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Acast powers the world's best

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podcasts. Here's a show

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that we recommend. Tell

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me about your mama's kitchen. That

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simple question opens up a flood

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of delicious memories. And it's

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at the center of my new Audible original

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podcast called, Your Mama's

0:21

Kitchen.

0:21

My mama's kitchen was chaos.

0:25

This teeny tiny little room was where

0:28

we did everything. We grew up there. We

0:31

became teenagers, adults in

0:33

that small space. I'm

0:36

Michelle Norris. The kitchen is

0:38

usually the heartbeat of our homes. It's

0:40

the place where we're nourished physically

0:42

and spiritually. Our loudest laughter

0:45

is in the kitchen. But so too are some of

0:47

our most vulnerable moments. Each

0:49

week on Your Mama's Kitchen, I'll talk to guests,

0:52

actors, authors, chefs,

0:54

musicians, and more

0:55

about how the food and the culinary

0:58

traditions of their youth shape

1:00

their lives in interesting and sometimes

1:03

surprising ways.

1:23

I return home

1:26

to the sound of music.

1:30

Hundreds of worshippers, the

1:36

entire growing population of the Paraclete's Gulch, more

1:39

I think even than when we left for the

1:41

south, have gathered before the gates.

1:46

More I think even than when we left for the

1:48

south, have gathered

1:50

before the gates in

1:52

order to greet me properly. Their

1:58

song drifts through the pines. winds and rapture

2:01

is welcome, and

2:03

sibling rain winds down the windows

2:05

so we can hear them, acquire

2:08

so immense that the

2:10

disc joints and the bum notes are utterly

2:12

lost in the sea of voices a

2:15

sea so immense. They

2:19

sound absolutely harmonious and

2:23

perfectly single-minded. My

2:26

people are singing the drowning song

2:29

for me, music and

2:31

lyrics written some two hundred

2:33

years ago by a Katabasian Shaw,

2:36

who wanted to capture the unease, dread,

2:39

and the beauty of the sweet music she'd

2:41

heard beneath the water surface. A

2:44

sensation that she knew could never

2:46

be captured in human chords or

2:48

human notes, but she wanted

2:50

to make the attempt all the same. She

2:54

died still working on it, I

2:56

think, but

2:59

it's beautiful no matter if it's incomplete.

3:03

I listen and I listen

3:06

as the sound swells all around

3:09

me, and I watch as we swing

3:11

up through the trees and all at once

3:14

we can see that great crowd,

3:17

that season tide of color

3:19

with banners raised high and

3:21

children lifted upon their parents'

3:24

shoulders. And

3:28

it's for me, it's

3:32

all for me. When

3:42

I step out from the back of the car, my

3:44

people drop to their knees amongst

3:46

the rubble and the roots without a single care

3:49

for their shins. There

3:54

are tears streaming down the cheeks

3:57

of grown disciples. flushed

4:00

passion and love in the faces

4:02

of siblings who were already deep in the

4:04

faith by the time I came to it, those

4:07

who ought to outrank me. There

4:11

are disciples from breakaway sects,

4:14

for splendid and outrageous costumes

4:16

and barely comprehensible to the rest of

4:18

us, who have come back

4:20

into the fold for the first time in

4:23

a century, and

4:25

they, too, are on their knees.

4:29

It's like they've been transported by

4:31

the side of me. Like

4:34

they're all saying something I

4:36

can't. The

4:44

river rises! The river

4:46

rises! The

5:07

freshly woven robe of gold

5:10

and green and white, waves

5:13

lapping around the hem and the flee, is

5:16

placed over my shoulders, because

5:20

everyone knew that I went south to

5:22

be formally acknowledged as a catapacing

5:24

of the faith. Even

5:27

now that I have returned, my people

5:29

have absolutely no doubt that I have been recognized.

5:31

I

5:34

deliver a blessing, something broken

5:37

and well-worn in the first chapter of

5:39

the verses that comes to me quickly and

5:41

readily, and

5:43

I think.

5:45

I think my voice sounds greedy

5:48

and tired and strained,

5:52

but my people deliver the call and response

5:54

back to me with such fervor and

5:57

joy that I wonder

5:59

whether myself

6:02

Perhaps my voice sounds strong

6:05

and certain. Perhaps

6:07

I'm as all of them see me.

6:12

So, yes,

6:16

of course I'm happy.

6:17

Coming home like that.

6:23

And if I'm not happy, then

6:26

perhaps

6:28

this is what it means to lead. To

6:32

be a vessel for the happiness of others.

6:36

Perhaps any guilt is the weight that

6:39

all great men must bear.

6:43

And when the welcome is over, my

6:45

retinue announced that I must be feeling

6:48

tired from the journey. And

6:50

I'm led up through the twisting corridors

6:52

of the gulch to my chambers and

6:55

left there alone in my robe that

6:57

is heavy and hot, amongst

7:00

books and gifts and

7:03

more food and drink than any one

7:05

person could possibly need.

7:08

This is my life now that

7:11

I'm a prophet. Now

7:14

that I'm loved.

7:14

I

7:17

am left alone with every comfort

7:19

for long hours at a time. Because

7:23

my people know that I am in direct

7:25

communication with the trauma man itself.

