0:04

Many years ago, nay, decades,

0:07

I was driving through

0:09

Los Angeles, visiting my friend

0:11

Chuck, who's looking at me right now through

0:14

the computer. And as

0:17

I was driving, I was listening to the

0:19

radio and who popped onto my radio but

0:21

the aforementioned Chuck, confessing

0:24

to the world his

0:26

problems with erectile dysfunction. It's

0:32

so shocking. I was playing a character. Yes,

0:34

you were. But, you know, I've

0:36

known you forever and suddenly this voice

0:38

I know is coming out of my

0:40

radio. And look, I've asked

0:43

Chuck to cue up the ad that nearly caused

0:45

me to drive off the road. This

0:47

episode, by the way, is number 377. It's

0:50

called sitting in a pool of tilden.

0:52

I'll explain that in a moment. But Chuck, if you'd be

0:55

so kind, just to share with the world what I heard

0:57

20 some years ago, driving

0:59

down the 405, hit me. Valentine's

1:02

Day used to make me sick. Card,

1:05

gift, fine. Sex, check please. Couldn't

1:07

do it. Couldn't get erect, not

1:09

consistently. If that's you, you know

1:11

the embarrassment, the guilt. I

1:14

won't do the pills because, you know, I

1:16

enjoy hearing and seeing. This year, Valentine's Day,

1:19

sweet. Thank you. Oh,

1:22

damn it. I'll

1:24

beep that out. I bet you will. Yeah,

1:27

because the last thing we need is problems

1:29

from the sponsor of these ads. We mean

1:31

no disrespect. It's just that, my goodness,

1:34

the stuff we used to do, brother, to earn

1:36

a buck. I mean, the voiceovers,

1:38

the things, I think of all the political ads

1:41

I did and all of the things you did,

1:43

but that one, I'd forgotten about. How

1:45

many of those did you do? Ah,

1:47

dozens, dozens. And they were all

1:49

written and directed and produced by

1:51

our guest today, Peter Tilden. Oh,

1:55

man. You know, people say to me now all the

1:57

time, how do you find the guests for your podcast?

2:00

What is the process? You have a booker?

2:02

Ha! You're

2:04

looking at him. No, we don't. We

2:07

try and find people who have written great books I think

2:09

you should read or produce great documentaries

2:11

I think you should watch. Every

2:13

now and then a celebrity, but sometimes our favorite guests

2:15

just turn out to be one degree

2:18

of separation. And the guy,

2:20

Peter Tilden, who wrote the spots

2:23

that nearly made me drive off the road

2:25

when I heard my friend read them, is

2:28

still in the game. In fact, he's

2:30

partners with a guy named Jason Alexander,

2:32

who many of you know is George

2:34

Costanza. So when Chuck and

2:36

I were talking about erectile dysfunction the other day and

2:38

the fact that neither one of us suffer from it

2:40

in real life, I

2:43

was reminded of these old ads and Chuck

2:45

was like, hey, this guy Peter Tilden who

2:47

wrote these ads, he could probably hook us

2:49

up with Jason Alexander. And

2:51

I said, great, get Jason. And

2:54

Chuck being a cracker jack producer made some

2:56

calls and learned that Jason simply wasn't available.

2:59

But Peter Tilden was. You bet. And

3:03

as it turns out, man, this guy is

3:05

super interesting. Very,

3:07

very interesting. And he's been in the game

3:09

forever, man. He has done, he's been in

3:12

broadcasting for I don't want to embarrass him

3:14

by saying how many years, but you guys

3:16

have some things in common with your histories

3:18

as well. You know, some of the same

3:20

people you've worked with some of the same

3:22

people. You've worked on some of

3:24

the same shows, albeit in

3:26

different places. Evening magazine. This guy

3:28

did years ago in Philly. And of course I

3:30

did it in San Francisco. Anyway,

3:32

I think it's a

3:35

super worthwhile conversation because what you're going to

3:37

hear are two people deep,

3:39

deep, deep into their careers, three really, because Chuck

3:41

won't shut up in the middle of this thing.

3:43

He goes on and on too. There's

3:46

a lot of triangulating and there's a lot of,

3:48

I think pretty interesting

3:50

observations on the state of Hollywood

3:52

today. Peter is on the

3:54

inside. He's been there. He's done

3:56

that. And at some point his exact words

3:58

are, I was sitting and a poll of

4:01

Tilden. That of course became

4:03

the title and now you know virtually

4:05

everything I know. It's episode 377. And

4:10

it gets started right after this. It's

4:16

amazing to me friends, astonishing actually, that a

4:18

recent poll in the Wall Street Journal indicated

4:20

that 64% of Americans

4:22

believe the American dream is dead.

4:25

These people also believe that opportunity

4:27

is dead and all the good jobs are

4:30

gone. Well, it's my opinion

4:32

that these people are mistaken. Consider

4:34

the submarine industrial base. It's just

4:36

one example. The 15,000 individual companies

4:40

that are expected to hire over 100,000 skilled

4:44

workers over the next decade.

4:46

That's right, 100,000.

4:49

These aren't jobs folks. These

4:51

are careers and they are very,

4:53

very stable. They offer strong

4:55

pay and constant opportunities to

4:58

advance. buildsubmarines.com is where

5:00

all the recruiting is happening

5:02

as we speak. The site's

5:04

career portal is powered by

5:06

ZipRecruiter and candidates have up

5:08

to the moment access to

5:11

thousands of opportunities that can

5:13

create career profiles

5:15

to highlight their skills

5:17

for potential employers. buildsubmarines.com

5:20

also presents the

5:22

monumental mission in great detail

5:25

as well as specific trades most

5:27

in demand. Check it out.

5:29

The whole thing really is

5:31

incredibly impressive and the opportunities

5:33

are absolutely positively undeniable.

5:36

buildsubmarines.com

5:38

that's buildsubmarines.com.

5:41

Come on and build a

5:44

submarine. Why don't you build

5:46

a submarine at

5:48

buildsubmarines.com. I

6:00

was thrilled to actually live on the hierarchy of motion. You

6:02

know what? You already called me. You

6:04

already called me. Actually, you know what? I am thrilled. I am

6:06

thrilled because I'm a fan of yours. I've watched you do stuff

6:08

for years. Some of it you didn't

6:10

even know you didn't want me to watch, but I watched it

6:12

anyway. So, it's, yeah, I'm a little flattered.

6:15

Well, you know what? Okay, well, let me take a little

6:17

air out of that tire for you. Because the idea was

6:20

Chuck comes in and he's like, Hey, I think we can

6:22

get Jason Alexander. I'm like, we'll call him. Oh, you know,

6:24

pound Santa I'm out of here. And

6:26

Chuck, even though he told me not to touch the mic,

6:28

I'm moving it up and down. Oh my God. I'm yanking

6:30

it to whatever you want. So

6:32

Peter and Jason Alexander, of course, George

6:35

Costanza from Seinfeld. They have

6:37

a podcast. It's called Really Know Really. We're

6:40

going to talk about that, but I really

6:42

wanted to talk to you because not unlike

6:45

my erstwhile fake producer, you

6:48

have been friends with this guy, this

6:50

Jason Alexander guy for like most of

6:52

your life. So I'm really

6:54

interested to hear from somebody else who

6:56

is working in close proximity with a

6:59

friend. Or is he a

7:01

best friend? Is he an acquaintance? Like, tell

7:04

me about your relationship. I don't really

7:06

know. This was

7:08

on the list of not approved topics.

7:10

I was talking about my ceramics, my

7:13

new ceramics. We'll get there. Jason,

7:15

the joke with Jason, I've known Jason since the

7:18

second year of Seinfeld. When

7:20

we started this podcast, we had needed a

7:22

hook. I didn't want to do a podcast.

7:24

I did radio. I left radio after like a long career.

7:26

How many years? It was so

7:29

friggin' long. Give me a number. 27 years, 27

7:31

years, 30 years. I

7:33

left and everybody said, do a podcast, do a podcast.

7:35

I had a million and

7:37

a half people listening, but I'm going to be like a

7:40

kid in feet pajamas talking to who? I don't want to

7:42

do a podcast. They kept hocking me

7:44

and hocking me to do it. I came up with

7:46

the idea, pitched it to Jason. He liked it. He

7:48

called it. It's a way to hang with him. When

7:51

we saw it, I said, the brand has to be.

7:54

Two best friends looking for answers to whatever

7:56

questions they have. Every time we

7:58

would do an interview, he'd go, We're confident

8:01

I've got three top two. He.

8:03

Just moved up so keeps his hurts him to

8:05

say that but I think we're pretty were right

8:07

there. we may be best. So essentially I made

8:09

a habit just to say the same thing with

8:11

slightly different way you had a relationship. With.

8:14

A buddy for decades back and you

8:16

thought. This. Is probably as monetize

8:18

much of a week move. We can probably

8:20

actually sit down behind microphones and do the

8:22

same stuff we do. Over

8:25

lunch and I'm assuming you've had more than

8:27

a few lunches with Jason. Yes no yes

8:29

and no I said if we can

8:31

sell his off the hook is there's no

8:34

money on not Are you are your

8:36

mind or he just wishes neat and know

8:38

it's not is what I wanted to do

8:40

was like an idiot I thought there's

8:42

a nice answer on information with a little

8:45

bit of humor preserving the information shows or

8:47

com he shows didn't want to do

8:49

comedy show. When. A do something

8:51

about informational with humor. So I didn't realize

8:53

I'd be doing all the heavy lifting. I

8:56

didn't have a separate booking. a guest finding

8:58

Doing whatever snows. it's not like sitting down.

9:00

avoid shock. Does Venom. And

9:02

there's also annoyance. And there's animosity. And

9:05

in all shows in the Fight Against

9:07

Month Assist v that Fear Elite I

9:09

know you're very, very familiar. Go see

9:12

you in charge. Have a similar relationship

9:14

where there's guilt sure right over Javelin.

9:16

Oh, I'm going on, we might resent.

9:18

Miscellaneous you question? sure. What?

9:20

Symptoms. Medicinally.

9:23

Would shock show if you set in stone

9:25

a doing. Oh well. In no

9:27

particular order is what you say, server,

9:29

you've already met up while denial. We.

9:31

Can read Stay with nausea Elizabeth Cooler

9:33

asked the stats right far as I

9:35

so I mean Ross really would talk

9:38

about what it was. grief bargaining. Denial.

9:41

Anger and never get to accept the depression

9:44

and eventually acceptance right now in Japan. Have

9:46

yet to accept that he be getting to

9:48

keep your cars when you go denial and

9:50

then he'd go into a kind of a

9:52

kind of a pounding mode. that would be

9:55

I think concerning Ali saying he somehow winningly

9:57

it would be kind of passive aggressive your

9:59

face there. You like talking about this a

10:01

little bit. You like lifting the hood up. Chuck,

10:04

you hearing this? You hearing this? He loves

10:06

nothing more than dressing me down. That's his

10:08

favorite thing to do. It's not my favorite

10:10

thing to do, but I think it's important,

10:13

you know, for my own self-actualization and... It

10:15

is important. I see it. We're actually having a breakthrough

10:17

early on. Think about how many

10:20

arguments you've had with Jason over

10:22

the decades. Oh man, dude. About a week. Fine.

10:25

Fine. But what I'm getting at is

10:28

friendships are precious. And

10:30

I don't know about you, but I mean all

10:32

seriousness. You know, the older you get, the

10:34

more important... The old

10:36

friends become, right? And so

10:39

a shorthand develops along

10:41

with all of these

10:43

other things that in a new relationship

10:45

might be considered the kiss of death. Why

10:47

would you hang out with somebody who is

10:49

passive-aggressive and defensive and skeptical of all things

10:51

that you say? You know, you wouldn't. You

10:54

have to get to the point where those

10:56

qualities actually become, let's call them,

10:59

adjacent to endearing. You're

11:01

right. You're right. It's interesting because one of the episodes

11:04

we're doing is with a bridesmaid

11:06

who you hire, which is funny and interesting stories

11:08

and all that stuff. But it's also why would

11:10

you need to hire a bridesmaid? And part of

11:12

that is a lot of people don't have... Yeah.

11:14

They're their friends. And I didn't realize since COVID,

11:16

people are pruning friends. In other words, I

11:19

haven't seen you in a while. I used to hang out with

11:21

you. I used to do stuff with you. But you know what?

11:23

I used to do it because we were close at work or

11:25

whatever. So they're pruning friends. And it

11:27

started in the 70s. You

11:29

can relate to this in the 70s. There

11:31

were all these clubs. Yeah. Rotary club, bowling

11:34

club, they're gone. We don't do that stuff

11:36

anymore. So that started it. And

11:38

then COVID just kind of put a nail in

11:40

it where people are looking at it going, you

11:42

know what? I'm going to whittle this down a

11:44

bit. Do you think that happened in part because

11:46

of bad geography

11:49

or laziness? Why would

11:52

someone shed a

11:54

friend? You know, honestly, no joking. I

11:56

think it goes deep. I think it's multi-level, but I think

11:59

part of it is... is what you said in a way. Isolation

12:02

doesn't mean you're loneliness necessarily. I don't know

12:04

if you like being isolated sometimes. And I

12:06

think people were surprised by the isolation that

12:08

for some people it was like, okay, I'm

12:10

digging this a bit. But

12:13

I think to your point, that person, I liked

12:15

them at that point, but looking at it now,

12:17

a lot of work, a

12:19

little bit of aggravation. And you know,

12:22

it's Friday night, you're calling, and pizza, I don't

12:24

think I wonder, how many times have you done that? Or

12:27

you've lied and said, I think I got COVID. Well. I've

12:30

used, I think our Yarkov thing, two, three thousand

12:32

dollars. I'm not sure, but I tell you. Not

12:34

sure, but I'm just gonna protect you. It's

12:37

protecting you, so it's, you're out. But

12:39

something else happened during the lockdowns, and

12:42

I completely agree and relate to that.

12:44

That happened in my life. But on

12:46

an equal and opposite plane, because

12:49

we were isolated, I

12:51

suddenly took a weird borderline unhealthy

12:53

interest in my neighbors, who I

12:55

had by and large ignored. That's

12:58

hilarious. Right? And so suddenly, like

13:00

we're in a bubble. So these people I see all the

13:02

time, it's like, we're walking around,

13:04

we're picking up our requisite dog crap, right?

13:07

And I was like, hey, you know what? Why don't you

13:10

come over? We'll send out signs six

13:12

feet apart, have a beer, and

13:14

get to know each other. And

13:16

swap COVID. And swap COVID, of course. Wow.

