0:03

On this podcast, we

0:06

explore fantastical thinking, moral

0:08

panics, urban legends, conspiracy

0:10

theories, hoaxes and crazes,

0:13

examine the forces that shape

0:15

our culture and tell

0:18

the stories that create the

0:20

realities we share and sometimes

0:22

the realities we don't. I'm

0:25

your host, Chelsea Weber Smith, and

0:28

this is American

0:30

Hysteria. Sea

0:33

monkeys, the amazing instant pets for

0:35

the whole family. In just

0:37

24 hours, you can actually hatch

0:39

your own sea scamp circus. They're

0:41

alive! They're off on the amazing

0:44

live sea monkey ski trials. Hey,

0:46

these are brine shrimp. I used to feed them to my fish. While

1:00

making this episode, I asked

1:03

my mom if I had

1:05

ever had sea monkeys as

1:07

a kid because I felt

1:09

somewhere deep inside the cloudy

1:11

water of my briny brain,

1:13

a microscopic memory

1:15

of that little circus of

1:18

sea scamps, as they were

1:20

called in the early advertising

1:23

copy. She said,

1:25

yes, they had inhabited our

1:27

home for a short time

1:29

in the early 1990s, though she

1:33

recalled little else, estimating

1:35

my age to be around

1:38

five and following up vaguely

1:40

with it was a weird

1:42

time. When I asked

1:45

her to elaborate, she shrugged.

1:47

It was a weird time, I'm

1:50

sure, for reasons more profound than

1:52

the sea monkeys in the corner

1:54

of my bedroom, but I feel

1:57

like those specks swimming in circles

1:59

with their thousand centipede-like flippers,

2:02

each slowly growing one

2:04

bulging eye in the

2:06

center of their translucent

2:08

heads, probably added to

2:11

the feeling. The

2:13

only other thing my mom had to say was

2:15

this, I think you lost

2:17

interest pretty quick. And

2:20

why wouldn't I have? These

2:22

allegedly incredible pets were

2:24

presented by the advertisements

2:26

as nothing less than

2:28

a joyful miniature family

2:30

of aquatic humanoids, but

2:32

arrived as nothing more

2:35

than a bunch of

2:37

brine shrimp, usually

2:39

used as live fish food

2:41

in the glowing blue aquarium

2:43

aisles of pet stores. Sea

2:47

monkeys were patented and sold for

2:49

the first time in the early

2:51

1960s, reaching their stride

2:54

in the 70s and

2:56

re-emerging as a craze in the

2:58

early 90s for their

3:00

30th anniversary and in the early 2000s

3:02

for their 40th. Millions

3:06

of children over the decades

3:08

have received their mail order

3:10

kits through comic books or

3:12

through their local toy stores.

3:15

Millions have ripped open the

3:17

packets and dumped the powder

3:20

into plastic tanks, gazing through

3:22

the provided magnifying ring to

3:24

catch a glimpse of America's

3:27

most beloved pets, ones

3:29

that had an endless

3:32

series of plastic accoutrements,

3:34

including the patented Amazing

3:36

Live Sea Monkeys Real Aquarium

3:39

wristwatch that carried up to

3:41

two sea monkeys at a

3:43

time in a plastic bubble

3:45

for all your friends to

3:47

admire in awe. These

3:50

mouths agape in astonishment that

3:52

yes, magic is real.

3:56

But Of course, what they would

3:58

really see swimming. Around

4:00

your yellow plastic watch

4:03

face wouldn't result in

4:05

anything resembling a spiritual

4:07

experience, no matter what

4:10

the ad copy said.

4:13

The. Pop cultural influence of

4:15

Sea Monkeys is massive,

4:17

so embedded as a

4:19

plot point in various

4:21

kinds of media that

4:23

Tv tropes.com cause it

4:25

see a bank. Fees.

4:28

Underwhelming underwater iodized have

4:31

appeared directly in or

4:33

been parodied on the

4:36

Simpsons: Roseanne, Desperate Housewives,

4:38

Arthur Pepper, and Tiny

4:41

Toon Adventures. Sponge Bob.

4:44

Choose. Rugrats.

4:52

Movie. You.

5:01

Rented it when we got. When you see people

5:04

are mad I will welcome and is our target

5:06

Ambassador of a trade union. Nikita hey Sal I

5:08

get him and simple Thomas a hint we're gonna

5:10

make people feel tangible Gay Betty where you see

5:12

him. On. The side and cast. Wouldn't.

5:15

Do that. Brine

5:17

Shrimp I feed my fish. I

5:21

told you. fattening. Just. To

5:23

date be following nineties.

5:26

add with absolute precision:

5:28

one of the cartoon

5:31

sea monkeys depicted has

5:33

a food co te

5:36

It's absolutely unhinged. Workers

5:53

real life settles. It really

5:55

comes with everything. in

5:59

ninety nine In 1992, Howie

6:01

Mandel swung for the

6:03

creepiest of fences, producing

6:06

at the time the

6:08

most expensive children's show

6:10

in Saturday morning CBS

6:12

history, the absolutely

6:15

surrealist fever dream that

6:17

was the amazing live

6:20

sea monkeys. Using

6:23

revolting prosthetics to approximate

6:26

the famous cartoon advertisements,

6:28

they transformed actors into

6:31

a group of uncanny

6:34

valley sea monkeys, made

6:37

human-sized by a scientific blunder

6:39

on the part of their

6:42

ambiguously accented professor,

6:44

played, of course,

6:46

by Howie

6:48

Mandel himself. In

6:51

this clip, the sea monkey guys

6:53

attempt to date a human woman.

6:57

Hi, I'm Heather. Are

7:02

you having trouble finding this special

7:04

someone? Well,

7:06

so are a thousand other attractive, superficial

7:12

people. Superficci people, that's us.

