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1:13

Hi, I'm LeVar Burton, and this

1:15

is LeVar Burton Reads. In

1:23

every episode, I handpick a different piece

1:25

of short fiction and read it to

1:27

you. The only thing these

1:29

stories have in common is that I love them, and I hope you

1:31

do too. Welcome

1:37

back, y'all, for season 13 of LeVar

1:39

Burton Reads. I

1:43

am absolutely thrilled and honored to

1:45

be back in your company. We

2:01

are all shaped for better

2:03

or worse by the people

2:05

who made us. Our

2:07

parents and I think that's true whether

2:09

they were present in our lives growing

2:11

up or not. It

2:13

may be purely about genetics, what

2:15

medical conditions you may be predisposed

2:18

to have. We may

2:20

be saved by the things that are parents

2:22

wanted for us or models for us. And.

2:24

Why I've taught many times you're on

2:27

the podcast about my mother or media

2:29

has her influences on me. Today's

2:32

story is about a scientist in

2:34

a futuristic ancient Rome. She is

2:36

raising a daughter and wants to

2:39

make her daughter the best version.

2:42

Of. Herself. I. Mean

2:44

Literally. He creates a child

2:46

with only her own cells

2:48

and seeks to make that

2:50

child's superhuman. That. Scientists

2:52

Last Mother is driven by the

2:55

desire to make in credible scientific

2:57

discoveries, both in order to share

3:00

them with the world and to

3:02

reap the benefits and power that

3:04

come with those discoveries. sits by

3:07

the writers Tara Isabella Birth is

3:09

no relation that I'm aware else

3:12

and it was first published by

3:14

toward.com Now Era is a theologian,

3:16

journalist and novelist who authored the

3:19

novels Social Creature and the World

3:21

Cannot Just. As well as the

3:23

brand new fairy tale novel Here and Avalon.

3:26

Skis, Also written the nonfiction

3:28

books Strange Rights, New Religions

3:31

for a Godless World and

3:33

Self Made To Reading Our

3:35

Image From Da Vinci's to

3:37

the Kardashians. Needless to say,

3:40

this woman rights are right

3:42

up my alley. Terrorists

3:44

Prose is absolutely beautiful and I cannot

3:46

wait for your to enjoy it. You

3:49

will find a content advisory in the

3:51

episode description of as something that you'd

3:53

like to check out. And

3:55

now. If you're ready.

3:59

At. Stake. Deep breath. Ah,

4:12

And. Begin.

4:17

The. Destroyer. By.

4:19

Tara, Isabella Birch.

4:32

Long before my mother

4:34

destroyed the world, her

4:37

experiments were quieter, more

4:39

contained. He did

4:42

not obliterate continents. He

4:44

did not record the

4:46

dead. She

4:50

began as a domestic researcher

4:52

and the household of an

4:55

embryo merged engineering fish with

4:57

mirrored scales. She

4:59

told me to how he loved

5:01

to see his own face reflected

5:04

one in in a thousand and

5:06

then another hundred times, how he

5:08

filled the fountains with so many

5:10

that there was no room to

5:12

breathe for swim of. She woke

5:15

up one morning to find that

5:17

they had devour one another. And

5:20

left the fountains overflowing. With.

5:23

Blood. He

5:26

did not recognize her.

5:29

Genius! For him

5:31

she was only a carnival. Much

5:33

is a maker of flour stems

5:36

that shattered like glass and three

5:38

headed dogs and the many faced

5:40

presumed that years later gave me

5:42

nightmares of mirrors that did not.

5:46

Women: Were. Not.

5:52

So she moved on. To

5:54

spent five years in freely making

5:56

nuclear lamp that waxed and waned

5:58

with the moon. And

6:01

another three. And Milan's where she

6:03

throttled sunflowers until they bore fruit.

6:06

He sold the formula to a

6:08

senators whites and in six months'

6:10

time, the whole Republic's think of

6:12

them have that peculiar mixture of

6:14

honey and raw meat that I

6:16

associate with their it's even now.

6:20

Dollars is. She

6:23

told me once. They have

6:25

slurp slurp from a process they

6:28

saw hide invented it. She

6:30

worked for provincial governors for senators

6:33

see: sold drugs to Generals The

6:35

Lord Soldiers into the Fuck Com

6:37

or of the Sands. She

6:40

provided one of seasons chief ministers with

6:42

a device that would allow him to

6:45

press his ear against a queue made

6:47

of glass and through it listen to

6:49

his enemies to see. He

6:53

didn't understand she used to tell

6:55

me. As he tightened the bolts

6:58

and my shoulder, they patted me

7:00

on the head, slipped me some

7:02

money, They. Say to

7:04

me and went on their way and

7:07

didn't even sink to tell citizen of

7:09

what I'd done. I

7:12

showed them. Didn't die.

7:21

In Me see found an outlet

7:23

for her. Jesus in to me

7:25

see the poured all her knowledge

7:27

molten with need. She had taken

7:29

cells from her ribs and settled

7:31

with them under a microscope. Five.

7:35

Months later, stem that and this,

7:37

and gasping for breath. I

7:40

was. It

7:42

made the papers. I.

