0:00

If you're doing all the right things

0:02

to stop overeating and lose

0:04

your extra weight, guess what? You're

0:07

still going to fail until

0:10

you teach your brain to do

0:12

a new thing. Now, that does

0:14

not mean that you can't end your overeating,

0:17

but when you fail along the way, it tends

0:20

to diminish your belief in yourself, your

0:22

belief that you can truly solve

0:24

this challenge and become a natural

0:27

leader. That's our goal, right?

0:28

So I hope that you join me today

0:31

so you can learn how important

0:33

it is to really believe in yourself

0:36

before

0:36

you reach your goal.

0:39

You are listening and watching Weight

0:42

Loss Made Real, and this is episode 310.

0:44

Whether you're listening to me

0:47

on your favorite podcast

0:49

platform or you're seeing

0:52

me on YouTube, I'm Cookie

0:54

Rosenblum, your master weight loss coach.

0:56

I'm back, my friend, with another live

0:59

coaching session with a Freedom

1:01

Group member. I know from the feedback

1:04

that I've received from a lot of my listeners

1:07

that these live sessions are helpful

1:09

to many

1:09

of you because you can relate to

1:12

the issue that these women are being coached

1:14

on. You're able to see that you're not

1:16

alone in your struggle and

1:18

that you could strengthen your belief

1:20

in yourself,

1:21

and that will help you truly stop overeating.

1:24

So here we go again,

1:26

letting you listen in on a real

1:29

coaching session. Today,

1:31

I'm talking to Nalita, a Freedom

1:33

Group member. Now, in the past,

1:35

Nalita was able to lose a very

1:38

significant amount of weight, and

1:41

she kept it off for five years, which

1:43

is wonderful, but she got derailed

1:45

with an injury, and

1:47

then the pandemic brought her back

1:50

to some of her old unhelpful eating

1:52

habits. So today, we're going

1:55

to explore with her how

1:57

she can get back her belief in

1:59

herself.

1:59

Her belief that she can

2:02

conquer this issue and have it

2:04

be a really permanent solution

2:06

for her. If you have trouble reaching

2:09

your eating goals and becoming a natural

2:11

leader, listen in as

2:12

we talk about how to get back to

2:14

believing in yourself, or maybe it's

2:17

new for you. Maybe you've never

2:19

been able to believe in yourself, but

2:21

belief in yourself

2:22

is a foundational step

2:25

if you want to change just about anything

2:27

in your life. I want to remind you again

2:29

that these are live unscripted

2:32

sessions with me and a

2:34

Freedom Group member. So, our members

2:37

are not professional podcasters and

2:39

you might find the sound quality a little bit

2:42

different than what you're used to, but

2:44

bear with us because it's worth it.

2:47

See what coaching is really like and I

2:49

want you to imagine yourself

2:51

doing it, being coached. Whatever

2:54

your struggle is, you're not alone. Your

2:56

struggle with your eating and your weight

2:59

is changeable. All right,

3:02

here we go. So welcome

3:04

Nelida. I am proud

3:06

of you for volunteering for this and

3:08

I am grateful to you for being

3:11

here and sharing a little part of your

3:13

story so that others

3:16

can hear how you

3:18

are overcoming a struggle because

3:21

that's what we're going to do today. Thank

3:23

you so much, Cookie, and I'm

3:26

so happy to be here and to be coached by

3:28

you again. Well, let's

3:30

get started here. So I know

3:32

a lot more than our listeners do about

3:35

your backgrounds and your life and

3:37

what you've been through and what's

3:40

working and what's not. So we're just going to try

3:42

to take a little piece of that

3:46

and make the details clear

3:48

for our listeners so

3:50

that they could see how you and I work

3:52

on that.

3:53

Are you ready? Sure, I'm ready.

3:56

All right. So bring me up to date

3:58

or bring all of us up to date. Tell me a little

4:01

bit about your weight history

4:03

and where you are today. Okay,

4:07

so I am a person who has lost 100

4:10

pounds twice in my life. And

4:13

the last time that I lost 100 pounds,

4:15

I was able to keep it off successfully

4:18

for about five years

4:19

before the pandemic began. And

4:22

I was so successful

4:24

at that time. I

4:25

just made the decision because

4:28

I was not feeling well that I didn't

4:30

want to continue to live the way that

4:32

I was, just eating

4:34

junk food. I mean, I was a vegetarian

4:37

and people normally think, oh, that's a vegetarian

4:39

vegan, that's a healthy lifestyle. But

4:42

there's a lot of unhealthy foods, even

4:44

within

4:45

that particular diet. So I

4:47

made the decision that I needed to make a change.

4:50

And I did, I was very tenacious,

4:52

I lost the pounds,

4:54

I lost the sizes,

4:56

and I was pretty successful

5:00

in keeping it off for several years before

5:03

the pandemic began.

