

0:48

streamlined today. Brush free. Courtesy

0:50

of Universal Know what you

0:52

know. we streamlined the video

0:54

version of the podcast, but

0:56

this audio excursion today you

0:59

can still check out. The.

1:01

Case Fresh Fade. We just updated the

1:03

cover are. You

1:05

can see on Apple or Spot of Fi

1:08

or overcast wherever you listen to. Podcasts including

1:10

You Tube are still on You Tube. Even

1:12

if we don't have a video version up

1:14

there, you can comment there as well. You

1:16

can also see Tk is beautiful. Gray.

1:18

Beard you look ten percent. Wiser,

1:22

Thousand per cent more streamlined and

1:24

you don't feel a streamlined myself

1:26

t care how so. Well.

1:29

I mean first off, we don't have to deal

1:31

with. Error. Anymore Josh his

1:33

hair annoying as when illegally cure I do

1:35

I call it hair annoy. Orion Paranoia? Yes

1:37

yes. Whenever we do a video version of

1:40

a podcast on my all is my are

1:42

you had to think about that Right now

1:44

I've got the For Hawk go on a

1:46

shave. The sides there's i'm mall it in

1:49

the back on Law and it's amazing. I'd

1:51

still looks the same as on the cover.

1:53

I'm just not being neurotic about it anymore.

1:55

And of course we're going to save thousands

1:57

of dollars a month on my for. Makeup.

2:02

Gotta get the sign outta here will.

2:04

Another added benefit is we have the

2:06

I saved up. And so there's

2:08

natural lighting pouring into the room

2:10

which we usually have to ah,

2:12

stave off because ah, the camera

2:14

lighting first. Nice. I feel more

2:16

peaceful as a result of that.

2:19

make a that mass simplicity already.

2:21

Panels: Who has resulted in by

2:23

streamlining getting back to nature simplifying

2:25

in a way Simplicity: Ten are

2:27

both wearing purple Adidas tracksuit. You

2:30

know, the ones of the three lines of my

2:33

stream lining to play i was opposite has brought

2:35

to you. But now I'm just getting. The

2:39

sun in the studio and were streamlining

2:41

a lot Right now. it's were talking

2:43

about today, the arts of streamlining one's

2:46

life we're gonna lock to discuss today.

2:48

So coming up on this free, public,

2:50

minimal episode of color has a question

2:53

about her husband who's having trouble letting

2:55

go of certain items that see wants

2:57

him to minimize. And then we've got

3:00

a lightning round question about how the

3:02

need for approval keeps people tethered to

3:04

a lifestyle they don't once followed by

3:07

are right here right now. Segment

3:09

and a listener tip for you.

3:11

You could check out the full

3:13

to our maximal edition of episode

3:16

Four Hundred and Thirty Eight. That's

3:18

the full episode or answer five

3:21

times the questions and we dive

3:23

deep in the several simple living

3:25

segments. That private podcast episode is

3:28

L right now a patriotic.com/the Minimalists

3:30

your support keeps our podcast one

3:33

hundred percent advertisement free because say

3:35

with me, all advertisement his socks.

3:37

Let's start. With our callers does

3:39

he have a question or com and

3:41

for our show will have hear from

3:44

you Give us a call for zero,

3:46

six to one, Nine Seventy Three nine

3:48

or email a voice recordings to podcast

3:50

at the minimalists.com or first question today.

3:53

Is. From Murray. Name

3:55

is blurry and I'm from Ohio and

3:57

of question. Regarding decluttering.

4:00

The greatest thing I really enjoy the

4:02

and providing getting rid of things and

4:04

my partner does as well. However, he

4:06

struggles with the what if we need

4:08

it later bill and but if we

4:10

would replace it and I don't wanna

4:12

pay for it has to go about

4:14

addressing that. To. To help

4:16

him a resource or has been exhibited these things that

4:19

he doesn't. Want

4:23

to? Sounds like he's open. But.

4:25

They're just needs to be a

4:28

way of measuring or defining. What

4:31

counts as illegitimate? Instance.

4:34

Of just in Case And that's the hard

4:36

part right? We we have the ability to

4:38

say i might need is some day about

4:40

literally anything. There's a story you can tell

4:42

yourself about everything back and convince you in

4:44

the people around you that you might you

4:46

needed. But how do we distinguish when that

4:48

story is a healthy one and when it's

4:50

not. Really for say only to

4:52

do is go to download the free

4:55

rulebook we have. It's called Them Animals

4:57

Rulebook sixteen Rules for a living with

4:59

less you find them analysts.com/rulebooks bunch of

5:01

other free resources over there on a

5:03

website as well. We're going to start

5:05

with these three rules and teachers. You're

5:07

spot on. You talk about how do

5:10

we distinguish between the things that might

5:12

be useful some day? the things are

5:14

gonna hold onto just in case we

5:16

might need it in some nonexistent hypothetical

5:18

future. And I think those three words

5:20

just in case. Or three, the

5:22

most dangerous words in English language

5:25

because they don't allow us to

5:27

streamline our lives. A streamlined life

5:30

is a life that has improved.