7:44

Was the first parthenogenesis The

7:46

daughter without a father. Of

7:49

flesh of my mother's less. I

7:53

was proof of her greets.

7:57

From. The beginning. I was told.

8:00

The And she was. For.

8:02

The first six months they were

8:04

people picketers outside our laboratories demanding

8:06

that I be draft. And.

8:09

Old women in the marketplace swore that

8:11

when my mother passed them by, it's

8:13

they developed boils on the souls of

8:15

their first. Of course,

8:17

they all wanted to know how

8:19

I'd done it. My.

8:21

Mother said to me. But.

8:23

I never told them. Your.

8:26

Mind and Only mice.

8:29

Nobody else knows how to me

8:31

to. See. Used

8:33

to cradle me against her breasts. Com

8:36

me long enough for her to clean

8:39

the copper at my wrist. Within.

8:42

Three months she had been offered a

8:44

state position in one of Caesar's laboratories

8:46

on the outskirts of the city. The.

8:50

Took us five years she

8:52

said. But. He

8:55

noticed me at last. You.

8:57

See what you've done? She

9:00

kissed p on the forehead. You.

9:03

Are my creepiness? And

9:06

I love you for it. So.

9:08

She loved. On

9:10

Saturdays she took me to the Hippodrome.

9:13

She. Sat in the umbrella shit and

9:15

watched me as I chased eagles and

9:17

got mud on my shoelaces. Pursuit

9:20

was blue and her hair

9:22

was long and light behind

9:25

her and wins heard days

9:27

enveloped me. I knew

9:29

there was no other woman in the world. My.

9:32

Eyes. Were. Her eyes.

9:35

My. Lips were her lips

9:37

and my shoulders to were

9:40

hers. And so the world

9:42

was geometrically composed and everything

9:45

I ever was or would

9:47

become was threaded in me

9:49

already. And. Manifests,

9:52

In. She

10:00

took me to lunch at the senatorial

10:03

haunt on the Capitol Line, where the

10:05

names of Caesar's chief scientists were inscribed

10:07

upon the ministry gates. We

10:10

sat together in silence, staring

10:13

at our unfilled plates, and

10:15

watched the servants scurry as they ferried

10:18

platters into the back room. Caesar's

10:21

in there, I suppose, my

10:24

mother said. They're always so

10:26

nervy when he's around. She

10:30

fingered the rose the waiters had left on

10:32

the table for us, divesting

10:34

it of thorns. They

10:37

want to impress me, she said.

10:40

They must know who I am, she

10:43

considered it. They

10:45

think they can impress

10:47

me with this. Ha ha ha ha

10:50

ha. Her laugh was hollow and

10:52

cruel. It

10:55

doesn't interest me. Just

10:57

think if each petal were a different

11:00

color, how much better it would be

11:02

then? One lime

11:04

colored, one magenta, one

11:06

orange, one black. She

11:09

tore them off and pressed them into

11:11

my hands, and my fingers grew sticky

11:13

and sickish. With the smell, get

11:17

these out of my sight.

11:24

That night I crept out of my bedroom and

11:27

made my way to the garden of our courtyard.

11:30

There I uprooted every

11:32

step and set them all on

11:34

fire before the statues of the

11:36

household gods. My

11:39

mother found me in the morning

11:41

smeared in ash. She

11:45

said nothing but made

11:47

us breakfast and spooned

11:50

extra honey onto my

11:52

plate. On

11:54

Sundays we went to the forum. We

11:57

Sat together on the pillars. She. Cheese

12:00

on read and command and me

12:02

to play. I clambered

12:05

over the columns, stripping in the

12:07

enormity of the spaces between the

12:09

we played hide and seek around

12:12

the arches of the coliseum she

12:14

always found their dad threw me

12:16

in her arms. The

12:19

tourists did not disturb us, Caesar's

12:21

guards did not to surface know

12:24

that he existed there, but the

12:26

two of us who were really.

12:30

In our happiness, everything

12:32

outside us, everything alien

12:34

to our secrets as

12:37

blotted out aroused I

12:39

do not remember. When.

12:47

I was thirteen. My mother developed

12:50

an artificial arm. It.

12:52

Was awful. pale and leave

12:54

it. Is. Good men

12:56

without breaking. It. Could

12:58

lift four or five hundred kilograms

13:00

without efforts Knives slashed forth from

13:03

a slipped in the palms on

13:05

commenced. Tax.

13:08

My mother said. She

13:10

took my hand in hers and press the

13:12

palm to her lips. I

13:14

was never so strong. You

13:16

know? She. Said. My.

13:19

Arms were never beautiful. Name.

13:22

Of freckled. She

13:24

turned my hand over ceiling her way

13:26

through my knuckles. Yours.

13:28

Will be two. In this

13:30

heat. Will have to his

13:33

sleeves like mine. I

13:35

let her run her fingers to my hair.

13:38

Your soul. She.

13:41

Said. When I

13:43

was fourteen maybe I was so lovely

13:45

to I don't remember. it was a

13:47

long time ago so I try not

13:49

to think about it much but does

13:51

so much I want to give you.

13:54

If you want it. Only.

13:57

If. You wanted. I

13:59

could see no fold in her. Nor.

