0:00

Today we're going to be looking a little

0:02

bit more into self-love

0:04

Now . The reason why I want

0:06

to spend some time here is

0:08

because a lot of the time when

0:11

we've been in a difficult or toxic

0:13

relationship , it actually boils

0:15

down to one thing , which is

0:17

do we really love ourself enough

0:20

to actually heal

0:22

ourself , or to go for that

0:24

promotion , or to get

0:27

that loving relationship or to

0:29

really heal

0:31

? Even so , I

0:34

really wanted to explore this because

0:36

, you know , sometimes we can think

0:38

we love ourself and actually

0:41

, you know , self-love

0:43

is not getting your nails done or having

0:46

a bath or taking care

0:48

of yourself . That's self-care . We're

0:57

really going to explore what is it to actually

0:59

love ourself is that we

1:01

have to learn how

1:03

to raise our standards

1:06

for making sure that we

1:08

find love moving

1:10

forward so that we can

1:12

actually live a happier life moving forward

1:14

, no matter what you've been through

1:16

before . And it's actually

1:19

a time to look at , okay , what

1:21

kind of breakups have I been through or what

1:23

kind of relationships have I been through

1:25

? And actually

1:27

, acknowledging that it's

1:30

painful , it's

1:32

really really painful that , even

1:34

though you might know that this

1:36

person's not right for you , there's

1:39

been relationships

1:41

where you this

1:43

is basically a relationship that you

1:45

feel maybe I was in

1:47

it too long , and it's that

1:50

knowing that you've been

1:52

in it too long , too

1:54

long for what you wanted . And

1:57

sometimes you might even look back

1:59

and think , if you married that person that

2:02

you knew as you was

2:04

walking down the aisleles that there was something

2:06

not quite right . Or maybe it

2:08

was at the honeymoon you knew

2:10

, ah , there's something not quite

2:12

right here . Or maybe it

2:14

was the moment that they asked

2:16

you to marry them or

2:18

you asked them to

2:20

marry you and there was just something

2:23

not quite right inside . There

2:25

was something off within

2:27

you and you just knew

2:30

something wasn't right . But

2:32

you still went through with it anyway

2:35

. And it

2:37

might be that you thought

2:39

, oh , they're a good person

2:41

or I like their family

2:43

, or whatever it might have been that

2:45

made you stay in that relationship

2:48

too long . But you

2:50

know , eventually it's going to break

2:52

up , for whatever reason , because it's

2:55

painful being with them

2:57

, but it's also painful

3:00

breaking up with them . That's

3:02

the problem in an unhealthy

3:04

relationship and a lot of the times we're not breaking up with them . That's the problem

3:07

in an unhealthy relationship and a lot of the times we're not

3:09

breaking up with these people . One

3:12

, because there's a hormonal

3:14

element to this . We get addicted

3:17

to that person . We almost

3:20

don't know life without them because

3:22

our whole focus changes

3:25

, where we no longer focus

3:27

on ourself , we don't even know who we are

3:29

and our whole focus is

3:31

focusing on this person

3:33

, giving to them , trying

3:36

to be enough for them . So

3:38

we don't even we

3:40

don't focus on ourself anymore , we're

3:42

just focusing on this person and trying

3:45

to give them everything we can

3:47

. So it's understandable that

3:49

there's an element of what

3:51

am I going to do if I'm not with this person

3:54

? Like , what is the

3:56

point to my life ? Because for

3:58

a while , for a long

4:00

time , your whole

4:02

existence has been immersed

4:05

and absorbed and focused

4:08

on this person all the

4:10

time . And there's also

4:13

so the hormones

4:15

are kicking in , so there's a lot of stress

4:17

, there's a lot of

4:20

adrenaline and our

4:22

body actually gets addicted to that

4:24

because we've been in it for

4:27

so long . So actually

4:29

releasing yourself from that trauma

4:31

is actually quite difficult . Even though

4:34

there is trauma , there is

4:36

that trauma bond . You

4:38

know that you're used to this

4:40

whole scenario . Do

4:49

this whole scenario ? Secondly , there's also an element of oh my gosh , you know what happens

