0:04

Hi, it's me, Joseph,

0:07

and I am inviting you to

0:09

open that odd-looking door that has just appeared

0:11

in your home and enter The

0:14

Attic. The Attic is our brand

0:17

new touring live show, world-premiering

0:20

this fall in cities across the United

0:23

States. We are so

0:25

excited to be back on the road with our new

0:27

show, in which Cecil discovers

0:29

slides from an old family road

0:31

trip, which at first seemed fun and

0:33

joyful, but then began to transform

0:36

into something strange and dangerous.

0:39

This new show has something for everyone—horoscopes,

0:43

cursed slideshows, creepy

0:45

shapeshifting dolls, fun-slash-painful

0:49

childhood memories, original music by

0:51

disparition. We can't wait

0:53

for you to see Cecil Baldwin, Symphony

0:55

Sanders, and other special guests

0:58

perform the ever-loving crap

1:00

out of this live show in a town

1:03

near you. Tickets

1:04

and info, including info

1:06

about our live weather artists, at

1:09

welcometonightvale.com slash

1:12

live. And hey,

1:14

we'll see you out there.

1:17

Welcome to Night Vale is brought to you by Progressive. Progressive

1:20

helps you compare direct auto rates from a variety

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of companies so you can find a great one, even

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Progressive casualty insurance company and affiliates. Comparison

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rates not available in all states or situations. Support

1:36

for Welcome to Night Vale comes from Odoo. If

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visit odoo.com. That's odoo.com slash night veil.

2:05

Odoo, modern management made simple.

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You miss 100% of the shots. Welcome

2:13

to Night Vale.

2:43

There was a car crash on Bulton Avenue,

2:45

listeners. A bad one. Possible

2:48

injuries. Probable injuries,

2:51

even.

2:52

A man who has been watering his lawn has laid

2:54

down the hose and started sprinting toward

2:56

the crash. His mouth is wide

2:58

and his lower teeth are more visible than they have ever

3:00

been outside of the dentist visits that

3:03

he doesn't do as regularly as he should

3:05

if he's honest with himself. He tries

3:07

to be honest with himself.

3:09

He rarely fully is. A

3:12

woman who had been one car back from the crash

3:14

is vibrating. It's the chemicals

3:16

in her blood. When she saw the crash,

3:19

she knew that in a set of circumstances

3:21

that are terrifyingly similar to the

3:23

ones that happened, it would have been her

3:26

in that wreck, in the twist and

3:28

the rend of it. Her flesh caught

3:31

between this and that, split

3:33

open, smeared. Her

3:35

teeth chatter as she thinks of it, and

3:37

she thinks of injuries she doesn't have,

3:40

consequences she won't have to face.

3:43

There was a car crash on Buellton Avenue,

3:46

listeners, and it could have been any

3:48

of us, but it wasn't most

3:50

of us. Our lucky

3:52

day, then. More soon,

3:55

but first,

3:56

the headlines. The

4:00

Randy Newman Memorial Night Vale Airport.

4:03

There was some embarrassment earlier this month

4:05

when it turned out that after the expensive

4:08

and high-profile construction of a new

4:10

terminal, the management of the airport

4:12

never contracted with any airlines

4:14

to have flights into or out of

4:17

Night Vale. Well,

4:18

this oversight has been corrected.

4:21

Night Vale Airport CEO Archie

4:23

Lavery is proud to announce that he has

4:25

made an agreement with Dale Lucero,

4:28

whose wife Betty coaches the Little League

4:30

team. Dale has an old Cessna

4:33

he likes to take out on weekends when it isn't

4:35

too cloudy or windy, and

4:37

he figures that he can get most

4:39

people pretty much where they want

4:41

to go on most days if they're

4:44

a little patient. This

4:47

old bird don't quite fly like she

4:49

used to, Dale said, chewing

4:51

on a straw and leaning on a plane

4:53

that appeared to have been last painted

4:55

during the Brando administration. But

4:58

I reckon she's still got some Sky

5:00

Left Dinner.

