Pat and Sarah wrap up season 2 with the one and only be-nippled Bats in Joel Schumacher’s technicolor nightmare, BATMAN AND ROBIN (1997). Topics covered: we’re bad at audio, ice puns only, 9/11 baby!, “the good Batman”, sexy plant juice, be-n

John Leguizamo, Look Out! (Spawn, 1997)

Jan 28th, 2020 32m 47s

Pat, Sarah, and a very special guest dive into the dark and stupid world of SPAWN (1997) in this week’s ep. Topics covered: Stan Lee dunks hard, time travel!, H-E-double-hockey-sticks, super powers + guns = dumb, it’s always crimes, cliché-o-

Of Sparky and Lilly (Steel, 1997)

Jan 13th, 2020 40m 16s

Is Sarah capable of starting an episode without saying “We’re back”? Definitely not! But this week the duo is talking about STEEL (1997), starring the finest actor of our generation: Shaq. Topics covered: the black Superman, Shaq the Renaissa

Episode 22: Billy Zane's So Pretty (The Phantom, 1995)

Dec 16th, 2019 46m 56s

Pat and Sarah watched THE PHANTOM (1995) which is GOOD, actually, despite whatever Pat says! Don’t listen to him! Topics covered: open to its pleasures, beefin’ with HDTGM, Jeffery Boam baby!, always never trying to be cool, Destiny mythology

More Facts about Flying Mammals (Batman Forever, 1995

Dec 9th, 2019 47m 51s

Pat and Sarah dive into the world of Joel Schumaker with BATMAN FOREVER (1995) and discuss which leaden action star takes the cake: Val Kilmer or Dolph Lundgren? Topics covered: Sno-caps, hidden motivation, horny Vicky Vale, fuck the Batmobile

Pat's Shame Corner (Tank Girl, 1995)

Dec 2nd, 2019 38m 50s

TANK GIRL Get ready for an actual argument in this episode because Pat and Sarah butt heads after watching TANK GIRL (1995). Who's right and who's wrong? WHO'S TO SAY? Topics covered: Pat’s WRONG, Green Day’s Duckie, Wes Anderson-heads, chock

It Should Be Shelly (The Crow, 1994)

Nov 25th, 2019 39m 14s

Bust out your Nightmare Before Christmas tees and your safety-pin earrings because things are getting pretty Hot Topic up in here as your hosts talk about THE CROW (1994). Topics covered: hot Crow merch, Brandon Lee’s death, hot bods, Stone T

The Shadow Knows, Does Pat? (The Shadow, 1994)

Nov 18th, 2019 45m 55s

Your hosts deviate from comics to talk about the radio play hero THE SHADOW (1994) for fans of all ages from 85 to 95! Topics covered: your favorite grandpas, what are the rules?, bad wigs, Genghis Khan 2, fuck Einstein, TUBES, potato jowls,

Podcast Over (Fantastic Four, 1994)

Nov 11th, 2019 35m 20s

Pat and Sarah are lying liars and took an EVEN LONGER break between episodes but now they’re discussing Fantastic Four while slowly losing their minds. This one has jokes in it! Topics covered: Pat’s busy and Sarah’s sad, the Spider-man vault

We're Not Funny Yet (Batman: Mask of the Phantasm, 1993)

Nov 4th, 2019 36m 3s

Pat and Sarah took too long of a break between episodes and forgot how to be funny! Oh no! They still talk about BATMAN: MASK OF THE PHANTASM (1993) though. Topics covered: Clean pants party, who’s this movie for?, Sarah’s steel trap noodle,

Futility Belt: The Um Reel

Nov 1st, 2019 2m 47s

The secretest gadget in our futility belt is here. For two seasons, Pat has been tirelessly removing the verbalized hesitations from our recordings, preserving them for all time in what he calls the "Um Reel." Enjoy, subscribers.