7:28

So I need my solitude and my space

7:31

to make communion with the garden below. We

7:34

have holy fools and hermits

7:36

who've equestre themselves away for years

7:39

at a time. Zealots

7:41

who have drowned themselves daily in search

7:43

of revelation or eat and drink

7:46

only the thickest silt that the white girl

7:48

has to offer. And

7:51

while the catabasian has responsibility,

7:54

the prophet

7:55

is holier still than all the

7:57

fools. So

8:00

they give me space, and they

8:02

give me solitude,

8:05

so that I may maintain

8:06

my purity. Sometimes

8:10

my people come to me and tell me what is happening

8:13

in the world, and I tell them how

8:15

they must respond. They

8:17

do not disagree with me. No

8:20

matter how it turns

8:20

out, I never feel the consequence

8:22

of any one decision.

8:26

Sometimes I attend ceremonies and

8:28

sacrifices,

8:28

and I play

8:30

the star and roll with each of these.

8:33

If I am lonely,

8:35

then perhaps

8:38

this is only the loneliness felt by any

8:40

creature that strays too close to the divine.

8:44

No doubt a god would feel even lonelier.

8:46

Even

8:51

rain tells me a great deal that should

8:53

be pleasing to you. Our

8:57

scouts have been searching in the hills upriver

8:59

for the white gold lost source of the Grand

9:01

Aquifer. I believe

9:03

they are close. Or,

9:05

at least, rain tells me

9:08

they believe they are close.

9:11

We are not safe here. I'm

9:14

certain of that.

9:15

They found us once, and they

9:17

can do it again.

9:20

But Sibylin Rain tells me that

9:22

our people are continuing to flock to the

9:24

Gulch of the Sacred Plate, the

9:27

site of our last great battle.

9:30

And how can we flee when our

9:32

strength is growing day by day as

9:35

long as we remain here?

9:38

Sibylin Rain tells me that

9:39

anger has been growing towards High Catabasian

9:42

romance for years and puts us in.

9:45

But the rapidity of my ascent has

9:48

led to further questions and turns.

9:57

decades

10:00

of service.

10:01

Sibling Rain

10:03

tells me that rumors continue to spread.

10:07

Some of it spreads by us, of course, but

10:09

some of it coming naturally. That

10:12

there is a plot afoot amongst the Catabasian's

10:15

council to legalize us. That

10:18

Roman does not firm or fervent

10:20

enough to stand up to the legislatures.

10:23

That we will surrender ourselves to

10:26

avoid the wartime draft and the raids

10:28

that will follow.

10:30

And soon enough, our people know

10:33

the hostility of the council towards me. How

10:37

Roman greeted me with suspicion

10:39

and without the respect I was owed, perhaps

10:42

even with jealousy. Some,

10:46

Sibling Rain tells me, are

10:48

already beginning to curse Roman's name

10:51

alongside Devlin's when they drink.

10:56

All of this is useful to

10:58

our continued cause and

11:01

to my continued survival. All

11:05

of it passes over me like water

11:07

across polished stone. Because

11:12

I know that I will be alone in my chamber

11:14

one day soon, and

11:17

they will come to me with the news that

11:20

Carpenter is dead, killed

11:24

upon my direct and specific

11:27

order. Her

11:29

body desecrated. And

11:33

I will have to outlast that moment

11:36

when the news is brought to me. I

11:39

will have to maintain my calm

11:42

and my composure. I

11:44

must remain holy and

11:47

pure, and I must

11:49

not see a flicker of

11:51

doubt or guilt or

11:54

sorrow upon my face.

11:59

myself over and

12:02

over

12:03

that she was a necessary sacrifice.

12:07

And I had no other choice and only a few

12:09

seconds in which to react that

12:11

she was already an outcast to

12:13

the fate that if anyone

12:15

had a hope of getting away from the Gulch

12:17

alive, it'd

12:19

be her.

12:22

All of it feels like a performance.

12:27

But

12:29

performance is what my life

12:31

has become as

12:33

a prophet and Cata-Basian. And

12:38

so I have plenty of time

12:40

to

12:42

practice.

12:47

Children of the Water. I've

12:50

spoken with the Cata-Basian's council and I

12:52

am relieved, although not at all

12:54

surprised, that they have formally

12:57

confirmed that there is no truth whatsoever

13:00

to the rumors of legalization

13:02

spreading amongst our people. We

13:05

must band together and be watchful

13:07

of any attempts by the lawful authorities

13:08

to sow discord among us. So,

13:15

how will you kill him?

13:22

It'll need to take place in my own chambers.

13:25

I am, after all, the intended victim.

13:29

The paraglide skull chair's tradition reserves

13:32

the welcome's rest for its most honored

13:34

guests. It's

13:36

been a long time, of course. I think

13:39

I was eleven or twelve the last time

13:41

I was there. But nevertheless, I

13:44

remember the shape of the chambers passing well,

13:46

and I've been perusing the maps from

13:48

the recidivist's halls.

13:55

The rooms are in the highest reaches

13:57

of the caves, secluded.

13:59

secure.

14:01

On the eve of Faulkner's formal initiation

14:04

as a catabasian of the parish, as

14:06

is traditional, will carry out the ceremony

14:09

of expurgation in the drowned man's

14:11

hearing. I shall be his

14:13

confessor naturally, and my

14:15

chambers will be the proper place for

14:17

a private hearing. My

14:19

man Grenshaw has volunteered to be

14:21

our sacrifice. He

14:25

grew up with Sister Carpenter in the seminary,

14:27

and even vaguely remembers her.