4:51

if I split up with them . You know

4:53

what happens . Am

4:56

I the responsible one for

4:58

breaking everything up . Look

5:00

, a lot of the time we

5:02

have been in this relationship because

5:05

our identity is immersed

5:07

in this whole relationship

5:11

. We have a community of people

5:13

that you're in this relationship

5:16

with . Your friends are part of this

5:18

relationship . You

5:20

identify with their family , there's the

5:22

home , there's everything associated

5:25

with them and actually it's really

5:28

difficult to let

5:30

go of all of this because it's not

5:32

that straightforward to actually

5:34

let it go . And you

5:36

having to kind of let

5:41

go is not just letting go of them , it's

5:43

letting go of everything . It's

5:45

letting go of your them , it's letting go

5:47

of everything . It's

5:52

letting go of your identity , it's letting go of who you are , and

5:54

it's so tough sometimes . The third thing is you have to grieve

5:57

. So it's not only

5:59

what you've been through already

6:01

, but you're going to have

6:03

to . Once you've made that decision

6:06

, you're going to have to grieve and

6:08

you're going to have to let

6:10

go of all the things

6:12

that you , you

6:20

know , you wanted , the hope , everything , and sometimes we can go through a huge

6:22

amount . It's like chronic grief

6:24

, where you continually tell

6:26

yourself what they did to you . You

6:29

continually I mean , I have been in , you

6:32

know taxis , and sometimes I hear

6:34

the taxi driver tell me oh

6:37

, you know , they

6:39

did this to me and they did that to

6:41

me . And they're talking about their ex-partner

6:43

as if it just happened

6:45

a year ago or six months ago . It's

6:47

very intense . They're explaining

6:50

everything they did and I

6:52

ask them oh okay , how long ago

6:54

was it ? And sometimes it's like 10

6:56

years ago and they're still

6:59

still talking

7:01

about it with such passion because

7:04

there's so much grief around that

7:06

they haven't got over

7:08

it . They haven't processed that grief . And

7:11

it's really important to

7:13

actually give yourself that time

7:15

to grieve , because it's only

7:17

when we can say you know what

7:19

I feel . I'm going to let go of

7:21

that . I wish things were different

7:24

, I wish they

7:26

were okay , I wish they hadn't

7:28

done this to me . We have

7:30

to let go of what

7:33

we had wanted , otherwise

7:35

we're still holding on to . Maybe

7:38

things can be different . You

7:41

know , we have to get to that point of

7:43

actually accepting it wasn't what we

7:45

wanted and then we can

7:47

let go of the disappointment

7:50

of things not

7:52

quite being the way we wanted it to be

7:54

. So it's really tough

7:56

actually letting go and moving

7:58

forward . It's not that straightforward

8:01

. But we have to

8:03

really consider how much pain

8:05

it's cost us you

8:08

know , being in that relationship

8:10

and how much pain it's costing

8:13

us right now and how

8:15

much pain is it going to cost you in the future

8:17

? Because usually with

8:19

trauma and with toxic

8:22

relationships , there's going to be

8:24

more trauma for you moving forward

8:26

. And that's the hard bit , that's

8:28

the painful bit , because whichever

8:31

way you look at it , it's

8:33

going to be painful . But

8:35

what is the worst part of it

8:37

? Maybe you can

8:40

go through the pain , but

8:42

something great happens you

8:44

actually find

8:46

the right person for yourself , or

8:48

you actually find joy , you

8:50

find happiness , but , let's

8:53

face it , you don't know for sure

8:55

, do you ? There's still so much

8:57

fear and if you think about it , what

8:59

has this toxic person done to

9:01

you ? This

9:06

toxic person done to you ? They have literally instilled you with a ton of fear , fear