5:02

When asked about international flights, Dale

5:04

admitted that he hasn't gotten his

5:06

passport renewed after that trip to Antigua

5:09

in 95, and so he probably

5:11

couldn't help anyone with that. And

5:14

he was obligated to point out that his pilot

5:16

license was a certificate he printed off

5:19

a site called Fun Pilot Props

5:21

for Children Ages 3-5. But

5:24

still, he said it should be totally fine and

5:26

no one should be worried at all. Ain't

5:29

never killed no one yet, he said with

5:31

a grin that kept

5:32

stretching wider and wider, as his eyes

5:34

watered with a strain of his distending

5:36

face. Triple negative there, boss.

5:39

How you like that? Dale muttered

5:41

to the sky. But

5:44

CEO Archie Lavery added, I'm

5:46

excited about this new arrangement and look

5:48

forward to you all flying the friendless

5:51

skies.

5:55

Nightfell

6:00

Campus, and Father to My Child,

6:03

has been consolidating control of the army

6:05

of scientists now under his command.

6:08

He has been doing the usual team building

6:10

exercises like Two Truths and

6:12

a Lie, Zip Zap Zap, and

6:15

Mock Executions, but still,

6:17

there are certain leftover resentments and

6:20

confused thinking from the era

6:22

overseen by that villain herself, Dr.

6:25

Janet Lubell.

6:26

Carlos needs his team to

6:29

all be on the same, you

6:31

know, team, because

6:34

he has great things in store for them. Many

6:37

of you were worried about how I've

6:39

been after finding out that Carlos had

6:41

been stuck in that terrible desert otherworld

6:44

for 10 years, rather than

6:46

the one year that I experienced.

6:49

And it was tough to know that

6:51

he hadn't trusted me

6:53

enough to help him carry that pain.

6:56

But I understand why love might make

6:58

someone feel that they need to keep such

7:01

terrible secrets to themselves, that

7:03

some secrets are so painful that

7:05

to share them is itself an act

7:08

of violence. But now, we

7:11

can all share the weight of his secret, can

7:13

show him there is no shame in having received

7:15

pain, no guilt in a harrowing

7:18

past. I love my husband.

7:21

I do not hold it against him even

7:23

a little, that he could not tell

7:25

me, and I will support him in any way

7:28

that I know how. In any

7:30

case, understandably, he wants to

7:32

know more about this world that held

7:34

him

7:35

for a decade of his life. And so he

7:37

is mustering the considerable forces of

7:39

the university of what it is to that end.

7:42

Soon, hopefully, we will

7:45

know more about that terrible other

7:47

place. More on science

7:50

as soon as science continues to occur.

7:55

There was a car crash on Buleton Avenue

7:57

listeners, a real smash up, glittery.

8:00

debris running down the street. As

8:02

it happens over two million

8:04

years ago during a different age of the earth,

8:07

there was a stream here, clear

8:09

blue water, and it ran exactly

8:12

where this trail of glass is now.

8:15

No one involved in the crash knows that

8:17

nor any of the witnesses that information

8:20

wouldn't be helpful to them now. The

8:23

only information that might be helpful to them is

8:25

more practical, such as how

8:27

to staunch bleeding, how to

8:29

deal with visible bone both in terms

8:31

of wound repair and psychological

8:33

impact, how to retain senses

8:35

when your body is trying to shut down. This

8:38

is the information that is needed. History

8:41

exists right until the present

8:43

insists upon itself and then

8:46

past and future fade until the present ceases

8:48

being an emergency. There

8:50

was a car crash on Buleton Avenue.

8:53

There is blood, although I don't

8:56

know its location or quantity. There

8:59

is a hand reaching, although I

9:01

don't know if it is reaching out or

9:04

in. I will give you more

9:06

updates

9:07

as I have them. And

9:09

now a word from our sponsors.