14:30

It is plausible enough that

14:32

they might have been friends and remained allies

14:34

in secret. And

14:37

his mother was born in the Linga Straits, too,

14:40

which makes him even more suitable as a foreign

14:42

asset. I'll

14:46

summon Faulkner to see me in private for the

14:48

explanatory rites. My

14:50

other men will be somewhere downstairs,

14:52

enjoying the festivities and visibly

14:55

in public. Grenshaw

14:58

will remain behind, well hidden.

15:02

A gunshot, an alarm,

15:04

some screaming.

15:09

It seems

15:12

almost the brazen repetition

15:14

of Mason's own death, don't

15:16

you think?

15:17

An expansion upon earlier themes.

15:20

All we truly have are echoes, Grieve.

15:24

The river turns, and it turns again,

15:26

and every hero and every tragedy

15:29

in the verses is a shadow of those that

15:31

came before.

15:33

I emerge, holding Grenshaw

15:35

at gunpoint, nodded, uttered.

15:38

My men come dashing up alongside Faulkner's

15:41

people. Together, we drag him through the

15:43

halls, shouting the truth. As Grenshaw

15:45

burst in, his revolver pointed at my

15:47

head, screaming, Linga's glory,

15:50

Linga's might, and Cattabasian

15:52

Faulkner heroically flung himself

15:54

in front of the bullets to save my life. There

15:57

will be a swift trial. Grenshaw

15:59

will be. I confess the matter in detail before

16:01

he is executed, and I shall order Catabasian

16:04

Faulkner sent to the garden below with

16:07

the greatest of honors. His

16:09

final words delivered in my

16:12

arms. We have been

16:14

misled. All of us

16:16

tricked. We were taught that our enemy

16:19

was the government, the policemen,

16:21

our comrades of this great nation. I

16:26

am dying, High Catabasian.

16:29

I can see my life's true love, Sister

16:32

Thorence, waiting for me beneath

16:34

the black waves. Sister Thorence

16:36

was his life's true love. In the

16:39

tale, in the tale. They'll

16:41

love it. It's a useful distraction. I wonder,

16:43

romance,

16:44

are we plotting an assassination or

16:46

managing a radio serial? We're

16:50

doing both.

16:52

The truth must stir the heart to keep

16:54

skepticism at bay.

16:56

It feels honest.

16:59

Are we saying that a great man such as

17:01

Catabasian Faulkner would be incapable

17:04

of love?

17:08

Let me finish, he whispers.

17:11

Before I go, dear friend, I pass

17:14

on this final message from the father

17:16

in the water. One weighty task,

17:19

I'll leave in your trembling hands. There's

17:22

been too much bloodshed, too

17:24

many lives lost. Let

17:26

there be peace. At

17:29

long last, between ourselves and

17:31

the legislatures,

17:32

let there be peace.

17:36

Ah.

17:42

Soon afterwards, Green, you will move to announce

17:44

the results of the negotiations with adjudicator

17:47

Shroom,

17:47

the legalization of the faith, a

17:49

new beginning. There will be celebrations.

17:53

Why

17:53

would the CLS want you dead?

17:56

To sow discord between us and the legislatures,

17:59

to prevent... our parish and our God from

18:01

joining our faith's great strength to that

18:04

of the peninsula. We

18:06

have been misled, all

18:09

of us tricked. Are

18:10

we so important though to merit

18:13

such a tangled conspiracy?

18:15

The faithful will believe we are, for we are

18:17

everything to them.

18:18

You have doubts,

18:21

Greve.

18:22

Let me hear them. There can be no secrets

18:24

between us.

18:28

Another council member could

18:30

go instead. It would be...

18:34

Romont, I think it would be an entirely

18:37

unwarranted risk to put you in harm's

18:39

way.

18:40

Well, maybe this is our problem, Greve.

18:43

Maybe we have become too afraid to take

18:45

a risk.

18:47

Who is Faulkner, truly? An

18:50

attention-getting charlton, a

18:53

self-important performer and egotist,

18:55

a chancer, a clown. This

19:00

is not a true luminary of the faith.

19:03

This is not one of the old men of thrashing

19:05

water and slick and steel, steadfast

19:07

as the tides.

19:09

This is not a man who deserves to be remembered.

19:16

And yet,

19:18

and yet, stories are currents,

19:22

and he plunges headlong into those rushing

19:24

waters time and time again,

19:27

and through reckless fortune he survives

19:29

them, and this becomes the proof

19:31

he needs that all eyes should be upon him,

19:33

that he possesses a gift beyond the rest of us.

19:37

We cannot win against a man like this if we

19:39

are afraid to even dip our own toes

19:41

in at the river's edge.

19:44

Can we? No.

19:50

I will go to lay the Catabasian's wreath

19:52

of kelp upon his brow, as is my duty,

19:54

and Faulkner's people will

19:56

understand that this is meant as a great

19:59

honor. momentous occasion,

20:02

a historic moment that they are blessed

20:04

to witness, and they never

20:06

will believe that I was the one

20:09

who meant him harm. I

20:12

will go, and all of the parish will be horrified

20:14

to learn that the life of the High Catabasian

20:16

was threatened by a foreign assassin and

20:19

the parish's brightest young star extinguished,

20:22

and their hearts will soar with relief

20:25

when they see me alive and

20:27

well, and they will rejoice at

20:29

my next commandment because I will

20:31

be a boy and anchor to them in

20:33

the third time. I

20:37

will go, and afterwards

20:39

it will be written

20:41

that I went.

