0:04

Hi, it's me, Joseph, and here is

0:06

the news. I'm just going to give

0:08

you a summary of everything, I guess.

0:10

We have a Patreon. It's the

0:12

way we pay everyone. The show could not exist without it,

0:14

and we have a bunch of fun bonuses only

0:17

available to patrons, including Patreon-only

0:19

episodes and ad-free episodes. Two,

0:22

we have books. It's the four-year anniversary of The

0:25

Faces of the Old Woman Who Secretly Lives in

0:27

Your Home, which is just... I

0:29

love that book. Pirate Adventure slash Ghost Story

0:31

slash Conspiracy Thriller slash Revenge Story. I don't

0:33

know. Go read it wherever

0:35

you read books. Three, we have

0:38

merch. All sorts of things. Most recently,

0:40

Jessica Hayworth, who does the episode illustrations

0:42

and the classic Spider-Deer shirt, just made

0:44

a new shirt with a real upsetting

0:46

chicken on it. Check it out. Finally,

0:49

our live show, The Attic, tours

0:51

North America in April. This is

0:54

a good time. We love this

0:56

live show. Come be with us

0:58

in our little town. Info

1:00

on all of that can be

1:02

found at welcometonightvale.com. And

1:05

hey, I love you. This

1:09

episode is brought to you by Progressive. Most

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Welcome to Night Vale comes from Odoo. If you

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management made simple. Money

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can't buy you happiness but it can

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buy you this blender. Do

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you want to buy this blender? I will

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sell it to you for money. Welcome

2:27

to Night Vale. I

2:55

will get right to the news because well

2:58

it's a doozy. It seems

3:00

that the boy we found in Grove

3:02

Park who it turns out and this

3:04

is kind of a funny story is

3:07

a younger version of my old arch

3:09

enemy Kevin has decided he must kill

3:11

his double currently living in the desert

3:13

otherworld which is to say the that

3:16

the boy Kevin wants to kill the adult Kevin

3:19

I'm sorry to go over such

3:21

basic everyday stuff again but sometimes

3:23

it's helpful to remember the mundane

3:25

little details like this anyway

3:28

the boy has broken into my husband Carlos's

3:31

science lab next door to big

3:33

Rico's pizza he has

3:35

barricaded himself in there and is

3:37

attempting to use the scientific equipment

3:39

in order to enter the otherworld

3:42

and confront himself while

3:44

I am no Kevin fan we have

3:46

been at a delicate truce with Desert

3:48

Bluffs for many years now and I

3:50

am worried about what this kind of

3:53

provocation could mean for Night Vale's future

3:56

Carlos is trying to negotiate with the

3:58

boy using a megaphone saying things like,

4:01

hey, there's some fragile

4:03

beakers in there. Please try

4:05

not to smash them. And

4:07

maybe consider not causing

4:10

a rift between universes.