13:20

I guess I'm just looking for a silver lining at

13:22

the end of this

13:24

horror show, but I've got

13:26

half a dozen relationships with

13:29

people who are actually within half a mile

13:31

of where I live. Well, because you were

13:33

Chuck, honestly, I did. I'm Mike, by the way.

13:35

That's Chuck over there. I thought he was talking to me.

13:37

He looks sort of in this direction. He's still not sure.

13:39

Who's the ricochet, actually? Please,

13:42

Jason, go on with your story. Oh. By

13:45

the way, how about it? We're all gonna

13:47

be there in 10 weeks anyway, and I can remember

13:49

my name. I said to my wife the other day,

13:51

because I'm forgetting names so much, I said, if I

13:53

say, who's the little guy? Big hat, Sundays. If

13:56

he goes, Pope, I Go, just hit me with a brick. Definitely

13:58

Hit me with a brick. The me out

14:00

because I'm beyond repair as a point, but

14:02

the the neighbor things face to face when

14:05

you do soon. Cited lot of Zoom interviews.

14:07

Yeah during covered where I would do it

14:09

man scouts and I would do this one

14:12

into as to groups I couldn't see the

14:14

thousand people watching for all these speakers we

14:16

are as needed somebody who could do an

14:18

interview move it along to I did autonomy

14:20

and it him get a twice and I

14:23

liked him and it was great and it

14:25

was fun and I feel like I don't

14:27

have a relationship which I'm guessing. And

14:30

you're watching herself as much as you're watching them

14:32

just because it. That's the way it works. So

14:34

there's a disconnect. The funniest thing is with his

14:36

back to work thing. I think I read that

14:38

Zoom is making their polls conducted the hardest. Funny

14:41

how that. Happens

14:43

a lot of also assisted it's Villegas or

14:45

right said zoom said hey guys this isn't

14:47

worth the says he should be back in

14:50

the officer that's why the neighbors their their

14:52

yeah. You. Get a sense

14:54

of have always been there yeah

14:56

but it also respiration as a

14:58

different saying, you're craving that But

15:01

I think of it like you

15:03

know, isn't it interesting how more

15:05

arranged marriages. Out. The

15:09

traditional kind. right? That something

15:11

like. I. Don't know. Is that true.

15:13

Oh yeah I got a good friend who

15:15

was are arranged. he's Albanian, his wife came

15:18

from Albania, he met her on their engagement

15:20

day and they have three beautiful children been

15:22

together for twenty some years I know buffalo

15:24

think seats, does he have to somebody else

15:26

arrange last season is that means that years

15:28

of his psyche. is that how you got

15:30

a whole team or a person? Yeah hey

15:32

I want to step out of put I

15:34

got My point is I wonder. If

15:36

maybe. Part. Of our dysfunction

15:39

as a species has to do with the

15:41

fact that you know you've got three hundred

15:43

thirty million people in this country can be

15:45

friends with any of them, but that's a

15:47

big palette and they're spread out and you

15:49

never going to meet all of them if

15:51

somebody were to tell you. look, you can

15:53

only be friends. With. the people

15:55

within a quarter mile of where

15:57

you live or suddenly you would

16:00

be both more discriminating and

16:02

more circumspect because you would want to meet

16:04

them all. Yeah, but like an arranged marriage,

16:07

you're already in a neighborhood with people who

16:09

probably are similarly income level,

16:11

educational level, you know what I mean?

16:13

So there's already that. You've already cut

16:15

through that. So there already may be

16:17

commonalities that are quickly accelerated. You

16:19

can talk to somebody about something, whereas if you need

16:22

somebody at a bar, you go, you have no idea

16:24

what I'm saying. So that, and how many of those

16:26

are sustained that you really like of those people? Well,

16:28

a shocking number, like lockdowns ended

16:30

and we could have all gone

16:32

back to the prior

16:34

life, but now we're kind

16:37

of used to each other. And so there are

16:39

little routines that are built in to the month.

16:41

Fridays here, Tuesdays there. Do you ever feel like

16:43

now you're obligated? Well, no. Has it become that

16:45

yet? Has it become that yet? I mean, what's

16:48

that? Has it become that yet? No. I

16:51

wasn't saying that jokingly. I ask Jason a lot. Am

16:53

I the same because I'm more hair

16:56

trigger and am I more tent? Like

16:58

how do I come? Because I want to know

17:00

because I'm sitting in my second bedroom doing podcasting

17:02

for how long now? I

17:04

don't know how I'm coming off. Am I what

17:06

I used to be? The COVID change. I'm fascinated

17:08

to find out how I've changed. Well, look, we

17:11

are desperate for feedback. We're

17:13

desperate to know how we're doing. Right. So

17:16

as a broadcaster, you must hate

17:18

it, but surely you know about Arbitron.

17:20

Surely you look at the Nielsen. Surely you

17:22

know about it. So I mean, all of

17:24

that is just the mechanics of

17:26

feedback in our industry. But we're also desperate for

17:29

feedback from our friends, from our lovers. But I

17:31

want to know. I

17:33

want to know if I become more of an asshole. I don't know

17:35

about you, but getting older. Couple things have happened.

17:39

It's like dumb stuff, like the sock goes on where he

17:41

goes, son of a... I'm cursing about

17:44

that, the towel falling. I'm becoming my grandfather. I'm definitely

17:46

becoming my grandfather. And I don't know why. And it's

17:48

bugging me. I got to tell you this. Tell

17:50

me if this has happened either, you guys. I'm walking through the airport

17:53

not a week ago. I'm a little late. I'm

17:56

approaching the gate. I'm pulling my carry

17:58

on. And I've got my... knapsack on

18:00

top of it, right, like everybody

18:02

does. Well, the knapsack falls off

18:05

and I'm holding it and pulling

18:07

the thing at the same time. So it rolls

18:10

and twists in my hand and it's heavy and

18:12

this has happened so many times and it's always

18:15

annoyed me, but on this particular day, I spun

18:18

around and I kicked my carry on as hard

18:20

as I could and I

18:22

said some really impolite words

18:25

in my outside voice. I

18:27

snapped, Peter. I snapped. I

18:29

get it. I totally get it and

18:32

I don't know if that's an age thing or if it's

18:34

a societal thing at point because

18:36

we're frustrated with other stuff, but I'm really attuned to

18:38

that because I always tell my kids, you know what?

18:41

We do a lot of charity. You do a lot of charity. I do it

18:43

because I need to be loved, I guess, and I do it because I feel

18:45

I'm a schmuck if I don't. But I always say to

18:48

my kids, if somebody cuts you off and

18:50

you give them the finger, it's going to

18:52

accelerate to death. But watch what happens if

18:54

you go, it's okay, and smile. It diffuses

18:56

it instantly. Totally. Instantly. Okay. So

18:58

easy to do, but it's easy to do and I know it

19:00

sounds saccharine and all, but I really don't want to become that

19:02

asshole. I don't want to go down that route. Yeah. Get

19:05

off the long guy. So to be able

19:07

to like reset the table in your mind,

19:10

you know, back to the airport, that same

19:12

journey, I'm on a plane and

19:14

I'm sitting next to a guy who's wearing a mask and

19:17

he offers me a mask and he said,

19:20

would you like to put this on? And

19:22

I said, thanks, no, but I'm good. And

19:25

inside immediately there was this

19:27

collision of ideas. How

19:29

dare you? What's wrong with you? Why

19:31

don't you live your life and let me live mine?

19:34

I mean, you got to be kidding me. And

19:36

then he takes the mask he offered

19:39

me and he puts

19:41

it over the mask he's already wearing.

19:44

Now he's doubled up. Good thinking.

19:47

Sitting next to a guy with two masks on

19:49

and I'm going to be sitting next to him

19:51

for about five hours. So I need to have

19:53

some level of

19:56

back to Kubler Ross. I'm going to be angry, depressed.

19:59

I'm going to be denial about all this stuff,

20:01

you know. And then I thought,

20:04

what if he's sick? What if he's

20:06

got... There you go. What if

20:08

he feels like there's something going on in his throat and he

20:10

just wants to protect the people around him? Like

20:13

that. Or that he feels, you're so toxic, I need a few

20:15

minutes. But you're right, I... Well, he's like, hey, it's the dirty

20:17

jobs, guys. Maybe you want to wrap yourself in bubble pack. But

20:20

you know what? That's the other thing. Everybody. You find out... I

20:22

talk to everybody. I don't know if you're like that. My wife

20:24

cracks up because every restaurant we go to, they know me. Because

20:28

waiters comes up, somebody comes up and goes, having a

20:30

good day, bed, is it rush? I travel through cultural

20:32

poignments space by talking to people. It's fun. I guess

20:34

I grew up in a European home where kids

20:37

should be seen but not heard. Yeah. So

20:39

I was stifled for so many years. I love doing that. And

20:42

you watch people light up when you ask them about stuff

20:44

because they don't get to be heard often.

20:47

But I always tell my kids the same thing.

20:49

Everybody's carrying a 50 pound bag of cement. Everybody.

20:51

As a kid with cancer, as a friend who

20:53

has something going on, if you

20:55

go one level below, so for you to go

20:58

there, because I'm not that evolved, I would probably

21:00

have gone the whole flight going son of a

21:02

bitch. I would have probably

21:04

found another mask. I would ask the flight attendant on

21:06

the... One more three. Let's

21:08

go for the third. Why take chances? I hear two. Yeah,

21:10

dude. You know these filtration systems. Let's

21:16

go back to the lunch you

21:19

mentioned you had with Jason after... Was

21:21

it the first episode of the first

21:23

season of time? The

21:25

beginning of second season, as I recall. And the

21:27

reason I'm asking you is because you've been in

21:29

this business for a very

21:32

long time with respect. And I'm guessing

21:34

that you don't know anybody who

21:36

hit it that hard

21:39

and that amazingly. I don't know how many other

21:42

friends we had. Unfortunately, I know a bunch of friends who

21:44

are here. Really? Yeah, I'm

21:46

the radio guy going, wow, that's really fun to watch.

21:48

Who's bigger than Jason Alexander? In a different way, like

21:50

Billy Bob Thornton won an Oscar. Yeah, he's big. That's

21:52

pretty big. You're doing a podcast with him? An amazing

21:55

guy. No, he won't return. I'm kidding. The

21:58

other person that I'm close with, but he's... Quiet

22:00

about it and doesn't. Do

22:03

stuff much now is Homer Simpson Dan Castellaneta

22:05

are like my kids got outpaced her of

22:07

and he's wonderful and lovely but Loki low

22:10

down and doesn't gonna go out there and

22:12

publicize it but you are means how many

22:14

years oh my god thirty was a voters

22:16

running so number the third year for hims

22:19

that became really close friends but it's in

22:21

a different way. But I want to talk

22:23

about the lunch were.on of this happened at

22:25

lunch but. When. You realize you

22:28

might have a tiger by the tail? Write.

22:30

Me: A: Super interesting and when you're

22:32

watching that happen for your friend, that's

22:34

super interesting to. I. Think year

22:37

it was. It's weird because I don't

22:39

look at Jason as a guy. It's

22:41

really weird at all. It doesn't. Because.

22:43

He such a good guy and I liked

22:45

him because of who he is and not

22:47

because of that. We also come with to

22:49

Tv shows together. That word that we've been

22:51

through the war together. I was in intensive

22:53

care, animals died. He's going to start families

22:55

have kids have some dust even when I

22:57

turn it on announcing channels and I see

22:59

him, I love it. Nobody plays annoyed, funnier

23:01

than that history. okay but I don't seem

23:03

as that cause he's not. That's the thing

23:06

that hit me about how big it was

23:08

because I don't see comes before you been

23:10

on sets was signs of when it took

23:12

off. I went to the

23:14

set and I've never seen Craft services. I'm

23:16

almost certain that they have like Zola out

23:18

like a red licorice. They have about a

23:20

can of licorice, a donor, a zagged and

23:23

then something else and you're asking for. Can

23:25

I have maybe a piece of bread? signs

23:27

of the table when you couldn't see the

23:29

end of it. There. Clouds and

23:31

they had anything anybody wanted to

23:34

eat at, all of their crock

23:36

pots roasting, sing sushi because it

23:38

doesn't matter when you that and

23:40

the other part of that was

23:42

watching them work. They. Were

23:44

having such recruiter? And one

23:46

some hits like that Man the audience everyone is

23:48

having a time. When did they know. That

23:51

reason tells it that it was

23:54

during the. I. may get us

23:56

wrong people can yell at me with signs of

23:58

it's but it was masturbation episode which were was

24:00

the contest. Jason

24:02

said it was the first time where you could actually

24:04

see numbers going up. They could see numbers going up

24:06

during the episode because people were calling people and

24:09

saying you've got to check this out and

24:11

boom and then it went. But Larry, Jason

24:13

told the fire, left three times, quit three

24:15

times. For the reason,

24:17

and I got it, I wish I would have thought

24:19

to say this, the network, you've had this too, the

24:21

network notes. I've had two

24:24

networks and a studio give me notes. You've got

24:26

nine people contradicting each other and telling

24:28

me what to do. I'm looking

24:30

on my phone to see if I

24:32

can buy a gun without a waiting period for myself

24:34

to blow my soul out. But

24:36

what Larry said, which was really interesting, he said,

24:38

I'm quitting and they say why? And he said,

24:41

because I can't do, if you want a person

24:43

to do that, what you're saying, fire that person,

24:45

what I do is this. How

24:48

do you fight that? I can't do that. That's

24:50

changing though, isn't it? Aren't

24:52

the suits as it were getting less and

24:54

less involved? So

25:00

the Marine Corps Scholarship Foundation awards

25:02

over $10 million. That's

25:05

right. $10 million in

25:07

scholarships to nearly 3000 applicants

25:10

every single year in dozens

25:12

of different vocations. Now the

25:14

question you're probably asking is

25:17

how do I get some of that money? Well,

25:19

it starts with these questions. Was your

25:21

mom or dad a Marine? Can

25:24

you demonstrate financial need? Is

25:26

your high school GPA above a 2.0? If

25:30

the answer is yes to all of those

25:32

questions, well then, congratulations, you've

25:35

already qualified for a Marine

25:37

Corps Scholarship. It doesn't matter

25:39

what your career path is. The

25:42

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25:44

training or your certification. 100%

25:48

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25:50

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25:54

aid applications for non-degree career and

25:56

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25:58

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26:01

ahead and apply today. Check

26:04

your eligibility and apply at

26:06

mcsf.org slash

26:08

apply that's

26:11

mcsf.org/apply. Give

26:13

me an oorah. Oorah!

26:17

Oorah! Oorah! Oorah!