5:33

Through. Subtraction rather than.

5:35

Edition. And. So today

5:38

we're talking about streamlining. I've a

5:40

bit of a double entendre for

5:42

you here. Tk streamlining requires letting

5:44

go of difficult things. Now was

5:46

that a double entendre? Well, there

5:48

are some things that are. Difficult.

5:51

To let go of because of a story

5:53

that we tell ourselves on. gonna hold onto

5:55

this just in case, rights or all that

5:58

so important to me at all. So. Part

6:00

of a story that we tell ourselves

6:02

rights and so it's difficult. Sometimes it's

6:04

letting go of the things that are

6:06

difficult because it is difficult to get

6:08

rid of so many things at once

6:10

to I sell this to I donated

6:12

to i trashes drive a friend and

6:14

my good value from it's by letting

6:16

go of my adding value the someone

6:18

elses life because by cling to these

6:20

things all of these just in case

6:22

items are you know what. I. Know

6:24

if I'm being honest with myself, I'm not

6:27

going to get any real value from all

6:29

of these access items. But if I free

6:31

up the space now, have a son of

6:33

made room for real value to the Just

6:35

In Case rules. One of those three rules

6:37

though my talk about and to basically says

6:40

it's you're holding on to anything just in

6:42

case you can let go of it for.

6:45

Any reason at all because you can

6:47

replace it for less than twenty dollars

6:49

in less than twenty minutes from wherever

6:51

you are. See, don't even need a

6:53

reason to let the thing go. With

6:55

this points, you realize that this things

6:57

no longer serve a purpose of malice.

6:59

However, there's this other other category of

7:01

and just for when items that a

7:03

few examples I wrote down before the

7:05

show so we could talk about them.

7:08

but just for when items are different

7:10

from Just In Case Just or when

7:12

items. they may not fit the seasonality

7:14

rule which is another room. And that

7:16

minimalist robots And that rule says.

7:19

Have. I use this in the last ninety days because the

7:21

Ninety Nine Zero. And. If not, we'll I

7:23

use in the next ninety days and it's not. I

7:25

give myself permission to let go. But. There

7:27

are few items the far side of

7:29

the the seasonality rule and Israel because

7:31

just for when items things like. Toilet

7:34

paper, toothpaste, soap, batteries,

7:37

other consumer bull's. Eye.

7:39

By my toilet paper by the case, right?

7:41

None of giant power of toilet paper. I

7:43

have enough space for enough rules and ones

7:46

go by. One roll of toilet paper, one

7:48

square of toilet paper, and I'll buy one

7:50

dollop of so by by like three bottles.

7:52

The soap at a time. though I always

7:54

have backups. I hate running out of thing,

7:56

so that's why I'm so sympathetic to a

7:59

question like Marie. The question: I'm sympathetic

8:01

to her husband because it's true. I

8:03

don't want to run out of some

8:05

of these just for when items. Things

8:08

like my toolbox other just or when

8:10

I am scared probably use my hammer

8:12

within every ninety days. but there are

8:14

many things in my toolbox that sit

8:17

within the confines of that toolbox. Screws

8:19

and nails and different screwdrivers? Dunno or

8:21

use even if it's. Outside

8:23

of on a ninety day window

8:26

rain and we live in Los

8:28

Angeles and Southern California. Mom.

8:30

For me I just went on to

8:32

my be an umbrella or arrange jacket

8:35

or rain boots Snazzy! Live in Seattle

8:37

or static? Can Alaska Guess what? You're.

8:39

Going to use those things all the

8:42

time. Those aren't just for when items

8:44

as or everyday items for someone who's

8:46

living in Ketchikan but here no way

8:48

of Zoc and of my daughter butterfly

8:50

spice. She was a point out to

8:53

her mom that we saw the Soviet

8:55

the we don't use specific fit within

8:57

the season alley rule. mom. And.

9:00

As high as and that interesting. That said,

9:02

well, let's put a deadline on and are

9:04

we going to use this in the next

9:06

ninety days? My birthdays, And about Ninety days.

9:08

As I said, if we don't use this

9:11

by my birthday, let's let it. Go.

9:13

And see like that as a boundary.

9:15

the toolbox as a a type of

9:18

boundary. When his mother. Just. for

9:20

when items or camping gear. Seafood.

9:22

Center a cool are sleeping bags. Maybe

9:24

you're not using those within the next

9:26

ninety days, but you know you're going

9:29

to use them at least once a

9:31

year. And beyond that, we have clothing

9:33

for special occasions rights like awareness of

9:35

basic black sure to days and black

9:38

jeans. But I'm going to go to

9:40

a wedding or funeral and I've won

9:42

suit for those occasions. But I know

9:44

go to a wedding or funeral, hopefully

9:47

every every ninety days and so I

9:49

make space for that. And just for

9:51

when, Item. Some. Like Tj.