14:02

Any badly miss those. I stood naked

14:04

all night in front of the mirror,

14:06

looking at my arm from every angle,

14:08

pressing it's up against my ribs to

14:11

spread the facts like soft cheese across

14:13

my side. I needed

14:15

the flesh and picked at the skin

14:18

and in the morning I asked her

14:20

to give the are she had missed.

14:24

Suggests. He

14:27

knew. He wouldn't say.

14:30

She. says. The

14:33

operation went quickly, I

14:36

felt nothing. Remember

14:39

that I heard her sing a

14:41

song in the vulgar tongue that

14:43

was spoken only in the provinces

14:45

which see must have known as

14:47

a girl. Fall.

14:50

On me now! Ah

14:53

le nom nom ne

14:55

Le Brock Jr. Day

14:57

alarm Mom Mom fall

15:00

on me Not bear

15:02

Bambee. Their. Lab

15:05

Rat chef de la

15:07

ma ma. When

15:17

I woke she was holding a hand

15:19

that now belong to me though I

15:21

did not feel it and stroking my

15:23

forehead with the back of her. Are

15:28

so. She

15:31

said in took me in her arms.

15:34

She taught me how to use

15:37

it, how to hoist myself up

15:39

single handed on bars of steel,

15:41

how to throw javelin is made

15:43

of osmium and catch discs weighted

15:45

down would lead to watch as

15:48

I group coltish and strong as

15:50

I shook out my hair and

15:52

my cheeks flushed pink within toxic

15:54

eating strength. She

15:56

wants to me and took

15:59

photographs most. And

16:01

hung these on her laboratory was.

16:04

She said caesar a diagram

16:06

of. Two

16:09

weeks later he reply on official

16:11

letterhead with the ego on the

16:13

see to can resume her. See

16:18

what we've accomplished? Sheath

16:21

frame and. On the

16:23

law. Let's.

16:43

Get back to our store. When

16:51

I was fifteen, she created

16:54

an artificial list. The

16:57

sold intelligent she said. I'm

16:59

so proud of use this

17:02

so much you couldn't do.

17:04

If only you. Or

17:07

about yourself if you were awfully

17:10

willing to put in that time.

17:13

I came to her that night and asked her

17:15

to build me one. It

17:18

was long and slim and turned

17:20

up. And

17:22

impervious to pace. Is

17:26

proved too long before the

17:28

foot dragged a few millimeters

17:30

behind the real ones. and

17:32

so we amputated the up.

17:35

I grew two inches

17:37

overnight. My

17:40

mother supervised my rehabilitation. She

17:42

took me. daily to the

17:44

fourth were now i could leap

17:47

and somersault over the ruins and

17:49

challenge me to run faster and

17:51

climb to the top of treason

17:54

com to jump from the three

17:56

storey triumphal arch without wincing in

17:58

place My mother filmed

18:01

it all and sent the footage to Caesar.

18:08

This time his answer was hand-written.

18:11

He thanked my mother for her service and

18:14

invited us both to a reception

18:16

on the Capitoline the following callens.

18:20

My mother put her hands on the sides

18:22

of my face. She

18:24

tightened at my screws until I

18:27

yelped. She checked the circuits at

18:29

my shoulder and polished the metal

18:31

eagle randed into my forearm. Don't

18:34

sidget, she slapped my

18:37

left wrist, which was the only one capable

18:39

of feeling pain. She

18:41

considered my neck, my breasts,

18:45

my waist. It's

18:47

only— She passed her

18:49

fingers over my eyelids. They're

18:53

brown like mine. You

18:56

could fix them, you

18:58

know, if you wanted to. I

19:02

told her I didn't want to. My

19:05

eyes were her eyes. For

19:07

her sake, I loved them. But

19:10

you can barely see. She

19:12

pulled them open with her fingertips. You

19:15

could see perfectly. More

19:17

than that, we could put a camera in,

19:19

another lens or two, so you could see

19:21

things up close. There

19:25

was nothing noble about my

19:27

refusal. I

19:29

was afraid of the pain. Whatever

19:32

you want, she said.

19:35

It's none of my business, but when

19:37

Caesar sees you, don't blame me if

19:39

he isn't impressed with us. He

19:42

doesn't invite just anybody to these things, you

19:44

know. It

19:46

wasn't easy to get an invitation.

19:50

Caesar didn't ask people twice. She'd

19:53

worked so hard. She'd been so

19:55

proud of me, of my strength, of

19:57

my speed, of the swanish waters.