26:20

Oorah! Oorah! I

26:23

have been so not close to selling

26:26

anything recently. But you

26:28

and Jason are doing your own podcast. Mike and I

26:30

are doing this podcast. It's like so many people are

26:32

on their own nowadays and sort of cutting the cord

26:34

to the studio or the network. You had a life,

26:36

you talked about it before, of getting notes from people.

26:38

I had 52 different program directors

26:40

and one was good. And

26:43

you'd have to sit and listen and as you get older, instead

26:45

of getting crazy and cursing and

26:48

going nuts, I at least became an adult and go,

26:50

they're hearing out of the car speaker while they're driving.

26:52

Why are they hearing it that way? Maybe there is

26:54

something valid there. 10%, 20% so I go, let me

26:56

use it instead

26:59

of negate it. But

27:01

still when you have a hit show like that... See,

27:04

I looked at notes as a

27:06

form of focus group and I had

27:08

always thought of a focus group as the lowest

27:11

form of science. A terrific

27:13

way to get rid of all the

27:15

bad ideas and all the great ideas.

27:17

Just the squishy middle

27:19

is left. When you get notes from one person,

27:21

it might be a lifesaver. You get

27:24

notes from nine, there's simply no way.

27:27

You're going to put it all together into

27:29

some unholy bully base and distill it down

27:31

into something. What

27:33

do you do with that? How do you

27:35

even think about it? It chips away also, like

27:38

the Seinfelds of the world, the shows that are

27:40

most successful are usually close to being a singular

27:42

voice. That wasn't interrupted

27:44

because it made them laugh. One

27:46

guy once said, you know how you have the table where you're doing

27:48

it? We'd go, hey stop doing what

27:51

you're doing, let's get back to work. And the guy next to

27:53

me would go, no, this should be the

27:55

show, not what we're going to get back to. Because

27:57

everybody goes back into that mode of, here's what a

27:59

sitcom is. years but the Chuck's portion I

28:01

don't know what this looks like anymore because

28:03

a lot of these shows are eight and

28:05

ten episodes now yeah and

28:07

actors you're six I

28:09

don't know what that looks like what that feels like

28:11

yeah what the pay is like what the

28:14

networks are like well look how long it took for

28:16

Seinfeld to find its

28:18

rhythm right it was roundly considered sort

28:20

of a failure and see it was

28:22

the lowest testing sitcom in NBC

28:25

history which tells you about your focus groups and testing

28:28

don't ever go do you ever watched one of your

28:30

shows be tested no

28:32

I have heard the stories it's

28:34

we had a show called Bob Patterson that I

28:36

came up with which was a motivational speaker who

28:38

couldn't motivate us that was you those me yeah

28:40

it was me and Jason and I wanted to

28:42

do that area so big I wanted

28:44

to do that so badly so I got Jason

28:46

on board we had a great pilot thank God

28:49

written with Mike Marco which is a genius and

28:52

we went to the testing and

28:54

I had some great lines in there I had some

28:56

really funny stuff in this stuff I loved and stuff

28:59

and we had one scene which was almost an

29:01

embarrassment we had a woman I hate to say

29:03

it with the water girl coming in and the

29:06

line was look at those jugs

29:09

I don't even know how it made it into the

29:11

pilot because I'm so embarrassed and the people in the

29:13

room who were kind of with the dial the meter

29:15

going up and down when she walked in and that

29:18

that like they pinned it to the right like that

29:20

was the thing they liked the most Jason I

29:22

submit for your consideration married

29:27

with children I

29:30

mean but married with children that made the Fox

29:32

Network yeah did you ever go to those tapings

29:34

I never went to dude I got it first

29:36

of all because they pushed the envelope signal

29:39

you've gone through a taping of the sicko oh

29:41

yeah how far back does the audience sit pretty

29:44

let's see I was in one with

29:47

Tim Allen and they were up maybe

29:50

maybe 30 Feet, It's bleachers. but it's

29:52

a way. it's a way to. Oh yeah, yeah.

29:54

married with children? You're sitting. You're almost in the

29:56

set they wanted to hear in the right there.

29:58

You're right. You're oh, The second rule two

30:00

inches from them. Wheel.

30:03

Drinking and eating. Go for. I

30:05

mean they wanted that seem to be a

30:07

part of the Golden Globes. It was insane

30:09

because they wanted to break the war. They

30:11

wanted to the different stuff the owners to

30:13

be receiving. Sure that there's hooting, there's yelling

30:15

at all kinds of crap on owners, the

30:17

audience was right there right on top. and

30:20

it's and that's when Simpson started. That.

30:22

Made Fox Network married to someone and

30:24

Simpson. You know, I heard a story

30:26

once. Tim Allen. He ran a really

30:28

tight ship on Last Man Standing like

30:30

they would. You know I went to

30:33

The Weaker for her souls and stuff.

30:35

I played his younger brother and the

30:37

night we shot it. I mean we

30:39

were done by Take before like nine

30:41

thirty. Like you. Know the

30:43

media. it really shot at like a

30:45

play and I'm a couple people. Pulled

30:48

me aside later said you have to

30:50

appreciate how unusual this is and they

30:52

told me story about friends. And

30:54

how it was not uncommon to

30:56

be there it to in the

30:58

morning, still writing new lines, still

31:00

trying just and I just can't

31:03

imagine. It's just the i don't

31:05

want arrows and been there to one to one

31:07

if it's really hard is diminishing and I said

31:09

the my wife not said i don't like the

31:11

process or wasn't thrilled I'm in. I'm from Philly,

31:14

from Rome and silly I never thought I'd be

31:16

out here so I'm all in the stuff. even

31:18

the worst of it. I still can't believe I

31:20

got to be part of you. Watch Tv is

31:23

a kitten. You fantasize about this and then you're

31:25

They're driving to the Universal Studios lots and the

31:27

hair's gone back up the back to your neck

31:29

when I cannot believe on here but what I

31:31

saw was the writing. it becomes diminishing returns and.

31:34

I said to my of have to go on for years. When

31:36

I'm doing is trying to do jokes and guessing

31:39

what's in the show runners head not what I

31:41

think is funny and I don't even know, have

31:43

to start putting them under laughing about i really

31:45

don't know what they're talking about yes and then

31:47

I'd watch the sitcom go oh it's not that

31:49

funny but in the room. is

31:51

politics gone on people laughing at other people jokes

31:53

that are close and they're not let at you

31:55

all of that stuff which is fine as said

31:58

the industry but i just couldn't do it anymore

32:00

where I'm trying to guess what he thinks is

32:02

funny, which is his right, the showrunner. So

32:04

that's when I went out and sold, we did Bob

32:06

Patterson, and then we did the thing called Hit the

32:08

Road, which was right before COVID,

32:11

which I always thought would be fascinating because I did

32:13

country music for a bunch of years. And

32:15

the country artist Jamie O'Neill always used to tell me

32:18

that her family, it was a family band, and

32:20

they would be just off the stage, two

32:22

inches from the curtain going, you know what,

32:24

and then in two seconds

32:27

it's America, and then they go back to

32:29

fighting and stuff. What a great thing that

32:31

is being trapped with your family on

32:33

a bus and you know too much about sex, drugs,

32:35

and rock and roll that your kids are doing. Yeah,

32:37

exactly. And then by the way, we did it

32:39

and then COVID. Was that COVID? Yeah. And the

32:42

first thing I did after the lockdowns was a

32:44

show called Road Trip, R-O-W-E-D, because

32:46

I'm terribly clever that way. But

32:48

yeah, I mean, how funny to

32:50

suddenly be in that space where

32:52

I was so desperate to do

32:54

something. I didn't care what COVID

32:56

was. I think we did

32:58

the first Zoom show in prime time

33:01

about three weeks into the lockdowns.

33:03

Wow. It wasn't very good. But

33:05

it was as good as it could be. It

33:07

was me interviewing crab boat captains, you

33:09

know, up in the very... Oh, that's sweet. Okay.

33:11

Can I ask you a question about that? Sure.

33:13

Yeah. I love reality television because again, how you...

33:16

I could see me going in and selling

33:18

Dr. Pimple Popper. Sure. What? Really? It sold?

33:20

What? I can draw a line, by the

33:22

way, from an episode of Dirty Jobs to

33:24

that show. But go ahead because... Well,

33:26

you're serious. You did a series like that with Four

33:28

Shoes to Love where you went the whole six degrees.

33:30

So I got it. But I watched

33:33

the crab thing and I go, wow, these

33:37

guys are killing themselves. But

33:39

the crew with the camera, that's why we got

33:41

an adventure cameraman on because we had... I said,

33:43

forget him. You're running backwards in the waves. You're

33:46

going to die. What is that

33:48

like for the crew? Did they draw

33:50

like bad straws to get that

33:52

assignment on... We didn't know early on

33:55

what it was. I was

33:57

trying to sell Dirty Jobs and they

33:59

didn't on it. It was a talk show

34:01

in a sewer, essentially. That

34:04

was the accusation. Oh, that was wonderful. Guilty as

34:06

charged. I said, yeah, it is. But they said,

34:08

we've got this thing up off

34:10

the Pribilof Islands in the Bering Strait that might

34:12

be interesting. They showed me the footage and we

34:15

went up and basically it might

34:17

have been a dock. It might have been a series. It

34:19

might have been a limited series. We didn't

34:21

know what we were shooting. So I'm working

34:23

like Part Stone Phillips, Part, Greenhorn,

34:27

you know, and the crew that was

34:29

up there, honestly, they just

34:31

didn't. It's difficult enough

34:33

to film a frenetic scene

34:36

like that, but

34:38

put it in 30 foot swells with

34:41

sleet coming in sideways and you got

34:43

cameramen doing full planks in midair, hitting

34:45

the ground like a, I mean, shocking.

34:48

It was shockingly chaotic and violent.

34:51

And the only way

34:53

to shoot it was for everybody to go

34:55

wide and shoot everything.

34:58

And then lock down some GoPros on some relatively stable

35:00

things. And they let that pick up the stuff that's

35:02

dangerous. Wow. Because I watched that. A, not

35:06

to knock it, but it kind of looks like

35:08

the same show every week. Because it's what it

35:10

is. And after 10 episodes, why am I still

35:12

watching this? Because I want to see the win.

35:15

I want to see, it's like my, the joke

35:17

that a community used to do when I was

35:19

growing up with a guy used to sit at

35:21

home on Sundays and watch the fishing show and

35:23

yell, mom, we caught one. It's part of it

35:25

is that it's the win. You can share the

35:27

human drama that we brought the crowds back

35:29

and we made a half a million bucks

35:31

and we figured it out. We beat nature.

35:33

So let me take it. Maybe tell me

35:35

if I'm wrong, but for me, you

35:38

can't script the Bering Sea, right?

35:40

And we were entering a time when

35:42

every single thing in reality TV was

35:45

going to be focus grouped. It was

35:47

going to be weighed and

35:49

measured. And every show runner was going

35:51

to look at this thing called reality

35:54

through the lens of a

35:56

sitcom producer, because that's really what they wanted

35:58

to be. Right. And so. So, you

36:01

know, suddenly reality became the

36:03

opposite of reality. But

36:05

you can't script the Bering Sea. So just when

36:07

you think you got your story arcs figured out

36:09

and your main characters are galvanized and you think

36:11

you know what's going to happen with the season,

36:13

a frickin' boat sinks and

36:16

six men die. And you go,

36:18

oh, we're not in charge of this thing, are

36:20

we? The viewers

36:22

can sense that. And they

36:25

crave it. Not death. They

36:27

crave authenticity. Well, reality shows

36:31

ought to be real. Nobody talks like

36:33

sitcoms, set up jokes, set up jokes. All of a

36:35

sudden reality shows came out and they went, okay, this

36:37

is how I talk, this is how people talk and

36:39

it feels real. But I got to ask you, as

36:41

you were talking about that, I wonder about you because you

36:43

did dirty jobs, you did that. You did

36:45

a lot of stuff. I interviewed William Macy

36:47

recently and he said as an actor when you're

36:49

in your 20s, you take

36:51

roles because they could change the world and be something.

36:54

In your 40s, you do it because

36:57

it's interesting and it can pay. And then

36:59

when you get into your 50s and 60s,

37:01

you say, well, I have to get wet. So

37:04

to you, you're a really talented guy. I've seen

37:07

you do a lot of different stuff and I

37:09

really am a fan of your work. It's not

37:11

easy, okay? But I was wondering about

37:13

getting wet. Did you ever want to just do a show and you

37:15

go, I just want to host a show, I want to be Johnny

37:17

Carson, I want to be this and I don't want to have

37:20

to be in a store, I don't want to have

37:22

to be in a crab boat. Why the hell did

37:24

I get myself into this world where I can sell

37:26

shows that are this or this adjacent but

37:28

they don't see me as part of this? Could you

37:30

do other stuff too? I did

37:32

for 15 years, I guess. I

37:36

mean game shows, talk shows, sitcoms,

37:38

pilot. Hiding magazine. QVC. QVC.

37:42

I did, I mean a lot. Close to 300

37:44

jobs before Dirty Jobs. The

37:47

short answer is I fancied

37:50

myself a pretty facile host.

37:53

I could create the illusion of competence in

37:55

short bursts. I could hit the X. I

37:58

could memorize the information on a plaque. at

38:00

Gettysburg and then I could look at the camera and

38:02

I could spit it back out as though I actually

38:04

knew that before I showed up. And that's basically what

38:06

I was paid to do, that and that rate. And

38:09

people are watching you do this and the

38:12

way you do it and the relatability factor and the

38:14

evergreen factor is really a lot of people can't do

38:16

that. Well, I was 42 and

38:19

I realized that I had an okay

38:21

career. I still kind of liked being

38:23

a host, but Dirty Jobs

38:25

didn't need a host. It needed a guest. It

38:28

needed an avatar. And once

38:30

I realized, oh, it's a big Johnny

38:32

Carson lesson. He was very generous with

38:35

his guests because he knew he'd be back the

38:37

next day. And Buddy Hackett would be off doing

38:39

all of that. What John would say is, in

38:41

Carson's line, because I studied that too, was it

38:44

doesn't matter if you get to left or I get to left, they're

38:46

going to say, it's hard on Carson. That's it. That's

38:48

exactly right. And I can't say

38:50

that that occurred to me that

38:53

cogently, but at some point in

38:55

the sewer in San Francisco, when

38:57

the rat jumped off my shoulder,

38:59

landed in my crotch and sent

39:01

me leaping skyward only to knock

39:03

myself nearly unconscious and fall face first

39:05

in a river of crap somewhere in

39:07

the middle of that miasma was

39:10

the realization that this is kind of funny

39:12

and we're learning things and it doesn't matter

39:14

if the joke is on me. In fact,

39:16

it's better. That it's on me

39:18

and not that guy. That

39:21

was a weird thing to sort

39:23

of realize relatively late in my

39:25

career. And once I realized it,

39:28

once I realized it, Peter, you got a brand. Oh

39:31

yeah. And like back to Dr.

