The Story Must Be Told

A weekly Arts podcast
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VRRRRRRROOOOOWWW here comes the plane beep beep open wide. Let the Story be your words, your every thought. Open your mouth wide, the Story’s gonna land inside VRRRREOOOOOWWWW Invocation Psalm: “Plane Peepin’” Liturgical Reading: “Immortal, Forgotten Words” Concluding Prayer Our first book of PSALMS: Merch VRRRROOOOOOOAA: Patreon VRRRRROOOOOOOOWWW:
Come to my chest, sweet TOT, and suckle at my plastic feeding port. You can tell how much I love you by how calmly I wince. Shh shh shh, if that mockingbird don't sing, papa's gonna buy you some gasoline. Guest Chaplain: Jackie Zebrowski (Page 7 podcast, IG: @jackthatworm) Featuring: Marcus Parks (Last Podcast on the Left, No Dogs in Space) Invocation Psalm: “Meat-a-ball” Liturgical Reading: “Good Night My Love part 3” Concluding Prayer Our first book of PSALMS: Merch healthy: Patreon juicy:
We’ve been smelling fennel for weeks, and sure enough it’s because there’s MORE. Marcus caught the sniff, and Jackie too, you bet. Sniff along, and just see what ends up inside you, ya goof. Guest Preacher: Marcus Parks (Last Podcast on the Left, No Dogs in Space) Featuring: Jackie Zebrowski (Page 7 podcast, IG: @jackthatworm) Invocation The Feast of Saint Brandon Liturgical Reading: “Good Night My Love 2” Concluding Prayer The conclusion to Good Night My Love is coming in two weeks oh fresh fresh. Our first book of PSALMS: Merch for YOU: Patreon for ALSO YOU:
We are taking a week off and sharing this recent Story so you might be fresh and PREPARED for the next two parts coming out in the new year. Marcus and Jackie will be returning for parts 2 and 3 of Good Night My Love. *** When parasites fill your abdomen, take a deep breath, see your primary care provider, and ENJOY it. As a new host, try to name your new parasites with care. Welcome to the beautiful new you. Guest Preacher: Marcus Parks (Last Podcast on the Left, No Dogs in Space) Featuring: Jackie Zebrowski (Page 7 podcast, IG: @jackthatworm) Invocation Petitions for Worthy Congregants Story: “Good Night My Love” Template for Leaving Your Family Merch, for Hosts: Patreon, for Parasites:
Mark Twain's mummified corpse spins somewhere in a shallow grave fulla dirt n worms heh heh yeah you better BELIEVE. Chalmsberry Grib could palm Tom Sawyer like a basketball and dunk that skull until it was CHUNKS. Yeah, Chalmsberry Grib, you tricky tot, tell us: where did you come from? Hour 22 of the 522 Hour Story Fund-a-thon Donations Honest ( Liturgical Reading: “The Adventures of Chalmsberry Grib” The Fund-a-thon Continues Stop what you're doing and CHUNK DOWN on our first ever book of poetry, fresh fresh. Over 70 psalms to delight thee, and illustrations gooey enough to clog a windpipe. We set our site to redirect to the curséd Amazon page, lo Merch for Aunt Plusies: Patreon for Disemstoried Souls:
The Story snuck into your bedroom in the middle of the night and removed something you love. Will you notice what it took? Or will you pretend not to? It’s more comfortable to be a Story coward than a Story hero. I bet YOU could tell us allllll about that. Invocation Psalm: “Chromosome Dance” Liturgical Reading: “Fax Cover Sheet” Concluding Prayer We have a Story-darn book of gooey poetry out NOW for your humble eyes and palms. Over 70 psalms, a dozen healthy illustrations, and the BALLAD OF PREPSA in print for the first time. We set our site to redirect to the curséd Amazon page, lo Merch for Characters: Patreon for Authors:
I got an arrhythmia and it starts with an S, and ends with a TORY. YEAH. My heart beats for the STORY, thump thump. Oooh, and if you open up your ears real wide, it’ll thump in you, too, tee hee. Cro-Croa Daytime Liturgical Reading: “The Voluntary Heart” Cro-Croa PM Thump thump, congregants, we’ll thump ya again in two thumps of the week’s thump. Merch for Daytime: Patreon for PM: Ooh and some extra special merch coming soooooooon wink wink.