9:54

Our Day decorations, Christmas

9:56

decorations. The eyes up in

9:58

the Christmas tree Up because wife. Let him

10:00

in July from. Atlanta

10:03

I'm Alex was losing by himself as a

10:05

good have the Christmas tree up all year

10:07

round and then is be an everyday use

10:09

rights but in there are other things like

10:11

kitchen items that are used once a year,

10:14

maybe that subito socket about or maybe have

10:16

a bread maker use every six months or

10:18

whatever. But the key to these just for

10:20

when items. Is I know I'm actually

10:22

going to use them? I'm. Going to

10:25

use them within the next year. And

10:27

if not then going to reassess like

10:30

that sufi that we used all the

10:32

time we don't really use anymore and

10:34

so it might be time to let

10:37

that go. I think there's digital files

10:39

in his photos and and differ things

10:41

that are on your computer. Having those

10:43

well organized things are just for when

10:46

items. No I don't use every picture

10:48

on my hard drive or that I

10:50

store on the claim the cloud. Every.

10:53

Ninety Days. But those are just for when

10:55

items. I want to. When I want to

10:57

go back and reference, those things are just

11:00

for When applies not only to the physical

11:02

realm, but to this digital realm as well.

11:04

And lastly, the there are some just in

11:06

case items. We call them emergency items. In

11:09

fact, we have an emergency item rule in

11:11

the minimalist rule book and these are just

11:13

in case items that you hope you never

11:15

have to use for something. About the first

11:17

aid kit. Either. Young

11:20

daughters. I have to use the first aid

11:22

kit all the time, but I hope that

11:24

I never have season. Ah, jumper cables are

11:26

tired chains if you have any, a cold

11:28

climate where it snows and they've you're going

11:31

through mountain passes. Or what about a spare

11:33

tire? Mostly by the spare tire with the

11:35

car. He. Hope you never have

11:37

to use and but it is an

11:39

Emergency Items? Is it just in case?

11:41

ah to be holding on to just

11:43

in case of an emergency. In fact,

11:45

we did entire episode in Alabama. You

11:47

would mind putting a link to the

11:49

Emergency Items episode in the show notes

11:51

over the minimalist suck com/podcast so post

11:53

can take a look at that episode

11:55

as well. Because

11:57

Brian and I we talked about weed.

12:00

Go Bag! There is a actual emergency

12:02

where we have to flee within thirty

12:04

seconds we have a bag of thing.

12:06

It's an emergency item. I hope I

12:08

never have to use it for. About

12:10

firearms: If you want to keep your

12:12

family safe and you feel the best

12:14

way to do that is having a

12:16

firearm. and now see, don't want to

12:18

use it much. you're practicing it with

12:20

it as a gun range which would

12:22

make a whole lot of sense. But

12:24

beyond that you hope you never have

12:26

to use. it's the Inhabit they're just

12:28

in case there is an emergency. Yeah,

12:31

that's really good a I want to touch all

12:33

and maybe some. Ah, Communication

12:35

issues underneath this challenge that.

12:38

Can. Be applicable to many other things, but it comes

12:40

up a lot when we deal with. People.

12:42

With whom we live and we want to get

12:44

rid of some things and they want to hold

12:47

on them that the first thing I would say

12:49

is. Strive. To

12:51

lead with a positive vision.

12:54

Of. How your life could benefit

12:56

from an increased amount of simplicity

12:58

that is always a great and

13:01

inspiring way to start a conversation

13:03

about downsizing or decluttering. So something

13:05

like. I

13:08

really would love to use this room

13:10

for my writing. And

13:12

if I can only simplify these elements,

13:15

I feel like a to get so

13:17

much more done or I really love

13:19

to use the kitchen space for prep

13:22

during these times of the day. And

13:24

if I can just organize this. I.

13:27

Would really flourish and how I

13:29

use the space because when you

13:31

paint that positive vision that contextualize

13:33

of the conversation you're gonna have

13:35

about that other person's need to

13:37

cooperate with you. So many times

13:39

when we make suggestions to other

13:42

people about what they said, do

13:44

with their stuff. even though we

13:46

don't feel this way, it often

13:48

makes them feel as if we

13:50

are just being controlling or just

13:52

nitpicking or being insensitive or not

13:55

caring about the story behind. Why

13:57

it matters to them And it's easy to feel

13:59

like well as. Didn't have to spell

14:01

out the fact that I love this

14:03

person and respect this person. That's actually

14:05

not true when you're in a loving

14:07

relationship, we sometimes do need to spell

14:09

out the facts that we respect them

14:11

and that we love them because it

14:14

isn't always obvious even though the internal

14:16

experience of that love and respect as

14:18

there and it just works wonders when

14:20

you could communicate to someone when you're

14:22

asking them to make adjustments on your

14:24

behalf. my case, it would benefit me.

14:27

If. Life were a little bit more like this

14:29

and I would love to find a way to

14:31

make it like that. While. Still

14:33

honoring and respecting what's

14:35

important. Can you help

14:37

me? A second thing I

14:39

would say and I'll explain this by way of analogy.