20:00

I could dance, balancing my whole weight

20:02

upon a single metallic toe. She

20:06

only wanted Caesar to see

20:08

in his majesty what she

20:10

saw already and what I

20:12

refused to see. She

20:15

gave me two blue eyes to replace

20:18

the ones she had taken out. That

20:22

night I danced with

20:24

Caesar. He slid

20:26

his hand up the side of my thigh. I

20:29

did not feel it. I

20:31

let him take me to one of the

20:33

back chambers, and there I let him open

20:35

the various panels on my legs, on

20:38

my forearm, and my back. I

20:41

showed him where my mother had fused

20:43

wires together and where they

20:45

snaked into veins. He

20:48

asked me to show him my strength. The

20:52

next day a member of the

20:54

Senatorial Science Council was found poisoned,

20:57

and Caesar offered my mother his

21:00

place. The

21:02

following month she improved

21:04

upon my spine. There

21:08

was only one part of me my

21:10

mother refused to operate upon. She

21:13

would not risk my ability to bear

21:15

children. It is

21:17

the greatest thing I have ever

21:20

done, she said to me. It

21:23

is the only way I know I am

21:25

truly alive, knowing that I will live on

21:27

in you. It

21:30

means that I will never

21:32

die. In

21:35

the end, it didn't matter. When

21:38

I was sixteen one of her

21:41

refurbishments resulted in infection, and

21:43

to save my life it became

21:45

necessary to remove my womb. Never

21:50

mind, my mother said then.

21:53

I'll build you a better one tomorrow.

22:01

When I was 17, Caesar's

22:03

chief scientist died. My

22:06

mother replaced him. We

22:08

moved to the official residence, a

22:10

glass-fronted monolith just outside the city

22:13

walls. From the top

22:15

floor, we could make out the old city

22:17

in the distance, the coliseum, the

22:20

triumphal arch, Trajan's

22:22

call swarming with tramcars.

22:25

With my new eyes, I could even

22:27

make out the stray cats. It's

22:31

happened at last, my mother

22:33

said. This is what

22:35

we've been working toward. They know

22:37

now what we can do. She

22:40

considered me. Oh,

22:42

you've gotten so beautiful, you know.

22:46

I was not beautiful. Nevertheless,

22:50

I commanded attention. Trajan

22:53

stared at my legs in the street, marveling

22:56

at their symmetry, sometimes suspecting.

22:59

There were rumors among the political

23:01

classes, whispers of senator's

23:04

wives with false hands or

23:06

bionic ankles, minor

23:08

modifications among the Praetorian Guard.

23:10

But the totality of my

23:12

replacements was unheard of, even

23:14

here. My

23:17

appearance in the marketplace prompted

23:19

whispers, dark looks, green grocers

23:21

crossing themselves and lighting candles

23:23

to the saints. By

23:26

now, my mother had replaced

23:28

every part of me with the

23:31

exception of my left arm. This,

23:34

I had informed her, would remain

23:37

precisely as it was. My

23:42

mother and I still took our walks

23:44

around the Capitoline, where men bowed to

23:47

us when we passed them by. My

23:50

mother's name was inscribed upon

23:53

the ministry walls now for

23:55

services rendered to Caesar. She

23:59

liked to go there. each morning at

24:01

breakfast time to make sure that it

24:03

was still there. All

24:07

fools, she said, the

24:10

whole lot of them. Except

24:13

you, have done so much

24:15

now. I've been cleverer

24:18

than they were, the others. They

24:20

made toys, children's games. I

24:23

made things for men. And you

24:26

see, now they know it

24:29

was the least they could do for me, given

24:32

all that I do for him. She

24:35

wrapped her arms around me and kissed my

24:37

forehead. And in the

24:40

warmth of her, nothing

24:42

else existed. There

24:44

was only that double strand of our

24:46

being, our arms twining

24:48

into one another. There

24:51

was only her face in my face,

24:54

her voice in my voice.

24:56

And so she did not realize that

24:59

I was lying to her. It

25:06

was a lie of omission. I had

25:09

taken to wearing a shawl, as peasant

25:11

women did, to cover the

25:13

falsity of my face. And in

25:15

that anonymity, I

25:17

began to wander the insulubrious alleyways

25:20

of the city, like

25:22

the palm readers and chicken

25:24

cellars uniformly made of flesh.

25:27

There I walked for hours in

25:30

the fruitless hope of blistering my

25:33

feet, of starting to smell. Alone,

25:36

I went across the river into

25:38

Trastevere. There I wandered,

25:41

anonymous in the back alleys of the

25:43

marketplace. One

25:45

day I went head-covered to the

25:47

fishmonger on the riverbank. He

25:50

pressed live squid into my hands

25:52

and commanded me to feel their

25:54

freshness. I squelched

25:56

the tentacles between my fingers and

25:58

marveled at how easily I crushed

26:00

them. I took

26:02

my left hand out of its glove

26:04

and carried it bare-handed to the bridge.

26:08

There I tore at it with my

26:10

teeth. There I swallowed it raw. I

26:13

spit the ink out into the river

26:16

and thrilled at my transgression. I

26:19

had even taken to going to church.

26:22

I wasn't sure if I believed, but

26:25

my mother set no store by it,

26:27

and so I took perverse pleasure in

26:29

listening to the old rites and

26:31

the incense that clung to my clothes.

26:35

I never took a cushion for my

26:37

knees when I knelt a prey. I

26:39

did not need one, but the old

26:41

women of the congregation took this for

26:43

penance and thought me the

26:45

most pious of them all. I

26:49

lit candles for my mother and

26:51

left them burning. I

26:54

took communion and sanctified whatever parts

26:56

of me could still be sanctified.

