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It's your outdoor dreams inside your budget. Wait,

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you're listening. Okay. Jordan.

2:17

Listening. To Radiolab.

2:19

Radiolab. From WNYC. See? Yeah.

2:23

Thank you for being here and enjoy. This

2:32

is Radiolab,

2:34

I'm Louisa

2:37

Miller. And

2:39

I'm Lhasa Schnasser, and back in

2:41

March. Hello, hello, and welcome to

2:43

Symphony Space. We

2:46

got invited to guest host a

2:48

show called Selected Short. And we

2:50

are the co-host of Selected Short.

2:56

It's a kind of iconic show that

2:58

happens in New York City on this

3:00

big stage called Symphony Space where they

3:02

get a bunch of terrific actors, usually

3:05

from TV or Broadway, to come

3:07

on stage and read shorts, short

3:10

fiction or sometimes nonfiction, usually fiction.

3:15

And for this show, they asked us to

3:17

pick the story. So we spent weeks rereading

3:19

old things and new things and getting suggestions.

3:22

And finally, we settled on four stories

3:25

that we really love. Most of them

3:27

are fiction. Yeah. And

3:29

the thing is, obviously, you know, what we usually

3:31

do here at Radiolab, we deal in nonfiction, fact

3:33

check, true stories. But what became

3:36

really neat about fiction, I

3:38

think, for this show in particular was that it

3:40

allowed us to do something we can't always do,

3:42

which is that, you know, the place we're trying

3:44

to reach in Radiolab is kind of that edge

3:46

of what we think we know to push it

3:49

out a little further. But

3:51

with fiction, we could just like punch right

3:53

through the edge and go to places that

3:55

you just you can't go in nonfiction. That's

3:58

exactly what we were searching for. Well, I

4:00

just what did we yeah, what did

4:02

we wear we we wore shorts apparently

4:04

We were the first people ever

4:06

to wear shorts while hosting selected

4:08

shorts feel very proud of that.

4:11

Okay continue. So We

4:13

kind of treated it a bit like a radio live

4:15

episode in the sense that we we found a theme

4:18

and the theme of the stories we picked

4:21

was flight So

4:23

yeah, sit back. Enjoy. We're gonna take

4:26

you on this journey through the sky

4:28

up and down And we're gonna kick

4:30

it off with a short essay. So we're

4:33

easing you into the fiction. Our very first one will

4:35

be nonfiction And this

4:37

was written by a writer we love who

4:39

I think both you and I only discovered

4:41

sadly after he had passed away If

4:44

he was still here, he'd absolutely be the kind

4:46

of person you would hear on this show. His

4:49

name is Brian Doyle So

4:51

we're gonna kick it off with one

4:53

of his essays It comes from a

4:56

collection called one long river

4:58

of song notes on wonder And

5:00

it was performed on stage for us by

5:03

the actor Becca Blackwell

5:15

Good evening Hoyas

5:18

falladores Consider

5:21

the hummingbird for a long moment

5:25

A hummingbird's heart beats

5:27

tens of times a second A

5:30

hummingbird's heart is the

5:32

size of a pencil eraser A

5:36

hummingbird's heart Is a

5:38

lot of the hummingbird koyas

5:41

falladares flying jewels

5:44

The first white explorers in the Americas

5:46

called them and the white men

5:48

had never seen such creatures For

5:51

hummingbirds came into the world only in

5:53

the Americas nowhere else

5:55

in the universe More than 300

5:57

species of them. Worrying

6:00

and zooming and neck during

6:02

and summer time zones nine

6:05

times remove them hours their

6:07

hearts hammering faster than we

6:09

typically release. Years if we

6:11

press or ellison time years

6:13

to their in some ties

6:16

them or chests. Each

6:19

one visits a thousand flowers

6:22

the day. And

6:24

they can die that sixty miles an

6:26

hour. they can slide back. They

6:29

can fly more than five

6:31

hundred miles without pausing to

6:33

rest. But. When

6:35

the rest. They. Come

6:37

close to death. On

6:40

frigid nice or when they

6:42

are starving the retreat into

6:44

torpor. Their. Metabolic rates

6:46

flowing to assist since of

6:49

their normal sleep break their

6:51

hearts. sledging merely to a

6:53

halt barely beating. And

6:56

if they are not soon warmed is

6:58

a do not soon find that which

7:00

is sweet. Their hearts

7:02

grew cold. And

7:05

they ceased to be. Considered

7:08

for a moment those humming birds

7:10

who did not open their eyes

7:12

again today. This. Very

7:14

day. In the Americas.

7:18

Bearded. Homemade crafts and

7:20

booted racket tales. Violet

7:23

Tailed Sales. And finally,

7:26

tapped wouldn't Nymphs crimson

7:28

topaz is and purple

7:30

crowns? fairies. Red.

7:32

Tailed comments and emphasis

7:35

would stars. Rainbow. Bearded

7:37

torn bills and glittering

7:39

bellied emeralds. Sells

7:41

it purple coronet since golden

7:44

bellied star front legs. Fiery.

7:47

Shield all bills. And.

7:49

Indian Hill Stars. Spatulas.

7:52

Tales and powerful legs Seats

7:55

the most amazing thing you

7:57

have never seen. Each.

8:00

thunderous wild heart the size

8:02

of an infant's fingernail, each

8:05

mad heart silent, a

8:08

brilliant music stilled. Hummingbirds

8:13

like all flying birds,

8:15

but more so have

8:17

incredible enormous, immense ferocious

8:19

metabolisms. To drive

8:22

those metabolisms, they have race car

8:24

hearts that eat oxygen at an

8:26

eye popping rate. Their

8:28

hearts are built of thinner,

8:30

leaner fibers than ours. Their

8:33

arteries are stiffer and more taut.