7:15

Just call 555-DATE. Let's call! Suffice

7:23

to say, the show was

7:25

tragically cringe and was canceled

7:28

after just 11 episodes. But

7:33

never fear. It

7:35

appears that sea monkeys

7:37

themselves can never be

7:39

canceled, even if they

7:41

were linked to neo-nazi activities

7:43

in the late 1980s. But

7:48

we'll get there. Sea monkeys

7:51

even went to space in 1998

7:55

as an experiment for a Pittsburgh

7:57

public school science class. John

8:00

Glenn took a packet of eggs with

8:02

him on a space shuttle mission and

8:05

proved that the dust could

8:07

still burst into life even

8:09

after facing the dangerous rays

8:11

of outer space. Over

8:15

the decades, sea monkeys have

8:17

become a kind of shorthand

8:20

for hyperbolic exaggeration in marketing.

8:23

For this mild kind

8:25

of false advertising referred

8:27

to as puffery, the

8:29

brine shrimp described in

8:32

the ad copy as

8:34

thrilling, astonishing, promising to

8:36

bring with them a

8:38

multitude of miracles, and

8:41

to be for each child

8:43

the most adorable and

8:45

fun-loving pets ever to

8:47

exist. But

8:49

the fabulous world of

8:51

amazing live sea monkeys

8:53

demonstrates anything. It's

8:56

that American capitalism makes

8:58

childhood a very weird

9:01

time. On

9:26

our show, we've talked a

9:29

lot about how childhood, as

9:31

we know it, is a

9:33

relatively recent cultural construction, starting

9:35

in the Victorian upper classes

9:37

and eventually trickling down to

9:39

the middle and working classes,

9:41

after child labor laws meant

9:43

that kids actually got to

9:46

be kids instead of working

9:48

in dangerous factories and mines

9:50

while smoking a pack a

9:52

day. There was suddenly

9:54

this new class of potential consumers,

9:57

and with the booming post-war

9:59

economy in the suburbanized 1950s,

10:02

there was a lot more money

10:05

to spend on things beyond the

10:07

bare necessities of their recent past.

10:11

Advertisers were well aware

10:13

of this new children's

10:15

market, recognizing them as

10:18

mini-consumers themselves. Prior

10:20

to the 1950s, those

10:22

who were selling toys marketed

10:24

them to parents, trying

10:26

to convince the adults that their

10:29

products had educational value for their

10:31

kids. But with

10:33

the massive popularity of comic

10:36

books, there were millions of

10:38

little potential buyers who

10:41

lacked the critical thinking

10:43

skills of more credulous

10:45

adults. Starting

10:48

way back in the second half of the

10:51

1800s, the novelty industry

10:53

developed alongside the toy

10:56

industry, and they utilized

10:58

the fast and cheap advancements

11:00

of the Industrial Revolution to

11:03

pump out cheap goods at unprecedented

11:05

rates, items that were of little

11:08

to no actual value

11:12

beyond simple amusement.

11:15

Appealing to the fanciful side

11:17

of human nature, the novelty

11:19

items were most often sold

11:22

in mail order catalogs that

11:24

contained dozens, if not hundreds,

11:26

of pages of just the

11:28

wackiest shit. There

11:31

were practical jokes like fake

11:33

vomit, exploding cigars, and switchblade

11:36

cones. Some were

11:38

tricks like the magic chain

11:40

escape or the floating dancing

11:42

hanky. And then there were the exaggerated

11:45

promises of x-ray specks that

11:48

allowed you to see through

11:50

clothes and skin. But

11:53

what they received were a

11:55

pair of cardboard glasses with

11:57

an unconvincing optical illusion. Seven-foot

12:00

monster-sized monsters promised to

12:03

shock your friends with

12:05

their life-like appearance, but

12:08

they were actually just tall graphic

12:10

posters made of a plastic sheet.

12:13

Then there was the

12:15

you-control, life-sized ghost that

12:18

could obey your command.

12:21

That was essentially a balloon with

12:23

a face on it, a plastic

12:25

shroud, and a spool of fishing lines.

12:28

And my personal favorite,

12:30

a pendant containing genuine

12:32

soil from Dracula's castle,

12:35

aka a tiny plastic

12:38

coffin-shaped charm with dirt

12:40

in it, which I

12:42

absolutely want. One

12:45

such novelty item that proved

12:47

harder to pull off, but

12:49

was also wildly popular with

12:52

kids, was the biological novelty,

12:55

one that used some

12:57

kind of natural process

12:59

or biological being to

13:01

appeal to both children

13:03

and their parents, who

13:05

still values the educational

13:08

angle. Milton

13:11

Levine returned from World War

13:13

II as a broke GI

13:15

with limited job prospects and

13:17

a new French wife, and

13:20

he was told that the

13:22

best business for a veteran

13:25

like himself was, for some

13:27

reason, to produce either bobby

13:29

pins or toys. So

13:31

he opened a mail order business

13:34

that specialized in novelty items like

13:36

the spud gun and his 100

13:39

toy soldiers for a dollar,

13:42

his balloon animal kits, and

13:44

some rubber-shrunken heads that were supposed

13:46

to be hung from your rearview

13:48

mirror. In 1956 alone, his company

13:50

sold 800,000 sets of tiny toy

13:53

cowboys, half a million balloon

14:00

kits and 1.5 million

14:03

rubber shrunken heads. The

14:07

idea for Uncle Milton's ant

14:09

farm was born on a

14:11

sunny 4th of July in

14:13

the mid-1950s at

14:16

Milton's sister's pool party.

14:19

Sitting beside his new French

14:21

wife on what we can

14:23

only assume was a red

14:25

checkered blanket spread out on

14:27

the vivid green lawn beside

14:30

a sparkling blue pool, Milton

14:32

saw something out of the corner of

14:34

his eye, a mound

14:36

of meticulous black insects.