4:13

Tamika Flynn has her own

4:15

competing megaphone, with which she

4:17

is saying, Kevin,

4:20

this is not your mother, but it

4:22

is your legal guardian. Let's

4:25

talk about this. Do you

4:27

also have a megaphone? They make your

4:29

voice so loud. It's

4:32

fun. I

4:34

will keep you updated on this standoff as

4:37

the standing continues to off. But

4:40

first, the community calendar. Monday

4:44

is band practice at the rec

4:46

center, so no matter what

4:48

you hear from inside, don't

4:50

go in. You wouldn't like

4:52

what you'd see. The

4:54

rec center will be closed for the rest of the

4:56

week for cleaning and repairs. Tuesday

4:59

is all you can eat day at

5:01

the Denny's. It's just five dollars

5:03

and you won't be able to eat again

5:06

for the rest of your life. So, you

5:08

know, try to cram a lot in there

5:10

while you can. Wednesday,

5:12

the Night Vale High School Theater

5:14

program will be presenting their production

5:16

of Godspell. This is a new,

5:19

un-immersive presentation of the show

5:21

adapted to keep you as

5:24

distanced as possible from the

5:26

material. In it, a

5:28

bored teenager will read you the

5:30

Wikipedia summary of the play while

5:33

simultaneously playing Call of Duty. All

5:35

proceeds from the performance will be donated to

5:38

the FBI because

5:40

they seem to be doing a great job

5:42

lately. Thursday is my

5:44

day off, so please try not to

5:46

do anything worth reporting on during that

5:49

day. Maybe stay

5:51

in bed with your hands tucked

5:53

under your body and your eyes

5:55

closed while humming to fully block

5:57

off interaction with the world. Any

6:00

events that happen on my day off

6:02

that I cannot report on will be

6:05

taken as a direct offense to me

6:07

personally. Friday

6:10

is volunteer day at the community

6:12

garden. They need someone

6:14

to be buried alive in the

6:16

rich loam to ensure that the

6:19

tall beans and the blooming flowers

6:21

keep growing for another year. So

6:24

head on down and volunteer. If

6:26

there are no volunteers, someone will

6:28

have the volunteering done for them

6:30

by a gang of people in

6:32

Black Hoods who will enter their

6:34

bedroom on a cold early spring

6:36

night chanting, The Soil Eater Has

6:38

Been Chosen. So

6:40

maybe someone should just volunteer and get it

6:43

over with. Saturday

6:45

is RC car racing at

6:47

the vague yet menacing government

6:49

agency's West Night Vale office.

6:52

No one is allowed to

6:54

attend, and results are highly

6:56

classified. Merely knowing

6:59

that this event exists puts

7:01

your life in danger. On

7:03

Sunday there will be a lost little

7:06

girl wandering in Grove Park. She

7:08

will wear a bedraggled white dress,

7:11

and her face will never quite

7:13

be visible, no matter the angle

7:15

or light. She will ask

7:17

you to come into the woods with her to find

7:19

her mother. You hadn't remembered

7:21

there being woods in Grove Park, but

7:23

there they are. Hundreds of

7:26

trees shrouded in fog, full

7:28

of shadows and uncanny sounds.

7:31

You will take her hand, and

7:33

her hand will feel like a

7:35

brittle autumn leaf. And

7:38

she will lead you deep

7:40

into those woods, so deep

7:42

as the fog envelops you

7:44

completely. So that's on

7:47

Sunday, if you want to clear your

7:49

schedule. This has been

7:51

the Community Calendar. Terrible

7:54

news, listeners. Carlos

7:56

has confirmed that the boy has

7:58

successfully opened a... Stable doorway

8:00

into the other desert world and

8:03

is now standing at the threshold Calling

8:05

Kevin's name Which is

8:07

to say his own name as he is also

8:10

Kevin There can only

8:12

be one shouts the

8:14

boy the mathematics of reality demand

8:17

it He

8:19

is holding a knife Only

8:22

the wasteland answers him in that

8:24

empty voice of the desert The

8:27

boy knows that if he goes into

8:29

that other world time will pass differently

8:31

And so he does not step through

8:33

the doorway and no one

8:35

emerges to confront him There

8:37

is a new standoff now between the boy

8:39

and the complete

8:42

absence of reply The

8:45

boy goes red and furious.

8:47

You are afraid He

8:49

shouts Although it is

8:52

not clear whether he is talking to himself

8:55

or the other himself and

8:58

Now for a message from the night veil

9:01

medical board Kids

9:03

are just people. I

9:05

know they look very small and

9:07

not burdened with regret and sorrow

9:10

like a normal person But they

9:12

are a kind of person nonetheless

9:15

and like any person they occasionally

9:17

need medical care That's

9:19

where doctors come in Take

9:21

dr. Jennifer Newport or dr. Jen

9:24

as the kids call her since

9:26

they can't pronounce her unusual first

9:28

name Dr.

9:30

Jen has her practice in that old

9:32

factory out in the scrublands The

9:35

one that spews black smoke at night

9:38

the one that no one remembers

9:40

having been built It was just

9:42

there one Wednesday Eve already looking

9:44

old and abandoned Dr.

9:46

Jen wants you to bring your kids

9:49

there She has such wonders

9:51

to show them such as

9:53

making sure they're up to date on

9:55

their vaccines and checking their eyesight She

9:58

will give them a lolly pop when they're

10:00

done. She's just a

10:02

normal pediatrician. No weird stuff.

10:06

Real estate is expensive in Night Vale, so

10:08

the old factory is the only office she

10:10

could get. But don't worry. Almost

10:13

no one disappears in its

10:16

long, twisting halls, lured away

10:18

by gentle whispers from dark,

10:21

vacant rooms. Hardly

10:23

any at all. And

10:25

most of the ones that have disappeared

10:27

have returned, as frantic pale faces pressed

10:30

against the upper windows of the factory,

10:32

only seen in the corner of your

10:34

eye on moonless nights. So, nothing

10:37

to worry about. Dr.

