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Welcome to Built Not Born, a podcast by Chelsea Tansey.

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Here you will become more successful in every area of your life, one episode at a time.

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Built Not Born, because you don't have to be born with innate success to be the woman of your dreams you build her.

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Hey guys, welcome back to a brand new episode of your favorite podcast.

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I'm so excited to be coming to you guys today.

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I'm not going to lie, I tried to record this yesterday but I was on the roof in Mexico and the wind kept getting in the mic and I just was like yo, if this ruins the recording of the podcast, I will not be able to post that.

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If you guys have been around here for a while, you know that has already happened.

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So I actually had to go and re-record the podcast at that time.

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So I was like I'm gonna just stop while I'm ahead and I'm gonna re-record it and honestly, I feel like I'm in a much better place of energy today.

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I feel really good and really excited to come and talk to you guys.

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I want to just update you guys. First and foremost, I am still in Tulum.

1:04

Sal is here. Um, it's been incredible.

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Honestly, it's so cool to have this opportunity.

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Like I do not take this lightly where, um, you know, obviously I couldn't be at my home in the states for the time being, um, but I was able, right, I was able, I was capable, I had this opportunity where I could say, oh, why don't I just go to Mexico for a little bit?

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And that has been such a huge realization, a huge piece of gratitude.

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The whole time I've been here. I'm like crying every time, but it just means so much to my heart, not only for, like me, to be able to go through this, but just like everything that I preach, y'all Like.

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The reason I preach is because I know that this is available for you too.

1:47

Having the ability to be like, oh yeah, screw it, I'm just gonna go to Mexico for a month or so and we're just gonna hang out and have fun there.

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It's just like the coolest feeling in the world to have that level of power in your life, the level of freedom as well, and being able to take zoom calls on the roof, like in between swimming in the pool, is just.

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It's been really, really cool and it honestly, has served such a deeper purpose for me at this stage in my life.

2:12

Now I don't think I've shared too much of this with you guys.

2:14

Two huge things.

2:17

Okay, I'm going to talk about it. Number one I got notification yesterday I haven't told anyone besides my close group of friends that I have my visa appointment, that I get to go and book, which means I get my visa, like within the next month, which is really, really huge for me to have a date, for me to have that certainty and that safety.

2:37

I feel like a weight has just been dropped off my shoulders.

2:41

It has been such a process. We've been doing it for probably the last like 14 months, with a lot of uncertainty, a lot of frustration, a lot of information.

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So it's been really really freaking cool to just have that as a payoff.

2:54

It's been really awesome. Second thing being I hired a functional doctor a month or so ago I want to say two months ago to do a lot of testing.

3:04

I kind of mentioned it on my stories just with, like, my gut, my hormones.

3:09

I'm going to be real. There has been a long time coming for this.

3:13

My systems have definitely been off and, knowing what I know about health, I've definitely recognized how it has impacted me.

3:20

So I was kind of like, okay, enough is enough, let's get some testing done.

3:25

I did a Dutch test, I did a GI test, I did a HTMA test.

3:28

So technically I took samples of my hair, pee and shit and I mailed it off to a lab, um, where they were to check a bunch of my levels.

3:37

And it's really astounding because, coming from knowing where I was being super rah, rah, hustle, hustle you know that it's funny when I look at it that was the stage where I was being super rah-rah, hustle, hustle.

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You know that it's funny when I look at it that was the stage where I first came off the birth clinical pill.

3:50

So my testosterone was super high. I woke up like ready to go, like constantly in the stress response, like I was just able to maintain that level of hustle at that time in my life.

3:59

And it's so interesting to me when I start to look at how hormones play a role in what we deem is our personality.

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Right, I used to love to be known as, like, a hard worker, I'm a hustler, I'm blah, blah, blah.

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And then I kind of was on this teeter-totter with my hormones where it became very evident okay, your testosterone is coming back down and then all of a sudden you guys see me start to lean into this soft life.

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Let it be good Like let's be happy and loving and compassionate, and kumbaya around the campfire.

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And it's so funny because, as much as I do think I have returned back to like who I truly am, like I feel that so deeply.

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It also just goes to show how many seasons we have and currently I'm in such a huge season of healing because my test results came back y'all and she's like you are the definition of depleted.