9:08

, constant fear , and your brain

9:10

is set

9:12

up to actually repeatedly

9:14

feel fear . Now I

9:17

really want to talk to you about

9:19

you know what you've been through and

9:22

when we've been

9:24

in a toxic relationship . You might

9:26

find that before you met this

9:28

person , you were able to deal with

9:30

stress . You know you fix

9:33

things , you're a problem solver , you analyze

9:35

things , you thrive on

9:37

stress , you're a constant

9:40

fixing problem solver and

9:44

somewhere along the lines you thought

9:46

that maybe you could fix this person

9:48

and unfortunately

9:51

you took on somebody that

9:53

cannot be fixed . If

9:55

anything , they break

9:58

people down and that's the narcissist

10:00

or the psychopath . The

10:02

reason why they've they

10:04

managed to break us down so much

10:06

is that the way the brain works

10:09

okay , the way

10:11

the brain works is that if

10:14

there is , um , that

10:18

stress that is predictable

10:21

, you can actually

10:23

fix it and thrive off

10:25

it and you actually become resilient

10:28

. Yeah , you become more

10:30

and more resilient and you kind of like

10:33

it because it's a challenge , but it's predictable

10:35

stress . The

10:37

brain becomes more and more

10:39

resilient . You become more and more confident

10:41

. You become more and more confident . You become more and more you

10:45

build your self-worth . You build your

10:47

self-esteem as you fix

10:49

and solve problems etc . But

10:52

where you've got unpredictable

10:54

stress which is pretty

10:57

much what you're dealing with with a narcissist

10:59

it's your brain

11:01

can't take it . It literally

11:04

shuts down and becomes . You become

11:06

vulnerable rather than resilient

11:08

. You go the opposite way you become fearful

11:10

, you become stressed

11:12

, you become . It doesn't

11:15

allow your brain to function

11:17

properly . So this is the

11:19

biggest difference . So you might be might

11:21

be thinking well , I should be

11:23

able to handle the stress

11:26

, I should be able to problem solve . Yes

11:29

, you are a good problem solver

11:31

, you are good at analyzing

11:33

, but unfortunately

11:35

this kind of level of

11:37

stress , which is unpredictable , you just

11:40

don't know what's going to happen can

11:42

wear you out . Have

11:52

you guys ever played whack-a-mole ? It's that game where you know you've got a mullet