Child transformation! Spooky, scary. Boys becoming scaly, dads becoming sad. Enjoy the first Story channeled through our scabby assistant groundskeeper, Devon. The service to this glorious Story was crafted in conjunction with humble patron and VIP Story Glory Guard Congregant Dakota V! The Story’s gonna getchya, heh heh. Our Virtuous Guest Preacher: Danny Tamberelli (The Adventures of Danny and Mike podcast, Insta @dannytamberelli) Story Housecalls Invocation Psalm: “The Dogs of Marital Success” Liturgical Reading: “The Book of Keith” Mariba’s Gift Next service is in two weeks, heh heh. Merch for CROCS: Patreon for GATORS:
Shhhh, breathe in. Breathe out. Keep breathing out. Out! OUT! I did NOT say “in.” OUT. Today, we calm it down, grease it up, and relax our minds into a state of responsive, ready terror. Breathe with us—and keep them pearly winkers SHUT. Story retreat Bonfire Liturgical Reading: “A Guided Meditation” Concluding Remarks In two weeks we’ll grease you up again, mm mmm Merch for THINKERS: Patreon for STINKERS:
Hark! Praise! Today is Greasegiving! What a HOLY DAY. Today we learn every Truth, and witness the Greatest Story Of All Time. We honor Devon, for some reason. Also: there’s a psalm. Invocation Petitions for Glorious Congregants Psalm: “Lil Sips” Liturgical Reading: The Story of Revelation FEATURING Every Answer Ever Concluding Remarks Solos improvised by Al Piela We’ll see you in two weeks FRESH Merch for CHUGS: Patreon for SIPS:
It’s late, and a sweet lil Devon had another nightmare. Sounds like it’s time for some STORY. Cuddle up, wriggle your toes, and prepare yourself for three tales with the UTMOST loose connective tissue. Talkin’ ALIENS. YES. Matching Pajamas Liturgical Readings: “Chunk Riots” “The Pee Room” “Spooky Aliens!” Goodnight The Story is taking a well-deserved break. We will return with a new Story October 6th. There’s still a 522 Club next week for patreons! Merch for YOU: Patreon for YOU AS WELL:
Ameri-come one and all, to the rootinest tootinest Story this here Story mouth ever done Storied. You better bet your ASS that Tim Allen pops up in this wild hogride. That’s just what happens when you AMERICA. Heartfelt Sentiments An Unwelcome Guest Liturgical Reading: “And America Makes Two!” A Welcome Guest Tuck your hand between your pits, clamp down, and tug. That’s how you salute THE STORY. Merch for Americans*: Patreon for REAL Americans*: *or non-Americans. If you got cheddar, we ain’t stoppin’ no one, nuh uh
You’ll never miss no one as much as you miss CELEBRITY. CELEBRITY is how you know what it means to live. No one alive is happier than CELEBRITY—so when they die it’s a-mournin’ time, heh heh. HONK HONK, GRIEF GRIEF. Guest Preacher: Jackie Zebrowski (Page 7 Podcast, @jackthatworm on Instagram) Invocation Petitions for Dutiful Congregants Liturgical Reading: “The Grief Market” Concluding Prayer In two weeks we can stew again in the hot flavors of STORY. Merch so HOT: Patreon so SENSUAL:
The separation of church and state don’t mean SHIT. Yeah, mix em up, bay-bee. Gimme some church in my state, especially in my secret government directives, ooh ooh. What would the government do with our taxes, and faith in an unseen god? Perhaps, they’d try to take a lil ol peek, heh heh. Guest Preacher: Elliott Friesen Acoustic Guitar: Elliott Friesen Invocation Zoom difficulties Liturgical Reading: “The First Photo of God” Additional Difficulties Come back in two weeks for more truth, if you’re devout true. Holy Merch: Patreon Divine:
A talking dog found today’s guest, who delivers a Story about SPICY, oh so sweet LOVE. Cardinal Larson, you rascal, and also: you tragic lover. Listen to this high octane friggin ride, and ask yourself: are you TOUGH ENOUGH to defend your love from a scorned A-list celebrity congregant? Invocation Cardinal Larson Returns Liturgical Reading: “The Night of the Historical Jesus” A Cardinal’s Goodbye What a dang thrillhouse, hot hoo hoo. Come on back for more in two weeks. Merch, for Zanes: Patreon, for Zeta-Joneses:
Nothing helps time in isolation like a little woof woof, a little bark bark grr grr ruff ruff. Talking DOGS. But remember: sometimes a pet is just a friend who will watch you die. After you're gone, they might even do more than watch! Nibble nibble, crunch crunch. Invocation Ruff ruff yip yip Liturgical Reading: “The Recovered Diary” Woodrow’s Burden Ohhhh a special guest is coming in two weeks, until then enjoy a 522 Club next week. Merch, for Woof Woofs: Patreon, for Yip Yips:
Hey! Yes you! Get out of the dirt and come inside; we got mourning to do. Yes, mourn a fresh one with us, mourn until you’re dry. Guests are coming, and they want to see your grief. A Secret Meeting The Break Room Liturgical Reading: “I Seen Locusts Out Back” Devon’s Warning The 522 Club is next week for patrons, then a fresh Story for all us lay people proper the week after. Merch, for Locusts: Patreon, for Pigmen:
Devon! What are you doing here? This is no place for you! Get out! OUT! Ohh, you rascal. Well, do what you want, because this Story will happen to YOU. Yeah. YOU. You think you like jokes but you ain’t heard jokes like THIS before. Sleep tiiiight. Invocation Petitions for Worthy Congregants Liturgical Reading: “Yuck Yuck in My Mouth for a Dollar” The Truth about Devon Tune in to our Patreon for a 522 Club next week, then come back home to the Story the next week for a STORY. Merch, for Yucks: Patreon, for Dollars:
When parasites fill your abdomen, take a deep breath, see your primary care provider, and ENJOY it. As a new host, try to name your new parasites with care. Welcome to the beautiful new you. Guest Preacher: Marcus Parks (Last Podcast on the Left, No Dogs in Space, for new special $6.66) Featuring: Jackie Zebrowski (Page 7 podcast, IG: @jackthatworm) Invocation Petitions for Worthy Congregants Story: “Good Night My Love” Template for Leaving Your Family A new 522 Club next week, and after that a new, spicy Story. Ooh ooh! Merch, for Hosts: Patreon, for Parasites:
Hello? Who’s there? The Church is CLOSED. Oh! Goodness! It’s just you, listener. Join the clergy in the dead of night, in the empty Church, as we recount our share of spookies: Brother Reid Endures a Visitor Sister Callista Surrenders to the Parcel Pastor Andrew Interrupts Tragedy Oh how we wish the congregation could join us in hot, steamy PERSON. Merch, for Bodies: Patreon, for Souls:
Marriage consumes lives as often as it saves them. Have you been consumed by a partner, whole, so every piece of you seeks to serve the other? On the tottering seesaw of codependence, were your feet on the ground, or did you wobble in the sky, eyes focused solely on the greedy heft of your spouse? What sound will you make when you fall? This service to this here Story was crafted in conjunction with loyal patron and VIP Story Glory Guard Congregant Skylar S. Grease upon you! Invocation Psalm: “Babybotomies” Corporate Sponsor: Paul Giamatti’s Giamatteeth Liturgical Reading: “The Perfect Man” A Plea for Teeth Merch: Patreon: Non-Canon Tracks Utilized as source music by This Story (in order of use): Jazz Tune by Loops Lab Catchy Country by Andy Slater Cuban Samba by StellarTracks Church Organ by Stockwaves Electro Jam by StudioMonkey
On this, our one-hundredth proper episode, Chalms guides us to profound questions: What were you doing in the Soviet Union between 1978 and 1984? Did you suffer for your crimes? Or is your suffering yet to come? Heh heh, atone, congregants. Atone! Residing Congregant: Chalms Invocation Petitions on behalf of Worthy Congregants Liturgical Reading: “It Will Last Forever” The Boy, The Bell We have merch to spread the Story to your closet and cabinet. Slurp from within, and sup upon:
The places you visit in your dreams are real! The people within will find you! They will yell at you! Ohhh what did you do? Because I tell you what: you DESERVE it. Invocation Medal Award Ceremony Recipient: Woodrow the Dog Liturgical Reading: “The Dreamt City” The Return Ohhh help us enduuure, allow us to prosper:
We’re boned, congregants! Yeah, we screwed the pooch bad, chomped a big fat one, sat on a REAL stinker. Even the Story knows turmoil, Narrator and Listener alike. Dang! Invocation Petitions on Behalf of Solemn Congregants Liturgical Reading: “The Wandering Narrator” The Return Slop like a pig in the pen of our spiiiicy Patreon:
Greeting cards bring joy and consolation to the grieving and joyous. Imagine a card that brings ruin. What would the card say? Do you believe the card, or deny the truth it has brought you? What will you do when you are replaced? GUEST CLERGY: Ben Kissel (Last Podcast on the Left, Kinda Fun podcasts) The CORY Imploring of Recipes Liturgical Reading: “The Replacement” Concluding Prayer We got hot merch, yeah you know about it:
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Podcast Details

Created by
The Story Must Be Told
Podcast Status
Jan 12th, 2017
Latest Episode
Feb 9th, 2021
Release Period
Avg. Episode Length
27 minutes

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