39:34

Pimple Popper, I can't prove this, but

39:37

we were in a tannery and

39:39

we were preparing hides that

39:41

had been recently removed from deer and

39:44

we were scraping the fat off of

39:46

the inside of the hide. And I

39:48

came across a sebaceous

39:51

cyst. It's very common

39:53

on the inside of the skin of deer. It's

39:55

about the size of a quarter and

39:57

stood up maybe half an inch. And

40:00

it looked like it was filled with

40:02

the kind of contagion that

40:04

you neither wanted to see in your sniff. So

40:08

you had to show it. You had to squeeze it

40:10

out. It wasn't just that, Chuck. It was

40:12

we made a meal of this thing. I'm not

40:14

saying we ate it. Thank God. I'm

40:16

saying we spent roughly nine

40:19

minutes setting up a

40:21

shot. We just got a

40:23

high-speed camera. We had the macro

40:25

setting. I aimed this

40:27

thing. I squeezed this thing.

40:29

And that hot, disappointing,

40:31

toothpaste-like custard that came flying

40:34

out of that was played

40:36

back multiple times with the

40:39

appropriate music under it. And

40:42

who knew that in

40:44

this country are many millions of

40:46

people who really enjoy that?

40:49

But you knew instinctively. I'm just

40:52

trying to fill it out. Wait, wait, wait. If

40:54

we go back even further, you see, because I

40:56

understand that you got fired a couple of times

40:58

and the word has it. You

41:01

were showing dolls and you had a nun doll with

41:03

it. I did have a nun doll. Yeah. And you

41:05

did things. I won't say. You tell me what you

41:08

did. Wait a minute. You're the guest, dude. So go

41:10

easy. I know your instinct is to ask probing questions.

41:12

No, but I just thought, oh, if you don't want

41:14

me to follow the story where it's taken me, I

41:16

think you're fascinated. Follow the story by all means. But

41:19

don't say, Mike, tell me another amusing story. No, but

41:21

you took over. At QVC, you weren't just selling stuff

41:23

because on some level it's the guy who knows that

41:25

that thing needs to be popped.

41:27

You're at QVC going, you know what? This

41:30

is chugging along, but you know what? I

41:32

see opportunity. Oh, yeah. And

41:34

you did. But not everybody does that. Not

41:36

everybody gets that. It's revisionist history, Peter. Looking

41:39

back, I can tell you now

41:41

that everything worth knowing, every useful

41:43

skill in my stupid little toolbox

41:46

in this crazy industry, I

41:48

learned at QVC. I didn't know it

41:50

at the time. All I knew at the

41:52

time was it was two in the morning and I

41:54

had to talk for eight minutes at a time

41:57

about an item that was brought to me by

41:59

a product company. coordinator that I had

42:01

never seen before. I didn't even know

42:03

that they were real. The health team

42:05

infrared pain reliever, the AMCORE negative ion

42:08

generator. I don't see this. I don't

42:10

know. Aren't you happy everybody listening to

42:12

the guest that the guest had

42:14

this story about it? Because it's

42:16

fascinating. It's how people become who they are and have

42:18

an awareness. Well look, let's do

42:20

a shameless pivot and get back to

42:22

Joan Rivers. Did you invoke her name? You

42:25

know, the two, three dozen listeners we have

42:28

at this point on a regular basis will

42:30

probably know the story. But Joan

42:32

saved my career. I mean she

42:35

hired me after my third firing.

42:38

And I don't want to drag you through all the

42:40

details of that, but I want to know why she

42:42

mattered to you and what

42:45

she did or said that might

42:47

have changed the trajectory of your own misspeccia. You

42:49

get who she was. I was very lucky. She

42:51

came on my show early on and

42:54

we hit it off. Radio show. Radio

42:56

show. Melissa was with her and she said, so

42:58

what about, and it just so happened I lived

43:00

two blocks away from them. So

43:03

she started calling me to go out to dinner and we

43:05

had a Chinese restaurant we live and every week she would

43:07

be sending me, maybe we do Chinese. Then

43:09

she wanted me to work on fashion police and work with us.

43:12

And I didn't want to do that. I was too busy doing

43:14

whatever. But she said, please come. I said, well I

43:16

don't want to be hired by them. I don't want to write the show.

43:18

Can we just do it? I'll do it if it's just you and me.

43:21

I go over every Wednesday morning and sit on the

43:23

floor in her bedroom and write jokes, make her laugh and

43:25

just play. Which was like the

43:28

most magical thing. But what you will learn about

43:30

Joan is, everybody saw Joan as this character. We

43:34

were actually launching a dog food when she died

43:36

because I wanted to get her off the road

43:38

a bit. Wait a minute. Launching a

43:40

dog food? We launching a dog food. I said to my

43:42

parents, I'm like, I think your parents were supportive. My

43:45

parents were, don't be stupid. I

43:48

don't think you're good looking enough for it. So I'm on the

43:50

radio. You're not good looking enough for radio? You're not smart enough.

43:52

That one was not smart enough. So they

43:54

could define. They could be specific. So

43:56

I did that. And then from there, I started doing

43:58

commercials and other stuff. And then I was

44:00

called by a radio station out here to come

44:03

out and do radio morning drive. I

44:05

figured, I'll come out, I'll take the trip, it's never going

44:07

to happen. I was going through the divorce. It

44:09

was a tough time and they wanted me. And

44:12

I held my, you know, uprooted

44:14

everything, did it. The

44:17

family came out with me. It was a tough time because they

44:19

ended up going back and I would go back every week to

44:21

see my kids. It was horrible. But

44:23

I got to experience that for a year. It

44:26

was a tough time because the guy who was my

44:28

boss didn't hire me. The corporate hired me. So you're

44:30

on the air now. I'm wondering if you're not doing

44:33

morning drive at KLSX in Los Angeles. Yeah, don't gloss

44:35

over that because I want to like, when you go

44:37

from writing copy, producing copy, ad sales

44:39

and so forth and now all of that, it's a very

44:41

different dynamic. It's just you and the maker. And I didn't

44:43

know it and had never done it and they weren't going

44:46

to help me because he didn't like that I was there.

44:49

So it was rough. However, I guess I did

44:51

funny enough stuff or enough stuff that I started

44:53

meeting everybody wanted to come on from the Richard

44:55

Lewis. Every comedian came on, every

44:58

actor, every musician. I would

45:00

see and I knew nobody growing up. I'd never seen a

45:02

celebrity. I was excited when John Lennon

45:04

came to just wasn't Philly. I didn't necessarily see a

45:06

ship and Graham Nash would come on and I'd say,

45:08

oh my God. And he would say,

45:10

yeah, I drive my kid to school and listen

45:13

to you. And I'm thinking Graham Nash lives near the Galsons

45:15

at Haven. I thought he lived in the

45:17

mountains with Joni Mitchell. So you start meeting

45:19

people and it becomes a thing. It

45:21

ended. I'm going back to Philly and

45:24

KABC called the talk station said, we think we'd

45:26

like you on here. And I said, well, okay,

45:29

not knowing again what that was. I just went

45:31

and did it and looking back, I don't know.

45:33

I had the balls to do

45:35

it. Well, you didn't know any better. And you're sitting there and

45:37

I got to tell you, I don't know if this ever happened

45:39

to you. So I'm on ABC

45:42

and I was doing weekends and

45:45

I have in the actress Imogen Koka

45:48

from younger people know her from vacation.

45:50

She's the grandmother who is strapped to

45:52

the roof and George Green, the general

45:54

manager of the station, who's like the

45:56

Godfather station. He runs the whole

45:58

deal comes in while I'm. sitting with Imogen

46:00

Koka to read the paper because he was there. He

46:02

came on weekends. It was like his house. And

46:05

this one, they were number one station in America.

46:07

This was, if you remember, Ken Minio, all these

46:09

stars. Yeah, Ken Minio, sure. And

46:11

I'm on and I'm just starting. And

46:14

Imogen Koka's there and I go, God, you

46:16

worked with Milton Burrow. That must have been,

46:18

no, not Milton Burrow with, oh my

46:20

God, who's the crazy, since

46:22

he's a thank you, since he's a, that must have

46:25

been insane. No, it was funny,

46:27

my friend. Yeah, but it was live

46:29

TV. You must have had stuff happen to you. It

46:32

was really, it was, really, it was sitter

46:34

crazy, man. Very nice to me. And I've

46:36

asked now 80 questions and it's three minutes

46:38

after the hour and I got an hour.

46:41

I'm now sitting in a puddle of Tilden. I

46:43

mean, it's just so bad and I'm going, I

46:45

don't know. So now I'm telling stories to her

46:47

about, you know, I have a grandmother similar to

46:49

you. That was the worst day

46:51

of radio for me. I thought I was,

46:53

that was it. I'm dead. George is sitting

46:55

behind the paper. I'm getting fired. And

46:58

Imogen Koka basically has finished a four hour

47:00

interview in eight minutes. So

47:03

I want to kill him, put him on the top of the car. We

47:05

finish, she leaves and I know I'm getting

47:08

fired. And George puts down the paper and

47:10

says, who was that again? He wasn't paying

47:12

any attention. He couldn't care less. But I

47:14

learned a valuable lesson. Be

47:16

so prepared that if

47:19

the guest dies, doesn't show up, whatever, don't

47:21

rely on callers, don't rely on anything else.

47:23

Be prepared for the worst every time you

47:26

open the money because it's a good chance

47:28

it could happen again. So wow. So

47:31

this would have been, see

47:33

my, I listened to a lot of Howard Stern.

47:36

As did I, as did I. Early morning. That was,

47:39

what was the, in Washington, it was

47:41

at WJ, was it? No, no, in Philly.

47:43

In Philly, WYSP. Was it

47:45

WYSP? A hundred, I know because I put

47:48

all my clients on there and I did

47:50

Howard's campaign. They had no money for the

47:52

campaign. And Ken Stevens who ran the station

47:54

said, would you do the ad for Howard? And I said,

47:56

so here's what I need. I just need, will

47:58

he record something? No. Well,

48:00

you should something know. How much money do you have? A dollar.

48:03

So I said, okay, here's what I got. So

48:05

what listeners saw when they saw the ad I

48:08

did for No Money was they

48:10

saw a grandmother's type table with a doily, an

48:12

old fashioned radio, a Tiffany

48:14

lamp, and you heard Howard doing

48:17

something outrageous voice. But on the table

48:19

was a bowl, a fish bowl

48:21

with a fish ostensibly

48:25

way too large for that bowl. So it's like almost

48:27

bent in half. And

48:29

because the bowl reflects bigger

48:32

optics, it looked really

48:34

big. So now Howard's voice

48:36

is coming out of the radio. This fish is going, you

48:38

know, the mouth is moving and you're going, what am I?

48:40

I don't know what I'm looking at. And

48:43

it's Howard Stern, not for everybody,

48:45

whatever. And it costs nothing. Peter

48:48

complained. We got written up. It became this huge

48:50

thing. Meanwhile, I took the fish was in there for a minute and

48:52

a half. You know what I mean? And

48:55

then straight down the toilet. It was hilarious. So funny, but

48:57

I had to work to get something

48:59

to get better press than an

49:01

angry Peter though. You know, I'm an animal lover. As a

49:03

matter of fact, when you started this interview, you want to

49:05

come full circle. Not that I want to end it because

49:08

I'm enjoying it, but I did tell Chuck

49:10

when I came in, I have a dog that's 18. And

49:13

right before I got here, we found out

49:15

we realized it's time. So we're scheduling him

49:17

being put down and I can't even. Yeah.

49:20

So thank you for this because it got me out of

49:22

that. I'm my head for that. So thank you.

49:25

So Liz, what's the dog's name? It's a dog named Dexter. Because

49:28

when we adopt him and he was Tex, I

49:30

didn't want to adopt him. Terrier. Because

49:33

he was too lethargic. It was like a giant Quaalude.

49:35

And I thought to my wife, something's wrong here. So

49:37

we passed, but then something called to me and we saw

49:39

him again. And I said, he's unusual.

49:41

He's really laid back. I hope he's not something wrong

49:44

with him. We take him to my

49:46

house. We open the front door

49:48

and this dog that was

49:50

almost paralyzed. He hardly moved.

49:52

But when you go to see in Australia,

49:54

when you go see what are

49:56

they called? The animals that aren't moving.

49:58

It's not a panda. All of us. The

50:01

eight o'clock. The three o'clock. The eight o'clock.

50:04

Yes. I open the door. He

50:06

runs into the living room, jumps on the dining room table,

50:08

goes downstairs, out the door, runs around

50:10

the pool, to the middle of the pool cover, sinks, and

50:12

I got to dive in. He's been

50:14

home for a minute, and it never stopped. He was faking

50:16

it. He was totally faking it. And I love it. I

50:19

mean... It's a classic terrier. Yeah.

50:22

Oh, there you go. Are you thinking of a terrier right there?

50:24

That has three terriers, dude. They just... They

50:26

have attitudes. Nothing but character. Nothing but

50:28

character. So he wouldn't pull on the leash right.

50:30

Didn't matter what you do. He would always test you. And I'd

50:32

look at him, and go, dude, really? We're going to do this

50:34

again? And eventually he'd go, all right, give up and go, fine.

50:37

But next time, I'm pulling again, because I

50:39

can't. Isn't that crazy the way we love

50:42

our dogs, man? It is

50:44

insane, because they're also... I

50:46

don't know about you, but I don't know how many old dogs you've

50:48

had to get to put down, but I take them out, and every

50:50

time I take them out now, I go, dude, how did we get...

50:53

Because it's your life, too. How did we get here? Yeah.

50:56

How did the time pass so quickly? What freaks me out

50:58

is, I go away for a week. I

51:01

was away for seven weeks. You go

51:03

away for a month. You're away for seven months. A day

51:05

is seven days. It's just

51:09

so cruel, and yet such a

51:11

gift. Oh, man. He's... I

51:13

said to my wife, I'm not going to go crazy with

51:16

it. I'm out of my mind, so thank you. And

51:18

I didn't mean to slow down. But

51:20

it was so powerful. It's just, I'm looking at him

51:22

today thinking, dude, we're

51:25

coming to the end of the road. I don't know

51:27

who came up with the best friend. I

51:30

mean, man's best friend. I

51:32

wonder who really fought to

51:34

categorize canines that way, but it

51:37

was... It was

51:39

brilliant. I mean, how many comedians... I

51:41

mean, did Seinfeld, right? Have just been

51:44

unlimited about... The best one was the

51:46

comedian who did, again, who did Weekend

51:48

Update way, way back and died last

51:50

year. Norm Macdonald. The special Hitler's dog.