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She's like the top priority for you is rest.

4:53

So I went from five days a week in the gym to three days a week.

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I was training pretty much till failure as much as I could, because growing muscle, yeah.

5:03

And now I'm like three to four RIR, which means reps in reserve, which means I'm finishing my sets around three to four more that I could have done, if that makes sense.

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So there's still a lot of effort I could have put in.

5:17

So we're not trying to fully exert myself. Um, and that's why I think it's so perfect that I'm in Tulum for this, because it's really like okay, laid back.

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She's like let's do some more restorative yoga. I'm looking at like my casserole packs, making sure I'm eating some really good food.

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I'm seed cycling, I'm eating Brazil nuts every morning, and so it's been.

5:35

I also have like a supplement protocol. I'm on as well here.

5:44

Allowing myself to like deepen into this healing process has been so huge for me, and something that I wanted to talk about and really the topic of today's podcast is like when do I know to like push through and when do I know to take a break?

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Because this has been so common.

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It has been very, very often that women ask me this, because I think that when we don't have that true sense of am I being productive enough?

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We don't have the true sense of what I'm doing is okay, am I doing enough?

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When we don't really know that for ourselves.

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It's often that we're picking up other people's definition of what our day should look like.

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Right, the biggest trend nowadays is you know the what I eat in the days and come spend the day with me and do my morning routine with me, and while I think that those can be super productive it's always nice to have a frame of reference I see a lot of women start to adopt other people's routines, other people's lifestyles, and trying to put it onto them.

6:32

Right, but you can't fit a circle into a square. It is so important for us to like really really recognize the importance that is does this fit you right?

6:42

And being so transparent with you guys because I always am I definitely was trying to force myself into a bit of like a hustle mode.

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I have a lot of projects on the go, like I'm telling y'all I have such big things for this year.

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I really really do and I'm building it right now.

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I have so many ideas. I'm in the midst of like finishing up the course.

7:01

I decided on a completely new platform, so everything I was building beforehand I just scratched and redid it.

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But, yeah, fun times. So I have so much coming for my clients, for everything that I'm planning, but trying to do that, while I have zero cortisol levels like they are not okay.

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Like zero testosterone, like my body is like dead, dead zombie land, like I am the definition of burnt out.

7:28

I can do as much healing as I want, like mentally, spiritually, but my body is like yo, like you, need a freaking vacation for real.

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And obviously I'm not going to stop working because it's like it's my baby and I also like have clients to tend to.

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But it's just so important for me to recognize that right now is not my time to hustle, right now is not my time for early wake-ups, right now is my healing season, and so how I go about my day and what I deem as productive changes depending on what season I am in, okay, and I think that that's so important is start to be able to self-source what your definition is and then start to apply it to the season that you're in.

8:08

So if healing right now is important to me and I had this talk with my business mentor because I was talking to Ken and I was like yo, I did a time audit, I tell you guys about this.

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I do seven days straight, every 30 minutes, seeing where I'm spending my time and I kind of started to look at it and I was like frick, I'm like waking up at seven almost every single day and for me, going from 4 am, all the time, rise and grind, hustle, hustle.

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I would burn myself out by the third or fourth day that week where I just felt like I couldn't even get out of bed.

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I was still getting moderately like eight hours of sleep, but I just like couldn't get that.

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It was honestly like it felt like I was dying and I'm not even like someone to try and joke about that or be dramatic, but it felt so painful trying to get out of bed.

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So it came to a point where I was like I'm just going to go to bed when I go to bed.

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And I was like I'm just going to go to bed when I go to bed and when I wake up, I'm just going to have that ability to just wake up naturally, right Like I don't have calls booked until later in the afternoon.

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I do this on purpose, so I don't ever need to rush my mornings or rush my days.

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I have the privilege of doing that, and so I have honestly been waking up at like 7am almost every single day for the last few months and giving myself that permission that it's like that's okay every single day for the last few months and giving myself that permission that it's like that's okay Because I'll be so real.

9:22

I used to see people who would say that they'd wake up at like six or seven and I'd be like slacker, and so I held so much internal shame and guilt for that.

9:27

But I cannot tell you how helpful it has been for my body, for me to start to look at levels of success and productivity, as how much do you rest today?