14:42

Is. Sometimes when you have competing concerns,

14:44

the best sort of compromise is simply

14:46

defining things in such a way so

14:49

they're both parties can know what to

14:51

expect. So let's say for instance, arm

14:53

I need something done from you and

14:55

you don't want to do it right

14:57

now but I feel their of urgency

15:00

of wanting it done right now. And

15:02

you want to do it whenever you feel

15:05

like it. And that stresses me out

15:07

because that's pretty vague and in that

15:09

sounds indefinite and at the same time you

15:11

want some measure of autonomy to not

15:13

have to jump whenever I say.certainly my

15:15

stress said not dictates everything that you

15:17

do and so maybe you could say and

15:19

a moment like that, how about this?

15:21

I understand that you can't do this

15:23

now and I went to honor your time.

15:26

But. Can you commit to a time when you

15:28

can do it? Even. When it's can

15:30

be a for you even if it's only in

15:33

two weeks, That way I know what to expect

15:35

and you also have the agency to do it

15:37

when it works for you. And in what's that

15:39

person commits, we have a boundary that we can

15:42

hold each other accountable to and both or neither

15:44

satisfy within the context of a compromise in a

15:46

similar way when it comes to stuff and getting

15:48

rid of things. If that person has a whole

15:51

bunch to just in case things, you can create

15:53

some agreements like all right, If

15:55

we don't use any of these things this year,

15:57

can we agree to get rid of them? Or?

16:00

Can. We agree on a certain number of

16:02

things that we apply the just in case

16:04

logic to. We definitely need to do some

16:06

downsizing. So can we limit the amount of

16:08

get out of jail free cards were going

16:11

to use on that and then comes to

16:13

some sort of agreement that you both can

16:15

work with? It takes everything out of. A

16:18

power struggle between you getting your

16:20

away, And. Your partner getting their way

16:22

and it makes it more a matter of all

16:24

right. Here's an agreement that we both can live

16:26

with. I love what you're saying here

16:28

because what you're talking about a few things. One

16:30

is you talked about the internal state matching the

16:32

external states because I got a T can. I'm

16:34

like. Man. I do. And he's I. Am

16:37

happy. Or

16:39

something. Is off. We just know

16:42

right away. like or wait a minute.

16:44

He says he's happy, but that's income

16:46

group. With the way he's presenting himself

16:48

to the world's gonna think the same

16:51

thing is often through in a relationship.

16:53

Here you can tell something's off. Oh

16:55

man. Tk Sales lot of anxiety around

16:58

the things that were holding on to

17:00

in this house race. Okay. He.

17:02

My say it's okay. But. The release

17:04

of the Go on. I think the same things through with. Or.

17:07

Is husband. Murray. Is

17:09

she sees her husband and maybe there's

17:11

some anxiety? The he doesn't even realize

17:14

he's attached to holding on to these

17:16

things. See certainly feeling anxiety and of

17:18

course you don't want to project your

17:20

own. Anxieties. Insecurities and

17:23

frustrations? On to someone else because

17:25

it's also true that he may

17:27

not be frustrated by those things

17:30

at all, but you can ask.

17:32

Is there anything that we have that is

17:34

overwhelming to you right now? That's the easy

17:37

place to start. Don't. Start with

17:39

the things that were clinging to sort

17:41

of the thing that if it spontaneously

17:43

combusted today which is another rule and

17:46

the minimal through books you wouldn't replace

17:48

it. In fact, you'd feel a bit

17:50

of release. I do want to return

17:53

to miss idea of streamlining because I

17:55

think. Ultimately, That is what

17:57

we've been talking about on this podcast

17:59

for. For a long time, ever

18:01

since Ryan and I started the

18:03

Minimalist Back and Twenty Ten, we've

18:05

been talking about Streamline our allies.

18:07

The question we ask at the

18:09

beginning of our last Netflix film

18:11

is how my your Life be

18:13

better with Less Or how My

18:15

your Life be More with Less

18:17

Have you improve your life through

18:19

subtraction rather than additions? And that's

18:21

rather countercultural. In. Our culture

18:24

improvement means more. More.

18:26

Muscle more stuff. More

18:28

square footage, More horsepower,

18:30

More money, more savings,

18:32

More values, More More

18:35

more, more more more

18:37

friends. Whenever it is,

18:39

I have to have

18:41

more. I'm

18:43

not against having more of something if

18:45

I need more. But. If our

18:47

starting point is too much, More.

18:50

Isn't going to get you where you want to go. Only

18:53

subtraction will get you where you want

18:55

to go out. So we're talking about

18:57

were talking about streamlining. So here's a

18:59

question for your husband, Murray. One

19:02

I streamline Now. If

19:05

eventually. You'll. Be forced to let

19:07

go of it anyway. Now.

19:09

That's not a rhetorical question is

19:11

something you should get rid of

19:13

that thing. It's a genuine, sincere

19:15

question. So you're you say ask?

19:17

You mean ask and wait for

19:19

the answer. Yes, the I'm not

19:21

a a statement that is appended

19:23

with a question mark. Their. Don't.