51:52

Did you ever see that? No, remind

51:54

me. Also, the whole special is called

51:56

Hitler's dog. But you've

51:58

got to just watch the end because it's... The end is when

52:01

he actually talks about Hitler's dog and he says,

52:03

you know what, dogs are unbelievable. They're

52:05

unconditionally love you. Like Hitler's dog.

52:08

Hitler's dog is home going, Oh

52:10

my God, is he not great? He's going to be home and we're

52:12

going to play the ball? Oh my God, oh my God, oh my

52:14

God. Hitler, you're great, but I mean you're

52:17

not, you know Hitler. He is the best. Is he

52:19

not the best? Is he not? Heimlich, what do you

52:21

say? Yeah, it's Hitler, right? He's the best. Oh my

52:23

God, the way he scratches. And he just goes on

52:25

to Hitler's dog. Hitler's dog

52:27

doesn't care. He's Hitler. He doesn't care. He doesn't

52:29

care. He doesn't care. He doesn't care. King

52:32

Frederick II of Prussia apparently is where that

52:34

comes from in 1786. Wow.

52:37

Interesting. So Frederick of Prussia and you

52:39

invoked Hitler just 200 years later. Here

52:41

we go. Here we go. Best friend.

52:43

I don't think any of them is

52:45

laughing at that. No,

52:47

they're not. Hey, how long have we been talking? Because

52:49

I've got a million more questions. Over

52:51

an hour. All right. But I love loving this. Like

52:53

I said, you gave me a gift because I am

52:55

a fan and I have a lot of questions too,

52:58

but you really got me out of that headspace. I

53:00

was really driving here. I said to my wife, how

53:03

am I getting this in? I said to the office and doing this. Seriously,

53:06

when you pulled into the parking lot and you stepped out of the

53:08

car and go, hey, how are you doing? I go to give him

53:10

a hug. He goes, not good. Yeah,

53:13

I was, you know, which

53:16

is funny. We're just doing a show on happiness. And

53:18

the funny thing is the British commander, I think Bill

53:20

Bailey said with Americans, they go, how

53:22

are you? Awesome. I'm awesome. I'm

53:25

doing, oh my God, I'm awesome. Never better. And

53:28

he goes, that's insane. In Britain, the best you'll get

53:30

is, I guess okay, because the

53:32

assumption is we thought it was going to

53:34

be much worse. That's right. But

53:37

it's never good. You're never going to get things are

53:39

great in Britain, you know. We had Phil Keegan.

53:42

Kogan. Yeah, I know. Tell me he spelled

53:44

his name wrong. Amazing

53:46

Race. Yeah, he did a show

53:48

back in New Zealand called That's Fairly Interesting. Yeah.

53:52

Oh my God. Which I just love. That's fairly

53:54

interesting. You're right. Talk about

53:56

managing expectations. That's fairly interesting.

53:58

That's fairly interesting. in

54:00

New Zealand. Yeah, it's fairly interesting, right?

54:02

That's terrific. Everything. That says it. But

54:04

what you just did, dude, I mean

54:06

honestly, people who are trying to figure

54:08

out how to put a good face

54:10

on it almost always

54:12

botch it up because listeners

54:15

know, you know from your career

54:17

in broadcasting, you if

54:19

you feel bad that you're gonna lose your dog, you

54:22

should share that with your listeners. Which is

54:24

why I brought it up here because everybody's

54:26

universal. Everybody gets it. Everybody understands it and

54:28

sometimes it helps people or whatever. And again,

54:30

I was blind. I knew it's coming.

54:33

And doesn't matter. What's horrible is my wife today. She had

54:35

given me this other stuff of when do you know? How

54:37

do you know? Because I'm trying to be we got paper

54:39

down everywhere and he's pooping but we can't go out. One

54:41

of us has to be home because if he poops and

54:43

steps in it tracks it everywhere. Even the pain, it's that

54:46

and he lies in his own ear and whatever. And you're

54:49

denying going but he's eating and he's doing this

54:51

stuff. So it's all okay. And she gave me

54:53

this thing today written by a veterinarian that was

54:55

I've seen others that are not good. That this

54:57

gave the symptoms of Alzheimer's and a dog and

54:59

what and said it's not okay

55:01

for the dog or you and I'm reading it

55:03

and I am crying because I'm going oh my

55:05

god, this is real. We're there and

55:08

my wife read it and said we're there. We got to do

55:10

this. I'm not right and I were and

55:12

she is tough and I'm watching her when I'm

55:14

leaving and I'm going wow. Wow,

55:16

this sucks. I don't want to lose

55:19

another friend, especially this guy. So thank

55:21

you. Well, look, I mean I don't

55:23

know if it's a comfort but I

55:25

don't know if anybody who loved their

55:27

dog more publicly than Dana Perino loved

55:30

her last dog, right?

55:34

When they had to put him down, I

55:36

knew that would be awful

55:38

and coincidentally two days later I'm

55:41

sitting across from her being interviewed

55:44

and I've always liked Dana and afterwards I

55:46

said hey I just wanted to say and

55:48

I like everybody else heard about your dog

55:50

and you know what she said she

55:52

said look I Really miss him

55:54

and I really love him, but I grew up on a farm

55:57

and what my dad told me was

55:59

real simple. There is

56:01

no excuse, zero

56:04

excuse, to be in the presence of

56:06

an animal that's in pain. You

56:09

do not have the right to

56:12

bear that kind of witness. And

56:14

she said it with a level of certainty that,

56:17

honestly, I kind of took some weird

56:20

foreshadowed comfort in it. I know this is

56:23

true. We all know it's true. Yes, but

56:25

when you have to finally, we're there. That

56:27

pointed out, you know what? You're there. Don't

56:30

drag this out for him and don't hold on to it because

56:32

of you. But Wulff, I didn't realize it

56:34

was going to be, I forgot because our last

56:36

one, one died in sleep, which was great. I

56:38

mean, she went great and it was great.

56:41

The other one, the other terrier lived again

56:43

to be like 19, bit everybody, wherever, and

56:45

we had to put that dog down.

56:48

But this is horrible. It's just

56:50

horrible. Well, look, in the history of

56:52

awkward pivots, and I know you've had a lot of,

56:54

I know you spent a lot of time in broadcasting,

56:57

but if we could just- This is the KCK, some

56:59

dead dog- Moving up a notch, you can count down. I

57:02

don't want to do a dead dog intro again.

57:04

Damn, he was a dead dog intro. I'd just

57:06

like to spend the last couple of minutes on

57:08

erectile dysfunction. You know what? It's the

57:10

only way to go out, right? I think so. It's the only

57:12

way to go out. It's a natural progression from what we were

57:15

talking about. I think we're here, and I'm

57:17

sure I'll make some reference to this in the preamble,

57:19

which we'll record after you leave so

57:21

you don't cast judgment upon us. But you,

57:24

with all of your considerable copywriting

57:26

skills crafted together a couple of

57:28

spots that Chuck read, we

57:31

won't mention the name of the company- He played a

57:33

character. He played a character. He played a character. He

57:35

played a- Quack. Sorry? Quack.

57:40

Okay. This is Peter Tilden saying, this is Val. Right.

57:43

Right. in

57:45

my place for a moment, right? This is 15

57:47

years ago. Oh, longer.

57:49

Longer, 20 years. I'm out here. Yeah.

57:52

25, maybe. Long, probably after I

57:55

was working on a game show back

57:57

then and crashing on his sofa. Oh.

58:00

driving there and suddenly. So you were here

58:02

while that was happening? Oh sure, sure. As I'm

58:04

driving to my buddy's house, I'm listening to him

58:06

talk with great passion. Well you know what's

58:09

funny about that, and I'm probably going to zap

58:11

the comedy out of this for you, but what's

58:13

interesting is when I did, I'm a kid in

58:15

Philadelphia who doesn't know what I want to be,

58:17

but kids should be seen

58:19

and not heard. I had no idea. I

58:22

did all these like you drive, so industrial

58:24

strapping, you know, and driving around all the

58:26

Jersey and New York, giving these

58:28

guys, you don't know what industrial strapping is, you

58:30

take a kind of pallet, you get the

58:32

FMC machine and you pull it tight

58:34

and it's bands that go around the thing and you

58:36

give it to the plant foreman and you come back

58:38

two weeks later and it's broken and it

58:41

happens every planet you go and you say to your boss

58:43

how come and they say because the other company is giving

58:45

the guy Christmas presents and stuff so just keep doing it

58:47

and I went see you later. I

58:49

worked in a factory where I told you before,

58:52

Frank Sheeran was the Irishman, was my union representative

58:54

so that was a bit of a rough place.

58:56

What was the movie that really was the Irishman?

58:59

It was the Irishman. Frank Sheeran. Yeah, not

59:01

like that Frank, but so

59:03

I worked, I did that, did a lot of other

59:05

jobs, didn't know what I wanted to be. I was

59:08

just listless. I didn't have a mentor. I didn't know

59:10

what to do. Went to college, studied physiology, tried this,

59:12

tried that and then I just

59:14

gravitated toward a job at a radio station so

59:17

somebody got me a job at a radio station

59:19

and I'm in sales and I'm

59:21

driving around and I'm working my

59:23

ass off and I go to a

59:25

flight school and go up in the plane, come

59:28

down and I actually sold them a schedule

59:30

on this radio station. Well, I find 92

59:33

in Philadelphia and when I came back

59:35

my general manager said I can't believe that you sold that and

59:37

that's when I found out after three months that

59:39

every other person had a list that they were

59:42

given of ad agencies

59:44

and accounts to survive and

59:46

I basically said, what the hell? And I

59:48

wanted to quit and they said no and

59:50

they gave me a raise and what happened

59:52

accidentally was I would go, I never felt

59:55

creative or smart, but I would go to

59:57

an advertiser and go, you know what, your ads really suck.

1:00:00

We should do this. And they

1:00:02

go, well, can you write it? And I go, yeah, and I

1:00:04

produce it. And it became kind of known. And

1:00:06

then I go, well, Philly's small. They use the same

1:00:08

voiceover guy all the time. So you write something good,

1:00:11

but it's the same nine people. New York is a

1:00:13

train ride away. I go to

1:00:15

New York and hire, I don't know if you know, I

1:00:17

mean, big actors to do voiceover so

1:00:19

they could sell, and you know voiceover. It

1:00:21

really matters who's doing it. And the time, so

1:00:24

all of a sudden, I'm getting the Amtrak. I

1:00:26

did Urban Outfitters. I did Yamaha.

1:00:29

And I'm getting kind of known. So you're writing

1:00:31

copy. I'm writing, and I'm producing, I started an

1:00:33

agency. Now I'm doing media buying. I hired a

1:00:35

person to do media buying. I hired a guy

1:00:37

to do store display, you know, to

1:00:39

work with me who did, department stores changed their

1:00:41

display. Oh, yeah. So that was a

1:00:43

big job. That's a fascinating business, by the way. Fascinating business. And

1:00:46

Bill Hollander, who was an older guy, came into my business. So

1:00:48

I had all these people working with me, and it grew. And

1:00:51

then I started doing stuff for radio, imaging radio.

1:00:54

And I used G Gordon Liddy and

1:00:56

Oh God, who was Tip O'Neill for

1:00:58

WBMW, which was launching in Washington,

1:01:00

D.C. It was going to be

1:01:03

like cool music. And

1:01:05

I had, what's the name, Tip O'Neill on the

1:01:07

steps of the Capitol with his pant legs rolled

1:01:09

up with a boom box saying, the hill is

1:01:11

alive with the sound of music. Wow. And

1:01:14

I had G Gordon Liddy looking at the camera, and it went

1:01:16

from black to slowly on his face saying, there's a conspiracy to

1:01:18

keep you from hearing good music. And

1:01:20

that took off, and then they

1:01:22

needed, believe it or not, they needed a

1:01:24

host for the morning show for a week or two

1:01:27

because they had a lag before they could start. What

1:01:29

year were you in now? I

1:01:31

don't even remember. God, because I came out. Yeah,

1:01:34

probably around there. Because

1:01:36

that's when I started QVC. There you go. Which

1:01:39

is just miles from where you were working. I

1:01:41

was in Westchester, Pennsylvania. Westchester, Pennsylvania. I know really

1:01:43

well. I know the call center. I know exactly

1:01:45

where you were. You can hear King of Pressure

1:01:47

and all that. So I ended up

1:01:50

on the radio with Richard Belzer. I never went

1:01:52

to the radio. I never thought about radio. And if

1:01:54

I said to my parents, unlike I think your parents

1:01:56

were supportive, my parents were,

1:01:59

don't be stupid. I don't think you're good looking up

1:02:01

for it next but so I'm on the radio radio That

1:02:04

one was not smart enough. Okay, so they

1:02:06

could define they could be specific So

1:02:09

I did that and then from there I started

1:02:11

doing commercials and other stuff and then I was

1:02:13

called by a radio station out Here to come

1:02:15

out and do radio morning drive. I figured I'll

1:02:17

come out. I'll take the trip. It's never gonna

1:02:19

happen I was going through the divorce. It

1:02:22

was a tough time and they wanted me and

1:02:24

I held my you know Uprooted

1:02:26

everything did it and

1:02:29

the family came out with me It was a tough time because

1:02:31

they ended up going back and I would go back every week

1:02:33

to see my kids It was horrible, but I got

1:02:36

to experience that for a year It

1:02:38

was a tough time because the guy who was my

1:02:40

boss didn't hire me corporate hired me So you're on

1:02:43

the air now money. You're not doing morning drive at

1:02:45

KLSX in Los Angeles Yeah, don't gloss over that because

1:02:47

I want to like when you go from

1:02:49

writing copy producing copy ad sales and so forth

1:02:51

And now all of that is a very different

1:02:53

dynamic It's just you and I didn't know and

1:02:56

I didn't know it and had never done it

1:02:58

and they weren't gonna help me because he Didn't

1:03:00

like that. I was there. Okay, so it was

1:03:02

rough However, I guess I did funny enough stuff

1:03:04

or enough stuff that I started meeting Everybody wanted

1:03:06

to come on from the Richard Lewis every comedian

1:03:08

came on every actor every

1:03:11

musician I would see and I

1:03:13

knew nobody growing up. I'd never seen a celebrity, you

1:03:15

know I was excited when John Lennon came to just

1:03:17

wasn't Philly. I didn't miss And

1:03:19

Graham Nash would come on and I'd say oh my god And

1:03:22

he would say yeah I dropped my kid to school and

1:03:25

listen to you and I'm thinking Graham Nash lives near

1:03:27

the Galsons at Haven her great I thought he lived

1:03:29

in the mountains with Joni Mitchell So you start meeting

1:03:31

people and it becomes a thing it

1:03:33

ended I thought I'm going back to Philly and KBC

1:03:36

called the talk station said we think we'd like

1:03:38

you on here and I said well, okay Not

1:03:41

knowing again what that was. I just went and did

1:03:43

it and looking back. I don't know how I had

1:03:45

the balls Yeah to do it. Well, you

1:03:48

didn't know any better and you're sitting there and I gotta

1:03:50

tell you I don't know if this ever happened to you.