20:44

If there are to be no secrets between

20:46

us, Romant, then let me take

20:48

the risk of offending you.

20:51

It has been a very long time

20:53

since I've seen you like this.

20:56

Animated? Swept up,

20:59

impassioned,

21:00

perhaps misled yourself. If

21:04

stories are currents, I think perhaps the storyteller

21:07

is in the greatest danger of being pulled

21:09

under the surface. I

21:13

would not see you dragged and drowned

21:15

in a tale of your own invention for the sake of a contest

21:19

of wills against this holy brat. Faulkner

21:24

has you at a disadvantage,

21:27

for now

21:29

he is a young. He

21:30

is unknown. His impurities

21:33

have yet to

21:34

make themselves known. His

21:36

circumstances allow him to

21:39

act as an agent of change in spite

21:41

of his personal flaws. You

21:45

should remember that.

21:47

Because you and I,

21:49

we were

21:51

very similar indeed, I think.

21:56

We were young, and we were

21:58

hungry.

21:59

denounced, passed and fizzled

22:02

in the name of better things to come. And

22:04

that made the elders call us as dangerous

22:07

a foe as the legislators themselves.

22:09

And hope was the Russian tide

22:12

that drove us onwards.

22:15

Now though, we're

22:18

the old guard, Roman.

22:20

The last generation

22:23

we blinked.

22:25

We dreamt.

22:27

We slept.

22:29

And all at once we were no longer

22:31

chasing reform.

22:32

We were in flight

22:34

from it. We

22:36

did not intend to act out the same failures

22:39

as those disappointments, those cowards,

22:41

the compromises who

22:43

came before us.

22:45

But we broke like water upon black

22:48

rocks all the same. The

22:51

young do not trust us, Roman.

22:55

They resent us.

22:57

They gnash their teeth at the government

22:59

out of ancestral habit, but make no mistake.

23:03

You and I are a central

23:05

part of what they seek to overthrow.

23:09

You don't know if I can beat him.

23:12

I believe

23:14

you can kill him.

23:17

What, I wonder, is the alternative

23:20

course of action you're proposing? We

23:23

let the lie stand. Mason goes

23:25

on avenge. The legislators turn their

23:27

back on us. Does that speaker perform? Will

23:30

that placate them? The

23:32

only thing that will change will be that Faulkner

23:34

will rise and rise until he

23:36

becomes us and we become his shadow.

23:39

And our sole satisfaction will be to watch

23:41

him fail in turn, while our

23:43

people are arrested and drafted and

23:45

our long decline becomes first and

23:47

precipitous. Do you think

23:49

us so cowardly, Grieve? So

23:52

frail? So finished?

23:57

I think that most

23:59

of the world's great stupidity is acted

24:02

out by those who cannot stand to

24:04

lose control.

24:16

In a month's time I will be 71

24:18

years old. Perhaps

24:21

my life is already written out.

24:26

A good, long life and a decent

24:28

act of service in dangerous times, I

24:30

like to think, no matter

24:32

what failings or compromises were required

24:35

along the way.

24:38

I led our people through some of our

24:41

darkest hours, through

24:43

foul purges and lurking

24:45

in foul hiding places.

24:50

I was the first High Catabasian to

24:52

lay my hands upon the wreck of the Gulf Walker.

24:56

I was the first to read the translations

24:58

of the fishing version. I

25:00

gave the order for the reclamation of the Gulch.

25:04

These were not insignificant things, grave.

25:07

This was not an insignificant life.

25:11

I've seen the passages they've drafted

25:13

for me. I've read my chapter. I've approved

25:15

the words. It reads well.

25:19

And yet in a century's time

25:21

perhaps some scribbler will be thumbing

25:24

through the verses, making revisions, amending

25:27

and trimming down as he goes because so

25:29

much will have happened since then that needs to

25:31

be included.

25:33

And he will look at my chapter and

25:35

he will look at Brother Faulkner's life as a rival

25:38

to mine,

25:39

packed with instant and cheap empty

25:41

sentiment and some ludicrously

25:44

exaggerated battle scenes in which he

25:46

claims to play the central part. And

25:49

my life's record will

25:51

be neatly snipped away and tossed to

25:53

the floor, cuttings and ends, as

25:56

his immortality is ink and

25:58

printed and bound in stone.

25:59

How

26:02

could anyone stand that grief?

26:05

How could anyone be expected to come to the last

26:07

footfalls of their life and upon looking back

26:10

watch as everything they've built is

26:12

swept away?

26:16

I lament your ill fortune

26:18

in having such troubles, High Catabasian

26:21

Romont. But

26:23

I can bring our people back into the

26:25

fold without further harm.

26:29

If the legislators accept us as

26:31

a licensed faith, if we're protected

26:33

from the draft,

26:34

that would be historic. Wouldn't

26:37

it?

26:38

It could well end up being my life's true

26:40

legacy.

26:42

They won't be able to excise that from the record,

26:44

will they now?