8:36

They have more mitochondria in their

8:39

heart muscles, anything to gulp more

8:41

oxygen. And their

8:43

hearts are stripped to the skin for

8:46

the war against gravity and inertia,

8:48

the mad search for food, the

8:51

insane idea of flight. The

8:54

price of their ambition is a life

8:56

closer to death. They

8:59

suffer more heart attacks and

9:01

aneurysms and ruptures than any

9:03

other living creature. It's

9:06

expensive to fly. You

9:09

burn out. You fry

9:12

the machine. You

9:14

melt the engine. Every

9:17

creature on Earth has approximately

9:19

2 billion heartbeats to spend

9:21

in a lifetime. You

9:24

can spend them slowly, like a

9:26

tortoise, and live to be 200 years old. Or

9:29

you can spend them fast, like

9:31

a hummingbird, and live to be 2

9:33

years old. The

9:36

biggest heart in the world is inside

9:39

the blue whale. It

9:41

weighs more than 7 tons. It's

9:44

as big as a room. It

9:46

is a room with

9:48

four chambers. A

9:51

child could walk around it head high,

9:53

bending only to step through the valves.

9:56

The valves are as big as the swinging

9:58

doors in a saloon. This

10:01

house of a heart drives

10:04

a creature a hundred feet long.

10:07

When this creature is born, it is 20 feet

10:10

long and weighs four tons.

10:13

It's way bigger than your

10:15

car. It

10:18

drinks a hundred gallons of milk from

10:20

its mama every day and gains 200

10:22

pounds a day. When

10:26

it is seven or eight years

10:28

old, it endures in unimaginable puberty.

10:31

And then it essentially disappears

10:33

from human kin. For

10:36

next to nothing is known of

10:38

mating habits, travel patterns,

10:41

diet, social life, language,

10:43

social structure, diseases, spirituality,

10:46

wars, stories, despairs, and

10:49

arts of the blue

10:51

whale. There

10:54

are perhaps 10,000 blue whales

10:56

in the world living in every

10:58

ocean on Earth. And

11:00

of the largest animal who ever lived,

11:04

we know nearly nothing. But

11:07

we know this. The

11:09

animals with the largest hearts in the

11:12

world generally travel in pairs. And

11:15

their penetrating moaning cries, their

11:17

piercing yearning tongue can

11:19

be heard underwater for miles and

11:22

miles. Mammals

11:25

and birds have hearts with four chambers. Reptiles

11:29

and turtles have hearts with three chambers.

11:32

Fish have hearts with two chambers. Insects

11:35

and mollocks have hearts with one chamber. Worms

11:39

have hearts with one chamber, although they may

11:41

have as many as 11 single-chambered hearts.

11:45

Unicellular bacteria have no hearts

11:47

at all. But even

11:50

they have fluid eternally

11:52

in motion, washing from

11:55

one side of the cell to

11:57

the other, swirling and whirling. No

12:00

living being is without interior

12:03

liquid motion. We

12:05

all turn inside. So

12:10

much held in a heart and

12:12

a lifetime. So much

12:14

held in a heart, in a day, an hour,

12:17

a moment. We

12:19

are utterly open with no one in the end. Not

12:23

mother and father. Not

12:25

wife or husband. Not lover. Not

12:27

child. Not friend. We

12:30

open doors to each, but we live

12:32

alone in the house of the heart.

12:36

Perhaps we must. Perhaps

12:39

we could not bear to be so naked

12:42

for fear of a constantly harrowed heart.

12:45

When young, we think there will

12:47

come one person who will savor

12:49

and sustain us always. When

12:52

we are older, we know this is

12:54

the dream of a child. Yet

12:57

at all hearts finally are bruised

12:59

and scarred, scored and

13:01

torn, repaired by

13:04

time and will, patched

13:07

by force of character, yet

13:09

fragile and rickety forevermore.

13:13

No matter how ferocious the defense and

13:15

how many bricks you bring to the

13:17

wall, you

13:19

could break up your heart as stout and

13:21

tight and hard and cold and impregnable as

13:23

you possibly can, and

13:25

down it comes in an instant, felled

13:29

by a woman's second glance,

13:32

a child's apple breath, the

13:36

shatter of glass in the road, the words,

13:40

I have something to tell you. A

13:44

cat with a broken spine dragging

13:46

itself into the forest to die,

13:50

the brush of your mother's papery, ancient hand

13:52

and the thicket of your hair, the

13:55

memory of your father's voice early in the

13:58

morning echoing from the kitchen. We're

14:00

making pancakes for his children. So

14:09

now we're airborne, but we're not gonna let it

14:11

end there. We wanna go further up into the

14:13

sky. Uh, this story is

14:15

by Miranda July. Uh, she

14:18

is of course an artist, filmmaker, and

14:20

writer. You may know her from her

14:22

film Me and You and Everyone We Know, or her

14:24

books. No one belongs here more

14:26

than you. The first

14:28

bad man, and coming out in two

14:30

months, all fours. Here is Molly

14:33

Bernard reading... Roy Spivey

14:35

by Miranda July. Roy

14:47

Spivey. Twice

14:49

I have sat next to a famous man

14:51

on an airplane. The first man was Jason

14:53

Kidd of the New Jersey Nets. I

14:56

asked him why he didn't fly first class, and

14:58

he said that it was because his cousin worked

15:00

for United. Wouldn't that be all

15:02

the more reason to get first class? It's

15:05

cool, he said, unfurling his legs into the

15:07

aisle. I let it go,

15:09

because what do I know about the ins and

15:11

outs of being a sports celebrity? We

15:13

didn't talk for the rest of the flight. I

15:16

can't say the name of the second famous person,

15:18

but I will tell you that he is a

15:21

Hollywood heartthrob who is married to a starlet. Also,

15:23

he has the letter V in his first name.