27:00

Five of my fingers, the

27:03

wrist of my left arm. In

27:06

those moments I used to imagine

27:08

that I was transfigured and that

27:11

my body was neither mechanical nor

27:13

flesh, but something ethereal and else

27:15

some yet undiscovered material that my

27:18

mother had not learned the secret

27:20

of creating. Those

27:23

parts of myself, incense doused

27:26

and made whole, were

27:28

all that did not belong to

27:30

her. My

27:36

mother sensed this. She

27:39

caught me on the stairs, twenty paces

27:41

ahead of my bodyguard, and knew where

27:43

I had been she sniffed the incense

27:46

that had settled on my hair. What

27:50

must people think of you?

27:53

She stood with her arms crossed

27:55

and laughed. What must Caesar think?

27:58

The senators! They probably

28:00

think you're mad, or doing

28:03

something political. Why,

28:06

nobody goes to church. At

28:10

last she forbade me to go. It

28:13

wasn't right for me to be seen there, she said. Anyone

28:16

who knew anything at all

28:18

knew the story of her

28:20

Parthenon Genesis. My existence routed

28:22

all faith. Hadn't

28:25

she done herself simply and without

28:27

any trouble what was prophesied? In

28:31

any case, Caesar would soon

28:33

think us no better than peasants. She

28:37

asked me why I wanted to go out into

28:39

the dirt, into the soot,

28:41

why I wanted to smell of

28:43

sweat and fruit and

28:45

onions, of the filth of

28:48

the world. It'll

28:53

get into the wiring, she said,

28:56

and began to scrub at my

28:58

ankles with steel wool. I'll

29:00

have to spend hours fixing it for

29:02

you, and then where will

29:05

we be? Her

29:08

laugh was long and high-pitched and

29:10

hollow. I

29:12

don't know why you insist on going out

29:14

among them. It's

29:16

only the unloved that need to go

29:19

to those places, and you're the best-loved

29:21

girl in Rome. She

29:24

began tinkering with the panels on my

29:26

back. Don't

29:28

you think? I

29:31

had grown used to nodding. The

29:33

panels at the nape of my neck often

29:36

triggered it a half-step ahead of my own

29:38

thoughts. I

29:40

went anyway, sneaking

29:42

out at strange orange-lit

29:44

hours lingering in the

29:47

marketplace. Sometimes I

29:49

bought prayer cards from the women who

29:51

sold reliquaries on the church steps and

29:53

took them home, just to

29:56

annoy her. You

29:58

just don't. My

30:01

mother returned to her experiments. In

30:28

my absence, she filled her

30:30

laboratory once more with objects

30:32

both slithering and mechanical. She

30:35

engineered griffins to guard the

30:37

compound. She made pills

30:39

that obviated the need for water,

30:41

for grain, for meat. She

30:45

stopped sleeping. She

30:47

locked herself in the laboratory and at

30:49

night I could hear the whirring of

30:51

machinery, computer fans and

30:54

bone saws. She

30:56

did not speak to me, but her

30:58

eyes were bloodshot and even in

31:00

repose her fingers scratched and picked

31:02

at one another because she could

31:04

not bear to sit still. She

31:08

built a robot with my face and

31:10

tasked it with the domestic chores. She

31:14

said nothing to me but one day

31:16

I came home to find my bed

31:18

made and the dishes washed and

31:21

a girl with my old brown

31:23

eyes staring at me across

31:25

the kitchen table. I

31:28

pretended not to notice. For

31:34

Caesar, she worked harder than ever.

31:37

She worked on weapons, on

31:39

bombs and spores. She

31:42

no longer admired him. He

31:44

too had failed her. He

31:46

was weak and private, easily

31:48

ruffled. She was too

31:50

clever for him. She explained her

31:53

formulas to him and he did not

31:55

understand them. He only nodded like an

31:57

owl, she said, and sent her on

31:59

her way. Rome

32:02

was not enough for her. She

32:04

had come to hate it. She hated

32:06

the obsequious waiters and the motorcycle

32:09

oil that pooled up between the

32:11

cobblestones. She hated

32:13

the marketplace sounds, the squawking of

32:15

chickens, the hawking of

32:17

squid. They

32:20

don't realize how much better I

32:23

could do, she said. She

32:27

had stopped speaking to me. Instead,

32:29

she had taken up the habit of

32:31

addressing the robot to whom she had

32:34

given my eyes, inevitably

32:36

in my overhearing. You understand that, don't you?

32:39

I could give him something worthwhile. Nothing

32:45

was worthwhile. She

32:47

stood at our window and pressed her palms

32:50

against the glass. At times,

32:52

she muttered curses at the passers-by

32:54

below. They

32:56

did not understand her. Nobody

32:59

could understand her. Did

33:01

they not know that the medicine in

33:04

their drinking water, the fortifications in their

33:06

joints, the serenity of their sleep, all

33:09

this they owed to her? I

33:13

watched her from the doorway, tapping

33:15

my feet upon the threshold and

33:18

relished her unhappiness. I

33:20

was one of them. After all, with

33:23

my still-beating heart, my left arm

33:25

still fashioned to flesh. Like

33:28

them, I had the

33:30

power to disappoint her. One

33:37

night she came into my room, woke

33:39

me two hours before dawn to tell

33:41

me she had discovered it. That

33:44

through which all things would be

33:46

purified. She had molted,

33:48

melted, melded, she had alchemized

33:50

and vaporized, and at last

33:53

she held in a ball

33:55

no bigger than a thimble

33:58

secret to the beginning. In

34:00

the end, a proof of

34:02

her greatness, the seal of her

34:04

wisdom, the stamp of herself. She

34:08

would not let me sleep. She

34:10

flung open the curtains. She stomped

34:12

dust from the carpets. She dragged

34:14

me into her laboratory, and there,

34:17

humming with joy, she

34:20

revealed to me a small and

34:22

spinning black sphere, the

34:24

size of my rosary beads. See,

34:31

she said, I've done it. I'll

34:34

show them now. What

34:36

does it do? Her

34:39

laughter echoed from machine to

34:41

machine. Everything!