1:03:52

So I'm on ABC and I

1:03:55

was doing weekends and

1:03:57

I have in the actress imaging coca

1:04:00

from Younger people know her from vacation.

1:04:02

She's the grandmother who they strapped to the roof, right?

1:04:05

And George Green the general manager of the

1:04:07

station who's like the godfather station He

1:04:09

runs the whole deal comes in while I'm sitting with

1:04:11

him in jean coca to read the paper because he

1:04:13

was there He came home weekends. It was like his

1:04:16

house. Okay, and this one

1:04:18

there were number one station in America This was

1:04:20

if you remember it can mean you're always all

1:04:22

these stars. Yeah, I mean sure and I'm on

1:04:24

and I'm just starting and Imaging coca's there

1:04:27

and I go God you worked with the Milton That

1:04:30

must have been no, not number with them. Oh

1:04:32

my god, who's the crazy? Sincees,

1:04:34

thank you. Sincees it that must

1:04:37

have been insane Yeah,

1:04:40

but it was live TV you must have had stuff happen

1:04:43

to you Was

1:04:46

sit a crazy man very nice to me and

1:04:48

I've asked now 80 questions and it's three minutes

1:04:50

after the hour and I got An hour. Oh,

1:04:53

I'm now sitting in a puddle of Kildan I

1:04:55

mean, it's so bad and I'm going I don't

1:04:57

know so now I'm telling stories it to her

1:04:59

about you know I have a grandmother symbol of

1:05:01

you. That was the worst day

1:05:03

of radio for me. I thought I was

1:05:05

it was it I'm dead George is sitting

1:05:07

behind the paper. I'm getting fired An

1:05:11

imaging coca basically has finished a four-hour

1:05:13

interview in eight minutes So

1:05:15

I want to kill and put on the top of the car We

1:05:18

finish she leaves and I know I'm getting

1:05:20

fired and George puts down the paper and

1:05:22

says who was that? He wasn't paying any

1:05:24

attention reading couldn't care less could care less,

1:05:26

but I learned a valuable lesson Be

1:05:29

so prepared That if

1:05:31

the guest dies doesn't show up whatever Don't

1:05:33

rely on callers don't rely on anything

1:05:35

else be prepared for the worst every

1:05:37

time you open open the money Because

1:05:39

it's a good chance it could happen

1:05:42

again. So Wow, so this would have

1:05:44

been See my I

1:05:46

listened to a lot of Howard Stern And

1:05:48

I stood on early morning. That was

1:05:51

what was the in Washington?

1:05:53

It was it WJ was no in

1:05:55

Philly and Philly WYSP wise was wise

1:05:57

a hundred I know because I I

1:06:00

put all my clients on there and I did

1:06:02

Howard's campaign. They had no money for

1:06:04

the campaign and Ken Stevens who ran the

1:06:06

station said, �Would you do the ad for Howard?� And I

1:06:08

said, �So here's what I need. I just need� Well,

1:06:10

he records them. No. Well, he

1:06:13

should something. No. How much

1:06:15

money do you have? A dollar. So I

1:06:17

said, �Okay, here's what I got.� So what listeners saw when

1:06:19

they saw the ad I did for no money was

1:06:22

they saw a grandmother's type table with a doily,

1:06:24

an old fashioned radio, a

1:06:26

Tiffany lamp, and you heard Howard

1:06:29

doing something outrageous voice, but on the

1:06:31

table was a bowl, a

1:06:33

fish bowl, with a fish ostensibly

1:06:37

way too large for that bowl. So it's like almost

1:06:39

bent in half. And

1:06:41

because the bowl reflects bigger,

1:06:44

okay, optics, it looked really

1:06:46

big. So now Howard's

1:06:48

voice is coming out of the radio. This fish is

1:06:50

going, you know, the mouth is moving, and you're going,

1:06:52

�I don't know what I'm looking at.� And

1:06:55

it's Howard Stern, not for everybody,

1:06:57

whatever. And it costs nothing. Peter

1:07:00

complained. We got written up. It became this

1:07:02

huge thing. Meanwhile, I took the fish was in there for a

1:07:04

minute and a half. You know what I mean? And

1:07:07

then straight down the toilet. It was hilarious. It was so funny,

1:07:09

but I had to work to get something

1:07:11

to show. You couldn't get better press than an angry

1:07:13

Peter though. You know, I'm an animal lover. As a

1:07:15

matter of fact, when you started this interview, you want

1:07:17

to come full circle. Not that I want to end

1:07:19

it because I'm a toy. But

1:07:22

I did tell Chuck when I came in. I have a dog that's 18. And

1:07:25

right before I got here, we found out

1:07:27

we realized it's time. So we're scheduling him

1:07:30

being put down and I can't even� Yeah,

1:07:32

so thank you for this because it got me out of

1:07:34

that. In my head for that. So

1:07:36

thank you. So, Liz, what's the dog's name? Because

1:07:40

when we adopted him, he was Tex. I

1:07:43

didn't want to adopt him, Terrier, because

1:07:45

he was too lethargic. It was like a giant quailud.

1:07:47

And I said to my wife, �Something's wrong here.� So

1:07:49

we passed, but then something called to me and we

1:07:51

saw him again. And I said, �He's

1:07:53

unusual. He's really laid back. I hope he's not something

1:07:56

wrong with him.� We take him to

1:07:58

my house. We open the front door. door

1:08:00

and this dog that

1:08:02

was almost paralyzed, he hardly

1:08:04

moved. He was like a, when you go to see

1:08:06

in Australia, when you go see what are

1:08:08

they called, the animals that aren't moving,

1:08:11

it's not a panda, all of us. The slot, the

1:08:13

slot. The slot, yeah like a slot. The three little

1:08:15

slot, yes. I open the door, he

1:08:17

runs into the living room, jumps on the dining

1:08:19

room table, goes downstairs out the door, runs

1:08:22

around the pool to the middle of the pool

1:08:24

cover, sinks and I got to dive in, he's

1:08:26

been home for a minute and it never stopped

1:08:29

him. He was faking him, he was totally faking

1:08:31

him. And I love it. I mean, it's classic

1:08:33

terrier. Yeah. Oh there you go. That little shmuck

1:08:35

right there. That has three terriers dude, they just,

1:08:37

they have attitudes. Nothing but character, nothing

1:08:40

but character. I took him to training so he

1:08:42

wouldn't pull him in the leash right. Didn't matter

1:08:44

what you do, he would always test you. I

1:08:46

look at him and go, dude, really? We're going

1:08:48

to do this again and eventually he'd go, alright,

1:08:50

give up and go, fine. But next time, I'm

1:08:52

pulling again because I can. Isn't that crazy the

1:08:54

way we love our dogs, man. It is insane

1:08:56

because they're also, I don't know

1:08:59

about you, but I don't know how many old dogs you've

1:09:01

had to put down, but I take him out and every

1:09:03

time I take him out now, I go, dude, how did

1:09:05

we get, because it's your life too. How did I get,

1:09:07

how did we get here? How did the time pass so

1:09:09

quickly? What freaks me? And I just kind

1:09:11

of turn and I realized my high state in which

1:09:13

is probably 68,000 seats, there's nobody except

1:09:15

us sitting there. So now he's

1:09:17

standing with the band, not playing and I

1:09:20

have to run walk with my wife like, we

1:09:22

were just leaving. I want to kill myself. I wanted

1:09:24

to kill myself. It felt like it took days to

1:09:26

get behind the stage. In a minute we got behind

1:09:28

the stage, boom, boom, boom, boom. Now I got to

1:09:31

ride the bus back with him. I'm thinking cover my,

1:09:33

don't, don't let him, McCartney. I

1:09:36

got to meet McCartney. He's my idol. There's

1:09:38

nobody like McCartney. And my wife

1:09:40

goes, you must know somebody. He's got a star

1:09:42

cap. I want to go, Eric Garcetti is

1:09:45

a council. I know Eric. I call her.

1:09:47

He says, I'm giving him the, okay, come. So I bring my son

1:09:50

and I'm mingling with Kenny G and all these people

1:09:52

trying to get close. They don't know me, but I'm

1:09:54

talking to them because the guards are like, wait, wait,

1:09:56

wait, wait, you're mingling with Kenny G on your way

1:09:58

to. They're sitting there. They're artists

1:10:01

that are like in a VIP area and I go

1:10:03

up to everyone like ha ha ha boy Yeah, you

1:10:05

like Danish, right? I'm just bullshitting so that the guard

1:10:07

doesn't throw me out. You know, I'm allowed to be

1:10:09

there Right I'll show you the photos. I'm in his

1:10:11

sunglasses. He's standing in front of me I'm gonna pass

1:10:13

out the thing ends and I'm

1:10:15

following Eric we go down a carpet

1:10:17

We go up a thing next thing I'm in a

1:10:19

little room with a sofa TV at a little bar

1:10:21

and we're standing there McCartney comes

1:10:23

in with his wife in the Sun and they're over there

1:10:25

not that far for me and I go wow This room's

1:10:28

gonna fill up soon. No, it's not you

1:10:30

walked into his private dressing room Now

1:10:33

the armpit I'm sitting until this went again and

1:10:35

going on now My face is gonna

1:10:37

be in every backstage flyer saying do not let him in

1:10:39

to know and I'm trying I'm gonna make the move What

1:10:41

am I gonna say? What am I gonna do? I'm dead.

1:10:44

I'm dead. Oh my god Oh my god, and somebody thankful

1:10:46

he says Paul We're ready for you and

1:10:48

I guess photos or whatever and he looks at me in

1:10:50

the way and goes hey We can speak later figuring I

1:10:52

must be somebody somebody yet. I'm now

1:10:55

soaking I'm like soaking soaking wet from the

1:10:57

puddle of Tilden sweat. Oh, that's old and

1:10:59

sweat So there's a bunch of my two

1:11:01

idols not loud near either Give

1:11:04

it a spear yet. I have

1:11:06

not have you I have and Amazing

1:11:10

amazing. Is it distracting or is it?

1:11:12

Overpowering does it help the music hurt the music?

1:11:15

Oh, yeah, it helps every music. Yeah, it makes

1:11:17

it more of this Are you two? Yeah. Yeah.

1:11:20

Well, you look like it's a religious experience

1:11:22

like it's that big Well, I'll tell you

1:11:24

more than anything was the realization that you

1:11:26

work hard your whole career You go to

1:11:28

concerts the ideas get as close as you

1:11:30

can the closer you get The

1:11:32

more of a connection you have right and good for

1:11:34

you. I was sitting up in like the high 300s

1:11:37

He was in the 400. Yeah, and I was

1:11:40

like, this is great. So it's

1:11:42

back. We're so what's interesting is Mark Brickman

1:11:44

that guy who's brilliant at those painful. It

1:11:46

sure built the LA Harmonic

1:11:49

dome and took it on tour and he

1:11:51

said my whole goal cuz Marcus a genius when it comes

1:11:53

to lighting Does the Empire State Building and

1:11:55

he's won a ward for his stuff He said I wanted

1:11:57

it to get dark enough that I can make the audience

1:12:00

They could feel like they were going

1:12:02

into it, but it never got dark

1:12:04

enough. That's the sphere right they can

1:12:06

do stuff like movement You think the

1:12:09

whole thing is splitting over your head

1:12:11

you see helicopters coming into it these

1:12:14

are Thousands hundreds of thousands

1:12:16

of pixels and God knows how

1:12:18

many screens all seamlessly Integrated with

1:12:20

a bunch of AI that our

1:12:22

brains are simply so clear It's

1:12:25

all the visuals are just that thing that got

1:12:27

me you're like looking at Bono And he's like

1:12:29

a tiny speck of little weird down there right,

1:12:32

but he's up here as well And you can

1:12:34

he's the size of a building right on the

1:12:36

side of the wall, and it's all in sync

1:12:38

I don't know how you know you know you're

1:12:40

something for me you did so Jason and I

1:12:42

celebrate birthdays So he said your birthday's coming up

1:12:44

soon Oh, yeah, what do you want to go

1:12:46

and he said we were trying to figure assault

1:12:48

somewhere weird and funny Whatever I think that's it.

1:12:50

I think I got to go see that I

1:12:52

can't imagine Jason Alexander being

1:12:54

and I'm just gonna blow the sunshine I can't

1:12:57

imagine him being a more entertaining guest than you

1:12:59

were in the last oh my how long is

1:13:01

the chuck was four hours now? That's four and

1:13:03

a half. Yeah, just honestly the time feels like

1:13:06

five. Yeah Yeah, no really.

1:13:08

Thank you I

1:13:10

said I was not when I started I really

1:13:12

mean well I appreciate it if I can return

1:13:15

the favor I will you want to talk to

1:13:17

Jason's a huge fan really no really Yeah, Mike

1:13:19

can't really know really Mike not really know really

1:13:21

And I see I really know really not Yeah,

1:13:25

well, it's a sequel not really About

1:13:28

who comes on you're one of the first names you

1:13:30

mentioned, but you notice we didn't call you for a

1:13:32

year So well look I'm standing by I get down

1:13:35

here once a month. Yeah, I'd be on Reconnecting

1:13:38

oh great by the way the

1:13:40

truck was so much fun to work

1:13:42

with too and so talented and pulled that off Characters

1:13:45

those were the days prior to the

1:13:47

bitter broken Klaus Meyer. We have today

1:13:49

Just say goodbye see you next week

1:13:51

folks. That was Peter Tilden. Oh the

1:13:53

podcast is called really no really Yes,

1:13:55

it is available everywhere whether you want

1:13:57

it or not. Well there it is. How do

1:13:59

you say no? of that. It's all about listening

1:14:01

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1:14:04

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1:14:06

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1:14:08

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1:15:33

And afterwards I said, hey, I just wanted

1:15:35

to say, and I, like everybody else, heard

1:15:37

about your dog. And you know what she

1:15:39

said? She said, look, I

1:15:42

really miss him and I really love him, but I grew up on

1:15:44

a farm. And what my dad told

1:15:46

me was real simple. There

1:15:49

is no excuse, zero

1:15:52

excuse, to be in the presence of

1:15:54

an animal that's in pain. You

1:15:57

do not have the right. to

1:16:00

bear that kind of witness. And

1:16:02

she said it with a level of certainty that

1:16:05

honestly I kind of took some weird

1:16:08

foreshadowed comfort in it. I know this is

1:16:11

true. We all know it's true. Yes, but

1:16:13

when you have to finally, we're there. That

1:16:16

pointed out, you know what, you're there. Don't

1:16:18

drag this out for him and don't hold on to it because of

1:16:20

you. But Wolf does. I didn't realize

1:16:22

it was going to be, I forgot because our last

1:16:24

one, one died in sleep which was great. I

1:16:27

mean she went great and it was great. The other

1:16:29

one, the other terrier lived again to

1:16:31

be like 19, bit everybody and we

1:16:33

had to put that dog down. But

1:16:36

this is horrible. It's just horrible. Yeah,

1:16:38

so. Well look, in the history of

1:16:40

awkward pivots, and I know you've had a lot of,

1:16:42

I know you spent a lot of time in broadcasting,

1:16:45

but if we could just- It's the KCK, some dead

1:16:47

dog. Moving up a notch if you count that. I

1:16:50

don't want to do a dead dog intro again.