15:26

That's all. I can't say anything more than that. Think

15:29

espionage. Okay, the end. That really is

15:31

all. I'll call him Roy

15:34

Spivey, which is almost an

15:36

anagram of his name. If

15:39

I were a more self-assured person, I would

15:41

not have volunteered to give up my seat

15:43

on an overcrowded flight. I would not have

15:45

been upgraded to first class, would not have

15:47

been seated beside him. This

15:49

was my reward for being a pushover.

15:53

He slept for the first hour, and it

15:55

was startling to see such a famous face

15:57

look so vulnerable and empty. He

15:59

had the windows closed. and I had the aisle and I felt

16:02

as though I were watching over him, protecting

16:04

him from the bright lights and the paparazzi.

16:07

Sleep, little spy, sleep. He's

16:11

actually not little, but we're all children when

16:13

we sleep. For this reason, I always let

16:16

men see me asleep early on in a

16:18

relationship. It

16:20

makes them realize that even though I am 5 feet 11

16:22

and I am fragile and I need to be taken care

16:24

of, a man who can see

16:27

the weakness of a giant knows that he

16:29

is a man indeed. Soon,

16:31

small women make him feel almost fae

16:34

and low. He now has a thing

16:36

for tall women. Royce

16:38

Bybee shifted in his seat, waking. I

16:41

quickly shut my own eyes and then

16:43

slowly opened them as if I too

16:45

had been sleeping. Oh,

16:48

but he hadn't quite opened his yet.

16:50

So I shut mine again and right

16:52

away opened them slowly and he opened

16:54

his slowly and our eyes met. And

16:57

it seemed as if we had woken from a

16:59

single sleep from the dream of our entire lives.

17:03

Me, a tall but otherwise undistinguished

17:05

woman, he, a distinguished spy, but

17:07

not really just an actor, but

17:09

not really just a man, maybe

17:12

even just a boy. That's

17:14

the other way my height can work on

17:17

men, the more common way. I become their

17:19

mother. We

17:21

talked ceaselessly for the next two hours,

17:23

having the conversation that is specifically about

17:25

everything. He told me intimate details

17:28

about his wife, the beautiful Miss M, who

17:30

would have guessed that she was so troubled.

17:32

Oh, yeah, everything in the tabloids is true.

17:36

It is? Yeah, especially about

17:38

her eating disorder. But

17:40

the affairs? No, not the affairs. Of

17:42

course not. You can't believe the bloids. Bloids?

17:47

We call them bloids or tabs. When

17:50

the meals were served, it felt as if

17:52

we were eating breakfast and bed together. And

17:54

when I got up to use the bathroom,

17:56

he joked, you're leaving me. And

17:59

I said, I'll be back. As

18:01

I walked up the aisle, many of the passengers

18:03

stared at me, especially the women. Word

18:06

had traveled fast in this tiny

18:08

flying village. Perhaps there

18:10

were even some Bloid writers on the flight.

18:12

There were definitely some Bloid readers. Had

18:15

we been talking loudly, it seemed to me that

18:17

we were whispering. I looked in

18:19

the mirror while I was peeing, and I wondered if I

18:21

was the plainest person he had ever talked to. I

18:24

took off my blouse, and I tried to wash under my

18:26

arms, which isn't really possible in such a small bathroom. I

18:29

tossed handfuls of water toward my armpits, and they

18:31

landed on my skirt. It was

18:33

made from the kind of fabric that turns much darker when it

18:36

is wet. This was

18:38

a real situation I had got myself

18:40

into. I acted quickly. I

18:42

took off my skirt and soaked the whole thing

18:44

in the sink, then wrung it out. I

18:47

put it back on. I smoothed it

18:49

out with my hands. There, OK, it was all

18:51

a shade darker now. I

18:53

walked back down the aisle, being careful not to

18:55

touch anyone with my dark skirt. When

18:58

Royce Bivey saw me, he shouted, you

19:00

came back. And I laughed, and he

19:02

said, what happened to your skirt?

19:07

I sat down and explained the whole thing,

19:09

starting with the armpits. He listened quietly until

19:11

I was done. So

19:14

were you able to wash your armpits

19:16

in the end? No.

19:21

Are they smelly? I think

19:23

so. I can smell them

19:25

and tell you. No. It's

19:28

OK. It's part of showbiz. Really?

19:31

Yeah, here. He

19:33

leaned over, and he pressed his nose against my shirt.

19:37

It's smelly. Oh,

19:40

well, I tried to wash it. But

19:42

he was standing up now, climbing past me

19:44

to the aisle and rummaging around in the

19:46

overhead bin. He fell back into his seat

19:48

dramatically, holding a pump bottle. It's

19:51

Febreze. Oh,

19:54

I've heard about that. It dries in

19:56

seconds, taking odor with it. Lift up your arm.

20:00

my arms and with great focus he pumped three

20:02

hard sprays under each sleeve. It's

20:05

best if you keep your arms out until it dries. I

20:09

held them out. One arm extended into

20:11

the aisle and the other arm crossed

20:13

his chest, my hand pressing against the

20:15

window. It was suddenly

20:17

obvious how tall I was. Only

20:20

a very tall woman could shoulder such

20:22

a wingspan. He stared at

20:24

my arm in front of his chest for a

20:26

moment. Then he growled and bit

20:28

it. Then

20:31

he laughed. I laughed too but I did not know

20:33

what this was, this biting of my arm. What

20:36

was that? That

20:39

means I like you. Okay.

20:43

Do you want to bite me? No.