11:54

in your hand and you have to whack the mole as it pops

11:57

up . Yeah , it pops up . It's like in you

11:59

might play in arcades as well

12:01

, as sometimes . So the mole

12:04

pops up and you have to whack it . You have to get

12:06

it and it's always slow to begin

12:08

with and it feels easy and

12:10

there's always space in between so

12:13

that you can regulate and

12:15

you can relax and you feel the relief . But

12:17

it gets to a point where you can't

12:20

. There's just too many

12:22

. You know there's too many and you

12:24

can't manage to get them all out

12:27

. That's pretty much the way

12:29

we fall into the trap of

12:31

being around with a narcissist . It's

12:33

slow to begin with in terms

12:35

of the issues . We handle them

12:38

, we have a sense of relief

12:40

and then eventually

12:44

they just come , like there's a

12:46

steady stream of all these issues

12:48

constantly , and that's why

12:50

there's sayings like you know , it's

12:52

death by a hundred paper cuts because

12:55

there's just so

12:57

much there , there's so many issues

13:00

, that your brain literally

13:02

gets dysregulated

13:05

and you can't actually manage

13:07

what you used to be able to manage before

13:09

. And it's not because you're not

13:11

competent , it's actually you

13:13

are competent . But it doesn't

13:15

matter how competent you are , it

13:18

makes no difference . The brain behaves

13:20

in the way that the brain behaves because

13:23

it's there to protect you . It's there to keep you

13:25

safe and if you're overwhelmed

13:27

in this way , it's going to shut down

13:30

your thinking part of the brain . It's

13:32

going to shut down your ability

13:34

to connect to people and

13:36

pick decent people because

13:39

it's scared , it doesn't feel safe

13:41

in relationships anymore . So

13:44

we will never be happy , we'll

13:46

never be in peace , at peace , and

13:49

if we're around people or

13:52

we're staying in relationships that are just

13:54

not working , that are not fit

13:56

or right for us , because

13:58

our brain doesn't allow us to feel

14:00

that way , that it doesn't allow us that space

14:03

and time to regulate

14:05

and that's the thing with abusive

14:07

relationships or narcissistic ones

14:10

is that you

14:12

have believed it's gonna change

14:14

for so long . You're waiting for that reprieve

14:17

. You're waiting for that it's gonna get

14:19

it fixed , but there's

14:21

no evidence that

14:23

the relationship is going to change

14:25

. You've tried everything

14:28

. You've brought yourself

14:30

to a space and time where

14:32

you've got yourself into

14:34

feeling so vulnerable

14:36

because you're not

14:39

able to fix everything , that

14:42

you've actually managed to bring your standards

14:44

down over time and

14:47

our self-worth and self-love has

14:49

depreciated because we

14:52

can't see how

14:54

amazing you

14:56

are , because we don't practice that

14:58

. We don't practice seeing

15:01

our value , we don't practice . It's

15:03

like anything If you don't practice

15:05

a language , you will forget

15:07

the language you know if it's a secondary

15:09

language that you use . If you don't practice

15:12

, you know riding a bike , you'll

15:15

feel rusty to begin with , right

15:17

? So it's the same

15:19

thing if there's a skill . If you used to play piano

15:21

or if you used to , you know , if you don't

15:24

practice , then you're not going

15:26

to be able to do the skills . Like

15:28

you know , sometimes I find with

15:30

my 10-year-old son I'm

15:32

struggling with maths because I

15:34

haven't been practicing the

15:36

maths that he's doing at school

15:39

. I know it sounds crazy , but I

15:41

have to sometimes Google things . You

15:43

know , like , what is it ? How

15:45

do you do this ? Oh , and remind

15:47

myself , you know , so that I can support

15:50

him in his homework . So if

15:52

we don't practice resilience

15:55

, if we don't practice problem

15:57

solving and knowing that we're able to

15:59

fix it , fix things , and instead

16:02

we're dealing with a narcissist

16:04

who is literally throwing

16:07

stuff at us constantly

16:09

about how we're not good enough . We

16:12

are going to question our worth and