5:04

And then when you took

5:07

it off and kept it off for a while,

5:09

what were the things you did that

5:12

worked? Some

5:14

of the things I did were I just

5:16

learned to eat differently.

5:19

So to just make healthier choices.

5:21

So I knew what worked for me because

5:24

I would try different things. And I would say, okay,

5:26

if I ate too many oily and fried things,

5:28

I

5:29

would not lose weight. That

5:32

did not work for me. So I reduced like

5:35

overly fattening things, but I would eat like

5:37

natural fat. So maybe nuts and seeds

5:39

and things like that, but not overdo it that

5:41

way. I would prep my food. So

5:43

I did meal planning.

5:46

And I learned how to

5:48

do it in a way that it wasn't overwhelming. So

5:50

I could stay maybe Saturday

5:53

afternoon or Sunday afternoon, I would

5:56

like bake some sweet potatoes,

5:59

maybe cook some some quinoa and I would put

6:01

things in different containers. I would make lentil

6:03

bean stews and put them in

6:05

containers. So I became

6:08

pretty adept at doing food planning

6:11

and then just saving them. And then just not

6:13

even making it overwhelming for myself

6:16

is, you know, sometimes you would think it's like you will spend

6:18

all day.

6:19

Um, I wouldn't, I would maybe take two hours,

6:21

three hours. And then I may do that

6:23

like two or three days a week. I

6:26

would just do some planning, do some

6:28

shopping and then to make it easier for myself,

6:30

I would get a lot of frozen, uh,

6:32

vegetables and

6:34

add that. So I wouldn't always have to get, I'd have

6:37

some fresh like salads, but I

6:39

learned how to make it feasible for myself

6:41

because you know, I am busy. I'm

6:43

a wife, I'm a mother. My kids

6:45

have special needs and I teach students

6:47

with special needs. So I'm, I'm pretty busy.

6:50

So I learned how to make that

6:52

lifestyle easier for me to

6:55

be able to stick with. So,

6:57

so far we're talking about changes

6:59

that you made to what you

7:01

did, how you ate, what

7:04

you ate, what about quantities?

7:06

Did you work on what you

7:08

put in when you started eating and when you

7:10

stopped? You know what, at that

7:13

time I didn't totally work on

7:15

it as I'm doing now that I'm in the freedom

7:17

group,

7:18

but I did, you know, say

7:20

to myself, okay, obviously if

7:22

I overeat, like I had been, I

7:25

won't be successful, but

7:27

there were some times that I did feel overly

7:30

full, you know, a lot of vegetables, and

7:32

that was something that still, I

7:34

would say that that's one area that I didn't totally

7:37

conquer, but I felt like I could still be

7:39

successful at it because I wouldn't

7:42

gain weight or not much weight

7:45

if I overdid it because I would add like

7:47

a lot of vegetables, a lot of beans. And I would

7:49

still have like that. Not overly,

7:51

overly full, but I would, I wouldn't always

7:54

just eat until I was comfortably full,

7:56

but I could, I guess kind of get away with it

7:58

because of what. was eating and

8:01

then also I was able to exercise more

8:03

vigorously. Yeah, that's

8:05

another component that we talked about

8:07

that you used to do that's

8:10

changed in the present that

8:12

you used to be a pretty serious

8:14

exerciser. Yes, I

8:17

had the stamina. I was able to run

8:19

on the treadmill. When I think about

8:22

it, I mean, I get on the treadmill and run for 30,

8:24

40 minutes, 50 minutes, an hour sometimes,

8:27

not like a very, very fast pace,

8:30

but

8:31

I could jog. I had the

8:33

stamina to jog for a good

8:35

amount of time. So back

8:38

then, when you were losing such

8:40

a large amount of weight, what

8:42

happened when you dealt with a

8:45

day, an incident

8:47

or something that created

8:50

the feeling when you thought about

8:51

it of stress or worry

8:54

or anxiety, personal

8:57

or work, how did you deal with

8:59

that? Were you eating from those

9:01

emotions? Once in a while,

9:04

I would, but what

9:06

I mostly did is exercise.

9:09

I used exercise. I mean,

9:11

in a lot of ways, it was kind of a crutch for me because

9:13

I physically was able to at that time.

9:15

I didn't sustain the injury that I did

9:18

more recently and

9:20

I would feel stress and I would run.

9:23

I mean, I have a yard that's large

9:25

enough. Sometimes I would go in the yard, I

9:27

called myself a backyard runner, and I would

9:29

just run around sometimes in circles

9:32

all around the yard. That

9:33

would help to relieve stress. Or I'd

9:35

go on the treadmill. We have a small home gym

9:38

and I would just get on the treadmill

9:40

and just

9:43

walk and run on the treadmill. That kind

9:45

of helped me to relieve

9:47

the stress. Okay. So you

9:49

didn't regularly turn to food

9:52

for stress, for stress relief. So

9:54

now, fast forward

9:56

a few years, you've

9:59

had an that has taken

10:01

away your ability to

10:03

exercise, which

10:06

used to give you probably

10:08

a significant amount of calories burned.