14:39

He was struck with a deep

14:42

memory, recalling the ants that he

14:44

had collected in a jar as

14:46

a child at his uncle's Pennsylvania

14:49

farm. Right then

14:51

and there, he began feverishly

14:53

scribbling rough plans and

14:56

I bet his French wife was

14:58

like, oh no, you cannot work,

15:00

it is a holiday. The

15:03

whole country is talking about the

15:05

ant farm, the most interesting educational

15:07

product ever developed. This is the

15:09

ant farm, a fascinating living TV screen

15:11

that will provide your family with hours

15:13

of watching fun. Milton's

15:15

ant farm design was a

15:17

6x9 inch rectangular plastic display

15:19

with enough room between the

15:21

plastic panes to fill it

15:23

halfway with the included pale

15:25

colored dirt, allowing the top

15:28

half to be visible so

15:30

there could be one of

15:32

those cute little painted farm

15:34

scenes. The worker

15:36

ants, when placed into the

15:38

farm, would dig a series

15:40

of visible interconnected tunnels right

15:42

before the eyes of captivated

15:45

children and adults alike. But

15:47

of course, Milton needed a

15:50

revolting number of ants, so

15:52

he turned to his local

15:54

community, printing ads

15:56

in the newspaper offering a

15:58

penny per insect. And

16:01

people brought their ants,

16:03

sometimes thousands at a

16:05

time. But how

16:08

do you mail order out

16:10

something like this? Well,

16:13

the plastic farm would be sent

16:15

first with a little coupon to

16:17

mail back, and then kids would

16:19

have to wait for a vial

16:21

containing approximately 25 to 30 ants,

16:25

all for the low, low price of $1.98. Milton

16:31

raked in $2 million during

16:33

the height of ant farm

16:35

mania, which would be about $22

16:37

million today. He

16:40

appeared on Johnny Carson and Merv

16:42

Griffin, one time

16:44

explaining the life of an

16:46

ant to beloved celebrity puppet,

16:49

Lamb Chop. For

16:51

the most part, Milton

16:53

Levine's ant farm ad

16:55

copy was pretty honest,

16:57

straightforward, albeit a little

16:59

metaphorical. Educational, fascinating,

17:02

a living world of ants

17:04

to watch and enjoy, watch

17:06

them construct their intricate highways

17:08

and subways, ant soldiers

17:10

guarding their roads. But

17:13

the future creator of Sea Monkeys

17:16

would promote his

17:18

biological novelty with

17:20

a ridiculous, hyperbolic

17:22

poetry that somehow

17:24

made his brine

17:27

shrimp into American

17:29

darlings and

17:31

lasting American superstars.

17:35

More after this. And

17:41

now, back to the show.

17:45

Both children and adults will

17:47

laugh and thrill with wonderful

17:50

excitement as you watch the

17:52

comic antics of these fantastic

17:54

underwater buffoons, the most

17:56

amazing sight you have ever seen. Imagine.

18:00

Just add water, and instant life

18:02

will hatch before your eyes! And

18:05

that's just the start of the

18:07

multitude of miracles that you will

18:10

see when you own the most

18:12

amazing pets ever to bring smiles,

18:14

laughter, and joy to the American

18:16

home. Directly

18:19

inspired by Uncle Milton's

18:21

Aunt Farm, the mad

18:24

inventor behind Sea Monkeys,

18:26

Harold Von Brownhut always

18:29

loved a gimmick. As

18:32

a teenager in New York

18:34

City, he was already a

18:37

working magician, calling himself the

18:39

Amazing T'lep'o. He

18:41

would eventually drop out of

18:43

Columbia University, instead focusing on

18:46

a career as a talent

18:48

agent for a man

18:50

named Henry Lemoth, who was

18:52

one of those one-piece striped

18:54

bathing suit guys who jumped

18:56

from a 40-foot diving board

18:58

into a kiddie pool. Harold

19:01

also allegedly drove a race

19:03

car under the name The

19:05

Green Hornet. One

19:07

day, Harold, who was trying

19:09

to break into the novelty

19:12

toy industry, was in the

19:14

fish section of a local

19:16

pet shop, when a tank

19:18

full of tiny aquatic crustaceans,

19:20

typically used to feed pet

19:22

fish, caught his

19:24

glimmering eye. He learned

19:27

a pretty amazing fact

19:29

about these unremarkable and

19:32

unattractive swimming bugs. Brine

19:34

shrimp eggs can live in a state

19:36

of suspended animation called

19:39

cryptobiosis, surviving both cold

19:41

and hot conditions for

19:44

up to two years,

19:47

able to hatch very soon after

19:49

being placed in salt water. Harold

19:52

claimed that he spent several

19:55

years in his weird workshop,

19:57

trying to perfect his formula.

20:00

A mail order package and instructions

20:02

that told the buyer to simply

20:05

fill a container with water, pour

20:07

in the first pouch called Water

20:09

Purifier, wait 24-30 hours, and then

20:14

pour in the pouch called

20:16

Instant Life. Then,

20:18

voila, before your eyes

20:21

your new best friends

20:23

materialize, ready to, as

20:25

the ad copy said,

20:27

obey your commands. He

20:32

called this product Instant Life,

20:35

but like so much of what Harold did,

20:37

it was a kind of slight of hand.

20:40

The trick was that the

20:43

first pouch actually contained sea

20:45

monkey eggs, not just water

20:48

purifying nutrients. The

20:50

second pouch contained more eggs, but

20:52

also a blue dye that colored

20:54

the water, making the brine shrimp

20:56

that had already been growing for

20:58

24-30 hours more visible to the

21:00

naked eye.

21:04

In this way, it seemed like

21:06

they appeared in an instant. But

21:09

there was a problem with Instant

21:12

Life. It wasn't selling.

21:15

And Harold was not being taken seriously

21:17

by the toy industry as a whole.

21:20

The problem was that a

21:23

recently failed product called Instant

21:25

Fish had poisoned the well,

21:28

so to speak. Do you bring your Instant Fish?

21:30

Instant Fish? Yes,

21:36

Instant Fish in a beautiful drastic

21:38

aqua-rama tank. You've never seen anything

21:40

like this. It's unbelievable,

21:42

but it's true. Those

21:44

are all toy, drug, and apartment stories.

21:47

So, whammo, instant fish.

21:51

The toy company Whammo was

21:53

a huge name at the

21:56

time, responsible for the monumental

21:58

1950 the

22:01

58 hula hoop craze, as

22:03

well as classic toys like

22:05

the WAMO Slingshot, the Frisbee,

22:08

and the Superball. Similarly

22:10

to Sea Monkeys, their

22:13

early 60s novelty project

22:15

called Instant Fish also

22:17

used cryptobiosis to create

22:19

the illusion of magic.