16:15

we're going to start to question is

16:18

life worth it ? Is

16:20

this ? All there is for me Is

16:22

this life ? And you start

16:25

to struggle and it's just

16:27

. The truth of the matter is the relationship

16:29

isn't going to work , and

16:31

you already know that because

16:34

you've tried everything and you're listening

16:36

to this podcast , so you

16:38

know somewhere along the lines this

16:40

isn't going to work . But

16:42

the most important thing you want to do is

16:45

please don't judge yourself . It

16:48

can happen to anyone , especially if

16:50

you've been or if you've grown

16:53

up where you've

16:55

had some sort of trauma relationship and

16:58

you're just learning to compromise

17:00

all the time and trying

17:02

not to be too

17:06

rigid and you're trying to be flexible

17:08

, but all you're doing is walking

17:10

on eggshells every day and

17:12

trying to figure out what I should

17:15

do , what I should say . How

17:17

many times am I going to put up with this ? Are

17:19

they going to be okay ? And you're walking on those

17:21

eggshells every day . It

17:23

is so hard because

17:26

nothing is predictable and

17:29

the brain can't deal

17:31

with it . When there's not predictable

17:34

stress , you

17:36

just cannot . Your brain does

17:38

not allow you to feel

17:41

safe . You don't feel

17:43

safe and you have

17:46

to ingrain new habits

17:48

where you have to say I'm

17:50

going to make this year

17:52

something special for myself

17:55

. I'm going to change

17:57

something where I am

18:00

going to have enough self-worth to

18:02

actually get the therapy that I need , rather

18:05

than waiting for them to

18:07

get to some self-awareness . I'm

18:09

going to change things so that I

18:11

have some reprieve , I

18:13

have some time to actually

18:16

heal my brain , rather

18:18

than going through this uncomfortability

18:20

over and over and

18:22

over again because it's not going to change

18:25

. They're going to keep hurting

18:27

you and it's going to keep being unpredictable

18:30

and that is going to really

18:32

mess with your brain . There's

18:35

science about this . It's

18:38

not going to change . You can't

18:40

suddenly change this person

18:42

into not being

18:44

a narcissist . They're not going

18:46

to have a personality transplant

18:49

or something you know , someone

18:51

that is toxic or abusive

18:54

or in a narcissistic

18:56

relationships . You

19:00

know they're making you unhappy every

19:03

day , every single

19:05

day . Every

19:07

day you're like stressed

19:09

. It's hard

19:12

. They make you feel unhappy

19:14

, they make you feel like you're

19:16

not good enough and all that is

19:18

doing is changing your

19:21

identity , of who you

19:23

are , and then you start

19:25

to go oh , it's okay , I

19:27

will compromise myself and

19:29

that lack of self-love

19:32

is like you're

19:34

not allowing yourself to acknowledge

19:36

that something's just not right at the

19:38

moment . You

19:40

know something isn't okay

19:43

and what happens as

19:45

our self-love depreciates

19:47

, you know we don't really look

19:49

at , we're not willing to

19:51

walk away . We've

19:53

got to get to a space where

19:56

we have I love ourself enough

19:58

to want a life

20:00

that you truly love , that

20:02

actually meets your potential of

20:04

who you are , and

20:07

you really start to look at

20:09

okay , this is the space I'm at

20:11

and I am going to learn to love myself

20:14

wherever I am and

20:16

then grow and evolve from there

20:19

. And actually you really look at what

20:21

are my values ? Who am

20:23

I ? What is it about me

20:26

that makes me so unique ? What

20:28

is it about me that you

20:31

know , in relation to the way I deal

20:34

with people , the kind of compassion

20:36

I have , or you

20:39

know what makes me an empath

20:41

, and then really start

20:43

cultivating that empathy

20:46

, that compassion for

20:48

yourself , and allow that to

20:51

be a wake-up call for you

20:53

and see that how

20:55

this person is affecting you is

20:58

hurting people , it's

21:00

hurting you , is

21:06

hurting people , it's hurting you , and that you really want to get to a point where