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Oh my God, does that hit different Right?

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Really? Focusing also on like, stress and happiness, like, were you able to do any stress management practices?

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Did I meditate, did I journal, right?

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All of these things that I think are so easily overlooked.

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But if we're looking at your primary goal this season of your life is to heal your body so that then, once it's healed, I can show up so much more powerfully, I'm like it makes sense for me to now focus on different things, right, my primary focus yes, I'm still building my business and it's been really cool to watch me be able to find like, symmetry with, like where that fits in my schedule, while also creating all this space for me to just rest and do me.

10:19

And I'll be honest, it's honestly been a lot easier than I thought it would be for a lot of you that are maybe feeling that burnout, feeling that hustle you know if you're spending your free time and this is like the biggest.

10:31

I'll tell you guys, the red flags that I started to find were scrolling, endless scrolling.

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I felt anxious if I wasn't checking my phone.

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I always felt like I had to have my phone on me, a lot of like instant anxiety the moment I would wake up, which would make me want to work right away.

10:49

I would feel super tired, like there was just so many like a little bit of brain fog.

10:54

I was procrastinating a lot of things, right, there was like a lot of signs that I was like something is not right here.

11:01

And when you get embodied enough into knowing how your body operates, who you are as a person, it becomes so much easier for you to like tune into.

11:10

Is this normal for me? Right?

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Because we hear this all the time. Women go to doctors and are like am I normal?

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They're like, yeah, you're fine. No, right, trust your body if it's talking to you.

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And I actually really had that. I remember I was four days a week in the gym.

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She bumped me up to five and instantly I was like felt more inflamed.

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I didn't feel the greatest and I was like I don't know, right.

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And of course, now we're bumped down to three and that just goes to show I've I have felt significantly less bloated, I felt leaner and I haven't really changed that much.

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You guys, I'll be honest, like yes, I'm on a new protocol, but it's not like I did this, like whole 180.

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I'm still eating the same. I'm still, you know, drinking enough water.

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I'm sleeping the same, like the foundations are still there.

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So something I want you to look at if you're in a little bit of this, like blip of being, like have I done enough today?

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Like how do I know when to push myself or when to take a little bit of rest, is, and this is this is why there's not a one size fits all solution to this, because it really does depend on what you individually need as a person.

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Me, I start to audit what.

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What have my last few weeks look like? If you've been like go, go, go, 24, seven, it's a pretty good sign.

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You need a little bit of a breather, because the lifestyle that a lot of us live actually isn't congruent with living a healthy lifestyle.

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That's completely different, especially if you're a female who doesn't really do any stress management, like works eight to nine, maybe 10 hours a day, goes home, watches screens, like our bodies just aren't made for that type of routine and you know, obviously that's just kind of how the world is nowadays.

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I'm not going to say that we're we're stuck and we're not victims.

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There's things we can do to help ourselves. But I think a really big part of this is just understanding that.

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You know, even for me, sitting in front of a computer and like working for you know, six to eight hours a day isn't good, right, like I'm, like that's not normal.

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Our bodies weren't meant to do that and I'm sure you can even start to see, you know, if you're on your phone a lot, the way that your eyes adjust, like your body will do its best to adjust, but it's not going to feel that great, right?

13:13

How many of us have sore hips from consistently sitting at you know, a desk, 24, seven, right?

13:21

So, really, looking at, okay, what has been very present in my life, and when I define stressors, I think that being busy at work can count.

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You know, a season within your relationship can count.

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Maybe a season even within your own emotions, right, maybe something big has happened.

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Personally, if there's a lot of that stuff coming up for you, I always just tell my clients, like, take a little bit of a breather, take a back seat.

13:43

I told one of my clients on Monday on her check and it was like four minutes of me being like rest, go for a picnic and watch the clouds and it probably wasn't what you wanted me to like wanted to hear from me because she's like I want to get back into things, like I'm trying to get, get, get, but there's so many huge warning, like red signs, that I was like absolutely not.

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This is not your time to push yourself, this is your time to kind of fall back a little bit and so, if you're having that blurred line, look at how your body is responding.

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Right, I would also love to audit what your current habits are.

14:16

If you are scrolling 24 seven, you will automatically just feel quote unquote, lazy, right.