10:11

Plus, it was a stress reliever.

10:14

And you're still eating vegan.

10:18

And we talked about how the fact that

10:20

at a certain point, you decided

10:23

to give up sugar 10 years ago,

10:26

simply because it was not

10:28

favoring your body, not giving you

10:30

the results that you want. So we're

10:32

fast forwarding now, where

10:34

you're still

10:36

eating most of the kinds of foods

10:38

that you used to eat. But when

10:41

you take away the exercise as

10:43

a stress reliever, or

10:45

a mood reliever, you're

10:47

now back to using food,

10:50

even though it's, quote, healthier,

10:53

or

10:53

as we call it in the Freedom Group more

10:55

helpful. And we're still

10:58

using more of that than you need.

11:00

When you're feeling an

11:02

emotional discomfort,

11:04

am I summing that up, right? Yes,

11:07

you're summing it up perfectly. So I'm

11:10

not using the sugar. But

11:12

I found another substitute, unfortunately,

11:15

in that which are chips. Once

11:18

I gave up the sugar, I gave

11:20

up the sugar. And I'm glad

11:22

about that, because it just didn't work for me. And I

11:24

don't feel deprived for it.

11:27

I learned how to even bake differently, I

11:29

would use fruits,

11:31

and I would make fruit sweetened

11:32

desserts. And so I

11:34

felt satisfied that I could make them.

11:36

But when I sustained

11:38

the injury during the pandemic,

11:40

even those helpful desserts that

11:43

were fruit sweetened made with

11:45

old flowers, gluten free, I

11:48

would sometimes overeat on

11:50

those. Right. You

11:52

know, so even though they were technic, they were healthy,

11:54

and much healthy, I mean, calorically,

11:57

and just, you know, all the ingredients.

11:59

But I would still use that as

12:01

a crutch and then the chips.

12:03

Definitely, I

12:05

would use that emotionally.

12:07

Yeah, and it

12:10

is very common that when we

12:12

say this particular

12:14

food is not helpful to me, I'm gonna get

12:17

rid of it, say no, thank you. Little

12:20

by little, a lot of us then choose

12:22

another food to take its

12:25

place so we haven't really resolved

12:27

what's driving us to eat. We're

12:29

just changing substances.

12:32

Yes. So now,

12:35

fast forward to today, you know

12:37

that you've lost

12:41

this, a lot of weight in

12:43

the past two times, but

12:45

we know that your circumstances

12:48

are different. We know you,

12:50

like everyone else,

12:52

through the years have aged

12:54

and you, and due to this injury,

12:56

you can't do the kind of workout

12:59

you used to do and yet you

13:01

live in the world with all of us which

13:04

has lots of ups and downs,

13:07

lots of situations that some

13:09

of them are hard to look at without feeling

13:13

uncomfortable or painful emotions.

13:16

So how do we deal today knowing

13:19

that what you did in the past isn't

13:22

an option today and

13:24

tell me what your lower brain, what's

13:27

the new fear that you

13:29

have about doing it

13:31

now today? So

13:34

I sometimes, I'll start off with telling

13:36

myself, okay, I've done it before and I

13:40

should be, well, you know, we were working

13:42

on and learning in the Freedom Group is, you know, yeah,

13:44

I've done it before, I

13:47

can do it again and I'm doing it again,

13:49

but then the lower brain is telling me, well,

13:52

can you really do it again, Nalita?

13:54

You're not the same person.

13:56

So I'm constantly having that

13:58

voice in my head. saying, but

14:01

you've changed. You're not the same person.

14:04

You're restarting now, but you're restarting

14:08

at a different person. You no longer have

14:10

the same stamina. I

14:12

have muscle weakness. I walk,

14:15

but I still have some muscle

14:17

and nerve damage. I

14:20

can't run like I used to.

14:22

I can walk, which is good.

14:24

And so my low brain is always

14:26

telling me, can you really do this? Before

14:29

you had that exercise, you were able

14:31

to, that helped you as

14:33

well.

14:34

Even though intellectually, I know

14:37

that exercise is only maybe 10

14:39

to 20% of the formula

14:41

for losing weight, but my low brain

14:43

still keeps bringing that up. You're not the same person.

14:46

You don't have the same kind of stamina. You

14:48

are not able to

14:50

exercise the same way. Your body has

14:52

changed. Now it's 10 years later than when

14:55

you had started before and kept the weight

14:57

off. And now

14:59

can you really do it? Right.

15:01

It's constantly replaying, unfortunately,

15:04

in my head. And

15:06

that makes you doubt, doubt, right. Have doubt

15:09

in yourself, belief that

15:11

you could do it again. So even

15:14

though the past several

15:16

weeks that we talked about this earlier,

15:18

it has been very successful

15:20

for you.