21:08

you're learning to love and trust yourself

21:10

and say you know what ? I am

21:12

enough , I am

21:14

enough to actually

21:16

look at the foundations

21:19

of this relationship

21:21

and does it give me the foundation

21:23

of trust , the

21:25

foundation of love that

21:28

I think I

21:30

am giving to other people ? You

21:34

have to really examine

21:36

your relationship and be honest

21:38

and the truth of

21:40

the matter is your

21:42

relationship with

21:44

the narcissist or whoever it is

21:47

, all your relationships

21:49

are actually a reflection

21:51

of your own self-love

21:54

, the level

21:56

of self-love that you have , this

22:00

level of self-worth that

22:02

you have . And if you don't value

22:05

yourself enough to be in

22:08

an honest relationship , in a loving

22:10

relationship and you're not honest

22:13

about this is really affecting

22:15

me then

22:17

you're not giving yourself that

22:20

love . You're not

22:22

listening , you're not hearing

22:24

yourself , you're

22:27

not heard by you . That's

22:31

an act of self-love to

22:34

actually hear . Am I

22:36

feeling safe Taking

22:38

the time out to actually hear

22:40

and question yourself ? Am

22:42

I hearing me ? Am

22:46

I being honest with me ? They

22:48

might be lying to you . They're gaslighting

22:50

you . They're doing all of that . Are

22:53

you being honest with yourself

22:56

? Are

22:58

you ? Are you

23:00

really loving you ? That's

23:03

where , sometimes

23:05

, the relationship with the narcissist

23:07

is a mirror of what's going on within

23:10

ourself . Are

23:12

you being loving towards

23:14

yourself or are you going

23:16

to allow this to continue . The

23:19

truth of the matter is , you don't deserve

23:21

to be in this person's

23:24

company . You don't deserve

23:26

to be with someone who

23:28

is so entitled and

23:31

is constantly abusing you

23:33

, and you're constantly accepting

23:36

that their reality

23:38

, their distorted reality , is

23:41

okay and

23:44

that you're having to put

23:46

up with it and love them and

23:49

give to them so that you

23:51

can somehow get them to see

23:54

that you're worthy . You

23:56

were never to

24:00

their standard because

24:02

they always thought they were above everyone

24:05

and everything , but the truth of

24:07

the matter is they were never

24:09

to your standard in the first place

24:11

. You are worth so

24:14

much more , but

24:16

do you see it ? Do

24:19

you see how much you are worth

24:21

? Do you love yourself ? Are

24:24

you being kind to yourself ? Are you

24:27

being generous to yourself ? Are

24:29

you taking the time to

24:31

be generous to yourself

24:34

by listening , by

24:36

hearing , by feeling and

24:38

asking the questions ? Listening

24:43

by hearing , by feeling and asking the questions instead of questioning ? Why are they treating

24:45

you this way ? I want to ask you why are you

24:48

treating yourself this way ? Look

24:51

, I know what you're going through

24:54

is so tough , but

24:56

I want you to understand what self-love

24:58

is and really

25:02

understand that actually

25:04

you can start to change

25:06

everything , starting

25:09

with yourself . Today

25:11

, after this podcast

25:14

, now , during this podcast

25:16

, this

25:29

podcast this is like my invitation to you today I really want you wholeheartedly to consider

25:31

even a small step forward every

25:34

day as a commitment

25:37

to love yourself

25:39

and then , over time

25:41

, like a ship changing

25:44

direction , slowly , slowly

25:46

, day by day , you're

25:49

going to start to build self-worth

25:51

and self-love . But

25:54

ask these questions

25:56

Are you

25:58

a high value person

26:00

and

26:02

what does it mean to get into

26:04

a relationship with someone

26:06

who is a high value person

26:08

? Do

26:11

you sometimes feel like you

26:14

can't have someone that

26:16

loves you because

26:18

you think that is out of your league

26:20

, to have someone that really , really

26:22

, really loves you and

26:25

who put that idea into your head

26:27

anyway ? Why would

26:29

one person deserve

26:32

more love than another ? If

26:35

you believe in God or

26:37

the universe , or creation

26:39

or source , energy or anything , why

26:41

on earth do you think

26:43

God or the universe or

26:45

source would ever think that

26:47

one person was worth

26:49

more love than another ? Do

26:52

you think that the father in

26:54

heaven could ever choose

26:56

between his children ? Look

26:59

, I don't know if you believe in God , but

27:02

one thing I know is , whatever

27:04

you call it , it loves

27:06

unconditionally and it loves

27:09

you unconditionally

27:11

. But do you love yourself

27:13

? Do you

27:15

love yourself and

27:18

today can you start to really

27:20

feel that

27:22

maybe the

27:25

universe or God loves you wholeheartedly

27:28

, and maybe every

27:30

day you could just look in the mirror

27:32

and say you know what ? I

27:35

am loved , I

27:45

am loved , and say your name out loud and look into your eyes

27:47

and say you are loved , you are so loved

27:49

, and really sit there in

27:51

awe of who you are and take

27:53

that moment . I

28:22

really want you to make a commitment today to look at one way that you can start to spend some

28:24

time to hear you love you and look at your worth , no matter what this person has said to you

28:26

or what they are saying to you or what they will say to you . I want you to shut your ears to this