14:22

And I don't love using the word lazy because I think that it is very obviously it's interchangeable, context dependent.

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I also feel like you deserve rest and the word lazy pretty much implies that you're not allowed to lay down, or it's quote unquote, lazy, right.

14:37

But I think when we're looking at this, I want you to take your own life into context, because a lot of people think that the tangibles are going to be the stressful moments.

14:46

But there's a lot of stress that comes in the intangibles, right Again, kind of, like I said, relationship turmoil Maybe, like for me, dealing with the visa situation around tax season and then needing to leave the country was a lot for me and I built like a freaking tank.

15:01

I'm like I know I can handle stressors, but just because I can doesn't mean I have to.

15:06

It's okay to take that step back and I think it's really about can I support myself to take that step back?

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I could guarantee you, if you feel like you're so fatigued when you wake up, if maybe your body's not responding to a current like health or fitness protocol, if you're experiencing a lot more bloating as usual you know the brain fog, all of those symptoms it's like, yeah, that's probably like a pretty big red flag that you need to rest and that's probably honestly going to be the case for like 90% of you.

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I'm going to be so real and I think it's almost like you need me to say it, you need the permission that, oh my God, I'm actually allowed to do this because otherwise you guys would do it, cause I know that deep down, you guys know this right.

15:45

But there's that conditioning, there's that layer that says you're lazy, you have to be productive, like you're just procrastinating or whatever, and there is oftentimes where I will sit to do work and, if my like, there is often times where I will sit to do work and if my like I'm just not feeling it, I'm like my head's in the clouds, like maybe I'm like just banged out three calls and I'm like, okay, I was gonna write a post and I sit there and I'm like nothing is coming to my brain, like I literally don't want to do anything.

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I'm procrastinating. Then I start scrolling.

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That's when I'm like red flag, get up, go for a walk.

16:14

Like, go, take care of your body, take a breather, because no human on the planet earth was meant to pour into people for three hours and then go and do another thing, right?

16:23

So, even if we're talking about, like, productivity hacks majority of productivity hacks are like oh, work for 45 minutes, take a 15 minute break, right, do three hours of deep, deep work.

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Or, you know, make a little bit of like your big three to do list.

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It never, ever, says okay, go on a sprint, go on a marathon and do everything you can at once.

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Because guess what happens when you do that? You get overwhelmed, you beat yourself up for it, you end the day feeling like you haven't even done anything.

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You start to procrastinate, right, like if we actually look at all the all the hacks for productivity.

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All the hacks for getting more done in a day. Majority of the time they for productivity.

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All the hacks for getting more done in a day. Majority of the time they actually tell you to do less and spend less time on it because it creates more productivity.

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Our brain doesn't like that. Our brain's like no, I have to sit here for 12 grueling hours to put in a good workday.

17:11

That's not necessarily true. Like I woke up this morning. Okay, this is a huge win I'm going to share with you guys, cause, since my new protocol, haven't woken up since you know, before seven, I was telling you guys that woke up this morning at 6 am actually it was like 6 17 and immediately I just got up, went to the gym.

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I felt great at the gym, which you I don't think you guys understand how big of a win that is and I like came back.

17:31

I was like prepping for my calls. I changed, got ready, like all this stuff I like had done, and my call, my first call, didn't start until 10.

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I answered my clients, I answered all my Instagram DMs, which is usually like my non-negotiables to start my workday, went into the slack channel, communicated with my business coach, like did all my non-negotiables.

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And I was sitting upstairs. I was like I've got an hour and a half till my call.

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My previous conditioning would be like go do, do busy work.

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Like, go do something, go do something. When I tell you close my laptop, put it on the table.

18:01

I just went and I sat in the sun. I watched the pool waves, the wind hit the pool.

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That was super calming. I watched the birds.

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I brought my book. I read that a little bit.

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I just closed my eyes and I was just present in that moment.

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And when I tell you that you can show up as a 10 times more powerful leader, giving yourself that space, giving yourself that moment, like for 99% of the people that come into my world and are like, how do you write such good captions, how are you such a magnet?

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How do you blah, blah, blah, blah? I get my best ideas when I'm not doing.

18:35

I don't force it Right.