15:22

Your brain is ignoring

15:24

the success that you're having right now.

15:27

And it's still keeping you in struggle mode.

15:29

What if I can't maintain it?

15:31

What if I can't do it? What if I'm

15:33

not strong enough? Does that

15:35

sound right? Exactly.

15:38

And it's telling me, well, are you going

15:40

to keep it up this time? Are you going to go back in

15:42

one of those chips and then

15:44

resort back to eating the

15:46

entire bag? Are you going to do that?

15:49

So I'm having that doubt, even though I'm feeling

15:51

I'm at a good place and I'm

15:53

feeling so much better I don't even feel

15:55

like I'm missing out on

15:57

those chips. So I'm getting to where

16:00

I think I was with

16:02

the sugar where it was so harmful to

16:04

me. Not eating it didn't

16:06

feel like I was giving anything up. I felt like I

16:08

was gaining something. I was gaining a sense of freedom.

16:11

It wasn't a

16:11

drug for me anymore of sorts.

16:14

It wasn't holding me bondage.

16:17

So that I want to get there with how

16:19

I felt when I chose not to

16:22

eat the sugar, but the doubt

16:24

is just lingering there,

16:26

just saying, are

16:28

you sure you're gonna be successful? Are

16:30

you gonna make it? So it's that constant voice

16:34

that I want to quiet. Okay.

16:39

So when that voice

16:41

comes up, it feels very powerful.

16:46

And it leads you to question who

16:48

you are, what you're capable

16:51

of, whether what you're doing is right.

16:53

And that, even with the success

16:55

you're having, I'm guessing

16:57

that it makes you feel insecure about

17:00

the success.

17:01

Yes. Okay. So

17:04

we all tend to do this. We tend

17:07

to think that

17:09

we do something and

17:11

then we believe in it. We believe

17:14

in our ability. We

17:16

believe in being very capable

17:18

of doing all kinds of things. But

17:21

first we want to see proof.

17:23

We want to see evidence.

17:25

And the reason that you don't feel that

17:28

solid belief in yourself now

17:31

is that you can't replicate

17:33

the success you created in

17:35

the past

17:38

when you simply took away sugar.

17:40

And then you didn't

17:43

overdo the exercise, but

17:45

you used exercise to

17:47

help you feel better emotionally and

17:50

to burn up lots of calories.

17:52

Yeah. So if we take away the two

17:55

things that worked for you

17:57

before, then your brain. is

18:00

looking for something to hold

18:02

onto that's solid, that's

18:04

going to say, Hey, Nelita, you

18:07

can do this because of ABC

18:09

and D. We don't know what the ABC

18:12

and D are right now. So

18:16

here's the first thing I want

18:18

to suggest. You need

18:21

to make just a decision

18:25

based on nothing in

18:27

your past, but more of

18:29

who you are, your identity as

18:32

a woman

18:33

who solves problems

18:35

and overcomes all kinds of different

18:37

challenges. So you

18:39

decide to believe that

18:42

you could apply that part of you

18:44

to this. You

18:46

don't have to have proved it in the past. You

18:49

don't have to have the same situation

18:51

now with your body and your eating

18:54

as you did in the past.

18:56

All you have to do is decide

18:58

it first, what you want

19:01

to believe, and then you

19:03

create proof. So what

19:05

would that new belief look like? How

19:08

could we phrase the new

19:10

belief and eventually

19:12

have you step into the identity

19:15

of this woman right now,

19:18

even if it's only been three

19:20

weeks of feeling like

19:23

you're really doing what's best

19:25

for you? I think the new belief

19:27

is just telling myself that I can

19:30

be a natural eater because

19:33

I am doing it right

19:35

now.

19:37

So if I'm doing it now, then

19:39

I can continue to do it.

19:41

And every day tell myself,

19:43

I'm doing it now.

19:45

I did it yesterday and I'm doing it

19:47

today and I can continue

19:49

to do it. Yes.

19:52

So instead of telling myself the negative every

19:55

day,

19:55

tell myself that positive that I

19:58

did it yesterday, I'm doing it today and I can continue

20:00

to do it because I'm literally

20:03

doing it. And also,

20:06

let's not downplay because

20:08

of who you are, because of what

20:10

you've done, because of how you

20:13

arrived at this point

20:15

in your life that you

20:18

solve all kinds of problems, you

20:20

deal with all kinds of things. This

20:23

isn't

20:24

different. This isn't like a magical,

20:27

special situation that

20:29

only a few people can

20:31

deal with. This

20:33

is just another thing that you

20:36

are going to just handle and overcome.