28:29

person and start opening your ears to the person inside of you . That's all

28:31

that matters . The relationship

28:33

that you have with yourself is

28:36

the most important relationship

28:38

that you'll ever have , because you hear

28:40

yourself all the time . You

28:43

are more powerful for

28:45

you than that person , the

28:47

narcissist . That's

28:50

what I'm trying to get across . Please do

28:53

what you need to do today . Look

28:56

at what it is that you need to do . Start

28:59

feeling what you're feeling . Start

29:02

hearing the thoughts that are going on

29:04

. Don't numb yourself to

29:06

carry on . Don't keep

29:09

giving to exhaustion . Take

29:11

even five minutes out to feel

29:14

and to process your emotions

29:16

. Now , look , I'm going to be frank with

29:18

you talk therapy

29:20

, talking about it , going over

29:23

it and over it . You know this is trauma

29:25

. What you've gone through . If you've been in

29:27

a toxic relationship and it's been

29:30

you just don't know what to expect

29:32

. That means

29:34

that you'll be dysregulated . That

29:36

means that your brain would have changed

29:38

and you really need to proactively

29:40

change your brain back . That

29:43

means that you will need to do some trauma

29:45

therapy and actually start healing

29:47

some of those emotional wounds

29:50

that have happened and acknowledge

29:52

all of that and start processing all of that

29:54

. There really is no other way . It's

29:57

just fact . There's science

29:59

behind this . You need to process the

30:01

trauma so that you can get

30:03

yourself back , so you can feel whole again

30:05

, and it's a daily

30:07

process . You need to work

30:10

on yourself daily . Just imagine how

30:12

many days has the narcissist

30:15

worked on you or

30:17

the psychopath worked on you to

30:19

actually change you , so

30:21

that you have less self-worth

30:23

and self-love . But today

30:26

, if you can really talk to

30:28

yourself , you

30:30

know in a loving way . How do

30:32

you talk to yourself . Start noticing

30:34

If you make a mistake

30:36

. How do you talk

30:38

to yourself ? Can

30:41

you promise that you're

30:43

going to start being kinder ? Maybe

30:46

just tell yourself you know what . It's

30:49

okay , you've made a mistake

30:51

, I know , you're doing great

30:53

. How are you going to speak

30:55

to yourself ? Moving forward

30:58

? That's the question I've got to you today

31:01

. How are you going to start healing

31:03

yourself so that you can move forward

31:05

? You need to be

31:07

compassionate and you need self-love

31:10

and self-worth to actually

31:12

start the healing process . I'll give you an example

31:14

. So many people don't

31:18

value themselves , so they

31:20

don't actually get therapy . But

31:23

yet if their pet was

31:25

ill , they would somehow

31:27

go beyond heaven

31:30

and earth to actually get

31:33

whatever it is that they need

31:35

to heal . They will do that for their children

31:37

. They'll do that for their friends . They'll do that for

31:39

their family . They won't do it

31:41

for themselves . Why

31:44

? It's a

31:46

really important question , why

32:06

it makes no sense . You do it for everyone else that you love , but you won't

32:08

do it for yourself . What does that say ? Let's start building self-love every day so we

32:10

can get to that point where you put your oxygen mask on

32:12

first and you do start

32:14

taking care of yourself and

32:17

you do start cultivating self-love

32:19

. Now look if it is

32:21

something that you want to explore , if

32:24

you have got a trauma bond in particular

32:26

that you want to release and you want

32:28

to start releasing that bond

32:30

with the toxic person , I

32:32

do have a 21-day program

32:35

. It's called Reclaim your Power

32:37

. Have a look in the resources section

32:39

. You know it's something you could start

32:42

today , tomorrow , whenever

32:44

you're ready , and

32:52

start the process of self-love

32:54

and self-worth . So

32:59

today's biggest message

33:01

for me was come on , start loving yourself and

33:03

on that note , I'm going to send you so much love and I really hope that

33:06

you make a commitment to really

33:08

love yourself , because you do deserve

33:10

it . Till next time , much

33:13

love .