19:26

To swap out an exclamation point, you should get rid

19:28

of that right now. Ah,

19:31

sound fun and so I don't want to

19:34

do that. What I want to do is

19:36

ask a genuine question when you look at

19:38

a particular material possessing, hold on to just

19:41

a case. why not let go of the

19:43

right now. While. Because I'm I

19:45

needed some day. I'll really, when might we

19:47

need it? And interrogating that

19:49

you make it So point where I yeah

19:51

I want a Honda that rain jacket because

19:53

only that next time it rains. Course I

19:55

want to hold onto my spare tire because

19:57

I'm gonna need it's if I ever get.

20:00

A flat tire? those are just for

20:02

one items or emergency items, but all

20:04

those other just in case items that

20:06

we make up stories about. I'm.

20:08

Going to give myself permission to like

20:10

go even if I know that a

20:13

few of them will have to replace.

20:15

Why? Because he gives me permission to

20:17

let go of literally thousand sometimes tens

20:19

of thousands of just in case items

20:22

that we hold onto was us in

20:24

our basement or addicts or storage lockers

20:26

there somewhere off site were paying money

20:29

for. Were paying for

20:31

these things in so many ways. Whether

20:33

it's or anxiety as er, stress as

20:35

are overwhelmed, or it's taking up space,

20:37

it's actually getting in the way. And

20:39

as you can, despite your husband Murray

20:41

how the things are getting in the

20:43

way, it's a perfect opportunity to show

20:45

him the things that he might want

20:48

to let go of as he understands

20:50

what he's making room for. The last

20:52

words Teacher Yeah! Quick little anecdote about

20:54

how you and Ryan did this for

20:56

me when I first came. When your

20:58

Pi Kappa came in here. Like a

21:01

couple Starbucks coffee and you

21:03

didn't say to me. And

21:05

you, please get rid of that Starbucks. You.

21:08

Didn't say to me. And we

21:10

get rid of that Starbucks cup for you.

21:12

What you said is a we've got a

21:14

couple of freshman Skype or that. Into

21:17

the mud. We don't like to display. Retirements

21:20

on our back ass. And. I immediately

21:22

got it right. That was the first time

21:24

I heard of that, but that's right. Like

21:26

Starbucks amount of sponsored this podcast, you don't

21:28

want to give me the free advertisements. The

21:30

aesthetics of the show was one of simplicity

21:33

and minimalism. You know that that the set

21:35

looks a certain way and all right. Yeah,

21:37

and and you guys port my coffee into

21:39

a mug in it was no big deal.

21:41

I didn't feel weird louder, anything snow. I

21:43

came into the studio already trusting. you guys

21:45

Already filling. Cool with you guys. But

21:48

had you left it at can you get rid of

21:50

that coffee cup? Even. With the very.

21:52

Best. of charitable interpretation going on

21:54

in my mind I would have

21:57

felt weird or confused or tests

21:59

are like. Some variation

22:01

of W T S Rights.

22:03

But by. You painting that

22:06

decision about. What it's for.

22:08

It made it simple and that's just the

22:10

communication trick that we can apply to many

22:12

things. I was one less thing worth noting.

22:15

Streamlining, Is difficult. Because.

22:19

You're. Breaking a pattern. And

22:21

that pattern is one that you've

22:23

probably live by four years, if

22:25

not decades In some cases, And.

22:27

So when you break a pattern, it's

22:30

really difficult. We. Recently streamlined

22:32

our podcast Let go of

22:34

the video version of the

22:36

podcast. And that was.

22:39

Terrifying to me. I have so many

22:41

things I never thought of are clinging

22:43

to a before fact. I've always had

22:45

this fantasy of letting go of that

22:47

that piece rice and will make sure

22:49

my own it from identities not tied

22:51

up. And at rice I always want

22:53

to streamline: How do we simplify? simplify,

22:55

simplify. But when the rubber meets the

22:57

road, you know what happens. Oh

22:59

well, the weight. Just. In

23:01

case those three words creep

23:04

back in even for me.

23:06

Now this not a spirit

23:08

of run renunciation, I

23:10

don't encourage Murray to renunciate the

23:12

things are to renounce the things

23:14

the same were not renouncing video

23:16

podcasts and fact, I'm open to

23:18

brain any of that back at

23:20

any time. Just like I'm open

23:22

to bringing back any of the

23:25

material possessions I like go of

23:27

the letting go however of tens

23:29

of thousands of things. Rarely very

23:31

rarely do I ever bring back

23:33

the things that I like go

23:35

off and if I do bring

23:37

them back, I bring it back

23:39

with a different. Spirits of Intentionality Of

23:41

and now I know how to use

23:43

this thing more deliberately. If you let

23:46

go of something you find out now

23:48

you're depriving yourself of something bomb. As

23:51

a meat, make sense to keep depriving

23:53

yourself for the sake of minimalism. That's

23:55

a new story you're telling yourself as

23:57

a different kind of clutter. This

24:00

Story: Clutter. Information. Clutter.

24:02

Identity Clutter. Know.

24:05

The. Question is is this useful for me and

24:07

if it's not useful for doesn't add value,

24:09

my life and some I am willing to

24:11

let ago and it will add that value

24:13

in the future. Unwilling to bring it back

24:15

and. As well. For your

24:18

back to our callers Malibu Ammo! What time is

24:20

it? You know. What time it is? it's time

24:22

for the lightning round where we answer your question

24:24

some patriot. Yes indeed. Now during the

24:26

line around we have sixty Second Stance:

24:28

Your question? What The shorts? Cerebral. less

24:30

than a hundred and forty character response.