20:39

Definitely. And I tell myself

20:42

if, and I don't even want to say

20:44

if, when I can jump

20:47

over that hurdle, then

20:49

I definitely will become successful

20:52

in three, not just of the weight, but

20:54

as you always say, I'm going to be a

20:56

cookie of the whole problem because I'm

20:58

not going to need any crutches. Like

21:01

before I may have needed the exercise or whatever,

21:03

I'm just going to be a woman who

21:06

loves herself and who

21:09

keeps her promises to herself and

21:11

who eats foods that are helpful

21:14

for herself. Yes.

21:16

And there's nothing to say that you don't

21:18

want to move your body as

21:21

you can to give you

21:23

a good feeling, to treat

21:25

yourself as self-care,

21:27

to move your muscles,

21:30

to maintain the muscles that you

21:32

have. There's nothing wrong with that

21:34

at all.

21:35

But do we do it so we could burn off

21:37

more calories, to lose weight and

21:40

burn off and release our stress?

21:42

It's not that it couldn't be helpful,

21:45

but we have other ways to do that.

21:48

Yes. I mean, I do walking now and

21:51

I think part of my issue is

21:53

I've been comparing with myself now

21:55

to how I was. And so even though I'm

21:57

walking throughout the day and I, you know, like I said,

21:59

I have a watch that tracks in and it's

22:02

showing me based on my heart rate, how much I'm

22:04

moving and I'm moving a lot,

22:06

there's still that voice saying, well, that's not

22:09

good enough. That's not before you were able to

22:11

do this. And now you're just walking. You

22:13

used to be. So, I have,

22:16

I guess that sabotaging voice telling

22:18

me

22:19

it's not good enough that now

22:21

I'm walking, I'm able to walk

22:23

more

22:25

vigorously than I did at

22:27

the beginning of my injury. I'm still not 100% there.

22:31

Some days I'm limping, some days I do have pain,

22:33

but I'm still moving.

22:35

But sometimes I still have that

22:37

sabotaging voice saying, but look

22:39

at that, you used to be able to jog

22:41

for an hour and on that treadmill.

22:44

I don't know if it's really sabotaging

22:47

because I think that you do

22:49

want to achieve what you set out to

22:51

achieve

22:52

and you're not trying to

22:55

make yourself fail in any way. And

22:58

I don't think you're afraid to do it. You want

23:00

to do it again,

23:01

but I think it's what you just said,

23:04

which is

23:05

you are comparing a version

23:07

of you from the past with

23:10

a version of you from right now. And

23:14

right now is reality and

23:16

the past is the past. Wouldn't

23:20

it be nice if we could freeze at a

23:22

certain moment in time, but

23:24

on one hand it wouldn't be so nice because

23:27

there wouldn't be growth. So

23:29

we might give up something as

23:31

we get older, as we go through

23:33

life, ups and downs, but

23:36

we also gain something, that

23:39

inner version of who you are

23:42

becomes more solid and more beautiful

23:44

and more experienced and more capable.

23:48

And I don't know if you really would

23:50

want to trade that. That's true.

23:52

I mean, thank you for that perspective of thinking about

23:55

what I've gained because I think

23:57

so far I've only thought about what I've lost.

24:00

I've mourned what I've

24:02

lost, how my body

24:04

was before the injury, but

24:06

I haven't really thought about what I've gained.

24:09

Just hearing you say that now is really a good

24:11

perspective for me.

24:13

Yeah.

24:14

And it can

24:16

be a challenge to make peace with

24:18

parts of us, versions of us

24:21

that we have lost, but this is

24:23

life.

24:24

And the only people that are exempt for

24:26

that are the people that are no longer

24:29

with us who are frozen in time

24:31

at a certain moment, at a certain age.

24:34

And we're lucky enough to still be here.

24:38

And you could get a twinge when you think

24:40

of the old you, a twinge

24:43

of, boom, that was nice. I

24:45

love being able to do that or

24:48

be that way or look that way. But

24:51

then we have to come back to where we

24:53

are and appreciate where

24:55

we are and figure out how to

24:57

get what we want from us right now

25:00

today. So

25:02

first thing is

25:05

that you're going to decide what

25:07

you want to believe about your ability to

25:10

get what you want. Right?