9:12

Today's show is brought to you by the All You

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Can Eat Desert Buffet, the one

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off exit for. Don't listen

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to the haters. Don't believe the reviews.

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worried about food poisoning as this restaurant

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And yes, we currently have 2.7 stars

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on Yelp with many of the reviewers citing

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our quote, intense bummer

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followed by the substandard quality, freshness,

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and overall safety of our food.

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And yes, most of

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you have come by at least once and

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absolutely loathe your time.

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But we want to tell you that we've changed.

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We've changed by deciding it's time

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for all of you to change. What

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not throwing any of this away until

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you eat it. This

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has been a word from our sponsors.

11:08

There was a car crash on Builton Avenue,

11:10

listeners. Something is trying

11:12

to crawl out of the wreckage. This

11:15

might have once been someone, but

11:18

they have been reduced to something and

11:20

still they are trying to crawl. A

11:22

man who had been watering his lawn nearby

11:25

arrives at the wreckage. He sees what

11:27

is trying to come out of it and he is torn between

11:29

wanting to flee and wanting to help. He

11:32

decides to help. In

11:34

fiction, we assume that humans are cowardly.

11:37

But in reality, humans are

11:39

often generous and brave. We

11:42

are self-hating species and

11:44

like any self-hater, we are

11:46

mostly incorrect. The

11:49

man gets down on his knees. He does his

11:51

best to help, but he doesn't know how. Nothing

11:53

has prepared him for this. Nothing has prepared

11:56

anyone for this. No one

11:58

spends time learning about the past.

11:59

possibility of this, even though the possibility

12:02

is always there, always present behind

12:04

even the quietest, most comfortable moments

12:07

of our lives. Catastrophe is,

12:09

after all, only a catastrophe

12:11

away.

12:15

And now for the music charts.

12:18

Number one with a bullet is, of course, help

12:20

me, I'm a time traveler lost in

12:22

history and I need to get a message to

12:24

my superiors in the future in the form

12:27

of a hit song

12:28

by Justin Bieber. I can't

12:30

stop humming it like.

12:42

OK, I don't have a great ear for melody,

12:44

but it's something like that. You

12:47

know the song. You don't need me to tell

12:49

you. After that, we have

12:51

a newcomer on our list. Whitefels

12:53

own Michelle Wynn with Music

12:55

Song, a piece she put together using

12:58

a new for her system in

13:00

which she uses music to

13:02

compose a song. When

13:05

asked about her groundbreaking technique, Michelle

13:07

said, I thought I was post

13:09

music, but then I got bored of

13:11

listening to Trees Grow and 40 Hour

13:14

White Noise Compilation. So I

13:16

became post, post

13:19

music and it turns out music

13:22

is pretty good. I am glad

13:25

to have invented it and please feel free

13:27

to compliment me about it whenever I'm feeling

13:29

insecure, which is a lot of the time.

13:32

Michelle concluded. Well, Michelle,

13:35

personally, I think music is

13:37

OK and I'm

13:39

glad you invented it. Finally,

13:42

of course,

13:42

we have Basket Case by

13:44

Green Day, which has been number three

13:46

on our charts for over 60

13:49

years, long before the band

13:51

released it. No matter what we do,

13:53

it is just right there in the

13:55

third spot. At least it

13:57

got a little less confusing for us.

13:59

the song came out.

14:02

This has been The Charts.

14:06

There was a car crash on Buleton Avenue,

14:08

listeners. A haze in

14:10

the air that looks like smoke. But

14:13

it is not smoke. It is finely

14:15

pulverized glass, and it

14:17

scatters with even a slight breeze.

14:20

The hand of something that was once someone

14:23

reaches out from the wreckage. The

14:25

woman, coming back from the crash, exits

14:27

her vehicle. Her mouth is open, but she

14:30

is not making a sound.