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It's usually when I'm allowing myself that space, when I have maybe a bit of a morning routine where I don't touch my phone or I give myself 30 minutes to just like stare at the sun, maybe not directly at the sun, but like maybe I'm looking at the clouds.

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You know I'm having fun outside. If you guys know me, you know I love outside and that for me, has been like so therapeutic.

18:56

And I actually had a client today talk about this, of talking about you know, how do we know if we're, if we're being productive?

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And it's a little bit of that question of okay, but I feel guilt when I do these things for myself, which I'm just going to back up and say I can understand the validity in that because I was there as well.

19:13

But coming into this new story of self-growth, coming into this new chapter of your life, we need to learn how to rewrite those stories, right?

19:23

So, if you can acknowledge, okay, I feel guilt when I spend time on myself.

19:27

Let's break it down, right? Number one would you shame or blame or look at someone else with judgment if they were doing it?

19:35

Probably not. You probably respect it, right?

19:37

Like I have very firm boundaries just within my own life, like being on my phone on Sundays and stuff like that.

19:42

So it's like people just understand, people respect it, but when they go to do it they feel bad, right.

19:48

So it's like let's really crack into that. If you had the type of parent that was like, as soon as they came in the door, you were like gotta do something, Like that's most likely why because that's the case for me at least.

19:58

Personally, you might have something different, but I think a lot of this comes down to understanding.

20:03

Okay, I need to start to rewrite this, and a lot of this can be done by like manually inputting thoughts in your head.

20:11

Yes, cool. Like kind of how people talk about journaling it or writing out your truth or affirmations Cool.

20:16

Yes, that's a form of reprogramming. But something that I find super effective is if you know you're supposed to be doing something and you actually know it's good for you Maybe it's journaling, maybe it's resting, maybe it's any of those things I want you to just like titrate up how often you do it.

20:32

Right, it's like taking five minutes is scary.

20:34

Let's take two for now, and if we can take two over time, we can go up till five, right?

20:40

Then we can go up to 10, then we can go up to 15. Trying to just like shock yourself into it is not always going to help you, but I tell my clients like we have to create this space for your nervous system to expand its ability to withstand that discomfort.

20:53

So if it's uncomfortable for you to sit and rest, go sit and rest for 10 minutes, right, doesn't have to be a few hours, and that's really how you can start to build that over time, right.

21:03

And you're also creating boundaries with yourself and respecting them, which ultimately will build a higher form of self-worth.

21:10

So I'm going to be so real with y'all.

21:12

I like finished my work early today, like I didn't have a whole lot on my schedule.

21:16

I have been working so much, probably more than I should be.

21:20

I'm going to be honest with this healing journey. And I asked Sal.

21:24

I was like what are you going on the on the go today? Right, we haven't really done anything while we've been in Mexico.

21:28

It's honestly mainly just been work. He's like do you want to go to the beach?

21:31

I was like, oh my gosh, that would be awesome. I can bring my, my journal, I can have some visionary time, I can just go there, give myself space to think.

21:39

Cause, especially if you're a creator, if you are a coach, if force your best ideas, like that's not how it works.

21:47

It's going to happen when you take a half day on a Wednesday, you go to the beach, you give yourself creative space to think, give yourself the openness for those ideas and those opportunities to come to you?

21:59

Right? Because when you're closed off, so task focus every single day, you don't give yourself that space and that's why they don't come to you.

22:06

That's why you feel like your content lacks, that's why people don't come to you saying you're a magnet.

22:10

Right, because if we're looking at well, are you giving yourself the space to become that version of yourself, to become that heart led leader?

22:17

So, if we're looking at you, just even on an average basis, even if you're not a coach, even if you're not an entrepreneur, who are you to the people around you?

22:31

Right, you might be like I'm not a leader. There are people that look up to you.

22:33

How can we be the embodiment of what we want them to model? Right? Whether it's kids, whether it's family, whether it's a sister, whatever, it is right, we all have such a huge role in the people, people's lives around us.

22:43

So it's like, can we step up and do these things and in doing it, we show them that they can too?

22:47

Right, it's like, can we step up and do these things and in doing it, we show them that they can too right.

22:49

It's like we give permission to ourselves and that, as a byproduct of them watching us step into that, it gives them permission for them to do it.