24:32

We call them minimal maxims. We put

24:34

him in the show notes over the

24:36

minimalists.com/podcasts so you can copy and share

24:38

a pithy answers on social media to

24:40

like. By the way, you could find

24:42

all of our has the answers all

24:44

of our minimal maxims in one place

24:47

now and maxims.com We might not be

24:49

on social media right now. We're taking

24:51

that's break until the end of the

24:53

year. Looking forward to hearing from. Er

24:55

Audience: I've heard so many people say I'm

24:57

going to do this as well. We're We're

24:59

going to let go of this for the

25:01

rest of the. You can always let us

25:03

know how that's going for you as well.

25:05

Today's lining wrong question is from Mark. Because.

25:07

We are part of society every day.

25:10

We often don't realize how strong it's

25:12

influence is on our thoughts and actions.

25:14

When do we know when it's time

25:16

to graduate from com and ideas that

25:19

don't apply to us? Such. As

25:21

owning a car, owning a house, going

25:23

to college, or even holding onto just

25:25

in case items. Or less we

25:27

we didn't Episode called graduation Day and

25:30

we talked about the difference between graduation

25:32

and divorce sense and the spirit of

25:34

moving on from something. streamline your life

25:37

and away, Letting go of the past

25:39

to make room for a new type

25:41

of presence as a distorted by the

25:44

moment ago that can be really difficult

25:46

is letting go of the things we've

25:48

held onto for a long time. They

25:51

become part of our identity. Scary thing,

25:53

pithy for Mark to get. Yes,

25:55

Sir. Self. Awareness is the

25:58

ability to distinguish personal does. Ayers

26:00

from Societal Echoes. My.

26:03

Question would be. When was the

26:05

last time you touch yourself out? For. Dinner.

26:08

When. Was the last time you touch yourself out

26:10

for dancing. When. Was the last

26:12

time you went on a date with your

26:14

soul. The art of getting to know someone.

26:17

Is. All about spending quality time

26:19

with them. You. Can get to.

26:21

Know a friend or lover. If you

26:23

don't set aside time that a secret

26:26

between the two of you were you

26:28

engage one another with curiosity. But when

26:30

it comes to ourselves, we often squander

26:32

alone time by treating it as if

26:34

it's space to sell up by entertaining

26:37

or amusing ourselves. Can you imagine how

26:39

horrible your dates would be if you'd

26:41

see that the other person as if

26:43

it were your job to entertain them

26:46

for an hour. How about simply

26:48

engaging them with curiosity and being present? The

26:50

only way we built really get to know

26:52

ourselves and what we want for ourselves. What

26:54

we love for ourselves in a way that

26:57

is an engineer by society is my spending

26:59

quality time with ourselves. Take a lot. meditate

27:01

the do whatever it is you gotta do

27:03

to get to know where you are so

27:06

that you can be grounded in this world

27:08

of continual noise. Our What Cal Newport talked

27:10

about a few weeks ago. we had him

27:12

on the show. Episode was

27:15

called do Fewer Things and put a

27:17

link to that in the show notes

27:19

as well as you would Malibu Ama.

27:21

But the thing that he was talking

27:24

about their with respect to our well

27:26

I think with respect to this question

27:28

or with respect from graduate from anything

27:30

or with respect to spending time alone

27:33

it was time. a free from the

27:35

minds of other people. And.

27:38

It's possible to be in a coffee

27:40

shop and have alone time. It's also

27:42

possible to be by yourself and wilderness.

27:44

but does listening to a podcast and

27:47

you're not actually alone and south because

27:49

someone else as mine is now and

27:51

for trade in your mind, I'm not

27:53

against podcast is like I'm not against

27:55

coffee shops. I don't renounce either one

27:58

of those things. I'm just a. Where

28:00

that if I want to spend time

28:02

alone, if I want to get to

28:04

know myself as a particular kind of

28:06

awareness is involved I guess. Other Teddy

28:08

for your teacher. And

28:10

I think this might be a bit controversial of firsts, but

28:12

I think we can break it down together. The.

28:15

Only thing that keeps you tethered

28:17

to a lifestyle you don't want

28:19

is your need for approval from

28:21

others. As

28:24

you want to live the life that you want

28:26

to live, the cost of that is the approval

28:28

of others. He. Gonna

28:30

have to give up that

28:32

need otherwise. I think quite

28:35

often when we talk about many of

28:37

the things and Mark talks about his

28:39

questions. Weather's. Graduated high school and and

28:41

what he supposed to do when you graduate high

28:43

school. course you go to college to gets a

28:45

bachelor's degree and and if you're really smart person

28:47

you get a masters degree or doctorate. And.