22:23

As the CEOs discovered on

22:25

a little trip to Africa,

22:27

the East African killifish can

22:29

live in dry conditions for

22:31

long periods of time and

22:33

hatch when placed back into

22:35

water. But in

22:37

one of the great

22:39

corporate blunders of the

22:41

20th century, WAMO's Instant

22:43

Fish seemed to instantly

22:45

disappear because the team

22:47

hadn't fully considered what

22:49

would happen if millions

22:51

of orders indeed came

22:54

in, which they did. The

22:57

killifish they used for breeding

22:59

just could not produce eggs

23:02

fast enough, and legend has

23:04

it that in WAMO's desperation,

23:06

the team started installing romantic

23:09

lighting beside the tanks and

23:11

playing sexy music. But

23:14

in the end, there was nothing they could

23:16

do. They had to refund $10

23:18

million in pre-orders,

23:20

devastating the company

23:23

and making them the laughing

23:25

stock of the entire toy

23:27

industry. So

23:30

Harold's instant life already had

23:32

the challenge of that negative

23:35

association, both in

23:37

name and in product description, and

23:40

what it needed was

23:42

a total reputational makeover.

23:46

That abstract name, Instant Life,

23:48

and the promise of

23:50

growing brine shrimp, well,

23:53

it didn't seem to

23:55

engender tender feelings in

23:57

potential customers. So.

24:00

it was up to the

24:02

great American art of advertising

24:05

and the great American advertising

24:07

artist Harold von Brownhut to

24:10

make these little fuckers lovable.

24:13

When talking about his

24:16

moment of inspiration, Harold

24:18

had this to say.

24:21

I looked at these animals and they're the

24:23

cutest things in the world and

24:25

I noticed they have little monkey-like

24:27

tails. I said, those are cute

24:30

little sea monkeys! So

24:32

we checked the trademark register with my

24:34

patent attorney and he says, hey there

24:37

are no sea monkeys! So

24:39

since there were no sea

24:41

monkeys, Harold had to make

24:43

them up. He leaned

24:46

into the comic style to appeal to

24:48

his child demographic, hiring

24:51

DC comic artist Joe

24:53

Orlando to perfect the

24:55

iconic art that ran

24:58

for decades. The

25:00

image showed a mother, father,

25:02

son, and daughter sea monkey

25:04

as naked pink humanoid fish

25:06

people with appendages on their

25:08

heads that kind of looked

25:11

like crowns but made of

25:13

their own skin, the mom

25:15

wearing a bow in her

25:17

antenna, the dad's long monkey

25:20

tail fin conveniently obscuring what

25:22

would be his genital area.

25:25

Besides that is a regular

25:27

human family of the same

25:30

demographics, beaming down at a

25:32

fishbowl containing a mini version

25:34

of the same image of

25:37

the sea monkey family. The

25:39

humans struck with wonder over

25:41

these adorable pets for the

25:44

whole family. That's

25:46

when Harold started to

25:48

really let his literary

25:51

hair down, painting his

25:53

brine shrimp as nothing

25:55

short of miraculous in

25:57

his increasingly flamboyant and

26:00

copy. Hatch

26:02

your own sea-scamp circus.

26:05

Amazing, incredible, but true.

26:08

In just 24 hours, you

26:10

can actually hatch your own

26:13

sea-scamp circus of tiny, live,

26:15

deep-sea shrimp that are more

26:17

fun than a barrel of

26:19

monkeys. They are, without

26:22

a doubt, the most fun-loving

26:24

pets you could ever own.

26:27

They turn wild cartwheels while

26:29

they swim. They fight. They

26:31

even make love. They

26:33

hold one another by the tail

26:35

as they swim in beautiful formation.

26:38

Both children and adults will

26:41

thrill with wonderful excitement when

26:43

they watch these miniature sea

26:45

monkeys turn an ordinary water

26:48

glass into a three-ring circus

26:50

of their own. He

26:53

went full blitz in the backs

26:55

of comic books, buying over three

26:58

million ads a year by his

27:00

own estimation. His

27:02

exaggeration knew no bounds, and in

27:04

his 32-page handbook that accompanied the

27:07

powder pouches, he claimed that the

27:09

sea monkeys could be hypnotized, that

27:11

they would obey your commands, and

27:14

that they could even dance. Harold,

27:17

always the magician, explained how

27:20

these tricks really worked in

27:22

his handbook, that

27:24

brine shrimp naturally follow light,

27:26

naturally swim against the current,

27:29

knowledge that could be used

27:31

in creating the illusion of

27:33

tiny little circus stunts. For

27:36

the trick in which they

27:38

follow a beam from a

27:40

flashlight with, quote, almost military

27:42

precision, you still really have

27:44

to sell it. Here

27:47

are the instructions given to kids

27:49

by Harold. is

28:00

to first issue a command and

28:03

then make them appear to obey.

28:05

From time to time, pretend to be

28:08

talking to some disobedient sea monkey in

28:10

particular. The make-believe conversation

28:12

should sound something like

28:14

this. Now they're flippin'

28:17

ya outta line! Get behind Puddles!

28:19

No, no, not in front of

28:21

her, behind her! Get back

28:23

in line or I'll put you to bed without a

28:25

banana. Oh, that reminds you of a

28:27

joke you wanna tell me? Alright, let's hear

28:29

it. And then put your ear to the

28:31

glass as it's listening. What do

28:34

you feed a two thousand

28:36

pound sea monkey? Argh! I

28:39

give up what? Anything he wants!

28:43

One big perk of being

28:45

a sea monkey owner was

28:47

that sea monkeys naturally make

28:49

more sea monkeys, so the

28:51

product really pays for itself.

28:54

And so, a section of the manual

28:56

is dedicated to sea monkey

28:59

mating. One supplemental

29:01

product offered by the

29:03

company to encourage this

29:06

procreation was called Cupid's

29:08

mating powder. For those

29:10

shy bachelor sea monkeys who

29:13

fear marriage, this fabulous formula

29:15

puts them in the mood

29:17

for love. There

29:20

are lots of stories out there

29:22

on the internet of people catching

29:24

their brine shrimp mating, attached in

29:26

groups of two, or three, or

29:28

four, or even more.