25:13

The second thing is, even

25:16

now at this new version of you,

25:18

there's going to be blips. There's

25:21

going to be things that come up in life

25:24

that you, like everyone else, are going to figure

25:26

out a way to deal with and dealing

25:28

with them with food,

25:31

whether it's vegan and

25:33

non-sugar and healthy,

25:36

doesn't matter. It's food

25:39

for your GI tract,

25:42

nourishment of your body versus

25:45

having worrisome or stressful

25:47

thoughts. They don't fix

25:50

each other. They're not interchangeable. So

25:53

I think it's deciding

25:57

what you want to believe. And then for

25:59

you. figuring out how to deal

26:01

with the ups and downs of life without

26:04

going to snacking

26:06

to feel better, whether

26:09

it is helpful food

26:11

quality or not, doesn't really

26:14

matter. Exactly. And

26:16

I think this is a good

26:18

and big difference than my other

26:20

health journey when I lost all the weight

26:23

is sometimes I still

26:25

use food as a question, even though it's healthier

26:27

and it didn't always affect my

26:30

weight that much and I would compensate, but

26:32

sometimes I would feel it was a struggle and I don't want

26:35

to have the struggle. So I'm feeling

26:38

more positive in

26:40

this current journey. So I guess that's a big

26:42

positive in it

26:43

is that I'm, I feel like I am losing

26:46

that whole problem and that whole struggle

26:48

and always having to, you know,

26:51

not that it was a total diet mentality that I

26:53

have, but in a way it was like, okay, I'm

26:55

going to make sure now, you know, because I kind of

26:57

overate with this one, I'm going to add more, a

26:59

lot more vegetables different. So I would always have

27:01

to be doing this negotiation thing. And right now

27:03

it was just like, no, I'm going to work at being a natural

27:06

eater,

27:06

right? And when I'm slightly hungry until

27:09

I'm comfortably satisfied. Right.

27:13

And it's natural to, to try

27:15

to do what you've been trying to do, which is compare

27:19

what you're doing now to compare

27:21

what you did then when

27:23

you lost all that weight. So

27:25

it's common to think, well, I used

27:28

to work out for this many minutes per day.

27:30

And I used to get this many miles or

27:33

steps in, and I used to not eat any

27:35

sugar. And those were the things that

27:37

you did.

27:39

But what you're not looking

27:41

at is how did I used

27:43

to think to keep myself

27:46

on track? That wasn't a plan that

27:49

would work for you now, but you

27:51

still had some mental

27:53

participation to get

27:56

yourself to keep doing those things. And

27:59

now we want to. We want to use

28:01

your brain to get

28:03

you to do what you need to do now in this

28:05

new adapted version of

28:08

how you are going to

28:10

lose that extra weight

28:13

in a way that feels peaceful,

28:15

in a way that doesn't feel like

28:18

you're desperately holding on tight,

28:20

trying to be good, but in a

28:22

way that feels peaceful, even though life

28:24

still is going to give you ups and

28:27

downs. Definitely. That's

28:29

what I want. I want to feel

28:31

that peace and freedom.

28:33

And I'm starting to feel it. Yeah.

28:35

And you have a chosen way of

28:38

how you're eating now. You

28:40

have a way that you move your

28:42

body that works for you now, more

28:45

focusing on now. So I

28:48

think the next step for you is looking

28:50

at what you

28:52

do with your mind when

28:55

you have a stressful day, when

28:57

things come up and you need

29:00

to relieve your mind. We're

29:02

not going to go to heavy exercise. We

29:05

don't want to go to the helpful,

29:08

healthy chips and overdo

29:11

them for a mental issue. We want

29:14

to go to something that looks at

29:16

our brain and figures

29:18

out what to do with those thoughts

29:20

that create stress. I

29:23

do a lot of reflections now, a lot

29:26

of reflecting and really working

29:28

on letting things go. And not

29:32

turning to that food actually makes me feel

29:34

better. You know, I'll read a book, I'll listen to

29:37

a podcast,

29:38

I'll talk with my husband, who's a very helpful

29:40

person, I'll talk

29:42

to my counselor. That's the new

29:44

version of me that I want to

29:47

remain is that I'm not using

29:49

any crutches emotionally and

29:52

I can let go of things and not

29:54

reach for food for comfort at all.

29:56

Even if it's, you know, even if it were helpful

29:58

foods, I don't want to.

29:59

reach for it. I don't want to just, you know,

30:02

even grab two apples and sit

30:04

in front of the TV because I'm stressed out because,

30:06

you know, technically, okay, it's healthy. And that's

30:09

what and that's what I love about

30:12

this journey that I'm on now.

30:14

Yeah. You know, I want to be

30:16

free. Right food, we have to eat,

30:18

we have to eat to live. And

30:21

we want to get pleasure out of the food that we eat,

30:23

but it's so much more

30:26

than just the food. We're

30:28

thinking, feeling beings,

30:31

and we need to learn how to manage that

30:33

part of us.

30:34

Let me ask you this just to touch on

30:36

the third part of our program. We

30:39

talked about how you're eating.

30:41

We talked about how you're moving

30:43

your body, which is always

30:45

optional, but it feels good. And

30:47

I consider it self care. We

30:50

talked now more about you

30:53

managing stress and

30:56

managing having a full long

30:58

day and taking

31:00

care of yourself in a different way. Are

31:03

there ways that you take care

31:06

of yourself that do not involve

31:09

the bag of chips, sitting on the couch

31:11

and watching a show, even though parts

31:13

of those things are totally fine?