26:50

Am I wrong about that too, Grief?

26:54

Do you think Mason was wrong? No.

26:58

I don't think so.

27:01

I can understand what the true

27:03

believers like Faulkner are afraid of.

27:07

I can picture the inevitability of what's

27:09

coming next, the crassness

27:11

of it, the visions to

27:13

the sacred text, advertising

27:16

opportunities, a partnership with the jolly

27:18

King Kippard perhaps.

27:21

More compromises,

27:23

more impurities.

27:25

Few clear waters stay

27:27

that way for long.

27:30

But they have river gods in the linga

27:33

straits

27:33

too.

27:36

Maybe we toss away Mason's proposal.

27:39

We embrace our continued retreat.

27:41

We watch as our disciples are caught

27:44

and drafted or hauled

27:46

into battle scenes. And

27:48

then the government wins its war. And next

27:50

year it celebrates its newfound powers

27:53

and popularity with a fresh round

27:55

of purges against the illicit faiths. And

27:58

the cycle continues.

28:01

And that opportunity doesn't come around

28:03

again. Or

28:06

maybe the CLS wins, and

28:08

their priests will be standing victorious

28:11

along the river banks, preaching a

28:13

new knee and a new history for

28:15

the God that used to

28:16

belong to us. If

28:21

we must be devoured, at least

28:23

we can negotiate the seasoning.

28:29

It's going to be hard though. No

28:33

matter what comes, it's going

28:35

to be hard. There

28:37

are few people and few faiths in this world

28:40

capable of great change without greater

28:42

fracture.

28:44

Some of those who love us now will come

28:46

to hate us, and those

28:48

who always doubted us will

28:51

turn their backs.

28:54

But

28:55

maybe that's not such a bad thing. Maybe

28:59

a schism with Faulkner and his people

29:01

now, a clean and clarifying

29:03

break, is better for us in the long run than

29:06

something that tangles and twists

29:08

and festers on for decades

29:11

to come. But

29:14

then, I suppose,

29:17

that would become your legacy too,

29:20

wouldn't it, Romont?

29:22

One final sentence in

29:24

your immortal chapter.

29:25

The man who

29:27

broke the faith.

29:32

We have been misled, all of us tricked.

29:37

We were taught that our enemy was the government,

29:40

the policemen, our comrades of this great

29:42

nation, when a far more

29:44

terrible foe threatens us from

29:46

the north. Romont?

29:52

What happens if you fail?

29:54

Then

30:00

you must take my place

30:03

until a new leader of the faith can be properly

30:05

elected, Grieve.

30:08

Finalize the negotiations. Announce

30:11

our legitimacy.

30:12

Give Faulkner no choice but to

30:14

obey or speckle us. You

30:17

must promise me this.

30:20

Anything is better than letting him win.

30:23

I quite agree.

30:26

All right.

30:31

Let's kill the bastard.

30:35

So I have something to admit, my

30:37

friends. On this show, we like

30:40

to think the best of people. So I,

30:42

Chuck Harm, have been sending an olive

30:44

branch to the citizens of the peninsula,

30:47

though they are our enemy. On

30:49

our last episode, I addressed the peninsula

30:52

military directly. I told

30:54

them your saint strikes are missing their

30:56

targets, ours are striking with precision.

31:00

Our Lord of Breeze and Brine is a thousand

31:02

times more powerful than your grand-mystral, and

31:05

he summons a favorable wind for us day

31:07

after day after day. You're not hitting a

31:09

barn door

31:09

right now. And

31:12

it seems

31:12

like the pennies, they didn't

31:14

like that. Because I understand they've

31:16

been draping some banners over there, Cliff.

31:19

Where are you, Chuck? Cluck, cluck, Chuck.

31:22

Come stand in front of the barn door, Chuck.

31:25

I...I guess the impression

31:27

that they think simply because I am reporting

31:29

from behind a dasseum mesh, that

31:32

I am unqualified to make judgments

31:34

on the state of this war or the sorry

31:36

state of their military, that

31:39

I am a coward, as

31:41

if coming to the coast and reporting from there

31:43

would be proof of courage. I

31:45

will not be goaded. But

31:49

I...I also

31:52

have nothing to fear from the misguided

31:54

bravado of a nation in collapse

31:57

or the taunts of fascist grunts. And

32:00

I would be proud, of course, to stand

32:02

amongst our troops on the front lines and

32:04

review the condition of the war from there. Immensely

32:08

proud. So,

32:10

we'll see. I

32:14

think ever since. How

32:17

you doing tonight, CLS? That

32:20

was Chuck Hahn with News from Lesh.

32:23

But now it's seven o'clock on the hour.

32:26

And we're playing Steve the Chicken.

32:29

Starting you off with a little peanut.

32:32

Some gravy linch and steamed

32:34

and cheese. Follow it up with some croissantie

32:36

grèche, a little martyred silver.

32:39

And then we're going to finish things off with

32:41

three sauces and two chard. Enjoy!

32:46

Hello! Hello.

32:49

Sorry to bother you so late. I'm

32:52

just, um, headed towards

32:54

Lesh and I wanted to check that I was

32:56

going the right way.

33:01

Good evening, dear. Yes,

33:05

it is the right way, but you've

33:07

got a way to go yet. You

33:12

come a long way?