29:31

A recent article in

29:33

The Guardian by Laura Snapes

29:36

was titled, The Pet I'll

29:38

Never Forget I Was So

29:40

Proud of My Sea Monkeys

29:42

Until Their Orgies Repulsed Me.

29:44

In a 2004 blog post

29:48

titled Sea Monkeys Have Criminal

29:50

Tendencies, the user writes, quote,

29:52

There were sea monkey orgies

29:55

happening right before my eyes,

29:57

males on males, multiple males

30:00

on females, and even some females

30:02

dying from the rough treatment of

30:04

the males. After having witnessed that,

30:06

I didn't want to play baseball

30:08

or teach them tricks. They disgusted

30:10

me. Here is an

30:12

excerpt from a random message board in 2012 called

30:16

The She Sea Monkey, written

30:18

by one Monica Hayes. Quote,

30:21

All was well for some

30:23

time, but like in ancient

30:26

Rome, the orgies became more

30:28

and more violent. The carnal

30:30

desires overcame any sense and

30:33

wisdom. In addition

30:35

to Cupid's arrow mating

30:38

powder, there was a

30:40

long list of other

30:42

collectible accoutrements that you

30:44

could order for your

30:46

beautiful invertebrate babies. There

30:49

was the deluxe micro

30:51

view ocean zoo, the

30:53

electric ocean zoo showboat,

30:55

sea monkeys banana treat,

30:58

sea diamonds, red magic

31:00

sea monkey vitamins, and

31:02

of course, the amazing

31:05

sea bubble pendant. Expect

31:09

everyone to gasp in awe

31:11

and envy when they see

31:14

you wearing the beautiful sea

31:16

bubble with up to six

31:19

live sea monkeys swimming inside

31:21

among sparkling sea diamonds included.

31:25

It's a mini aquarium on

31:27

a long golden cord necklace

31:29

that lets you safely take

31:31

your favorite pets on

31:33

a day of adventure. Oh,

31:35

and this absurd series

31:38

of sea monkey racetracks.

31:40

They're alive. They're off on the amazing

31:43

live sea monkey cycle race. They're alive.

31:45

They're off on the amazing sea monkey

31:47

Fox hunt. They're alive. They're off on

31:49

the amazing live sea monkey ski trials.

31:52

The game realize the monkeys play with

31:54

you. They swim against the current that

31:56

you create with your super sea monkey

31:58

water pump. Join the. Drilling downhill

32:00

race, tackle a tricky slalom course, and

32:02

take the big daredevil ski jump. You'll

32:04

think they're almost human the way they

32:07

respond to your strategy and skill. The

32:09

Sea Monkey ski trials by Trans Science,

32:11

makers of amazing live sea monkeys. Before

32:14

ant farms and sea monkeys,

32:16

there had been other biological

32:18

novelties, like Mexican jumping beans,

32:20

pods that contained a larval

32:22

form of a moth species

32:24

that jumps around when disturbed,

32:26

giving the appearance that the

32:29

bean is moving on its

32:31

own. There were the

32:33

proto chia pets. Their

32:36

names were Patty O'Hare and

32:38

Sunny Jim, and when watered,

32:41

they grew both plant hair

32:43

and eyebrows. Magic

32:45

rocks used a process of

32:47

crystal formation that created colorful

32:50

crystalline towers within a few

32:52

hours of dropping the rocks

32:55

in the provided solution. Back

32:58

in the early 1900s,

33:00

the resurrection plant, also

33:02

known as the Rose

33:04

of Jericho, had a

33:06

similar scientific magic to

33:08

sea monkeys' cryptobiosis, as

33:11

these lycopods are able to survive

33:13

in a dormant state for years

33:15

at a time and then bloom

33:17

again. Their copy was

33:20

not that far off from what

33:22

Harold would write decades later. The

33:24

miracle plant mentioned in the Bible, it

33:27

never dies. The resurrection plant is one

33:29

of nature's greatest curiosities. This

33:31

wonder plant baffles all the skill of

33:33

modern science. There is practically no way

33:36

of estimating the age of these plants.

33:39

It is believed they are capable of

33:41

outliving the memory of mankind. After

33:44

sea monkeys really took off

33:46

in the late 1960s and

33:49

early 70s, Harold continued to

33:51

have other adventures into this

33:54

biological novelty fad. The

33:56

ad copy for his

33:58

amazing hair-raising monsters

34:01

went like this. Without a

34:04

doubt the most incredible biological wonder

34:06

you have ever seen. As

34:08

these monsters grow they become

34:10

so scary they will make

34:12

even your closest pal gasp

34:14

in horror at the awful

34:16

sight. These spooky

34:19

kooky things from another world

34:21

change your ordinary living room

34:23

into a living chamber of

34:25

horrors that only the bravest

34:28

souls will dare enter. These

34:30

amazing hair-raising monsters were

34:33

simply troll-like creatures printed

34:35

on cardboard cards, their

34:37

bald heads sprouting said

34:39

mineral crystals when watered,

34:41

making it look like

34:44

they were growing green

34:46

hair. It was quite

34:49

unremarkable and yet I want

34:51

it. In the late 70s and

34:53

early 80s Harold was at it again

34:57

with his smash hit

34:59

Crazy Crabs, penning what

35:01

I consider to be

35:03

his crowning achievement in

35:05

ad copy. The new

35:08

live pet sensation that sweep in

35:10

America millions astounded

35:13

by friendly land crabs.

35:15

As gentle as a pussycat it

35:18

lives on land instead of water,

35:20

does not bite unless mishandled and

35:22

quickly gets to know its owner.

35:25

Absolutely clean and odorless it

35:27

actually wears clothing, an empty

35:30

snail shell that it changes like a

35:32

costume and is one of the longest

35:34

lived pets on earth. A

35:36

crab of amazing intelligence, a

35:39

truly intelligent pet. Give

35:41

it a name such as Lil Caesar,

35:44

Leap and Linda, Fat Mimi,

35:46

Poppy Headly, Sandy

35:48

Claws, Dipbeat Thos, Sexy

35:50

Snooky, Tiny Tim, etc.