20:47

You don't like me? No, I do.

20:49

Is it because I'm famous? No.

20:52

Just because I'm famous doesn't mean I don't

20:54

need what everyone else needs. Here, bite me

20:56

anywhere. Bite my shoulder. He

20:59

slid back his jacket, unbuttoned the first four buttons

21:01

on his shirt and pulled it

21:03

back exposing a large tan's shoulder.

21:06

I leaned over and very quickly bit it lightly

21:08

and then I picked up my Skymall catalog and

21:11

began reading. After

21:13

a minute he rebuttened himself and slowly

21:15

picked up his copy of Skymall. We

21:18

read like this for a good half hour. During

21:21

this time I was careful not to think about my

21:23

life. My life was far

21:26

below us in an orangey pink

21:28

stucco apartment building. It seemed

21:30

as though I might never have to return to it now. The

21:33

salt of his shoulder buzzed on the tip of my

21:36

tongue. I might never again

21:38

stand in the middle of the living room and

21:40

wonder what to do next. I

21:42

sometimes stood there for up to two hours

21:44

unable to generate enough momentum to eat, to

21:46

go out, to clean, to sleep. It seemed

21:49

unlikely that someone who had just bitten and

21:51

been bitten by a celebrity would have

21:53

this kind of problem. I

21:57

read about vacuum cleaners designed to suck insects out

21:59

of the the air. I studied self-heating towel

22:01

racks and fake rocks that could hide a

22:03

key. We were

22:06

beginning our descent. We adjusted our seat backs and

22:08

tray tables. Royce Spivey

22:10

suddenly turned to me and

22:12

said, Hey. Hey, I said.

22:14

Hey, I had an amazing time with

22:17

you. I did

22:19

too. I'm going to write down a

22:21

number and I want you to guard it with your life. Okay?

22:25

This phone number falls into the wrong hands and I'll have

22:27

to get someone to change it and that that is a

22:29

big headache. Okay. We

22:32

wrote the number on a page from the Sky Mall catalog

22:34

and ripped it out and pressed it into my palm. This

22:38

is my kids nanny's personal line. The

22:40

only people who call her on this line are

22:42

her boyfriend and her son. So she'll always answer it.

22:44

You'll always get through and she'll know where I am.

22:46

I looked at the

22:49

number. It's missing a digit.

22:52

I know. I want you to just memorize the

22:54

last number. Okay? It's

22:59

four. We

23:02

turned our faces to the front of the plane

23:04

and Royce Spivey gently took my hand. I

23:06

was still holding the paper with the number. So he held

23:09

it with me. I felt

23:11

warm and simple. Nothing bad could

23:13

ever happen to me while I was holding hands

23:15

with him. And when he let go, I would

23:17

have the number that ended in four. I

23:20

had wanted a number like this my whole life. The

23:23

plane landed gracefully like an easily drawn

23:25

line. He helped me pull my carry-on

23:27

bag down from the bin. It looked

23:30

obscenely familiar. Many people

23:32

are going to be waiting for me out there. So I

23:34

won't be able to say goodbye properly. I

23:36

know. I know. That's all wrong. No, it really is.

23:38

And it's a truth of the state. But

23:40

I understand. Okay. Here's what I'm

23:42

going to do. Just before I leave the airport,

23:44

I'm going to come up to you and say,

23:46

do you work well? It's

23:48

okay. I really understand. No, this is

23:50

important to me. I'll say, do you

23:53

work here? And then you say your

23:55

part. What's my

23:57

part? You say, No.

24:02

Okay, and then I'll know what you mean.

24:04

We'll know the secret meaning. Okay,

24:09

We looked into each other's eyes in a way

24:11

that said nothing else mattered as much as us.

24:13

I ask myself if I would kill my parents

24:15

to save his life? A question. Of

24:18

imposing Since I was fifteen, the answer

24:20

always used to be yes, but in

24:22

time holders boys had faded away, my

24:24

parents were still there. I would now

24:26

less and less willing to kill them

24:28

for anyone. In fact, I worried for

24:30

their health now in this case. However,

24:32

I had to say yes. Yes, I

24:34

would. We

24:36

walked down the. Tunnel between the plane and real

24:38

life and then without so much as a look

24:40

in my direction. He glided away from

24:42

me. I tried not to

24:45

look for him and baggage claim area. he

24:47

would find me. Before I left I went

24:49

to bathroom acclaimed my bag, a drink from

24:51

the water fountain, my watched children hit each

24:53

other. Finally I let my eyes crawl over

24:55

every one. They were all not him, Every

24:58

single one of them. But. They all

25:00

knew his name. Those who were talented at

25:02

drawing could have drawn him from memory and

25:04

everyone else could certainly have described him. If

25:06

it's hard to say to a blind person

25:08

the blinding The only people who would not

25:10

know what he looks like and even the

25:12

blind would know his last name and a

25:14

few of them would have known the name

25:16

of the boutique whereas way that but a

25:19

lavender tanked up in a matching boy shorts

25:21

voiced by the with both nowhere to be

25:23

found and. Everywhere. Someone

25:25

have me on the shoulder. excuse me? Do

25:28

you work here? And

25:30

with him. Except that it

25:32

wasn't him because there was no voice. And his

25:34

eyes. His eyes were mute. He

25:36

was acting. I said my line.

25:40

Know. A

25:42

pretty young airport attendant appeared beside me. i

25:45

work here, I can help you see said

25:47

enthusiastically. He paused for a fraction of a

25:49

second and then he said, Growth.

25:53

I. Waited to see what he would come up with,

25:55

but be attending. glared at me as if I were

25:57

rubbernecking, and then she rolled her eyes at him. As.