34:48

It realigned asymmetries. It gathered

34:51

viscera into geometrical shapes. It

34:53

took cells and rearranged them

34:55

in her image. It could

34:57

cure congenital deformities, she said,

35:00

from the inside out. Is

35:03

it safe? What

35:06

do you take me for? She

35:09

told Caesar she wanted to test it. She

35:12

asked for 500 men. The

35:14

response came swiftly on printed

35:17

letterhead. It was too

35:19

dangerous, he said. Perhaps she would

35:21

be content with rats. All

35:25

night long, she raged, throwing beakers

35:27

and jars against the wall, the

35:29

maid with my face scuttled behind

35:31

her, sweeping up the mess. You

35:35

see how they've treated me,

35:37

she said. They've made me a

35:39

lasting stock in this because of you.

35:41

You think they don't

35:43

see you walking out alone by yourself.

35:45

You think they don't wonder what kind

35:48

of influence I am letting you go

35:50

out amongst the plebes. You think it's

35:52

not your fault? I

35:55

had no answer for her. She

35:58

grabbed me by the shoulder. fixed

36:01

her gaze on mine. My

36:04

eyes were made of electric sparks

36:06

and they gave nothing away.

36:18

The next morning, my mother took me

36:20

on our customary walk to the Capitol

36:22

line to see where her name had

36:24

been inscribed upon the wall. The

36:28

wonder they've got the balls to leave it

36:31

up, she said. This

36:34

is how they're going to treat us.

36:38

She took my hand. Come,

36:41

we'll go to the forum. We'll

36:43

have a big date. We

36:48

sat once more on the pillars. She

36:50

spread cheese on bread, a

36:52

rarity. Now she almost never

36:55

ate food. Together

36:57

we turned our faces to the

36:59

sun. She pressed my

37:01

cheek against her breast and ran her

37:03

fingers through my hair. Crimson

37:06

light of the dusk had settled

37:08

upon her cheeks and in that

37:11

light she was

37:14

beautiful. I

37:17

leaned against her. Her

37:19

body was warm on mine.

37:23

And I do not know if I have

37:25

ever loved her more. It's

37:30

only that I wanted to give you

37:32

the world, she whispered to me.

37:35

It's only that I love you and

37:38

that nobody else really

37:40

cares. She

37:43

began to hum quietly

37:47

at first and then loudly enough

37:49

for passers-by to stop and stare.

37:52

Hum until every

37:54

panel and every wire

37:56

and every metal bolt within me

37:58

began to burn. vibrate with

38:01

the beauty of it. Phalanina,

38:06

Phalanana, Nela

38:10

Pratya, Dehlamama,

38:13

Phalanina, Burbambi,

38:17

Nela Pratya, Dehlamama.

38:25

It was only when she stopped singing

38:28

that I realized what she was about

38:30

to do. There

38:32

was a flash, and

38:35

then there

38:37

was no more world. We

38:44

can never go back. From

38:48

time to time I don the

38:50

necessary helmet and walk alone

38:52

along the ramparts of the old

38:55

city. The

38:58

men at the border press their foreheads

39:00

to the floor. They

39:02

retreat into their elevators, and then I

39:05

walk alone, past the coliseum,

39:08

past the legless statues, the

39:10

bones of stray cats. Now

39:14

all seven hills are dust

39:16

and shadows, and

39:18

so alone I go to Pompey's theater,

39:21

to the stultifying emptiness of

39:23

the hippodrome where even the

39:25

eagles are dead, and alone

39:27

I venture into hollowed-out tramcars,

39:29

the upturned pantheon, the

39:32

parks on the geniculum where the vines

39:34

reach all the way to the river,

39:37

which has not flowed for twenty

39:39

years. I

39:42

walk until nightfall, and

39:44

there is no sound but

39:46

my footsteps, which is

39:49

like no natural sound and

39:52

which sickens me still. I

39:55

go alone to what's left of the

39:57

basilica to pray, and when my knees

39:59

fall to the ground to the earth,

40:01

the clang echoes in my ears, and

40:03

it is the only sound left in

40:06

the world. Sometimes,

40:10

briefly, I forget,

40:12

and I think that

40:15

I am home. There

40:18

is a sesura between all

40:20

that was and all that

40:22

is, between

40:24

the city I loved and

40:27

the city that I know now, between

40:30

my mother's city and

40:33

my own. My

40:37

left arm is gone now. It

40:40

was the only part of me that

40:42

could not withstand the blast. I

40:45

screamed from the gurney for them to let

40:47

it be. It was

40:49

withered and misshapen. It

40:52

was all that was left of her. But

40:55

in those days nobody knew what was

40:57

happening or how long

40:59

the effects would last, and there

41:02

was a fear the spores might

41:04

spread. They cut

41:06

off the arm and burned it.