10:39

Jen, your children's health

10:41

is paramount. If anyone calls your

10:44

name from deep within the factory,

10:46

please don't follow its beguiling voice.

10:48

We're in suite 9F, right

10:51

by the elevator. This

10:54

has been a message from the Night Vale Medical Board.

10:58

An update on the boy. The

11:00

boy squints into the distance of the portal.

11:04

A figure is approaching. At first,

11:06

smudge. Then shadow. Then

11:09

silhouette. And finally,

11:11

resolving into the older version of

11:13

the boy. This

11:15

older Kevin gets to the edge of

11:17

the doorway between worlds and sits down

11:19

crisscross applesauce. Put

11:22

down the knife, little one. He says

11:25

in a gentle voice, let us

11:27

talk like civilized people. No,

11:30

the boy says. He is still

11:32

standing, his entire body tense. You

11:34

get your own knife and

11:37

you fight me. Oh,

11:39

the older Kevin says, I don't

11:42

need a knife. His

11:44

voice blowers, becomes dangerous. I

11:47

have my teeth.

11:51

Tamika Flynn worried about where this

11:53

confrontation is going and deeply concerned

11:55

to hear that her nemesis Kevin

11:57

has returned, has used her power

11:59

to fight the boy. power as

12:01

a member of City Council to

12:03

declare a state of emergency. All

12:06

over town sirens are going off. Sirens

12:09

wailing from the windows of long

12:12

abandoned farmsteads. Sirens

12:14

from rusty speakers standing crooked

12:16

in the remote wind-washed desert.

12:19

Low moaning sirens luring sailors

12:21

to their death in a

12:23

distant ocean. The

12:25

sky has gone red. The color

12:28

of warning. The color of gore.

12:31

In the deep places, creatures

12:34

stir. A state

12:36

of emergency is upon us. Carlos

12:39

Frantic is tearing at the door of

12:41

the lab with his bare hands, trying

12:43

to get inside and stop whatever will

12:45

happen next. And through it

12:48

all, Kevin the boy and Kevin

12:50

the man are staring coolly at

12:52

each other, each of them waiting

12:54

for the violence that is sure

12:56

to begin. And

12:58

now a word from our sponsors. Today's

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13:33

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13:35

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13:38

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13:40

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13:42

your closet. Your human

13:45

worries are like the movement of

13:47

the solar system for them, so

13:49

theoretical that they may as well

13:52

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13:54

Maybe you'll hear their phone ringing and be able to find

13:56

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14:03

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been a word from our sponsors. Huge

14:09

news listeners. Kevin

14:12

has stepped through the threshold.

14:15

He is holding out his hands in

14:17

defense or greeting. I am unsure. Perhaps

14:20

a cautious mixture of both.

14:23

The boy does not hesitate. He

14:25

stabs at Kevin, but Kevin is

14:27

too fast and slips away. We

14:30

don't have to do this. There's still

14:32

time for you, the older Kevin says,

14:34

while simultaneously lunging at the boy with

14:36

sharp teeth. The boy

14:39

is not as fast as

14:41

he's grown self, and Kevin's

14:43

jagged canines scrape deeply into

14:45

his arm. Blood wells.

14:48

The older Kevin does not breathe

14:50

any faster or slower. His

14:52

heartbeat does not change at all. The

14:55

boy cries in frustration and stabs

14:57

again. This time Kevin plucks the

15:00

knife from his hand and

15:02

throws it away. And then

15:04

with some wicked movement of his jaw,

15:07

the boy is once again bleeding, but

15:09

the boy is not cowed. He grabs

15:11

at beakers and flasks, hurls them at

15:13

his older self's head. Outside,

15:16

Carlos yells, DANG IT!

15:18

I SAID IT! PLEASE DON'T SHATTER MY BEAKERS!

15:21

The sirens blare. The sky is as

15:23

red as the blood on the walls

15:25

of the lab. The two Kevin's lash

15:27

and lunge at each other. You

15:30

are relentless, the older Kevin

15:33

says. I understand relentless.

15:35

Even as a boy, I

15:37

was a true believer, searching

15:39

for something to believe. But,

15:42

and he draws blood again. But,

15:44

he finishes, I cannot

15:46

let you end me. Oh!

15:50

They knocked out the security cameras.