31:16

Yeah, I think for myself, just doing things

31:18

that I enjoy, so or

31:20

that I need, I think a lot of myself here

31:23

now is okay, I'm going to get rest because

31:25

a lot of times I would not get enough rest. I'm

31:28

always doing something because I'm a caretaker as

31:30

well. I

31:31

have three children, two of them are older, but

31:33

they have additional challenges, not just a visual

31:35

impairment. And so I'm a caretaker, I'm always taking care

31:37

of people. So I

31:40

get help

31:41

to do it. My husband is very helpful with that.

31:44

Some, you know, sometimes my sisters

31:46

can be very helpful with that. And sometimes

31:49

I'm just like, I'm just gonna rest. I'm going

31:51

to, I'm gonna, I used to not allow myself

31:53

to even rest good a bit early, I

31:56

would just have, look, I have to take care of all these things,

31:58

I have to do all these chores. But

32:00

I've given myself permission

32:02

to do something just as simple

32:04

as go to bed early, rest, watch

32:08

a little TV, use,

32:10

you know, back massager,

32:12

you know, I have a chair massage, just do those

32:14

simple things and just have downtime,

32:17

you

32:17

know, watch a show, read

32:19

a book, just give myself permission to

32:22

have downtime and

32:24

not feel like I have to be doing something

32:27

all the time. Yeah, those are

32:29

wonderful, wonderful things that

32:32

don't have to take a lot of time,

32:34

don't have to cost any money. But

32:37

you're not keeping on

32:39

going until you crash. You're

32:42

pausing when you realize that you're

32:44

starting to feel depleted.

32:47

And you take care of yourself

32:50

that day, at least if not in

32:52

the moment. And

32:54

that's very, very smart. What

32:57

about the mental part

32:59

of having a situation

33:03

that would create stressful

33:05

thoughts for most people? You

33:08

mentioned that you do some reflective

33:10

exercises, do you journal? I do

33:13

sometimes journal, I think a lot,

33:15

I pray a lot, and

33:17

I reflect a lot. And sometimes

33:20

I write because I am a writer, so I'll

33:22

write about it. But I think

33:24

through it a lot. And that's how I do my writing

33:26

process anyways, is I think a lot,

33:29

I think, I think, and I think,

33:30

and then I'm able to put something

33:33

down succinctly. I don't journal as regularly

33:35

as I think I should, but I reflect

33:38

a lot. And then after reflecting

33:40

for a while, then I'll write down my thoughts.

33:43

That sounds wonderful. I

33:45

want you when you think back on these past

33:48

three weeks

33:50

that are going really, really well, not

33:53

just what am I doing? What am I eating?

33:55

But what was I thinking and feeling

33:57

this week? And

33:59

how do I see myself when I'm doing

34:01

these things that work for me,

34:04

that make me feel good, that

34:06

help me keep my promise to

34:08

myself? How do you see yourself,

34:11

Nelida? What kind of woman

34:13

would you describe yourself as

34:16

right now when you're doing what you

34:18

say you're going to do?

34:19

I'm a woman who is keeping

34:22

her promises to herself,

34:24

to take care of herself, to love

34:27

herself and to tell herself that

34:29

she's enough right now to

34:31

be able to take care of herself well and

34:34

take care of her body and her mind. Absolutely.

34:37

And you are. Every day

34:40

you are. Do you have to

34:42

create a belief that you could do this for 10

34:44

more years?

34:45

It doesn't really, it doesn't matter

34:48

if you did have that belief

34:50

because no one can control the future.

34:53

But if you know and believe

34:55

that you could do this today and

34:57

you could do it tomorrow, that's

34:59

all you need. And then

35:01

you repeat that every day. Definitely.

35:04

I think that's what's helped when I'm on

35:07

the Freedom Group online and all

35:09

the cultures will say, well, just tell

35:11

yourself one day at a time because sometimes

35:13

I think I'm an overachiever.

35:16

So I'm always thinking, okay, how

35:18

well can I do this or how much can I do this and

35:21

I'm a known overachiever?

35:23

So it's good for me to be able

35:26

to just stop and

35:28

which is a new thing for me and just say how

35:30

I'm doing right now and accept that

35:33

it's good right now and it's enough right

35:35

now

35:35

and just take it one day and one step

35:37

at a time and not always trying to project to the

35:39

future, which as you're saying

35:42

correctly, I can't control.

35:44

Right. But right now, you

35:47

know you can. So when the old voice

35:49

comes up that says, yeah, but

35:51

how do you know you can keep doing it?

35:54

What could you counter that fearful

35:57

old lower brain suggestion?

36:00

with.

36:01

I can say it. I don't have to know

36:03

if I'm going to be able to do it. I can only

36:05

control now. And I know that

36:07

I'm doing it now.

36:09

I did it yesterday. So that means

36:11

I can do it tomorrow. Yeah.

36:14

And I don't need to think about,

36:16

you know, two weeks, two months, three

36:18

years or whenever from now. Right.