26:00

If he were protecting him from people like me,

26:02

I wanted to Yelps ever the code. It was

26:04

a secret meeting. I knew how this would look

26:06

so I just moved along. That

26:09

evening I found myself standing in the middle

26:11

of my living room floor or made dinner

26:13

and eaten there. And then I had an

26:15

idea that I might clean the house but

26:17

have we did a broom? I stopped on

26:19

a whim, flirting with the emptiness in the

26:21

center of the room. I wanted to see

26:24

if I could start again, but of course

26:26

I knew what the answer would be. The

26:28

longer I stood there, the longer I I

26:30

had to stand there. With intricate an exponential,

26:32

I looked like I was doing nothing but

26:34

release. I was as busy as a physicist

26:36

or a politician. I was strategizing my next

26:38

move. That my next move was always

26:40

not to move did not make it any easier. And

26:44

let go of the idea of cleaning and just hoped

26:46

that I would get to bed at a reasonable hour.

26:49

I thought of really spicy in bed. With. Miss

26:51

M. And then I remembered the

26:53

number. I. Took it out of

26:55

my pocket. he had written across a picture

26:57

of Pinkerton's They were made out of the

26:59

sabbath that was originally designed for the Space

27:01

Shuttle. They changed density and reaction to fluctuations

27:03

of light and heat. I

27:05

mouths all the numbers and then said the

27:08

missing when outbound. For.

27:12

A self esteem and elicit a

27:14

young. And

27:16

move easily into the bedroom. I put on my

27:18

nightgown, brush my teeth, and went to bed. Over.

27:21

The course of my life I have used

27:23

the number many times. Not a telephone number,

27:26

just the for. When. I

27:28

first met my husband. I used to whisper. For.

27:31

While we had intercourse because it was so

27:33

painful. Then I learned

27:35

about a tiny operation that I could have

27:37

to enlarge myself. I whispered for when my

27:39

dad died of lung cancer, when my daughter

27:41

got into trouble doing god knows what in

27:43

Mexico City, I said. For to myself as I

27:45

gave her my credit card number over the phone. Which

27:47

was confusing thinking one number and saying another.

27:51

My husband jokes about my lucky number. But.

27:53

I've never told him about Roy. You.

27:56

Shouldn't underestimate a man's capacity

27:58

for feeling threatened. You. have

28:00

to be a great beauty for men to come to blows over

28:02

you. At my high school reunion, I pointed out

28:04

a teacher I'd once had a crush on, and by the end

28:06

of the night, this teacher and my husband were wrestling in a

28:08

hotel parking garage. My husband said

28:10

that it was about issues of race, but I knew some

28:12

things are just best left

28:15

unsaid. This

28:17

morning, I was cleaning out my jewelry box when I

28:19

came upon a little slip of paper with pink

28:21

curtains on it. I thought

28:23

I had lost it long ago, but no,

28:26

there it was, folded, underneath a dried-up carnation

28:28

and some impractically heavy bracelets. I

28:30

hadn't whispered for in years. The

28:33

idea of luck made me feel a little weary now,

28:36

like Christmas when you're not in the mood. I

28:39

stood by the window and I studied Roy Spivey's

28:41

handwriting in the light. He was older

28:43

now. We all were, but he was

28:45

still working. He had his own TV show. He

28:47

wasn't a spy anymore. He played the father of

28:50

12 rascally kids. It

28:52

occurred to me now that I had missed the point

28:54

entirely. He had wanted

28:57

me to call him. I

28:59

looked out the window. My husband was in

29:02

the driveway vacuuming out the car. I

29:04

sat on the bed with a number in my lap

29:06

and the phone in my hands. I dialed the digits,

29:08

including the invisible one that had shepherded me through my

29:11

adult lulls. It was

29:13

no longer in service. Of

29:15

course it wasn't. It was preposterous for me to

29:17

have thought that it would still be his nanny's

29:19

private line. Roy Spivey's children had

29:21

long since grown up. The nanny was probably working

29:23

for someone else, or maybe she'd done well for

29:26

herself, put herself through nursing school or business school.

29:28

Good for her. I

29:31

looked down at the number and I felt a tidal swell

29:33

of loss. It

29:35

was too late. I'd waited

29:37

too long. I

29:39

listened to the sound of my husband beating the car

29:41

mass on the sidewalk. Our

29:43

ancient cat pressed against my legs, wanting

29:45

food, but I couldn't seem to stand

29:48

up. Minutes passed,

29:50

almost an hour. Now it was starting

29:52

to get dark. My husband was

29:54

downstairs making a drink and I was about to

29:56

stand up. Crickets were

29:58

chirping in the yard. And.

30:01

I read about to stand up. Coming

30:08

up we are so said share

30:10

to more stories with you one

30:12

of which is why I would

30:14

argue one of the most iconic

30:16

writers alive today, but not raining.

30:18

But the thing she's known for

30:20

writing about really wasn't completely different,

30:23

the you'd never access road well

30:25

yeah. I see that then she

30:27

doesn't species. Is jump species

30:29

exactly? That's after the break. Stick

30:31

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may apply. Lulu. Latif.

34:10

Shorts. We are now at

34:12

the point in our journey of

34:14

flight where it is time to fall.