15:53

So, um, I'm not sure what's happening

15:55

now. I'll give you an update

15:57

as soon as I have it. Sorry

16:00

to do this folks, but I just wanted to

16:03

take a moment to do a bit of a...

16:05

a Cecil rant, as it were. Why

16:08

do they sell hot dog buns

16:10

in packs of eight, but

16:12

non-fat vanilla Greek yogurt in

16:15

tubs of one? Okay,

16:17

so I've opened up my tub of

16:19

non-fat vanilla Greek yogurt and I've slopped

16:22

it onto a hot dog bun for

16:24

a light afternoon snack. Now

16:26

what am I supposed to do with the other seven buns? Buy

16:29

seven more tubs of non-fat vanilla

16:31

Greek yogurt? How is

16:33

that economical? When are

16:36

the fat cats on Wall Street going to understand

16:38

that they can't keep pulling this fast one on

16:40

us? We want one simple

16:42

thing. A hot dog bun

16:45

absolutely glopped over with non-fat vanilla

16:47

Greek yogurt. And if they won't

16:49

give it to us, well, maybe

16:51

they won't like the alternative. We

16:54

can do this the hard way, or the

16:56

easy way, corporate America. So

16:58

how about you give me a hot dog

17:00

bun with an astonishing amount of non-fat vanilla

17:02

Greek yogurt on it and we can all

17:04

go about our days. Rant

17:07

over. I just

17:09

had to get it off my chest and I'm sure

17:11

I spoke for a lot of you out there.

17:15

The door to Carlos' lab is opening. Someone

17:18

is emerging. It is Kevin.

17:20

The adult Kevin. I mean, I

17:23

haven't seen Kevin in Nightville since. Since? Well,

17:28

the last time was a bad time for us all. As

17:30

I'm sure you remember, Kevin

17:32

is covered in blood. Although

17:35

I'm not certain if that is from the fight

17:37

or just how he usually looks. He

17:39

is holding up his hand to silence the

17:41

crowd, although they were already dead silent in

17:44

horror. He is smiling. My God. A

17:48

terrible sight. And he is speaking. Let's go right

17:50

to hearing that. Just after we hear the weather.

18:12

So test that pleasure

18:15

brain It's almost better

18:17

than the real thing

18:21

Get inside if you

18:24

want to die I'll

18:26

try Bloody

18:31

game, won't you just go

18:33

back Time

18:35

to look up at an

18:37

airport Pull

18:40

the chains up the

18:42

motor line

18:44

And I'm turnin' So

18:49

test that pleasure brain

18:52

It's almost

18:54

better than the real thing

18:58

Get inside if you want

19:00

to die I'll

19:03

try So

19:18

test that pleasure brain It's almost better than the real thing So

19:26

test that pleasure brain It's almost better than

19:28

the real thing Get

19:31

inside if you want to die

19:35

I'll try to get inside So

19:44

test that pleasure brain It's

19:48

almost better than the

19:51

real thing Get inside

19:54

if you want to die I'll

19:58

try Just friendly volition. ...mittobi...

20:13

... yes, at the pleasure's break... ...

20:18

better than

20:20

our competence, just

20:23

get inside... ...you

20:28

monster! Can

20:38

a person change? That

20:41

is the central question of our lives. So

20:44

much of our time is spent

20:47

trying to change, trying

20:49

to become small or big,

20:52

trying to become powerful or peaceful,

20:56

trying to find a center or

20:58

throw ourselves into the wild

21:01

borderlands. So many

21:03

books and videos and gurus

21:06

all trying to answer the question, can

21:09

a person change? Which

21:11

is funny if you think about it, because

21:14

the main truth of our lives

21:16

is that we do change. Obviously,

21:20

we are not the same person at 2 as

21:22

we were at 22, nor

21:25

are we the same person at 42 or 92. These

21:29

changes happen to

21:32

us. So

21:35

it was the wrong question we were asking,

21:38

because we know that a

21:40

person can change. The

21:43

real question is, do

21:45

we want to change? The

21:47

issue is not method, but

21:50

desire. In

21:52

our hearts, we want everything

21:54

to stay the same. That

21:57

distance from the change that is

21:59

inevitable... and the stasis we desire

22:01

is the final

22:03

tragedy of the human race. This

22:07

boy, a younger version of

22:09

me, maybe this

22:12

boy could be saved, could

22:14

be changed from the path I've taken, but

22:18

I don't think he wants to. In

22:21

his heart, he wants what

22:23

I want, because I

22:26

am him, and so he

22:29

will choose what I choose, because it's what

22:31

I did. Well,

22:34

Night Vale, I'll

22:38

see you again soon, and next

22:41

time I won't be alone. This

22:44

is not the kind of problem I

22:46

can handle on my own. Many

22:50

hands, after all, make

22:52

light work. Kevin

22:55

turned, walked back into

22:57

the lab, and then through the

22:59

portal, returning to the desert otherworld.