22:58

So if you're in a season right now of not knowing whether to push harder or whether to give yourself a break, something I would really challenge you to say is whatever you're working towards, can we break it down so it's an easier steps, so that you don't feel like you have to be at a hundred percent to make progress on it?

23:13

Number one Okay, this is the most common thing that I see from women, cause they think, oh, I need to either like hustle, hustle at a hundred percent or I'm burnt out, right?

23:22

And if you're having these like violent highs and lows, that to me shows it's not sustainable.

23:27

It's like you know, women going on keto or you know any of those like fad diets 99% of the time is not actually sustainable and that's why they fall off, they gain weight back and then they go back on another one of those, they lose weight and the cycle continues, right?

23:41

So it is the same thing with our lifestyle habits.

23:43

So, looking at you know the same thing with the weight loss goal if you're going to lose weight.

23:48

It's not going to come off all at once. It's going to be slow and steady, wins the race.

23:51

It's going to be a lifelong process.

23:53

Same thing with this. Right, let's break down those goals in tangibles.

23:57

Let's focus on one project at a time and every day.

24:01

You know, maybe map out certain days, right, I can get super tangible with this in terms of, like, google calendar or whatever.

24:06

Um, but break it down so it's more sustainable, because you immediately telling me that you come, work on it, burnout and then the cycle repeats itself, tells me that you are not approaching it in a sustainable way.

24:16

So let's approach it in a sustainable way.

24:19

Break it down bite by bite. Make sure that it's actually digestible for you to action and make sure it's also realistic, right.

24:26

If you're setting yourself these huge, unrealistic expectations, no doubt I would feel like shit too.

24:31

Okay, so that is number one create some like actual, realistic expectations for what you're trying to work towards.

24:37

If you're trying to get into like a fitness journey, or if you're trying to get into like building a business.

24:41

You're not going to start with doing everything all at once.

24:43

You're going to start little baby steps and I always tell my clients like, start with one habit, create that habit into a solid foundation and then add another.

24:52

It's the same thing, right? I'm not going to tell you guys to do everything at once.

24:58

It doesn't make sense. So don't do it for yourself. If you're working towards something and also allowing yourself, even if you are working towards something, to rest, right.

25:04

We have this idea that, like, oh, I'm working towards this big project, it means like, oh, don't do anything until it's done.

25:10

Like for any of you guys that maybe study for school.

25:12

You're like oh, I have to study 20 for 7. That actually makes you retain less information.

25:17

How about let's study for 45 minutes and go and take an hour off?

25:21

Go for a walk with your dog, go for a walk with your boyfriend, come back, study for another 45 minutes and then make dinner with him.

25:27

That actually allows you to study not only more efficiently, but you retain more information.

25:32

Right same thing goes with anything you're working towards.

25:35

If rest is not one of your top priorities almost ever, like even in your hustle season.

25:40

You guys, I always tell my clients when you're doing your google calendar, you better make sure that there are white spaces in that calendar.

25:47

Do not fill that up. Absolutely not Like.

25:49

I even have a cap for how many calls I do in a day because it's so important for me to manage my bandwidth and manage where my energy is at.

25:57

So if we're looking at our energy and like this meter format, almost where is your like tank?

26:03

Because, let's face it, if you were a car and you were on E, you wouldn't try to drive to Mexico.

26:08

You just wouldn't because you know you wouldn't be able to get there.

26:14

Okay, let's bite this down into bite-sized pieces. Okay, I'm going to go to the gas station down the block.

26:17

Cool, I'm going to fill up. Now my gas tank's full. You're not going to try and drive all the way to Mexico.

26:21

Again, no-transcript, take those times to refill.

26:35

You work the exact same way.

26:37

So in case you were in a season of your life not knowing when to start, not knowing when to push yourself, these are going to be the tips I want you to consider.

26:46

Treat yourself like a mother freaking car, see where your energy bandwidth is and, honestly, just be a human being.

26:52

Treat yourself like a human being. If you know that you need to rest more, that's probably, 99% of the time, what you need to do, especially if, right now, your goals do not motivate you and you're like I hate my life doing them.

27:03

Yeah, take a breather, right Doesn't mean you have to throw everything in the trash, but again go back to being sustainable.

27:09

Maybe mix in some yoga, be a little bit more restorative.