34:18

Quick warning, this story is about suicide. Lulu,

34:20

you picked the next story. Why don't you

34:23

take it from here? Okay. So

34:25

this is truly, no kidding, my favorite

34:27

short story of all time. I do

34:29

like to read them a lot. So

34:32

yeah, I read it. I came across it very randomly

34:34

about 20 years ago. And

34:37

I think I am still seeing the Tweety

34:39

Birds, like going around my head, from

34:42

how hard it smacked me when I first read

34:44

it. What's particularly amazing

34:47

is how efficiently the author pulls off this

34:49

effect. It is just a page and a

34:51

half long. So

34:54

it is by the author Don Shea. And

34:57

he wrote tons of flash fiction, these super

34:59

short stories, and published in places like the

35:01

Gettysburg Review, the Utney Reader,

35:03

and beyond. So now performing Jumper

35:06

Down by Don Shea, please welcome

35:08

back Becca Blackwell. Jumper

35:18

Down. Henry

35:21

was our jumper up expert, had been

35:23

for years. When the jumper

35:25

was up, by which I mean when

35:27

he or she was still in the building ledge

35:29

or the bridge, Henry was

35:31

superb at talking them down. Of

35:34

all the paramedics I worked with, he

35:37

had the touch. When

35:39

the call came in, jumper up, Henry

35:41

always went, if he was working that

35:43

shift. When the call was jumper down,

35:46

it didn't matter much which of

35:48

us went, we were all equally capable of attending

35:50

to the mess on the ground or fishing some

35:52

dude out of the water. The

35:55

University Hospital we worked out have got

35:57

more than its share of jumpers of

35:59

both varieties. because of its proximity to

36:01

the major bridges, Manhattan, Brooklyn,

36:03

and Williamsburg. Over

36:05

the years, dealing with his jumpers

36:07

and the other deranged human flotsam

36:10

the job through his way, Henry

36:12

had become a tad

36:14

crusty. You might even

36:16

say burned out. Although

36:19

he was still pretty effective with the jumper-ups,

36:22

he always considered them a personal

36:24

challenge. Henry

36:26

was retiring. On his last

36:28

shift, we threw him a little party in the

36:30

lounge, two doors down from the ER, even

36:33

brought some liquor in for the off-duty guys,

36:35

although that was against the rules. Everyone

36:39

was telling their favorite jumper stories for Henry's

36:41

benefit, and he'd heard them all before, but

36:43

that didn't matter. Big John

36:45

told the story of the window cleaner

36:47

who took a dive four stories off

36:49

his scaffolding. They got him in the

36:51

bus, started a couple of IV lines,

36:54

and John radioed ahead to the ER,

36:56

bringing in the jumper down. Now

36:59

this guy was in sad shape,

37:01

two broken legs, a femur poking

37:03

through the skin, but he sits

37:05

right up and says with great

37:08

indignation, I did not jump,

37:10

God damn it, I fell. Just

37:14

as Big John finished the story, a

37:17

call came in. Jumper up on

37:19

the Brooklyn Bridge. Everyone agreed

37:21

it was meant to be. It was

37:24

Henry's last jumper, and I

37:26

went along because it was my shift too. The

37:29

pillar on the Manhattan side of the Brooklyn

37:31

Bridge is over water. Our

37:33

jumper had climbed up the pillar on the

37:35

Brooklyn side, which is over land. By

37:38

the time we got there, the police

37:40

had a couple of spotlights on him, and

37:42

we could see him clearly, sitting

37:44

on a beam about 100 feet up, looking

37:48

pretty relaxed. Henry

37:50

took a megaphone and was preparing to climb

37:52

up after him when the

37:54

guy jumped. It

37:57

looked like a circus act, no

37:59

exaggeration. Two half-gainers and

38:01

a back flip and every second of

38:03

it caught in the spotlights The

38:06

guy hit the ground about 30 yards from where we

38:08

were standing and Henry and I were over there on

38:10

the run Although it was obvious He

38:13

was beyond help He

38:16

was dead, but he hadn't died yet His

38:19

eyes were open and he looked

38:22

as if he was somewhat surprised by what he had

38:24

done to himself Henry

38:27

leaned in close and bellowed

38:30

into his ear. I

38:32

know you can hear me because

38:34

hearing is the last thing to go. I

38:38

just got to tell you I wanted

38:40

you to know that

38:42

jump was fucking magnificent

38:52

At first I considered Henry's

38:54

parting shot pretty insensitive But

38:59

then I thought about it some more I Mean

39:02

it was clearly not

39:04

the occasion to admonish the

39:07

jumper Who had obviously

39:09

suffered enough defeats and rejections in

39:11

his life? I mean,

39:13

why should he spend his last few

39:15

seconds on earth hearing how he blew

39:17

it once again? It

39:21

seems to me if I was

39:23

a jumper on the way out Right

39:26

there on the ragged edge of the

39:28

big mystery. I might

39:31

indeed upon my exit Find

39:34

some last modicum of comfort and

39:37

Henry's words human

39:39

words of recognition and Congratulations

39:54

That's a Blackwell absolutely

39:56

killing that story Now

40:00

it is time for the final story

40:02

of the night. Settle

40:04

in, because now we're

40:08

about to lose all sense of what's

40:10

where, all sense of the rules of

40:12

gravity, all sense even of

40:15

what species we are. Yes,

40:17

folks, it is time at long

40:20

last to become the only mammal

40:22

that truly flies, a

40:24

bat. We

40:26

shined the bat signal on our

40:29

local public library and you'll

40:31

never guess who showed up. An

40:33

obscure up-and-comer named Margaret Atwood.

40:36

She of course wrote The Handmaid's

40:38

Tale, Oryx and Crake, The Blind

40:41

Assassin, and many collections including the

40:43

recent Old Babes in the Woods.

40:46

She is Canadian, she

40:48

is wise, she is

40:51

fearless, and at times

40:53

she can feel spookily like an oracle.

40:55

This story will be read by a

40:58

much-loved, Tony-nominated actor. Please

41:01

welcome Zach Grenier. My

41:13

life as a bat. One.