14:32

She doesn't know what sound she could make. Nothing

14:34

she can do can adequately express her horror

14:37

at what she has seen. The man

14:39

on his knees has given up on trying to help

14:41

the thing that once was human. He

14:44

looks past the crawling, mewling

14:47

creature and sees something he

14:49

does not understand. The interior

14:52

is twisted around itself, but it

14:54

looks as though it goes much deeper than

14:56

the car once did. If he

14:58

didn't know any better, the man would think this

15:01

was a tunnel. In fact, he

15:03

doesn't know better, and he does

15:05

think

15:06

it's a tunnel. He crawls

15:08

uncertainly forward past the hand

15:10

that is begging for aid, past the creature

15:12

that once was human, deep into

15:15

the wreckage, deeper into the wreckage

15:17

until the sound of the world fades away

15:19

and it grows dark and warm

15:22

and damp. More

15:25

on, well,

15:29

whatever it is that is happening

15:31

here, but first, and

15:33

always, the weather.

16:16

that yeah

17:36

yeah yeah

19:30

There was

19:32

a car crash on Builton Avenue

19:34

listeners. The man who had

19:36

been watering his lawn crawls through the

19:38

long belly of the wreckage.

19:40

It is dark and warm and damp,

19:43

and then as he continues to move, it grows

19:45

dark and cold and dry. He

19:48

hears a voice as though there is someone beside

19:51

him as he crawls. The voice says,

19:54

ah, it's you again. Who

19:57

is that?

19:58

asked the man. replies,

20:01

it's just me again.

20:03

I don't know

20:05

who you are, the man says. And

20:08

then from directly in front of him, so close he

20:10

can feel cold breath on his face, smelling

20:12

of grass clippings and graveyard dirt,

20:15

the voice says, don't you? The

20:19

man howls and tries to scramble

20:21

backwards. As he does,

20:23

he finds himself in a hospital hallway.

20:26

The light through the window at the end of the hall is

20:28

sunset golden. He turns

20:31

and cannot find the tunnel he entered through. The

20:34

man calls out, but no

20:36

one answers. This hospital

20:39

is empty. He walks

20:41

to the end of the hall, enters a door marked

20:43

exit, and finds himself at a school. It

20:45

is 1974, he is 12 years old, and he

20:49

is late for class. He runs

20:51

as the bell rings, but it is no use.

20:54

He is and has always

20:57

been late. When he finally opens

20:59

the loud squeaky door, the teacher

21:01

shakes her head in disappointment. Find

21:04

your desk,

21:04

she says, and that

21:07

is tricky, because he doesn't remember

21:09

which one was his desk. There

21:12

are three that are empty. He

21:14

walks toward one, and no one calls

21:17

out in correction, and so he sits

21:19

down. Good, his

21:21

teacher says, in a new voice, a

21:23

voice that is so familiar.

21:27

Now, let's begin the lesson.

21:32

And with that, the man is back

21:34

in the tunnel. But now there is daylight

21:37

ahead of him, the lulling sound

21:39

of traffic. He scrambles toward it,

21:42

afraid that the voice will come out again. With

21:44

both hands he grabs the frame of the wreckage

21:47

and holds himself back out. He

21:49

finds himself in the seat of a car. There

21:52

is a steering wheel in front of him. He glances

21:54

with confusion in his rear view mirror,

21:57

and sees the woman one car back singing

21:59

along to the air.

21:59

hit new song by Michelle

22:02

Nguyen. The song makes her very

22:04

happy, a respite of a commute

22:07

in a tedious busy day and

22:09

he smiles at her happiness. Then

22:11

he looks again to the intersection before

22:13

him and he starts his left

22:15

turn. When

22:18

it happens, it is

22:20

so quick he doesn't

22:22

even know it is happening.