Whip Crackin' and Quip Crackin' (Batman Returns: 1992)

Oct 15th, 2018 43m 32s

Pat and Sarah return to regular episodes with BATMAN RETURNS! Now featuring 50% more FIGHTING. Topics covered: Charles Dickens’s ghost, aging properties of toxic waste, Blade Runner 2049 is bad, LET’S FIGHT, Penguin vs. Thanos, wow we really

The Miguel Ferrer Fancast: Season 1 Bloopers

Oct 7th, 2018 30m 16s

Pat and Sarah are back from summer vacation, and they’re ready to kickoff season 2! …But not yet. So this week it’s all about catching up, updates, and a whole reel of bloops for you to giggle at. Talking points: what we did on our summer vac

Episode 13: Bill is the Poor Man's Bruce (The Rocketeer, 1991)

Jul 3rd, 2018 39m 20s

Pat & Sarah talk shit about Billy Campbell’s chin in THE ROCKETEER (1991) in the final episode of season one. Stay tuned for a special treat at the end. Topics covered: going for the jugular, 8-year-old Alex, tonal consistency FTW, KiKi at th

Episode 12: Ronny Cox for President (Captain America, 1990)

Jun 25th, 2018 36m 39s

Finally! Pat & Sarah talk about Captain America! No, not that one. Not the good one. It’s CAPTAIN AMERICA (1990) and boy, oh boy, is this a ROUGH ONE for our gal & Cap superfan, Sarah. Talking points: attempted murder, fun-bad vs. bad-bad, Sa

Episode 10 - Sarah's Getting Married (Darkman, 1990)

Jun 19th, 2018 41m 43s

Pat & Sarah get their first look at a Sam Raimi superhero flick with DARKMAN (1990) in this *very* special episode of Futility Belt. Talking points: a very special episode, The Last Action Hero Show, the worst proposal, Sam Raimi: Post Modern

Episode 10: Dolph's Hot Buns (The Punisher, 1989)

Jun 10th, 2018 41m 26s

From BATMAN to B-movies, this week it's time to celebrate the buns, guns, and fun of 1989's THE PUNISHER starring Dolph Lundgren. Not Jon Bernthal. Or Tom Jayne. Topics Covered: Painted-on beards, Dolph’s buns, Tom Jayne is not fictional, mini

Episode 9: The Tale of the Movie Sprite (Batman, 1989)

Jun 3rd, 2018 37m 55s

Pat and Sarah travel back to a wildly different era--when Batman movies were both dark *and* fun, when Batman and his foes were kinda kinky, and when Warners could at least pretend like they knew what they were doing with the character. It's Ba

Episode 8: Get Ready to Get Rowdy (Deadpool 2, 2018)

May 28th, 2018 32m 42s

This podcast description should tell you all about how in this episode Sarah and Pat discuss Deadpool 2 and respond to listener emails, but it's just too self-reflexive to bother.Topics Covered: Deadpool 2 is a Chipotle burrito, Sarah liked thi

Episode 7: Lupita is a Sartorial Angel (Black Panther, 2017)

May 21st, 2018 40m 48s

Three months late to the game, Pat and Sarah talk about BLACK PANTHER (2018) this week. Listen as they join the ranks of people in love with Michael B. Jordan. Talking Points: timeliness, theater experiences, Kelly is very cool, Warmonger is

Episode 6: Messin' With Monuments (Superman IV: The Quest for Peace, 1987)

May 13th, 2018 40m 26s

Pat and Sarah somehow survive SUPERMAN IV: THE QUEST FOR PEACE (1987), which reunites all of your beloved characters, with the addition of John Cryer as a very, very cool teenager. Topics Covered: "Nucular" Man’s invisible pants and acrylics; N

Episode 5: Witches' Picnic (Supergirl, 1984)

May 7th, 2018 34m 53s

Our intrepid hosts' brief respite from Superman ends with a look at SUPERGIRL (1984). Is the film's only saving grace Faye Dunaway's wig? Maybe! Topics Covered: idle threats, a star-studded cast, The Love Witch 2, wildos and magic balls, fines

BONUS EPISODE - Sarah's Boys are Back (Avengers Infinity War, 2018)

May 6th, 2018 59m 34s

Pat & Sarah take a break from DC to talk about the latest installment of the MCU, AVENGERS: INFINITY WAR (2018). SPOILERS ABOUND! Topics Covered: rebels, MCU’s BIG BAD, Pat’s terrible opinions, Red Line pukin’, comparisons to Power Rangers, ch

Defending that Garbage Scene (Superman III, 1983)

Apr 29th, 2018 38m 33s

Pat and Sarah continue their trek through the '80s Super-verse with a discussion of Superman III, a film as racist as it is incoherent and inadvisably goofy. Amidst the disjointed story, indifferent special effects and rhetorical attack on the

Kissin' Cable (Swamp Thing, 1982)

Apr 22nd, 2018 33m 53s

On a cold and blizzard-y Chicago night, Pat and Sarah gathered around the warmth of the television to watch a movie about a plant-monster running around some bayous. Wes Craven's Swamp Thing (1982): Was this a superhero movie? Was it a ... watc