33:14

Yes. I came inland

33:16

from the coast.

33:21

I'm surprised they let you through

33:23

then. There's a military

33:25

blockade on the coastal road.

33:29

Yes, there was. Your

33:34

accent, it sounds a little

33:36

peninsular, doesn't it?

33:41

No, it doesn't. Oh,

33:46

all right then. Still,

33:49

I am tired and sore

33:51

and I have to admit, I just

33:54

caught the smell of something delicious

33:57

from your window. Do you mind if I ask

33:59

what?

33:59

What you're cooking in there?

34:01

Just a casserole,

34:03

some beef, a few parsnips.

34:08

Do you live alone? Oh,

34:10

oh no. My husband is

34:13

coming home from work.

34:14

Actually,

34:16

you do live alone.

34:18

You don't have a husband and

34:20

you've never had a husband.

34:23

You never met anyone who cared for you.

34:27

That's what the last word tells me and

34:29

the last word does its homework,

34:32

so you've got no cause to act.

34:37

I don't have a husband. Good.

34:43

Invite me in for dinner. I...

34:48

you don't need to

34:50

be afraid of me, Candice. And

34:54

that is your name, by the way. Your name

34:56

is Candice. You

34:59

don't need to be frightened of me,

35:01

Candice, because as soon as you saw me, you

35:04

recognized me as your eldest daughter.

35:07

Come home at last to

35:09

stay the night. After

35:11

a very long time away.

35:12

Oh!

35:20

I'm so sorry, darling. I

35:23

wasn't expecting you. You're wearing the

35:25

same pinafore that you wore when I left.

35:28

The same dull and stinking

35:30

slippers.

35:31

Your hair pinned back as

35:34

tight and severe as it always

35:36

was. You felt so

35:38

much love at the sight of me. That's

35:41

what the last word says. Love.

35:44

Sudden and spontaneous and

35:47

unforced like you'd never felt before

35:49

towards your daughter.

35:51

You hugged me at once. Oh!

35:55

Of course! What

35:58

am I thinking? Come here!

35:59

darling oh

36:03

soir less bony

36:10

and then mum

36:12

you told me just how much

36:15

you loved me I love

36:17

you so so

36:19

much and you were proud of me

36:21

too

36:23

you told me that

36:24

next oh

36:26

I am proud

36:28

you know I am I'm

36:31

so proud of you I'm proud of you and

36:34

I'm proud of your brother

36:37

Jamie as well not Jamie

36:40

not Jamie there

36:42

was never any Jamie how could

36:44

you have a Jamie when we've just erased

36:46

your husband from existence how

36:49

would that make any sense I

36:52

was your only child mum

36:55

and your pride was for me

36:57

and me alone

37:02

invite me in please

37:06

yes yes of course come

37:09

on through

37:15

take a seat at the dining table

37:17

dear I'll get some extra

37:20

cutlery and I'll get supper

37:22

ready for us both yes

37:29

thank you mum I

37:42

don't actually have to sleep any longer oh less

37:44

than you'd think

38:08

Knife, fork,

38:11

napkin.

38:14

What's wrong, dear?

38:18

It's just

38:20

funny

38:21

coming face to face with you again.

38:27

Do you remember how much pain you

38:29

caused me, Mum?

38:32

Pain, darling? What

38:35

pain I gained? Let me remind

38:37

you.

38:40

The last time you saw your

38:43

daughter, the last word tells me

38:45

she was laughing.

38:47

They'd given her a uniform and a private's

38:49

rank. She was

38:52

going off to serve her country,

38:54

a volunteer for the war that was to come.

38:57

So she was laughing, and you laughed

38:59

too, even though you'd never had a sense of humour.

39:04

She'd been expecting that, at long

39:06

last, you would tell her that you were

39:08

proud of her.

39:10

She'd dreamt of that moment upon

39:12

parting.

39:15

You didn't say it, but even

39:17

that couldn't ruin her mood.

39:21

I don't know what you were thinking

39:24

as you watched her go.

39:25

Perhaps you knew that she was being

39:28

deeply, absurdly, naive,

39:30

and she would suffer terribly

39:33

at the hands of the military scientists before

39:35

she died.

39:38

And after she suffered and she

39:40

died, she would become something

39:43

terrible.

39:46

Perhaps you knew, but

39:48

you were too cowardly to tell her.

39:51

Or the government stipend you'd

39:53

received as a consequence of her decision

39:55

was far too attractive

39:58

a prospect to give up.

40:02

Perhaps you didn't know.

40:05

But if you didn't know, you

40:07

should have

40:09

known, because mothers are

40:12

supposed to protect their

40:14

daughters from the horrors of the world.

40:17

You were

40:18

the one she cried out for as

40:21

they heard her,

40:22

as they branded her, and as they twisted

40:24

her into a shape of their own making, hour

40:27

after

40:27

hour, day after day, over and over

40:31

again. You're

40:36

crying for her now,

40:39

just like she cried for you. I'm

40:45

so sorry, my love.

40:47

I

40:50

don't know what I did.

40:55

I don't understand

40:57

it, but I'm sorry. Do you remember

41:00

my name, Mum? I'm sorry,

41:02

I don't. Nor do

41:04

I.

41:08

I remember very little of my life

41:11

from before they hallowed

41:13

me.