22:24

He only knows that he is back

22:26

in the wreckage and that he

22:29

is no longer someone but

22:31

something. He

22:33

tries to crawl out but

22:36

he can only reach out a hand

22:38

and a familiar man on a nearby front

22:41

lawn drops his hose and

22:43

starts running over. There

22:46

was a car crash on Buellton Avenue.

22:49

There is a car crash on Buellton

22:52

Avenue. There will always

22:54

be a car crash on

22:57

Buellton Avenue. Stay

23:00

tuned next for Fallout Boy's new cover

23:03

of The Disintegration Loops. Good

23:06

night, Night Vale.

23:07

Good night. This show

23:10

is sponsored by BetterHelp. There's no GPS for

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slash nightvale.

23:56

Hey, it's Jeffrey Cranor. You know I like scary

23:59

movies and sometimes I have to sign up for

24:01

a new streaming service to watch one of these

24:03

spooky films And then I forget that I have

24:05

that streaming service and months go by and

24:07

I've only watched that one movie and it was great

24:10

Only I'm still paying for it most

24:12

people think they're spending $80 on

24:14

their subscriptions when in reality the number

24:16

is closer to 200 when you're

24:18

signed up for so many things like streaming services

24:21

you use to watch the one movie or free trials

24:23

for delivery You don't use it's easy

24:25

so easy to lose track of what you're paying for

24:28

with rocket money You can easily cancel the

24:30

ones you don't want with just the press of a button Rocket

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wasting money on things you don't use cancel

24:45

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money the easy way by going to rocket

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money Calm night Vale. That's

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rocket money. Calm night

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Vale rocket money. Calm night

24:57

Vale

25:02

Welcome to night Vale as a production of night Vale presents

25:04

it is written by Joseph Fink and Jeffrey Cranor and produced

25:06

by Disparition the

25:07

voice of night Vale is Cecil Baldwin original

25:10

music by Disparition all of it can

25:12

be found at Disparition.bandcamp.com This

25:15

episode's weather was one man's trash

25:17

by C.C. Baldwin

25:19

and it was a great time to be a part of the night Vale Night

25:23

Vale.com This episode's

25:25

weather was one man's

25:27

trash by 7th Street Big Band Find

25:31

out more at 7th Street

25:33

Big Band. .com Comments

25:37

questions

25:37

email us at info at

25:39

welcome to night Vale.com Or

25:41

follow us on Twitter. I guess at

25:43

night Vale radio and Instagram at night Vale official

25:47

We now have a tick tock at night Vale official as well If

25:49

you like short videos by a fictional

25:51

radio station Most importantly check out

25:53

welcome to night Vale.com Where

25:56

we have a twice monthly mailing list that is the

25:58

best way to keep up to date

25:59

with us without it being suddenly rebranded

26:02

into something stupid. You can learn about

26:04

things like our upcoming brand new live

26:07

show, The Attic, which we are working

26:09

on right now and it's spooky and cool

26:11

as hell. Today's proverb, don't

26:13

judge anyone until you've walked a mile

26:16

in their shoes, until you've stolen their

26:18

shoes and gotten a clean one mile away.

26:20

Don't judge them.

26:36

Hi, I'm Jeffrey Craner and I wanted to tell you

26:38

about one of my other podcasts, Random Number

26:41

Generator Horror Podcast Number 9. So

26:44

the thing is, my friend Cecil Baldwin,

26:46

the voice of Night Vale loves horror

26:48

movies and he's helping make the genre more

26:50

approachable for me and hopefully for you too,

26:53

one film at a time, in a random order. Are

26:55

you squeamish about horror movies? Look, I get it.

26:58

And no worries. I'll listen in and we'll tell you

27:00

everything that happens. But do you love horror

27:02

movies? Well that's great too. Watch along with

27:04

us each week. We've got nearly 200

27:06

episodes covering everything from The

27:09

Shining to Leprechaun 4 in

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space. I'm serious. We go in

27:13

a random order. So check out Random

27:15

Horror 9 wherever you get podcasts.