1:16:52

Dammit with a dead dog intro. I'd just like

1:16:54

to spend the last couple of minutes on erectile

1:16:56

dysfunction. You know what? It's the only

1:16:58

way to go out, right? I think so. It's the only way

1:17:01

to go out. It's a natural progression from what we were talking

1:17:03

about. I think we're here and I'm sure

1:17:05

I'll make some reference to this in the preamble which

1:17:07

we'll record after you leave so

1:17:09

you don't cast judgment upon us. But

1:17:12

you with all of your considerable

1:17:14

copywriting skills crafted together a couple

1:17:16

of spots that Chuck read,

1:17:18

we won't mention the name of the company.

1:17:21

He played a character. He played a character.

1:17:23

He played a- Quack. Sorry? Quack.

1:17:27

You're telling him saying, this is Val. Right. No,

1:17:29

you're not. Okay. So we don't want

1:17:31

to get sued. We don't want to make trouble. But you

1:17:33

got to put yourself in my place for a moment, right? This is

1:17:36

15 years ago. Oh, longer. Yeah. I'm

1:17:39

out here. 25, maybe? Driving

1:17:41

along. Probably after I was working on

1:17:43

a game show back then and crashing

1:17:45

on his sofa. Oh. Yeah.

1:17:48

And driving there and suddenly- So you were here while that

1:17:50

was happening. Oh, sure. Sure. As

1:17:52

I'm driving to my buddy's house, I'm listening to him

1:17:54

talk with great passion. Well, you know what's

1:17:57

funny about that, and I'm probably going to zap

1:17:59

the comedy of this for you but what's interesting is

1:18:01

when I did and the Joan work ethic and that, so

1:18:07

these guys that I knew had the

1:18:09

account and they said you're really

1:18:11

creative and we trust you to, we really need your

1:18:13

help to make this thing work, okay, to

1:18:16

get clients. So I said like an idiot,

1:18:18

well then I got to listen to hundreds of phone calls

1:18:20

of people calling in to talk because I got to kind

1:18:22

of break the code of what, because everybody jokes about it,

1:18:25

everybody thinks they know what it is, everybody, but

1:18:27

I want to hear what it is. I want to hear what

1:18:29

motivates people to actually pull

1:18:31

the trigger and go to a place or find

1:18:34

a medication, whatever. And what

1:18:36

I realized after listening to hundreds of these calls was,

1:18:38

and I see you do this too as a person,

1:18:40

you go deeper, you like, you peel the onion a

1:18:42

bit to find out. I mean you're asking me stuff

1:18:45

that's, find as it, glance it in slow motion. Right,

1:18:47

so I'm listening to it and I go, you know

1:18:49

what, I got to create a guy because I can't

1:18:51

find a guy and whoever got doesn't want to talk

1:18:53

about it because it's embarrassing, but I got to find

1:18:55

a guy who will talk about what they won't talk

1:18:58

about. So I created a character who

1:19:00

would say, I'm on vacation, I'm

1:19:02

going to sleep before my wife because I don't want

1:19:04

her to ask me to perform

1:19:06

because I can't do this anymore and it's got

1:19:09

a wedge between us and

1:19:11

it's bigger than the sex thing, it's a relationship.

1:19:13

And it's me and I'm setting myself up for this.

1:19:16

So I did all those scenarios and it worked because

1:19:18

the people hearing it, I wasn't

1:19:20

going directly to, hey, if you want to

1:19:22

get a, there's a lot of levels to build

1:19:24

the wall. There's a lot of levels to all

1:19:26

the stuff we talk about. So it was

1:19:28

intriguing to me to peel that onion back and

1:19:31

find out what it was, how many ways

1:19:33

guys would be destroyed because they

1:19:35

couldn't do that and how it impacted the relationship and

1:19:37

how anger came out of that and

1:19:39

I wouldn't go home, I'm hanging with the guys, I

1:19:41

couldn't tell my wife why. Dreading

1:19:44

Valentine's Day. Yeah, yeah. Dreading anything that led

1:19:46

to that. That led to that, yeah. Oh,

1:19:48

I'm going to have to perform and I'm

1:19:50

going to fail. And you're not

1:19:52

sucking the comedy out of it, but it probably sounds

1:19:54

like pretty weak tea in 2024 because

1:19:57

every second ad is either Cialis

1:19:59

or Levita. or Viagra. You

1:20:01

can't swing a dead cat without

1:20:03

hitting some certain shape. My

1:20:07

dog's dying and he says you can't swing. He didn't say

1:20:09

dead dog. A

1:20:11

dead schnauzer or terrier. A

1:20:13

dead claw. For schnauzers, they also

1:20:15

don't have a tail. It's docked, so

1:20:17

you can't swing them. But... Are

1:20:20

they still that much? Oh, it's prevalent. Oh,

1:20:22

now it's generic because... Of

1:20:24

course. Now it's generic because right now... Everyone is out

1:20:26

there saying, why would you spend 20 bucks

1:20:29

a tablet when you can get it for eight

1:20:31

cents? Yeah. Right? From India and not know if

1:20:33

it's crushed elephant hooves, but who cares? Yeah, look,

1:20:35

it either works or it doesn't, Peter. Yeah, but

1:20:38

you don't care what you... When

1:20:40

you have the seven inch hair in the tablet...

1:20:42

On Valentine's Day? I don't care. You

1:20:44

keep pulling the hair out of your mouth. By the way,

1:20:46

eight on Willie Nelson's bus, the first bite I took of

1:20:48

a Danish, had like a 14 inch hair

1:20:51

and I knew it wasn't mine. I kept pulling it.

1:20:53

You know, you ever see the comedian, the magician, who pulled the

1:20:55

string out of their mouth? Yeah, yeah. It was me for 10

1:20:57

minutes going, oh my God, what did I just swallow? This

1:20:59

is the worst... Cherry Danish. The worst

1:21:01

crawler ever. I still can't eat cherry Danish to this

1:21:03

day. Willie, I think, not

1:21:05

mine, oh, I think it is Willie. It's got

1:21:08

roots in it from 1952, I can see, 1948. I

1:21:11

was pulled 36 out of my mouth. Oh, God. And

1:21:14

when you were in a highwayman... I think I'm

1:21:16

a little high from just coming into contact with

1:21:18

it. And by the way, I've lost two teeth

1:21:20

on the way out. It's yours. It's yours. It's

1:21:22

definitely yours. It's the idea that you conjured up

1:21:24

the root on the end of the hair. This

1:21:27

isn't the problem. It's not like a hair fell out.

1:21:29

No, it was... Rootless, it was pulled. So you

1:21:31

have the follicle, you have that little nub on

1:21:34

the end of it. It gives you a little

1:21:36

bit, you know, you get that little... The secret

1:21:38

ingredient is Willie. Is Willie. And it

1:21:40

was lustrous. Oh, my God. We

1:21:43

didn't even talk about Evening Magazine. Let's do it. You're

1:21:46

sharing a rush. You're done with me. You're done with

1:21:48

me. No, it's not. Look, I'll talk to you. Chuck

1:21:50

Casper D somewhere. Chuck has something? No, he actually has

1:21:52

to be somewhere. Wait a minute. I gotta be somewhere.

1:21:54

But look, they can wait. What kind of thing do

1:21:56

you do? Well, you

1:21:58

wouldn't believe the meeting I had this afternoon. I can't

1:22:00

even get into it. Give me an area I don't

1:22:02

know vegetable mineral. Give me what Wow No

1:22:09

Jepper as my career, but I can't take where I

1:22:11

want another I I haven't even had

1:22:13

a chance to process it No, I don't go right. You're

1:22:15

pitching something pitching something new. No, okay. I'm Lawsuit

1:22:19

I'm being pitched some. Okay

1:22:22

Isn't that the worst? Oh my god, isn't

1:22:24

that the worst? It is just you

1:22:26

know what in advertising? Advertising this is

1:22:28

worth a detour. I'm sorry But when

1:22:31

people call to say look we have an idea

1:22:33

and we'd like to get on the phone with

1:22:35

you We'd like to just you know The zoom

1:22:37

and they got the powerpoint and the whole thing

1:22:39

and the whole thing and you're just sitting there

1:22:41

It's gonna take a half hour. You know

1:22:44

how such a you're in a hospital situation and

1:22:46

you know three minutes in this dog Don't make

1:22:48

any sense. It makes no sense. It's not proprietary

1:22:50

somebody can knock it off. It's done cheaply this

1:22:52

larger bed I don't and they won't send it to you

1:22:54

They won't just send it to you in a mail so you

1:22:56

can read it still the idea. You don't show it. Yeah

1:23:00

It's gonna tell it to you over a cocktail. Yeah,

1:23:02

because like I can't remember it long enough Well, but

1:23:04

also if you want to be real honest about that,

1:23:07

there's another level to that You know what is having

1:23:09

done advertising forever Somebody in that

1:23:11

room promised and has currency by saying I'm

1:23:13

got my grow my grows gonna yeah Yeah,

1:23:15

they have a win. They've sold it upstream.

1:23:17

They have already. Yes, their win is that

1:23:20

you showed up So there somebody's having Danish

1:23:22

with Willie Nelson's here Saying hey

1:23:24

guys, did I not get my girl not my fault. We didn't

1:23:26

close it. It was up to you, but I got my grow

1:23:28

I'm a winner am I right and you

1:23:30

know who in that room one or two people said

1:23:32

I can get my growth I do so They I

1:23:35

do I understand and then you got to make up

1:23:37

a reason you can't tell them the real reason It's

1:23:40

like the playing this it's like the farmer

1:23:42

in his best overalls with

1:23:44

the bouquet of wildflowers shows up knocking

1:23:47

on the door, you know I just

1:23:49

did you know to take the

1:23:51

girl out got the hair slick back everything

1:23:54

shot fish up and she's just She

1:23:56

ain't going nowhere, you know, and so you have to

1:23:59

tell him right there standing on the porch,

1:24:01

the sun going down and the flowers and the whole

1:24:03

thing. It's just, it's not necessary. Well, it was funny.

1:24:05

I really came here today because I have a... I

1:24:08

just want to run something by you real quick. Yes,

1:24:11

because we're looking for a, you know, the, what's his name?

1:24:13

I'll leave the light on for you guys. And I thought,

1:24:15

I got the guy. Tom, oh yeah. You're not going to

1:24:17

believe this. I think if I get on his podcast, he'll

1:24:20

be guilty enough. I can get him to a meeting and

1:24:22

I can be the guy going, I got Mike Rowe for

1:24:24

that thing, right? Stan Richards did

1:24:26

that campaign. Richards group. 35 years old. And

1:24:29

I got to tell you something, as an advertising guy and

1:24:31

loving it. It's like Radio is the Circus. I don't know

1:24:33

how you feel about it. I love, I'm passionate about the

1:24:35

things I do. Advertising, good advertising

1:24:37

for me is amazing. That

1:24:40

is one of the best ads because Jonathan

1:24:43

Tish, you know, they own the Regency stuff like that, one

1:24:45

day he said to me, you know what? Always

1:24:48

selling. He said, you know what? When a family goes out, I

1:24:50

hope he doesn't mind me telling us, we put a

1:24:52

pitcher of milk and four chocolate chip cookies in the room. So

1:24:55

when they come back, the kid goes nuts, says milk and cookies and

1:24:57

next time they go to New York, they

1:24:59

say, I'm going to go to that hotel with the milk

1:25:01

and cookies because we're all just selling four walls with the

1:25:03

bed. We're all just selling four walls. So

1:25:06

to have that voice saying I'll leave the light on

1:25:08

for you, A, the affect, right away

1:25:10

the voice made you feel good. Number

1:25:12

two, it made you feel down

1:25:14

home and implied so much stuff without having

1:25:17

to say it. It was

1:25:19

so that the way it cut through was so

1:25:21

brilliant and it ran forever. It's one of my

1:25:23

favorite ads ever. Mine too. It's in

1:25:25

my top five. What else is in your top five?

1:25:28

Ads? That's a really hard one.

1:25:30

God. There's so many. That's

1:25:32

what Chuck said 20 years ago. Oh yeah. Oh,

1:25:35

ow. I

1:25:37

don't, you know what? It's a hard one to remember

1:25:39

because let me give you one. Like the Super Bowl

1:25:41

this year, the Schwarzenegger doing the insurance thing and not

1:25:43

being able to announce it was really funny. Very funny.

1:25:46

Because it was an easy premise and they used it well and he

1:25:48

played it really, really well. He played it well, but it's not going

1:25:50

to last. It's going to come and it's going to go. It was

1:25:52

a thing. I think it's going to

1:25:54

be very, very tough to top

1:25:56

this buds for you. I was just going to

1:25:58

say before you said it. I was

1:26:00

gonna blow it out the Clyzils because it's

1:26:02

emotional right away. There's history there It

1:26:05

takes you go. God look what we were look who

1:26:07

we are look what we can't it says so much

1:26:09

But it's a reward as soon as the door opens

1:26:12

you see the same. Thanks, man. It's just a beer.

1:26:14

Yeah, it's for you Yeah, thank you. It's more. That's

1:26:16

great. And I think

1:26:18

maybe I mean for me the most ingenious

1:26:20

was a this When a

1:26:22

this came out with we're number two we

1:26:24

try harder. We have to brilliant. Yeah, because

1:26:26

they were number 27 when they did it

1:26:30

And they became number two about

1:26:33

four months later They never beat hurts

1:26:35

But they went all the way to number two know because I

1:26:37

never went that deep on that but I remember as soon as

1:26:39

he said Hey, but I remember we're number two. We

1:26:41

try harder. We have to you number 27,

1:26:44

dude. You have no shot What do you mean

1:26:46

you try harder? Yeah? Well now we're number

1:26:48

two. So suck it. I look at

1:26:50

all that It's like species spicy meat like oh,

1:26:53

yeah for Tom, you know for the old stuff

1:26:55

that were really funny The woman

1:26:57

who said where's the meat? Where's the beef? And Laura Barton

1:26:59

Laura Barton? He was a big one again, but

1:27:01

the difference was just like the difference today.