23:02

Carlos rushed in through the now-opened door.

23:05

The boy was sitting against the wall, bloody,

23:08

but alive. He

23:10

was crying, but his face was determined.

23:13

The boy spoke. I wasn't

23:15

good enough. He said, next

23:18

time, I will

23:20

be. I

23:23

don't like where this is heading. I

23:25

don't like it at all. If

23:27

I'm honest, listeners, this whole

23:29

situation seems worrying. Stay

23:32

tuned next for a clap of thunder, which

23:34

is weird, because the sky is cloudless, and

23:37

still. Good night,

23:39

Night Vale. Good

23:41

night. And

23:48

this show is brought to you by BetterHelp. What's

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for maternity wear, or simply bored of your old

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clothes, the stylists at Stitch Fix can curate the

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perfect look for your unique journey. Stitch Fix has

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over 1,000 brands and styles,

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so no matter what season of life

25:00

you're in, Stitch Fix has you covered.

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Simply order a refresh as needed, or

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set it and forget it with regular fixes.

25:07

You're in control, just like me. So, this

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last week I got new boots, a fleece-lined

25:11

jacket, and a knit sweater, all selected for

25:13

me by my stylist at Stitch Fix. They

25:16

sent me five items. I chose those three

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and sent back the rest, shipping totally free

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of charge. Thanks, Stitch Fix. They just get

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me. And they'll get you, too. Try today

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at stitchfix.com/night veil, and you'll get 25% off

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when you keep everything

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in your fix. That's

25:32

stitchfix.com/night veil. stitchfix.com/night veil.

25:43

Welcome to Night Veil, as a production

25:45

of Night Veil Presents. It is written

25:47

by Joseph Fink, Jeffrey Cranor, and Bree

25:49

Williams. It is produced by

25:51

Disparition. The voice of Night Veil

25:53

is Cecil Baldwin. The voice

25:56

of Kevin is Kevin R. Free.

25:58

Original music by Disparition. All

26:00

of it can be found at

26:02

Disparition.bandcamp.com. This episode's

26:05

weather was If You Want to Die

26:07

by Brooke Pride Moore. Find

26:09

out more at BrookePrideMore.bandcamp.com.

26:12

Comments, questions, email us

26:14

at info at WelcomeToNight

26:17

vale.com. Or follow us on

26:19

Instagram and Tumblr at Night Vale Official.

26:21

We now have a tic-tac at Night

26:23

Vale Official as well, so check that

26:25

out. Most importantly, check out welcometonightvale.com, where

26:27

we have a twice monthly mailing list

26:30

that is the best way to keep up to

26:32

date directly from us to you. No

26:35

weird billionaires involved. You can learn about things

26:37

like our live show, The Attic, which tours

26:39

North America in April, and our Patreon, which

26:41

is the thing that allows us to make

26:43

that show, if you want to help that

26:45

happen. Today's proverb, I

26:48

told my kid all about the birds and the bees.

26:51

They fly in defiance of God, I said.

26:54

Horrible creatures, I

26:56

muttered. In

27:33

the outskirts of Los Angeles, where

27:35

the cul-de-sacs and strip malls sprawl

27:37

into the desert, two unlicensed private

27:39

investigators scrape by on whatever small

27:41

cases come their way. But

27:44

when a teenage girl pleads for them

27:46

to take the strangest case of their

27:48

career, this unlikely pair, with no resources

27:50

and no backup, will follow a trail

27:52

of seemingly unconnected cases, which will lead

27:54

them to a ransom, a murder,

27:56

a mysterious wellness center, and a conspiracy

27:59

that might go all the way to

28:01

the governor. It's important to catch small fires

28:03

early. They don't stay small

28:05

for long. Unlicensed.

28:08

Available now at

28:10

audible.com/unlicensed. From

28:16

PRX.