35:52

and see how well

35:54

it responds when you call it. It

35:56

loves to be touched and petted and

35:59

enjoys running from hand-to-hand swinging from

36:01

your fingers or just cuddling on

36:03

your shoulder like an adorable tame

36:05

parrot. But that's just the

36:08

start of the fun that awaits

36:10

you! You'll get instructions for playing

36:12

four Crazy Crab races and games,

36:14

including a baffling new

36:16

magic trick called the Haunted Coffee

36:19

Cup that uses a Crazy Crab

36:21

as your resistance! To

36:23

break the ice and make new friends, take

36:25

your Crazy Crab with you and be the

36:27

center of attention. And to

36:29

create some real excitement, you can

36:32

even customize it! Because it

36:34

is a hermit crab, its shell is not

36:36

its own and can be

36:38

painted, covered with dazzling rhinestone

36:40

jewels, or decorated any other

36:42

way without harm. It

36:45

looks so spectacular you can proudly

36:47

show it off, give it water,

36:49

any kind of food, even

36:52

cookies! And with good

36:54

care, you can keep one alive

36:56

for the rest of your life!

36:59

So Harold stopped his disposable

37:01

pet business at Crazy

37:04

Crabs. Others in the

37:06

novelty business saw his success

37:08

as a sign that maybe

37:10

they could go even bigger.

37:13

If you could send live ants,

37:15

shrimp, and crabs through the

37:17

mail, what else could you

37:19

send? Beside the

37:21

ads for sea monkeys, there

37:24

were others for live pet

37:26

seahorses, parrots, parakeets,

37:28

turtles, kittens, donkeys,

37:30

and raccoons. The

37:32

copy making the

37:34

bold declaration that

37:36

the raccoon has always

37:39

been and still is America's favorite

37:41

pet. Beside a drawing of

37:43

a skunk, another

37:46

ad read, this is

37:48

a skunk. Skunks make

37:50

interesting beautiful pets. They

37:52

are decented. As

37:55

you can imagine, these animals

37:57

far more sentient than brine

37:59

shrimp. shrimp, or ants,

38:01

were not treated humanely.

38:04

Sourced God only knows how and

38:06

then sent through the literal mail

38:08

to kids with no idea what

38:10

they were doing. It was

38:13

a bad time. Perhaps

38:15

the worst example were the

38:17

comic book ads for mail

38:19

order monkeys. Not

38:21

sea monkeys, monkeys monkeys.

38:24

The ads showed a drawing of

38:26

the little creature sitting in a

38:28

teacup or wearing a little shirt

38:30

and sitting in the palm of

38:32

a disembodied hand. According

38:34

to some recollections posted as

38:36

comments on blog posts or

38:38

message boards, many kids

38:41

sent away for these pets without the

38:43

permission of their parents. These

38:45

little guys would be shipped in a

38:47

wooden container not that much larger than

38:49

a shoebox with a small mesh window

38:52

on the side. And many

38:54

of those who ordered them were bitten

38:56

as the monkeys burst out of their

38:58

cages in a total panic, often

39:00

making a run for the sliding

39:02

glass door and disappearing into

39:04

local forest, last seen

39:07

swinging from the treetops.

39:11

More after this. And

39:18

now back to the show. Beyond

39:21

his living creations of

39:23

sea monkeys and crazy

39:26

crabs and amazing hair-raising

39:28

monsters, Harold would

39:30

also invent the iconic x-ray specks

39:32

mentioned in the beginning of the

39:34

episode, as well as aqua specks,

39:36

which let the owner see right

39:39

into water without the glare. And

39:41

then the more controversial hypno specks

39:44

that just had spinning spirals on

39:46

the lenses and yet promised that

39:48

you could put people under a

39:51

spell and control them. In

39:54

his greatest bullshit, he

39:57

marketed the invisible goldfish.

40:00

selling a classic fishbowl, blue pebbles

40:02

for the bottom, a plastic sea

40:04

plant, a box full of special

40:07

food, and a sign that said,

40:09

Do Not Feed. As

40:13

the ad copy read, your

40:15

goldfish was guaranteed never to

40:17

be seen. But

40:20

it seems that there

40:22

was another side to

40:24

Harold Von Brownhut, hidden

40:27

behind his gruff quest

40:29

for childhood whimsy. You

40:33

see, Harold didn't just

40:35

make toys for children. He

40:38

also made weapons for

40:40

adults. The

40:43

Kyoga Steel Cobra, later called

40:45

the Kyoga Agent M5, was

40:48

described as a pen-sized, coil-springed

40:50

weapon that unfurled a metal

40:53

whip at the flick of

40:55

a wrist that he claimed

40:58

would work against muggers, a

41:00

perfect alternative if, quote, You

41:03

Need a Gun But Can't

41:05

Get a License. His

41:08

ad copy certainly mirrored

41:11

his fantastical style, but

41:13

this time for adults. You

41:15

are secretly armed to the teeth. If

41:18

you come under attack, the

41:21

high-tension steel coils instantly lash

41:23

out in a surprise counter-attack.

41:26

Firing from its nesting place

41:28

inside the barrel, a full

41:30

17 inches of tempered steel

41:32

strikes down your assailant with

41:34

the force of a deadly

41:36

cobra. Mere flush and

41:38

blood cannot stand up to

41:40

the excruciating pain that follows,

41:42

no matter where the steel

41:44

coils make contact, even

41:47

through a leather jacket. A

41:49

blow directed at the head or

41:51

jaw of the attacker can easily

41:53

knock him out cold. Sharky's

42:00

Machine, wielded by

42:03

Burt Reynolds' character.

42:06

New York City banned the weapon in 1978,

42:10

and not long after, Harold actually

42:12

got himself arrested when he was

42:14

caught carrying the weapon, but the

42:16

case was thrown out. Ten

42:20

years later, in 1988, a bombshell

42:23

report dropped in the Washington

42:26

Post, as well as the

42:28

Spokane Spokesman Review, about the

42:30

secret life of Harold Vaughn

42:33

Brownhut. According to

42:35

literature for an Aryan Nations

42:37

fundraiser, $25 from each Kiyoga

42:39

agent M5 sale

42:43

was being donated to the

42:46

defense fund of Richard Butler,

42:48

the leader of the white

42:50

supremacist organization, who was facing

42:52

a sedition charge for trying

42:54

to overthrow the federal government.