41:18

Reincarnation. In

41:22

my previous life, I

41:24

was a bat. If

41:27

you find previous lives amusing

41:29

or unlikely, you are

41:31

not a serious person. Consider,

41:34

a great many people believe in

41:36

them and if sanity is a

41:39

general consensus about the content of

41:41

reality, who are

41:43

you to disagree? Consider,

41:45

also, previous lives have entered the

41:48

world of commerce. Money

41:50

can be made from them. You

41:53

were a Cleopatra. You

41:55

were a Flemish Duke. You

41:58

were a Druid. and

42:01

money changes hands. If the

42:03

stock market exists, so must

42:06

previous lives. In

42:08

the previous life market, there is

42:10

not such a great demand for

42:12

Peruvian ditch-diggers as there is for

42:15

Cleopatra, or for Indian

42:17

latrine cleaners, or for 1952

42:21

housewives living in California split

42:23

levels. Similarly,

42:26

not many of us

42:28

choose to remember our lives

42:30

as vultures, spiders, or rodents,

42:33

but some of us do, the

42:36

fortunate few. Conventional

42:38

wisdom has it that reincarnation

42:40

as an animal is a

42:42

punishment for past sins, but

42:44

perhaps it is a

42:46

reward instead, at least

42:49

a resting place, an interlude

42:51

of grace. Bats

42:53

have a few things to put up with, but they

42:55

do not inflict. When

42:58

they kill, they kill without mercy, but

43:01

without hate. They are

43:03

immune from the curse of pity.

43:06

They never gloat. 2.

43:11

Nightmares. I

43:15

have recurring nightmares.

43:17

In one of them, I am clinging to

43:19

the ceiling of

43:21

a summer cottage with a red-faced man in

43:23

white shorts and a white v-neck t-shirt, jumps

43:26

up and down, hitting me with a tennis

43:28

racket. There are

43:30

cedar rafters up here and

43:32

sticky fly papers attached with

43:34

tacks dangling like toxic seaweeds.

43:36

I look down at the

43:38

man's face, more shortened and

43:40

sweating, eyes bulging and blue,

43:42

the mouth emitting furious noise,

43:45

rising up like a marine float, sinking

43:47

again, rising as if on a

43:49

swell of air. The air itself

43:52

is muggy, the sun is sinking,

43:54

there will be a thunderstorm, a

43:56

woman is shrieking, My hair! My

43:58

hair! And someone is calling and

44:00

Thea, bring the stepladder. All

44:03

I want is to get out through the

44:05

hole in the screen, but that will take

44:07

some concentration. And it's hard in this din

44:09

of voices. They interfere with my sonar. There

44:13

is a smell of dirty

44:15

bath mats. It's

44:18

his breath, the breath that comes

44:20

out of every pore, the breath

44:22

of the monster. I

44:24

will be lucky to get out of this alive." In

44:29

another nightmare, I am winging my way,

44:31

flittering, I suppose you'd call it, through

44:33

the clean, washed demolite before dawn. This

44:37

is a desert. The yuccas are

44:39

in bloom, and I have been gorging myself

44:41

on their juices and pollen. I'm

44:43

heading to my home, to my

44:45

home cave, will be cool

44:48

during the burnout of the day. And

44:50

there will be the sound of water

44:52

trickling through limestone, coating the rock

44:54

with a glistening hush, with the

44:56

moistness of new mushrooms, and the other

44:58

bats will chirp and rustle

45:00

and doze until night unfurls

45:03

again and makes the hot

45:05

sky tender for us. But

45:07

when I reach the entrance to the cave,

45:10

it is sealed over. It's blocked

45:12

in. Who could have done this?

45:15

I vibrate my wings, sniffing blind

45:18

as a dazzle mawth over the

45:20

hard surface. In a short

45:22

time, the sun will rise like a balloon

45:24

on fire, and I will be blasted with

45:26

its glare and shriveled to a few small

45:29

bones. Whoever

45:31

said that life was life

45:34

and darkness, nothing. For

45:36

some of us, the mythologies

45:38

are different. Three,

45:42

vampire films. I

45:46

became aware of the nature of

45:48

my previous life gradually, not only

45:51

through dreams, but through scraps of

45:53

memory, through hints, through odd moments

45:55

of recognition. There

45:57

was my preference for the subtleties of the world.

46:00

dawn and dusk, as opposed to

46:02

the vulgar blaring hour of high

46:04

noon. There was

46:06

my deja vu experience in

46:08

the Carlsbad Caverns. Surely

46:12

I had been there before, long

46:14

before, before they put out

46:16

the pastel spotlights and the cute names

46:18

for the stalactites and the underground restaurant

46:21

where you can combine claustrophobia and indigestion

46:23

and then take the elevator to get

46:25

back out. There

46:28

was also my dislike for

46:30

head-fulls of human hair, so

46:33

like nets or tendrils of

46:36

poisonous jellyfish. I

46:38

feared entanglements. No

46:41

real bat would ever suck the blood

46:43

of necks. The neck is too near

46:45

the hair. Even

46:48

the vampire bat will target a hairless

46:50

extremity by choice a toe, resembling,

46:52

as it does, the teeth of a cow.

46:56

Vampire films have always seemed

46:58

ridiculous to me for

47:01

this reason, but also for

47:03

the idiocy of their bats,

47:05

huge rubbery bats with red

47:07

Christmas-light eyes and fangs like

47:09

saber-toothed tigers flown in

47:11

on strings, their puppet wings flap,

47:14

flap, sluggishly like those of an

47:16

overweight and degenerate bird. I

47:19

screamed at these filmic moments, but

47:22

not with fear, rather

47:24

with outraged laughter at the

47:26

insult to bats. Oh,

47:29

Dracula, unlikely hero.