28:49

Then from there is or why need to

28:52

get the best job possible. So I work

28:54

for this particular corporation. And

28:56

so accounts. That's what I'm

28:58

supposed to do for. Wanna do those things

29:00

and then I'll go with the you're supposed

29:02

to start saving for retirement so you get

29:04

a four o, one K account or Roth

29:07

ira. Great. No problem with

29:09

those things with a things to be really

29:11

helpful. But are we supposed to do things

29:13

up and then of course while you're working

29:15

your web the ladder you're also suits was

29:17

supposed to meet your significant other. if as

29:19

a day for a while and you're supposed

29:21

to be in a long term monogamous relationship,

29:23

you're supposed to get married, You're supposed to

29:25

have two point five kids and a cat

29:27

and a dog. You're supposed to have a

29:29

house with two and half car garage and

29:31

with three bedrooms. And and then of course

29:33

you're supposed to have a car. and with

29:35

a car you're supposed to have a car

29:37

payment us. However, when does. Cars you have

29:39

a carpenter is the things you're supposed

29:41

to do. and I think the reason

29:43

we do many of these things is

29:45

not because it's the life you want

29:47

to live, it's because you seek the

29:49

approval of others. and there's good reason

29:51

the seek the approval for others. It's

29:54

a really helpful safety net in society

29:56

because if you're out there all by

29:58

yourself with no one approving of. Ah,

30:02

There's. I mean, I have. No one

30:04

that I can count on. Oh,

30:06

I think there's a a flip side to that point.

30:09

And. I think the flip side to

30:11

that coin is if I let go

30:13

of the need for approval from others.

30:16

The people who approve of the new

30:18

life but I'm living will actually approve

30:21

of it in a sincere way. So

30:23

it's like finding a new tribe of

30:25

people as opposed to appeasing the tribe

30:28

of people the grew up with. Just

30:30

because you worked in the same to

30:32

you, because you went to the same

30:35

high score you grew up in the

30:37

same neighborhood mean to continue to approve.

30:39

Those people will keep his stuff. but.

30:42

Letting go of the need for approval will

30:44

finally make space for the. The

30:46

streamlined less than you want to let.

30:50

You know when it comes to that approval thing?

30:52

There's a certain underlying message that

30:55

we get from society that says.

30:58

If you opt out of the conventional way of

31:00

doing things, Okay, That's.

31:02

Your choice. But. You. Better.

31:05

Frickin succeed. You

31:07

better not fail. Because.

31:09

If you do things in the way that we

31:11

all agree is reasonable. There

31:13

and will forgive you for any difficulties

31:15

that you have because after all, who

31:18

can fall a person for doing the

31:20

reasonable thing. Life. Is full

31:22

of variables. Sometimes we do with reasonable

31:24

and it just doesn't work out. You

31:26

get my sympathy, but if you do

31:28

but I think is unreasonable and when

31:30

no one else has done before oh

31:32

you better succeed And we often feel

31:34

that pressure right to justify ourselves verbally

31:37

or to justify ourselves in terms of

31:39

the accolades in the success that we

31:41

can rack up in. So there's that

31:43

fear. Of not getting other

31:45

people's approval in the form of

31:47

the pain and suffering I might

31:49

have to endure as a result

31:51

of walking the path that where's

31:53

my name's another aspect of approval.

31:56

Isn't just about wanting people to celebrate

31:58

you? but it's all. The about the

32:00

need to not be thought of as

32:03

abnormal. The. Need to not be regarded

32:05

as a threat. There are some people that

32:07

only like you have taken control you. There

32:09

are some people that only like you if

32:11

you are easy for them to deal with,

32:13

their some people it only like you if

32:15

you are agreeable to them. and we find

32:17

ourselves contorting at adjusting ourselves and all sorts

32:19

of away sorts of ways, being agreeable in

32:21

in ways that we don't want to be

32:23

agreeable, laughing at things that we don't think

32:25

is really funny because we don't want to

32:27

be. Perceived as a threat? We don't

32:30

know. Anyone

32:32

else. And so knowing who

32:34

we are and what we

32:36

want Far cells can feel

32:38

so complicated because our desires

32:40

are hooked up to so

32:42

many other instances that. Affect

32:45

how on as we can be

32:47

with ourselves and others I think

32:49

actually agree with the sentiment of

32:51

yes you like oh, the need

32:53

for other people's approval and as

32:55

he become eccentric, course weird or

32:57

whatever you better succeed. I agree

33:00

with that. But it's. Not

33:02

that you better succeed on other

33:04

people's terms and that is the

33:06

difference because then you just still

33:09

conforming to other people's desires needs

33:11

terms that they said other metrics

33:13

for you. You're still tethered to

33:15

their metrics on the show them

33:18

by been the most successful weird

33:20

person with the most followers. I

33:22

will that still conforming to someone

33:24

elses be a desire someone elses

33:27

template. When. You walk away

33:29

from that, You create your own semblance.

33:31

Man, that is scary rude. Talk about

33:33

a streamlined life arm ruin. I walked

33:35

away from the corporate world teacher. You

33:37

know what happened. A lot of people

33:39

around me wrote they couldn't believe it.