1:27:04

There was not eight million things coming at

1:27:06

you Yeah, you had three networks and

1:27:09

you had an ad campaign where they could spend a fortune

1:27:11

and really get share of mind By running

1:27:13

it a lot today to get share of mind

1:27:15

and this fragmented culture is almost impossible Well, everybody's

1:27:17

shooting with a shotgun. Yeah, then you had a

1:27:19

rifle Yeah Well, what I used to do with

1:27:21

clients and silly speaking of Howard who

1:27:24

became one of my best friends was a place that

1:27:26

had Opened called worldwide stereo and he had not a

1:27:28

lot of budget and I said so what you do

1:27:30

is I know every some 22 spots a

1:27:32

week and all it you're gonna run three spots a week

1:27:34

in Howard But you're gonna run them at the same time.

1:27:36

You're gonna sponsor this 11 o'clock thing So

1:27:38

at least over 20 weeks everybody who listens

1:27:41

at the 11 o'clock hour you loan them

1:27:43

Yeah, and then if that works, we'll try

1:27:45

the 9 o'clock hour It worked

1:27:48

people thought he was running more than he would

1:27:50

because we weren't all over and we just kept

1:27:52

reinforcing and reinforcing and his business grew with Howard

1:27:55

and Howard made him and a lot of other

1:27:57

people because he advertising was so effective But

1:27:59

you got it kind of cut through. I don't know

1:28:01

how you do that today. I don't either because,

1:28:03

Chuck, you'll appreciate this since we're running long, but

1:28:07

I miss well-written long

1:28:10

copy. I mean, I

1:28:12

miss it. I say I miss it like I lived

1:28:14

through it. I don't know that I did, but have

1:28:16

you seen, there's an old ad for

1:28:19

a car called the Jordan and it was inspired

1:28:21

by a guy on a train

1:28:24

riding through Wyoming and

1:28:27

coming up next to him at a full day of the gallop

1:28:30

is a cowgirl and

1:28:32

her cowboy hats behind her head and her blonde

1:28:34

hair is snapping

1:28:37

in the breeze and she's just

1:28:39

riding, keeping up with the train and looking

1:28:42

at him and he sits

1:28:44

down and he writes copy for

1:28:46

an ad called the Jordan and

1:28:49

it's somewhere west of Laramie. That's what it's

1:28:51

called. You got it? Read it. I

1:28:54

don't think I have the whole thing. I just have the summary of it. Well,

1:28:57

that's too bad because this would be a chance to

1:28:59

redeem yourself for all that ED stuff you did. Not

1:29:02

the ED redemption. I

1:29:05

would look up the whole thing. Can I just tell you

1:29:07

though that the ED commercials, I remember that like you, I

1:29:10

heard them on the radio too when I was driving and

1:29:12

I heard DJs talking about it. Yeah, they were

1:29:14

good, dude. I mean, honestly, they were fun. I

1:29:17

mean, creatively, they were smart and they cut through.

1:29:19

But you know who I love? So forgetting TV

1:29:21

ads, I don't know if you know this, but

1:29:23

Bert, the guy from Radio Ranch who

1:29:25

used to do all of those ads, like

1:29:28

he'd be a kid, but he's having a dull

1:29:30

voice going, mommy, I don't know. They were brilliant.

1:29:32

Everything he did was brilliant and

1:29:34

I wanted to be that. Yeah. So

1:29:36

I would deconstruct those and

1:29:38

understand that you got to get the attention. I

1:29:41

don't think David Hall will mind. The one program director that

1:29:43

I had that knows stuff said you got to do three

1:29:45

things when you open your mouth, no matter what you're doing

1:29:48

on radio, on this, you got to be relevant,

1:29:51

you got to be entertaining and you got to be information.

1:29:53

If you can do all three, you hit the

1:29:55

target. And it's like, it's true. So even in

1:29:57

a radio commercial, you can cheat it. by

1:30:00

casting the right person. Sure. But

1:30:02

my God, those commercials, the Radio Ranch commercials,

1:30:04

were as good as it gets. I laughed

1:30:07

at every... It didn't matter what it was

1:30:09

for. That's so relevant, entertaining. Entertaining.

1:30:11

And informative. And informative. Yeah, those are the

1:30:13

ones that stand the test of time. Those

1:30:16

are every show you did. Think of what

1:30:18

every show you did. Well, that's John Hendricks.

1:30:20

That's the guy who found the discovery saying,

1:30:22

look, I have one job. I

1:30:25

mean, he had a gajillion, but really I have

1:30:27

one job. Satisfy curiosity. Bingo.

1:30:29

That's what my program will aim

1:30:31

to do. Maybe

1:30:33

a good ad will do that too. You know?

1:30:37

What time is it, Chuck? It's time to go. All

1:30:39

right, man. Hey, come back. Let's talk evening magazine. You

1:30:41

know, I really did. And thank you for saving me.

1:30:43

You really... Do you think I'm... I can't overstate that

1:30:45

enough. I was... Well, look, I just found out right

1:30:47

before I came here was when it hit. So thanks.

1:30:49

And I was looking forward to meeting you anyway. I'm

1:30:51

going to raise a glass

1:30:53

with the people I'm about to join

1:30:55

to Dexter. I know how much

1:30:58

outsized real estate those little bastards

1:31:00

can occupy. I still dream about...

1:31:03

You still dream about Chubby. Yeah.

1:31:05

Wow. Yeah, it's crazy. Because you

1:31:07

spent the amount of time and again, it's like

1:31:09

a Beatles song. You remember all the touch points.

1:31:11

I remember all the stuff. I remember all the

1:31:13

stuff I went through bad. I remember all the

1:31:15

deaths. I remember going through Joan's stuff. I remember

1:31:17

going through all this with Dexter. He was

1:31:20

there for all this. Yeah. Greatest Beatles song of

1:31:22

all time. Boy, that's really hard

1:31:24

because I'm such a fan. Thank God Almighty. Let me

1:31:26

sing for the second greatest Beatles song of all time.

1:31:28

Take your time. We're only coming up on two hours.

1:31:32

I don't know. Kyla. It comes together, jumps out of my mind,

1:31:34

but I don't know why. Because I'm such a Beatles fan. I

1:31:36

got to meet McCartney. I got

1:31:38

to meet my two favorite bands and embarrass

1:31:40

myself both times. Thanks Lloyd

1:31:42

and McCartney. Wow. Yeah. You have

1:31:45

time? Two seconds? No. Yeah, sure.

1:31:47

So my friend Mark Rickman does...

1:31:49

He's your friend. All right. Where do you have to

1:31:51

be? Where do you have to be? I could be

1:31:53

here all night. No, because I can't get it up.

1:31:55

I've definitely done tonight. So, thanks Lloyd.

1:31:57

My Friend does all of their show. Yeah. Grew

1:32:00

up with Marc For Marks, you want to go see them

1:32:02

I reconnect with Mark out here is a want to see

1:32:04

him my wife has ever seen and we fly demolished a.

1:32:07

He. Says go to the so tell me downstairs

1:32:09

I don't know I'm riding the bus with

1:32:11

Pink Floyd to the state and semi what's

1:32:13

my name is almost setup. citizens of this

1:32:15

is a Gaza your guess. So there on

1:32:18

stage the playing we go to the middle

1:32:20

of the state incident to watch and if

1:32:22

you've ever been to a Pink Floyd concert

1:32:24

every area is filled with speakers he can

1:32:26

see or it's wrote assumed as around it's

1:32:28

and in the middle of money or herself

1:32:30

money they stop and when I hear out

1:32:32

of every speaker scuse me. Someday.

1:32:34

Become Ah! We. Don't like anybody watching her

1:32:36

show. And. I just kind of turn

1:32:38

and I realized Mile High Stadium which is

1:32:41

by sixty thousand seats. there's nobody except us

1:32:43

sending them to. Now he's Daniel to ban

1:32:45

not playing. And I have to

1:32:47

run walk with my wife likes we were

1:32:49

just leaving. I want to kill myself I

1:32:51

wanted to kill myself. Assault like it took

1:32:53

days to get behind stage in a minute

1:32:55

we got on state her Bomb bomb bomb

1:32:57

snow. Going to ride the bus back with

1:32:59

Emma thinking cover my don't don't sign of

1:33:01

Mccartney. I. Gotta meet Mccartney. He's

1:33:03

my idol. There's nobody like Mccartney. And.

1:33:06

My wife as you must know somebody's

1:33:08

skin star or or said he. Is

1:33:11

accounts I know, or it. Like our he

1:33:13

says I'm given him the victims. I bring my son.

1:33:16

In a mingling with sanity and all these

1:33:18

people trying to get close. They don't know

1:33:20

me but I'm talking them for cigars. Relate

1:33:22

my gloves, your mingling with any other on

1:33:24

your way largest larger sitting there. There are

1:33:26

just as I can see up here and

1:33:29

I go up to everyone liked. Ah Spidey

1:33:31

are you are dangerous I'm just sitting at

1:33:33

the guard doesn't throw me out. Realm allowed

1:33:35

to be there for or share the far

1:33:37

as I'm in his sunglasses he standing in

1:33:39

front of mountain pass outs the thing ends

1:33:41

and I'm falling earth. We. Go down

1:33:43

a carpet we go up. or saying. Next thing

1:33:45

I'm in a little room with a sofa, tv

1:33:48

and rhubarb and stamina. A carton

1:33:50

comes in with his wife and son in their over there

1:33:52

not that far from me and I go. Wow this

1:33:54

Who's going to sell Epson? Know. it's not

1:33:56

as you walked into his privatise him

1:33:58

as a ah now the armpit, I'm sitting

1:34:00

until the sweat again and going, oh, now my face is

1:34:02

going to be in every backstage fire saying, do not let

1:34:04

him in, do not let him in. And I'm trying, I'm

1:34:07

going to make the move. What am I going to say?

1:34:09

What am I going to do? I'm dead. I'm dead. Oh

1:34:11

my God. Oh my God. And somebody's thankful. He says, Paul,

1:34:13

we're ready for you. And I

1:34:15

guess photos or whatever. And he looks at me on

1:34:17

the way and goes, hey, we can speak later, figuring

1:34:19

I must be somebody. I'm now

1:34:21

soaking. I'm like soaking, soaking wet.

1:34:23

The puddle of Tilden sweat. So

1:34:25

there it's my two, my two

1:34:28

idols. Not loud near either. So

1:34:30

give it a bit of the sphere yet. I

1:34:33

have not. Have you? I have. And amazing.

1:34:36

Amazing. Is it distracting or is it

1:34:38

overpowering? Does it help the music hurt

1:34:40

the music? Oh, it helps every music.

1:34:42

Yeah. It makes it more of a,

1:34:44

so you too. Yeah. Yeah. Well,

1:34:46

you look like it's a religious experience. Like

1:34:48

it's that big. Well, I'll tell you more

1:34:51

than anything was the realization that you work

1:34:53

hard your whole career, you go to concerts,

1:34:55

the ideas get as close as you can.

1:34:57

The closer you get, the

1:34:59

more of a connection you have and good for

1:35:01

you. I was sitting up in like the high

1:35:03

three hundreds. He was in the 400s. And I

1:35:06

was like, this is great. So it's

1:35:08

backwards. So what's interesting is Mark Brickman, that

1:35:10

guy who's brilliant at those painful show built

1:35:12

the LA, um, Philharmonic dome and took it

1:35:15

on tour. And he said, my whole goal,

1:35:17

cause Mark is a genius when it comes

1:35:19

to lighting because the empire state building and

1:35:22

he's won a ward for his stuff. He said, I wanted

1:35:24

it to get dark enough that I can make the audience

1:35:26

move. They could feel like they were going into it, but

1:35:28

it never got dark enough. That's the

1:35:30

sphere, right? They can do stuff

1:35:33

like movement. You think the whole

1:35:35

thing is splitting over your head.

1:35:37

You see helicopters coming into it.

1:35:40

These are thousands, hundreds of thousands of

1:35:42

pixels. And God knows how many screens

1:35:45

all seamlessly integrated with a bunch of

1:35:47

AI that our brains are simply. It

1:35:49

looks so clear. It's the visuals are

1:35:51

stunning. That thing that got me, you're

1:35:53

like looking at Bono and he's like

1:35:56

a tiny speck of little square down

1:35:58

there, but he's up here. as well

1:36:00

and you can he's the size of a building

1:36:02

right on the side of the wall and it's

1:36:04

all in sync I don't know how you know

1:36:06

you know you're something for me you did to

1:36:08

Jason and I celebrate birthdays he said your birthday's

1:36:10

coming up soon oh yeah where do you want

1:36:12

to go and he's we were trying to figure

1:36:15

assault somewhere weird and funny whatever I think that's

1:36:17

it I think I got to go see that

1:36:19

I can't imagine Jason Alexander being

1:36:21

and I'm just gonna blow the sunshine I can't

1:36:23

imagine him being a more entertaining guest than you

1:36:25

were in the last oh man how long is

1:36:27

the chuck was four hours now it's a four

1:36:30

and a half yeah just honestly the time flew

1:36:32

by five yeah no really thank you this is

1:36:34

really becoming my this

1:36:36

is I said I was not when I started I

1:36:38

really mean it well I appreciate it if I can

1:36:40

return the favor I know you want

1:36:42

to talk to Jason's a huge fan really no really

1:36:44

yeah Mike can't really no really no really no eyes

1:36:47

yeah really no really not he's not coming in yeah

1:36:51

Jason said it's this equal not really he's very

1:36:53

particular about who comes on you're one of the

1:36:55

first names he mentioned but you notice we didn't

1:36:57

call you for a year so well

1:37:00

look I'm standing by I get down here once

1:37:02

a month yeah I'd be on thank you for

1:37:04

reconnecting oh I've had a great time by the

1:37:06

way Chuck was so much fun

1:37:08

to work with too and so talented and

1:37:10

pulled that off playing characters I was pretty

1:37:13

those were the days prior to the bitter

1:37:15

broken Klaus Meyer we have today yeah take

1:37:17

it by see you next week folks that

1:37:19

was Peter Tilden oh the podcast is called

1:37:21

really no really yes it is available everywhere

1:37:23

whether