36:21

You're creating the belief

36:23

today. Look what I'm doing right

36:25

now. And then you're going

36:28

to keep doing what you're doing.

36:30

And you're creating evidence each

36:33

day that you do

36:34

what you say you're going to do. You're creating

36:37

a whole stack of evidence for

36:39

you in the future to be able to look

36:41

and say, I'm

36:42

a woman who can do this

36:45

and have it really feel real.

36:47

Right now, in the beginning,

36:49

you're just making the decision

36:52

that of course I can. Yes,

36:54

I want to. I will. I'm doing

36:57

it and try to remember

36:59

you're not a passenger in your

37:01

life. Things

37:04

happen, right? Things come at

37:06

us that we can't plan for.

37:08

We can't expect. We're

37:10

not sure what the answer is immediately

37:13

if it's a new situation,

37:15

but we end up figuring it out.

37:18

But you're not just a passive bystander

37:22

waiting to see what will happen. And if

37:25

you could do it, you're the driver.

37:27

You're in charge, right?

37:29

So it's not, it's not like fake

37:32

confidence. It's more just

37:34

deciding to be confident in

37:37

your abilities and yourself, even

37:39

though yes, you're different than who

37:41

you were 10 years ago and

37:44

everyone is. Exactly.

37:47

So what we talked about today,

37:49

it's pretty big,

37:51

right? It's not like a simple

37:53

question that we sometimes get

37:56

when people first come in the program

37:58

and they say, how much water

37:59

should I drink or I'm

38:02

not hungry after I drink coffee? Those

38:04

are the very, very, very simple questions.

38:07

This is a big question that

38:09

what we try to do today

38:12

together is take it apart and

38:14

look at the parts of it, the belief part,

38:17

the how to eat part, what

38:20

satisfies what kind of hunger. You

38:22

know, the food satisfies the body, but

38:25

it doesn't satisfy your emotional

38:28

life

38:29

and accepting ourselves

38:31

where we are today and

38:33

trying to be the best we could

38:35

be. But then there are going to be some things

38:37

that we can't change or we

38:39

can't fix. And we're

38:41

still, you know, amazing,

38:45

admirable women. And we have to

38:47

believe that before anybody

38:49

else does. Yes, that's

38:52

the journey in and of itself. Yes,

38:54

it is. It feels like the journey

38:57

is never ending. But it

38:59

doesn't mean there's something wrong with you.

39:01

We're going to work on fixing it until you're

39:04

okay. It

39:05

means you're more than

39:08

okay now. And

39:10

are there areas that we could bring

39:12

up a notch

39:13

to make your life even better?

39:16

That's what we're doing. We're not fixing

39:18

you. We're up leveling

39:21

you. I love that. Up

39:23

leveling. Yeah. So

39:26

we're you're doing really well. We

39:28

just want to make the journey feel easier,

39:31

softer, more peaceful, not

39:33

struggle, right? Not a struggle.

39:36

And that is my goal. I mean, that's why I joined the

39:38

Freedom Group because I wanted to just let go

39:41

of the struggle period. I want

39:43

this time to be different. And it

39:45

is and I'm feeling the difference. And

39:47

I feel lighter, you know, even though

39:49

I'm not physically lighter, but I'm feeling

39:52

lighter, and not like

39:53

this whole stress of the whole

39:56

journey of losing weight and

39:58

getting healthier. So I feel good

40:00

about that. I see

40:03

your changes that you've made. I hear

40:05

you and I totally agree with

40:08

you. Thank you so so

40:10

much for sharing this little

40:13

tiny piece of your journey and you

40:15

will keep me posted on how

40:17

you're doing I'm sure. Definitely

40:19

and thank you so much Cookie for everything,

40:22

for all your support and coaching. I really appreciate

40:24

you and I really appreciate the Freedom Group.

40:27

You are welcome my dear. All right my friend

40:29

that's it for our live coaching session

40:31

today. You've heard about a topic

40:34

that you may very well share with

40:36

Nelida and if you do then you

40:39

know what you're going to be thinking about this week.

40:42

See if you can relate to the challenge

40:44

of not really believing that

40:47

you have what it takes to change.

40:50

Just seeing your struggle, seeing your

40:52

challenge, that's your first step. Put

40:55

a name to it. I hope to

40:57

see you back here soon where we will

40:59

continue to work on your

41:01

emotional eating and your habitual overeating

41:04

step by step until

41:06

they both become something that you used to

41:09

do. We both know that's your

41:11

ultimate goal. You

41:12

can go right now to weightlossmadereal.com.

41:16

The link is in the show notes

41:19

to see what the Freedom Group is all about,

41:21

to get some free gifts and to

41:24

see all the other new ways that

41:26

you can learn from me. So for

41:28

now this is your coach Cookie

41:31

reminding you that as you

41:33

search for answers keep it real

41:36

just like you and

41:37

I will see you back here

41:38

very soon.