42:57

A brochure from the event said, quote,

42:59

the manufacturer has made a pledge of

43:02

$25 to my defense

43:04

fund for each one sold

43:07

to Aryan Nations supporters. All

43:10

whites are going to need all the

43:12

protection they can get in the near

43:14

future. The Kiyoga

43:17

closely resembled a retractable

43:19

nightstick used by German

43:22

police, including Nazi authorities.

43:25

Butler called Harold not only a

43:28

longtime friend, but also a quote,

43:30

member of the Aryan race who

43:33

has supported us for quite a

43:35

few years. He

43:37

was even featured as an

43:39

outstanding Aryan Nation leader during

43:42

an Aryan Nations Congress in

43:44

1984. Recent

43:48

records from 1985 show that

43:50

he let a grand dragon

43:52

of the Ku Klux Klan

43:54

borrow $12,000 so

43:57

that he could buy 83 illegal. guns.

44:01

Though Harold was not held accountable in

44:03

the case, he was brought on as

44:05

a witness, and the prosecutor

44:08

stated that he was, quote, very

44:10

cooperative and pleasant with us. He

44:12

brought some of his little toys

44:14

along. But things

44:16

got considerably weirder.

44:19

Reports by several newspapers

44:21

and the Anti-Defamation League

44:23

claimed that Harold Von

44:25

Brownhut was actually born

44:27

Harold Nathan Brownhut, adding

44:29

the Von in order

44:31

to make his name

44:33

sound German instead

44:36

of Jewish. He

44:38

had hidden his Jewish upbringing

44:40

almost completely, even becoming an

44:43

ordained Catholic priest, presiding over the

44:45

1995 funeral of Richard Butler's wife

44:50

in full Catholic regalia,

44:53

years after the revelation

44:55

of his Jewish heritage

44:57

that the Aryan nations

44:59

seemed to ignore since

45:01

he was such a

45:04

generous donor. Harold

45:06

would not talk to journalists about

45:08

the reports that he was Jewish

45:10

and would rarely make statements

45:13

about the neo-Nazi articles. Mostly

45:16

he waved reporters' questions

45:18

away angrily, but he

45:20

did publicly deny the

45:22

claims on multiple occasions,

45:24

vaguely referring to the

45:26

accusations being retaliation for

45:28

a land dispute. However,

45:31

I also found some other

45:33

racist stuff he said about Korean

45:35

shop owners in an article that

45:37

came out long before this supposed

45:40

conspiracy. Despite

45:42

the deeply cancelable nature

45:44

of Harold's personal

45:47

interests, sea monkeys

45:49

managed to stay squeaky clean,

45:51

though their revelations quietly lost

45:53

him a distributor as well

45:55

as some comic book ad

45:58

space. the

46:00

toy business shook off those

46:02

stories as nothing more than

46:04

that, stories, with one company

46:06

leader telling a journalist he

46:09

didn't believe the accusations because

46:11

the newsletters apparently made by

46:13

Harold the white supremacist were

46:15

poorly written, and of

46:17

course, Harold the marketer knew

46:20

how to write. But

46:22

in the excerpts that I saw

46:25

from his newsletter shared in an

46:27

LA Times report, his writing is

46:29

as flamboyant as the ad copy

46:31

for Sea Monkeys. Quote,

46:34

in the world of jewels

46:36

and precious metals, only that

46:38

which is pure, rare, and

46:40

unalloyed is of the highest

46:42

value. It's followed

46:45

by more poetic language that

46:47

is so vile that I

46:49

cannot even consider repeating it,

46:51

but it really does seem

46:53

like it could have come

46:55

from the same man prone

46:57

to hyperbole. Exploratoys,

47:00

who would become the de

47:02

facto distributor of Sea Monkeys

47:04

during their revamp in the

47:06

90s and 2000s, continued to

47:09

work with Harold on the

47:11

condition that he stop his

47:13

public political activities, an

47:15

agreement they said they were confident he

47:17

had honored. So

47:19

Sea Monkeys outlived their

47:21

flamboyant, fascistic creator who

47:23

died in 2003, just

47:27

a year after South

47:29

Park would encapsulate that

47:32

Sea Monkey experience, the

47:34

expectation, the disappointment, the

47:36

imagination that could still

47:38

turn dirty little specks

47:40

of shrimp into their

47:43

own entire shimmering

47:45

world. Beyond

47:56

the associations with neo-Nazis,

47:58

people of also questioned

48:01

how sea monkeys have survived

48:03

their own outrageous claims about

48:06

their dolled up brine shrimp.

48:08

Why weren't they ever taken

48:10

to task for false advertising?

48:14

The U.S. Court of Appeals

48:16

has long grappled with what

48:18

they call puffery, which they

48:20

differentiate from false advertising on

48:23

the basis that, quote, it

48:25

is not deceptive, for no

48:27

one would rely on its

48:29

exaggerated claims. Its

48:32

rhetoric that, quote, no reasonable

48:34

buyer would take at face

48:37

value. There have

48:39

been official attempts at reining

48:41

in the advertising poetry of

48:44

Harold Brownhut.

48:47

In 1973, New York's

48:49

attorney general brought a

48:51

lawsuit against Harold for

48:53

fraudulent marketing, naming sea

48:56

monkeys a, quote, cruel

48:58

hoax. He specifically

49:00

called out Harold's ad copy

49:02

that told kids that they

49:04

could, quote, raise dozens

49:06

of sea monkeys that would be

49:08

so big they would be

49:10

equal to the size of exotic tropical

49:13

fish yet look like miniature

49:15

monkeys. But whatever

49:17

beef the attorney general had

49:19

with the shrimps, the federal

49:22

judge tasked with reviewing the

49:24

case found it all comically

49:26

melodramatic. In 1978, an incredulous eye

49:28

fell again on

49:32

the brine shrimp, as Michigan's Battle

49:35

Creek Inquirer put it in their

49:37

article title. Sea monkeys, not

49:40

cute, sometimes dead. The

49:42

Federal Trade Commission began their

49:45

investigation into the ethics of

49:47

comic book advertising, quote, we

49:49

ordered some, they arrived dead.