41:15

A few faces, a

41:16

few names, a few lingering

41:20

moments.

41:22

Your face, though, your

41:24

face sticks

41:26

with me.

41:30

For a very long time afterwards, I thought

41:32

my name must be Val, because

41:34

that is what the doctors kept on referring to

41:37

me as amongst themselves. But

41:39

eventually I realised that Val

41:42

wasn't my name at all.

41:44

It was shorthand. Can

41:47

you guess what it stood for,

41:49

Mum?

41:50

No, no! It

41:52

stood for valuable. There

41:55

were forty cells in that substation,

41:57

and they were all full when I arrived. And

42:00

by the time I left, each cell

42:02

had a new inhabitant. Some

42:06

died before they could become sacred.

42:09

Others became saints,

42:11

but were simply not valuable

42:13

enough to be kept.

42:17

The hallowing procedure took 64

42:20

days. And

42:22

because I was a volunteer, because

42:24

they'd given me a uniform and a rank,

42:27

at first they apologized to

42:29

me. Just

42:32

for the first few days.

42:35

Then they settled into the usual routine.

42:39

Liars gods aren't much

42:41

in circulation

42:42

anymore, so they had

42:44

a lot of old prayer marks

42:46

to test.

42:48

They had to perfect

42:51

the formula.

42:54

They branded me. When

42:56

the skin healed, they tried again.

42:59

And

42:59

as they marked my flesh, they

43:02

molded my mind into something my

43:05

god could inhabit. A warm

43:07

and inviting shape. They

43:10

piped in lies. Shrieking

43:12

and furious lies through the

43:14

speakers of the cell.

43:17

They told me that you were dead.

43:19

And I was too. They

43:21

told me that there was no cell, and I was

43:23

outside in the rain, shivering.

43:25

They

43:27

told me that the world

43:30

had ended.

43:32

They kept me awake and told

43:35

me I had slept. They

43:39

made me lie to them.

43:40

Bold and outrageous lies.

43:43

And they hurt me when

43:45

I failed to convince them.

43:49

When I finally died, I didn't

43:52

realize it. I

43:54

couldn't recognize it.

43:57

And because I could no longer die, I

44:00

remained awake, no

44:03

longer myself, but

44:05

something else.

44:07

And with every lie I tell,

44:11

the prayer marks spread and shift

44:13

across my skin. They're

44:17

a part of me now. I

44:19

will never be rid of them.

44:23

I could have loved any god.

44:27

That is what occurs to me now. I

44:29

could have shaped my body and spirit

44:32

into any image I chose,

44:35

monstrous or beautiful or both

44:37

at once. And at the very least,

44:40

the choice would have been mine.

44:44

Instead,

44:45

I let them choose a shape that

44:48

was useful,

44:49

that served

44:50

a function. Because

44:52

I wanted to impress you. I

44:55

wanted to become something you

44:58

could be proud of. Something you

45:00

could love. I could have changed

45:03

for myself, but instead I did

45:05

it for you. You

45:09

came to see me twice. I

45:13

remember that as well. Since

45:17

I had volunteered,

45:20

that was my reward.

45:22

You could come and see me as

45:25

often as you wanted.

45:28

But you

45:30

came twice.

45:34

Once on the third day, once on

45:38

the fourteenth.

45:41

I remember your

45:41

face, mum.

45:45

On the third day, you waved.

45:51

On the fourteenth day, you just looked at me

45:53

and then you left.

45:58

You didn't come again.

46:00

And there were 50 more

46:03

days after that.

46:08

Will you

46:09

look at me now, Mum?

46:12

Are you proud of me? Can

46:16

you tell me my name?

46:20

I...

46:22

I'm sorry.

46:26

I'm sorry. Is

46:32

dinner ready? Yes.

46:35

It's simmering.

46:36

Is there anything else that needs to be done

46:38

before dinner is ready?

46:39

I

46:42

just... I just like

46:44

the candles. I... I...

47:05

That's

47:07

all I need from you then.

47:13

I need to serve

47:15

you. So

47:18

serve me. Thank

47:26

you.

47:51

There you go.

47:53

Sorry, sorry for spilling it. Mum?

47:58

Will?

48:00

Turn to face me. It

48:09

didn't feel right, did it?

48:12

Seeing your daughter again.

48:16

Scared,

48:17

branded, changed. Gazing

48:21

at her face and seeing something

48:24

missing there. Something

48:27

lost.

48:30

It was like drowning.

48:33

That is what the last word tells me,

48:36

and the last word,

48:38

it never lies. You

48:43

realized something. You

48:46

were not worthy of looking

48:48

upon your daughter. Of

48:51

hearing her voice, of touching

48:53

her face.

48:56

So you went through to the kitchen while she

48:58

was busy eating her dinner.

49:00

You opened the kitchen drawer. And

49:03

you took out the largest pair of scissors

49:05

that you found there. Are

49:18

they sharp? I think

49:20

so.

49:22

No,

49:23

they weren't sharp at all.

49:26

You can come back on through, Mum.

49:35

You made your decision.

49:38

You would wait by the stove

49:40

until she had finished her dinner.

49:42

Until she'd gone upstairs to

49:45

bed. And then

49:47

you'd punish yourself for your transgressions

49:49

against your daughter. Whose name

49:52

you had lost.

49:54

You'd take the scissors to your lips.