47:33

Why was it given to you

47:35

by whoever stole your soul to

47:37

transform yourself into a bat and

47:39

a wolf and only

47:41

those? Why not a

47:44

vampire chipmunk, a duck,

47:48

a gerbil? Why

47:50

not a vampire turtle?

47:53

Now that would be a plot. deadly

48:00

weapon. During

48:03

the Second World War they did experiments

48:05

with bats. Thousands of bats were to

48:07

be released over German cities at

48:10

the hour of noon. Each

48:12

was to have a small incendiary

48:14

device strapped into it. With a

48:16

timer the bats would have headed

48:18

for darkness as is their habit.

48:21

They would have crawled into holes

48:23

and walls or secreted themselves under

48:25

the ease of houses relieved to

48:27

have found safety. At

48:29

a preordained moment they would have exploded

48:31

and the cities would have gone up

48:34

in flames. That

48:37

was the plan. Death

48:39

by flaming bats. The

48:42

bats too would have died of

48:44

course, acceptable mega deaths.

48:48

The cities went up in flames anyway

48:50

but not with the aid of bats.

48:52

The atom bomb had been invented and

48:54

the fiery bat was no longer thought

48:56

necessary. If the

48:59

bats had been used after all

49:01

would there have been a war memorial for

49:04

them? It isn't

49:06

likely. If

49:08

you ask a human being what makes

49:10

his flesh creep more? A bat or

49:13

a bomb he will say the bat.

49:16

It is difficult to experience loathing

49:18

for something merely metal however ominous.

49:22

We save these sensations for those with

49:24

skin and flesh. A skin of

49:27

flesh unlike our own. Fire.

49:33

Beauty. Perhaps

49:37

it isn't my life as

49:39

a bat that

49:41

was the interlude. Perhaps

49:43

it is this life. Perhaps

49:46

I have been sent into human form

49:48

as if on a dangerous mission to

49:51

save and redeem my own folk. When

49:53

I have gained small success or died

49:55

in the attempt for failure

49:57

in such a task against such

49:59

odds to... More likely, I will

50:01

be born again back into that

50:04

other form, the other world where

50:06

I truly belong. More

50:09

and more, I think

50:11

of this event with longing. The

50:14

quickness of heart beat, the

50:16

vivid plunge into the nectars

50:18

of crepuscle flowers, hovering

50:20

in the infrared of night, the

50:23

dank, lazy half-sleep of daytime,

50:26

with bodies rounded and soft

50:28

as furred plums clustering around

50:31

me, the mothers

50:33

licking the tiny amazed faces

50:35

of the newborn, the swift

50:37

love of what will come

50:39

next, the anticipations of the

50:41

tongue and the infral corrugated

50:44

and scrolled nose, nose like

50:46

a dead leaf, nose like

50:48

a radiator grill, nose of

50:50

a denizen of Pluto. And

50:55

in the evening, the

50:58

supersonic hymn of praise

51:00

to our Creator, the

51:03

Creator of bats, who appeared

51:05

to us in the form of a

51:07

bat, and who gave

51:09

us all things, water and the

51:11

liquid stone of caves, the

51:14

woody refuge of attics, petals and

51:16

fruit and juicy insects, and

51:19

the beauty of slippery wings

51:21

and sharp white canines and

51:23

shining eyes. What

51:26

do we pray for? We

51:29

pray for food, as all do, and

51:32

for health and for the increase of

51:34

our kind, and for the

51:36

deliverance from evil, which cannot be

51:38

explained by us, which

51:41

is hair-headed and walks in

51:43

the night with a single

51:45

white unseeing eye, and

51:48

stinks of half-digested meat and

51:50

has two legs. Goddess

51:55

of caves and

51:57

grottos, bless

51:59

your heart. short-shafted. If

52:08

that's it, we can still put pants on now.

52:14

From our shorts, we weren't pantsless, reminding

52:17

you the short-shafted. Okay,

52:21

this episode was produced by

52:23

Maria Paz-Coutiers. Thanks to

52:25

Drew Richardson, Jennifer Brennan,

52:28

and everybody else at Symphony Space.

52:30

And all of the actors who brought

52:33

their all on stage reading the stories

52:35

of Abu Bakr Ali, Becca Blackwell, Molly

52:37

Bernard, and Zach Grenier. And

52:39

a little extra thanks to Sami Westfall.

52:41

Thanks, Sami. Alright, that'll do

52:43

it for today. More stories

52:46

of the nonfiction variety headed your way

52:48

next week. Hi,

53:01

I'm Basit Khari, and I'm from

53:03

Somerset, New Jersey, and here are

53:06

the staff credits. Radio Lab was

53:08

created by Jad Abumrad and is

53:11

edited by Sorin Wheeler. Lulu Miller

53:13

and Latif Nasir are our co-hosts.

53:15

Dylan Keith is our Director of

53:18

Sound Design. Our staff includes Simon

53:20

Adler, Jeremy Bloom, Becca Bresler, Ekadie

53:22

Foster-Kees, W. Haidt, Harry

53:25

Fortuna, David Gebel, Maria

53:27

Paz-Coutiers, Sindhu, Niana Sambandam,

53:30

Matt Kielty, Annie

53:32

McEwen, Alex Neeson, Valentina Powers,

53:34

Sara Khari, Sarah Sandak, Arianne

53:37

Wack, Pat Walters, and Molly

53:39

Webster. Our fact

53:42

checkers are Diane Kelly, Emily

53:44

Krieger, and Natalie Middleton. Hi,

53:49

this is Tamara from Pasadena,

53:51

California. This support

53:53

for Radio Lab science programming is

53:55

provided by the Gordon and Betty

53:57

Moore Foundation. Science Sandbox

54:00

assignments foundation initiative and the

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John Templeton Foundation. Foundational

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