49:51

They were brine shrimp and

49:53

bore no resemblance to the

49:55

gay human like smiling faces.

49:57

The cute little elves show

50:00

in the ads. And

50:02

what did the dramatist

50:04

Harold Brunhut have to

50:06

say about this investigation?

50:09

The FTC is nitpicking to a

50:11

degree that will take all romance

50:14

and glamour out of the world.

50:17

And that was the power

50:19

of Harold Brunhut. He knew

50:21

how to create romance and

50:24

glamour around his products, how

50:26

to create a mythology, an

50:29

entire universe that orbited something

50:31

unremarkable, able to elevate

50:33

the mundane into the realm

50:35

of the magical by promising

50:38

the moon by just plain

50:40

old exaggeration, whether he

50:42

was writing exaggerated copy

50:44

for children's novelties, exaggerated

50:46

copy for adult weapons, or

50:49

exaggerated copy about the

50:52

supreme qualities of the

50:54

white race. He

50:57

also knew how to create

50:59

different versions of himself using

51:02

different kinds of copywriting,

51:04

the passionate toy maker,

51:06

the badass weapon designer,

51:08

the secret Aryan nation's

51:11

darling. And perhaps

51:13

we won't ever know the

51:15

living product that was Harold

51:18

Brunhut himself, the

51:20

unremarkable truth under all of

51:22

what he was trying to

51:24

sell. At

51:27

some point, we all grow up.

51:29

We all learn that advertisers lie,

51:31

no matter what they're trying to

51:34

sell you, that they promise magic,

51:36

coerce us into believing their bullshit

51:38

through the power of words. And

51:41

in many ways, that can be

51:44

dangerous. So maybe

51:46

the great disappointment of the

51:48

sea monkey reality is

51:50

a lesson that has to be learned as a

51:52

child, and probably again as

51:54

an adult, and again.

51:58

Now, I think it's important. to

52:00

note that there are Sea

52:02

Monkey fans out there who

52:05

find the brine shrimp fascinating

52:07

on their own merit. All

52:10

the trappings of American advertising

52:12

pottery aside. And it's

52:14

true. Like all beings,

52:16

they're little miracles of life.

52:19

And they do have a

52:21

very special ability to essentially

52:23

rise from the dead. The

52:26

females, if necessary, can reproduce

52:28

with no assistance from the

52:30

males. They do

52:32

follow light and swim against currents,

52:34

and sometimes it does look like

52:37

they can dance. But

52:39

by and large, when

52:41

you offer kids tiny

52:43

monkeys and you deliver

52:46

microscopic shrimp, well, you've

52:48

set those poor specks

52:50

up for failure. And

52:52

when you surround millions

52:54

of tiny crustaceans with

52:57

all the capitalistic, anthropomorphic,

52:59

collectible accoutrements that they

53:01

could never, ever need,

53:03

well, then you make it

53:05

weird. Despite

53:08

the built-in disappointment of Sea

53:10

Monkeys, it has been the

53:13

nostalgia of generations of disappointed

53:15

kids turned adults that have

53:18

brought the craze back each

53:20

decade. Millions of

53:22

parents have let those creepy,

53:24

microscopic shrimp breed yet again

53:27

in the corner of their

53:29

own kids' bedrooms, growing that

53:31

one bulging eye, scurrying through

53:34

the water with their thousand

53:36

freaky fins, having their

53:38

Roman-esque orgies, shooting down

53:40

plastic ski racetracks, trapped

53:43

in a pendant necklace

53:45

like some kind of

53:47

curse. Since I

53:49

can't remember my time with

53:52

Sea Monkeys, I'll use

53:54

my imagination. I

53:57

see myself as a kid, looking down

53:59

to check on my

54:02

fantastical underwater buffoons.

54:04

Those two slimy tiny

54:06

grayish shrimp stored in

54:09

the water bubble of

54:11

my amazing live sea

54:13

monkey's real aquarium rip

54:15

watch. In my first

54:18

moment of mature cynical

54:20

clarity, I look

54:22

up and think, yeah,

54:25

you know what? This is

54:27

a weird time. This

54:36

was American Hysteria.

54:40

We want to give a special

54:42

thank you to Rod Rodriguez of

54:44

Clear Como Studios, who has been

54:46

a part of our show since

54:48

the very beginning. He's moving

54:50

on to different things, but we

54:52

want you to know, Rod, that

54:54

we appreciate everything that you've done

54:56

for us and that you are

54:58

a part of our very DNA

55:00

and always will be. Thank you

55:03

so much for everything. In

55:06

case you haven't heard, we

55:08

have new merch available at

55:10

americanhysteria.com in our

55:13

Folk Devils United series.

55:15

Definitely check out our

55:17

t-shirts, baseball tees, and

55:19

tote bags, and you

55:21

can become an official

55:23

scapegoat against scapegoating. That's

55:25

americanhysteria.com. You can

55:28

also become a patron of

55:30

our show by heading to

55:32

patreon.com/American Hysteria or by subscribing

55:34

on Apple Plus. You'll get

55:36

ad-free episodes as well as bonus content

55:38

like the talk show that I do

55:40

with our producer Miranda, where we tell

55:43

you stories that were left out of

55:45

the episode or stories that relate to

55:47

the topic. We also give you a

55:49

behind-the-scenes look and share a lot more

55:51

of our personal feelings than we ever

55:54

would on the main show. That's

55:56

patreon.com/American Hysteria or subscribe

55:59

on... Apple+. American

56:02

hysteria is written, produced, and hosted

56:04

by me, Chelsea Weber Smith. Our

56:06

sound designer for this episode is

56:09

Dear Clear Commo

56:11

Studios. Our research assistant

56:13

is Riley Swadellius Smith. Our

56:15

producer is Miranda Zichler. And

56:17

our voice actor is Will

56:20

Rogers. And what a job

56:22

he did! Thanks

56:25

as always for listening, and

56:28

may all your brine shrimp

56:30

be heeled. Happy

56:33

holidays, and I hope you have

56:35

a great week.