49:58

Then your ears.

50:01

Then your eyes, then your

50:03

fingers.

50:06

You would take off every part of yourself

50:09

that had heard her,

50:11

held her,

50:12

beheld her.

50:16

And when you were done with mutilating yourself,

50:18

you would stumble out into the road, bleeding

50:21

from your emptied face and ruined

50:23

hands. You'd

50:25

walk south, through the countryside,

50:28

until you came to the end of the land, the

50:31

great white cliffs of the

50:33

Northern Channel. And

50:35

then you'd toss yourself down

50:37

into the polluted waters to sink

50:40

amongst the other lost and forgotten

50:43

things.

50:45

That,

50:47

eventually, was

50:49

how you died.

50:55

Knock the door Summit

50:58

Hmm,that

51:04

was delicious. Thank

51:06

you, mom, goodnight!

51:07

lvavavavavari

51:13

investments laughter

51:22

Sounds

51:29

of faked sickIV're

51:36

Um, Val? Uh,

51:39

Val, we really need you to stop

51:42

doing that, okay? You're

51:46

making some of the folks back here a little bit nervous.

51:49

She was an enemy combatant. No,

51:53

no, she wasn't. Well,

51:56

I can make her one then. It won't take long.

52:00

Oh, too late. She's

52:03

just lost her ears.

52:07

The cruelty, Valet, is

52:10

too much. I need

52:12

people to feel like they can rely on you.

52:16

Well, press secretary, perhaps

52:19

when I've won this war for you, you

52:21

can point me towards my actual mother,

52:24

and I'll no longer be feeling quite so

52:27

frustrated.

52:30

You need to move faster. Do

52:33

I? CLS is gathering

52:36

their forces by the old channel crossing. We think

52:39

they're prepping for an assault across the water. We've

52:43

maybe got a week.

52:46

I am sure your defenses on the coast

52:48

will hold

52:48

up. They won't.

52:52

We need you to take the conclave.

52:56

I... Val? Get

53:00

this done. Do it quickly, and we'll give you

53:02

your mother. We'll track her down, and we

53:04

will give her to you, I promise.

53:09

Who else? I

53:12

mean, who else do you want?

53:16

The doctors. The nurses.

53:18

The soldiers who guarded the compound. The attendants

53:21

who served the meals. I want

53:23

a phone call with all of them on the line.

53:26

I want that before I win your

53:28

war for you, press secretary.

53:34

You volunteered for this, Val?

53:35

My mother's daughter volunteered.

53:39

The whole point of the exercise was to make

53:41

her into something new, and now that

53:43

I am here, I disagree

53:46

with her decision.

53:51

Yes, you can have them. You

53:53

can have anything you like. Good.

53:58

And when

54:01

Nezhe has fallen, you'll

54:03

give me my mother.

54:04

Like I said.

54:09

Sleep well, press secretary.

54:30

I'm sorry.

54:47

Prophet Fox. Is

54:51

it all right?

54:58

I'm so sorry,

55:00

prophet. I wasn't... No, no, no. I

55:03

was just... I

55:05

was just reflecting. Direct

55:10

communion with the father in the water can be

55:14

a difficult way to bear. A

55:17

garden sat your head, I was... How is it?

55:21

Hoover Cone. Oh.

55:25

I am sorry to add to

55:27

your worries then. We've heard

55:29

from the team upriver. They

55:32

found the body of Brother

55:34

Fade. An atama

55:37

carpenter must have overpowered him.

55:41

Carpenter's still alive?

55:44

Yes, prophet, I fear she

55:46

is. I've asked

55:48

the low tide congregation to arrange a special

55:51

ceremony for tonight in the dreaming pools. We'll

55:54

offer up five sacrifices

55:55

to the trawler man in commemoration

55:57

of the hero Brother Fade. will

56:00

pile endless curses upon

56:02

the head of the Anathema carpenter.

56:07

I thought you might want to. Yes, yes, yes,

56:09

exactly the right decision, I mean.

56:12

I'll be right there.

56:15

Is, uh, is that

56:17

everything? Not quite. We've

56:20

had word from Downriver. High

56:23

Catabasian Romont wants

56:25

to pay the gorge a visit, to

56:28

formally bestow the kelp wreath

56:30

upon you, in honour of your achievement.

56:32

Our

56:35

achievement, Sibran Rhyme. Our

56:40

achievement. Good.

56:45

We'll make him welcome. What

56:48

else? Brother Philly is ready

56:50

to depart the glottage for the

56:53

task you've set in.

56:55

He wanted

56:56

your blessing before he goes. He'll

56:58

have it, of course,

56:58

sir. Give

57:02

me a moment, please, Sibran. Of course,

57:04

Catabasian. Please, excuse me.

57:16

She'll have... She'll

57:19

have, she'll have...

57:24

And we beseech you, father, to

57:26

descend upon a namagant.

57:30

And to visit her transgressions upon

57:32

her tenfold.

57:36

Let her be swallowed up by one mouth

57:39

and regurgitated from the other.

57:45

With my feet in the water and my arms

57:47

to the sky, I curse

57:49

her. I

57:51

curse her. I curse her.

57:54

I curse her. I

57:57

curse her.

57:59

I curse her.

58:05

I curse her. I

58:08

curse her. I

58:11

curse her.

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