41:10

Two hours later they placed Rome

41:12

under quarantine. Caesar

41:16

died instantly in

41:19

the wild and wrecked months that followed

41:21

in those frantic and fevered

41:23

weeks of dead-burying and

41:25

barricading ourselves indoors. We

41:27

went on without him.

41:31

Those of us who survived

41:33

were those with false arms,

41:35

false legs, false eyes, bearing

41:38

all of us, my

41:40

mother's seal. If

41:43

the others suspected what she had done,

41:46

we never spoke of it. To

41:49

condemn her was to condemn her

41:51

works. We Could

41:53

not afford to lose her genius

41:55

now. Am

42:00

I was are cheaper in the

42:02

and. I was

42:04

the one with keys to her laboratory.

42:07

Guy. Was the one who knew what

42:09

she had built. Who. Knew how

42:11

it all worked, I

42:13

was the one who taught the others

42:16

how to secure buildings far from the

42:18

Seven Hills. How to

42:20

keep the spores out? I

42:24

was the ones without flesh. And

42:26

so I was the one who

42:28

could walk in the old city

42:31

unharmed. They. Sent

42:33

me to count the debt. To

42:35

takes nice. It's the photographs.

42:38

To. Remember that. I.

42:41

Was the one who report to them

42:43

that my mother had died with the

42:45

rest. I

42:47

lied. Her

42:50

face is wizard. Her

42:52

skin is greens. He

42:55

rasps when she speaks. And

42:57

it is only because I know

42:59

her so well and I am

43:01

able to understand her. She

43:05

lives on the capital mine the

43:07

in an empty trim car we

43:09

did upon by the site The

43:11

servants who bears my face. Seats

43:14

in Hales poisoned air

43:17

and engineers her own

43:19

temporary remedies. I.

43:22

Bring her pills in as

43:24

many different flavors his I

43:26

can invent. And

43:28

see insist said I

43:30

from lying to her.

43:33

That's. Not how it happened

43:36

at all. She. says. There

43:39

was nothing wrong with

43:41

it. I said twenty

43:43

tax. Time. Made

43:46

no. Mistakes.

43:50

Her. Story changes, Sometimes

43:53

she insists that it was

43:55

Caesar's conspiracy. But. key

43:57

altered the formula behind her back

44:00

that he was jealous of

44:02

her power. Sometimes

44:05

she insists that I must have tampered with

44:07

it in the laboratory, that I

44:10

must have turned a dial too far

44:12

in the wrong direction and forgotten about

44:14

it, and so this is

44:16

why the world has been destroyed. Sometimes,

44:23

the worst times, she

44:25

tells me that we are better off now,

44:28

that this is only a temporary

44:30

setback, a necessary ellipsis between the

44:32

world in which I was born

44:35

and the world she knows that

44:37

I deserve. She

44:41

asks me about the laboratory, about

44:44

my research. Sometimes

44:48

when I reach an impasse in my

44:50

experiments, she is the one who tells

44:52

me what to do next. She

44:55

slips me formulas, chiseled into slate,

44:57

and reminds me to polish her

45:00

inscription at the gates. I

45:03

carry the weight of her on my back when

45:05

I go. You're

45:07

alive, she says. And

45:11

that's what matters. You're alive and

45:13

they know us now. By

45:16

our works, they will know us and

45:18

you will lead them into tomorrow.

45:27

They made me Caesar. I

45:30

never told her. It

45:32

was the only way I could think of to

45:35

punish her. Last

45:37

night, I told the Senate that

45:39

I have found the cure, that

45:42

I have made perfect my mother's

45:44

research. I told

45:46

them I have engineered a device

45:48

that will destroy all the spores

45:50

and purify the air once more.

45:55

There is only one problem, I

45:57

said. We will

45:59

have to destroy it. We can't risk a

46:02

cell, a speck, a single

46:04

gangrenous dot remaining. We will

46:06

atomize the ruins, the colonnades,

46:08

the vines. We will

46:10

level the seven hills. And then, when

46:12

everything is ash, we can rebuild. They

46:23

murmured, hail! Hail! And

46:25

licensed me to do as I see

46:27

fit. Tomorrow,

46:32

I will put my seal on

46:34

the decree. And then,

46:37

men in gas masks will tear

46:39

down the ramparts of my childhood

46:42

places. Tomorrow, I

46:44

will erase my mother's footprints

46:46

and the sound of her

46:48

voice from the face of

46:50

the earth. And

46:52

in the smoke of the earth, I

46:55

will bury her. I

46:59

will walk out into the world she

47:01

has left for me. And

47:04

then, with two sticks

47:08

and a match, I

47:11

will build her up again. Okay,

47:36

this is one of those

47:39

stories that I felt like I just had

47:41

to read. When I first encountered it, it

47:43

was like, wow! The

47:46

writing was so juicy, you know?