33:41

They lasted me. Up

33:43

we're. Giving up all of

33:45

this is like, oh, There's

33:48

a bunch of unhappy people who

33:50

are prescribing their template to me

33:52

as though it's somehow magically going

33:54

to make me happy. However, Even

33:57

more dangerous, as a few of them might

33:59

have actually been. The. Contented,

34:01

With that lifestyle and that's even

34:03

more dangerous All the Cs Lewis

34:05

quote you are sharing with me

34:07

this morning he breaks out one

34:09

hour. Yeah, it was out. There

34:11

is a special kind of bad

34:14

man. Who. Can not abstain

34:16

from any same without convincing everyone else

34:18

to do the same. And man I

34:20

hope we never do that. With.

34:23

The minimalist podcasts. Yes, I abstain

34:25

from certain things, but I don't

34:27

want to convince you. That.

34:29

You shouldn't own a particular saying. I

34:32

don't want to convince you that you

34:34

shouldn't go to college and have a

34:36

regular nine to five job that could

34:38

be really fulfilling for you. Right side?

34:40

Only be that abstaining person who says

34:42

in order to be happy, you have

34:44

to let go of those things. Now.

34:47

I wanna have. One of the mirror

34:49

and say what of the things that are

34:51

holding you back where are the things that

34:53

are getting in the way Most things in

34:55

to be different from you vs was different

34:57

for me. I also want to be of

34:59

her says look at me I'm contented with

35:01

my life. So here is the prescriptions for

35:03

every one else can assume animal maxims in

35:05

their Tj says he wasn't as up to

35:07

your inbox every Monday. By the way you're

35:09

on our email lists over at the minimalists

35:11

that email. Not only we

35:13

send you the show notes every week

35:16

but will start your we off with

35:18

a handful of pisey minimal maxims to

35:20

simplify your allies as you go into

35:23

the week when ever since you spam

35:25

or juncker advertisements food will send you

35:27

to seize nice bits of simplicity is

35:29

sort out your week. the minimalists.email was

35:32

in started Y'all got an abundance of

35:34

color questions to answer on the private

35:36

podcast the first real quick for right

35:38

here. Right now there's one thing that's

35:41

going on in a life of. The

35:43

Minimalist. Yes, we might have streamlined

35:45

and let go of the video

35:47

version of the podcast, buts were

35:49

not wiping our faces off of

35:51

the internet. Teacher Teacher has a

35:53

brand new series is starting this

35:55

month and April. It's called a

35:57

Thursday Conversations with a K. Get

35:59

it. K Thursday Conversation

36:02

a season one that's

36:04

of Thursday conversational resorts

36:06

and episodes of That's

36:08

Just Bite size ten

36:10

to twenty minute conversations

36:12

with people. That

36:15

Cj is interested and you want to

36:17

give us a bit of an overview?

36:19

Yeah the these will be sort simple

36:22

and sweet conversations that will be aimed

36:24

at. Ordinary. People. Which.

36:27

Can include celebrities but which is

36:29

not limited to that at all

36:31

and what simplicity means to them.

36:34

How. They are leveraging simplicity and

36:36

their own lives to make more

36:38

out of less. And

36:40

and so I'm I'm really excited. You know I'm

36:43

I'm trying to get my mom to do an

36:45

episode with. Nervous but

36:47

hopefully of the mama com and will pop on

36:49

a car with me. But yeah we're going to

36:51

see an interesting cast of characters. some people I've

36:53

known for quite a long time that I would

36:56

love to introduce our community to some people I've

36:58

never met before but I've admired their work in

37:00

their writing from afar and I'm really looking forward

37:02

to at these are going to be. Some. Fun

37:04

conversation supposed to be available on

37:07

Patriarch for the audio plus subscribers.

37:09

Also the true fans over there

37:11

as well. so do check that

37:13

out patron.com/the Minimalist Were in a

37:15

store with a series of bunch

37:17

of other things that are over

37:19

there on Patriot already. Be wonder

37:21

provide that to use. An excellent

37:23

video every Thursday with Tj Coleman

37:26

Malibu Imo. Us yeah for us.

37:28

Here's a minimalist inside from one of our listeners.

37:31

Hi. This is Marjorie

37:33

Calling from Orlando and I

37:35

am a transcriber and address

37:37

Listen to your discussion about

37:40

Eastern Asia and suffering and

37:42

your conversation explore that subject

37:44

matter and a way that.

37:47

Cut. Me off guard and or

37:49

a sensitivity and vulnerability. And.

37:52

Know and the way you explored it.

37:54

Really trust me and I just wanted

37:56

to thank you for always making such

37:58

real and authentic Whether I may. Agreed

38:00

or agree personally on a particular

38:02

issue that you love cover on

38:04

the show. I always do appreciate

38:06

that you cover it sincerely and

38:08

and from what you doing. Marjorie,

38:12

thank you for that's awful. See back

38:14

when you when. Also has a list

38:16

tip or inside about this episode or

38:19

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38:23

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38:30

first twenty five percent of episode Four

38:32

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38:34

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includes answers to a bunch more questions

38:39

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38:41

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38:44

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38:46

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38:48

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38:50

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39:51

Ever see. Things

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39:56

seen. Missing that.

40:00

Ever seen as is

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