47:51

I mean, the way

47:53

she uses words is really

47:55

facile. And boy, I

47:57

just got caught up in the writing. And

48:00

then the

48:02

characters. There

48:05

is nothing so

48:08

evil as someone

48:11

who doesn't look or

48:15

act or sound necessarily

48:18

evil. I think that the best

48:21

monsters are the ones who look

48:24

just like us. The best

48:26

monsters are the

48:28

ones we love. The

48:31

best monsters are the ones we

48:34

have no reason to

48:36

fear. And

48:39

in this story, this

48:42

mommy monster boy oh boy

48:44

oh boy. She

48:47

is one for the ages,

48:50

right? I

48:56

watched the movie The Bad

48:58

Seed recently. If you've

49:00

ever seen that movie, it stars Patty McCormick.

49:02

She's a young actress at this time. It

49:04

was made in the 50s, early 50s I

49:06

think. And this

49:09

child in this movie played by Patty

49:11

McCormick is evil incarnate. I

49:14

mean she is evil. She

49:18

steals, she kills. She's

49:22

horrible. And yet

49:24

she delivers a

49:26

performance that is all sweetness and

49:28

light. I mean it's sweet to

49:31

the point of being treakly. It's

49:33

overly sweet. And you're

49:36

wondering why everybody around her

49:38

doesn't catch on. But

49:41

that's the nature of this kind of evil. It

49:45

walks among us virtually

49:48

invisibly. You

49:51

know one of the really fascinating

49:54

aspects of this story to me

49:56

is that we never really know.

50:00

outside of the daughter character how

50:02

the rest of the world perceives

50:04

the mother right and she

50:06

does contribute you know great

50:09

inventions and and and

50:11

makes tremendous contributions to

50:14

the culture that you

50:17

know the story is embedded in but

50:21

it's her daughter that really

50:23

sees her the most clearly

50:27

and what that brings

50:29

up for me is is the

50:32

nature of corrupted

50:35

power and how

50:38

it presents a face of

50:41

salvation that it presents

50:44

the idea that I

50:46

alone can fix

50:49

this right trust

50:52

in me and it will all be

50:56

well there

50:59

are those of us who can see through that

51:03

artifice we

51:06

can see through the charade and

51:09

it is up to us you know to

51:13

call it out when we see it to

51:16

speak truth to

51:18

power to

51:22

stand up in

51:24

the fullness of ourselves and

51:26

proclaim what we know to be

51:29

true light conquers

51:33

the dark we

51:35

are all made up of both light

51:37

and dark we have to choose I'm

51:39

beginning to understand

51:42

that darkness is a

51:44

natural state of being

51:47

for humanity just

51:49

as the possibility for light is and we must choose

51:51

every day we must

51:53

choose and choose

52:00

again and we

52:02

have to remember that we're not alone, that

52:06

we have skin in this

52:08

game, and

52:12

that we're not going

52:14

anywhere, at

52:17

least not without

52:19

a fight. Our

52:33

producer on this episode of LeVar Burton

52:35

Reads is Julius Smith. She is the

52:38

best in the business, y'all. Our

52:40

fabulous researcher is L.D. Lewis. Always happy

52:43

to have you aboard, my sister. We

52:45

had additional research support this season

52:47

from Talon Stradley and Josephine Marjarana,

52:51

editing and sound design by

52:53

the extraordinary Brendan Burns, who

52:55

also created our scene music.

52:58

My great thanks to Tara Isabella Burton for

53:00

allowing me to read her story today. She's

53:03

got a brand new novel out called

53:05

Here in Avalon about two sisters that

53:08

fall under the spell of an underworld

53:10

cabaretro. Find a link

53:12

and more of her work

53:14

at taraisabellaburton.com. If

53:17

you enjoyed this podcast, please tell a

53:19

friend about it or leave us a

53:22

review on Apple Podcast. Like I say,

53:24

share the short fiction wealth. LeVar

53:27

Burton Reads is a production of

53:29

Stitcher and LeVar Burton Entertainment. Our

53:31

executive producers are Josephine Marjarana

53:33

and yours too, LeVar Burton.

53:37

And if you want to find

53:39

me on the internet, I'm LeVar.Burton

53:41

on Instagram, at LeVarBurton on X,

53:43

or you can simply go to

53:45

levarburton.com. You can also

53:48

join my book club

53:50

at fable.co.levar. I'll

53:52

see you next time, but you

53:55

don't have to take. I've

54:22

got a brand new podcast called Sound

54:25

Detectives. It's a comedy adventure about the

54:27

magic and mystery of sound, and it's

54:29

fun for the whole family. In this

54:32

world, sounds have gone mysteriously missing. Follow

54:34

Detective Hunch and his sidekick, Audie of

54:36

the Ear, as they track them down

54:39

and find the nefarious sound swindler, all

54:41

with a little help from me, LaVar

54:43

Bird. You can listen to Sound Detectives

54:46

on SiriusXM, Pandora, or wherever you get

54:48

your podcasts. And don't forget to follow

54:50

the show so you never miss

54:52

an episode. Sound good to

54:55

you? Sounds great to me. Sound good

54:57

to you?