TightRope Tales - The Uncensored Story of My Corner of Hell
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TightRope Tales - The Uncensored Story of My Corner of Hell
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TightRope Tales - The Uncensored Story of My Corner of Hell
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Okay, so I start to take medication. And it plays havoc with all kinds of parts of my body. Beginning to understand the nature and depth of the trades that might be required is quite frankly a terrifying consideration. It’s not a simple matter
Everything starts somewhere. This episode explores the trigger, or the event that set off a chain reaction. A reaction that led me down a rabbit hole and ultimately on a quest for sanity and safety. Why do some events cause some people to freak
When you live for decades with depression it is sometimes very difficult to understand what is real and what is a product of your conditioning. The very beginnings of sorting out that mess is and must be a key to connect with truth.
One thing I immediately noticed is that it felt like I was looking at a Valley from a different mountaintop. Events that previously only lent themselves to a single interpretation suddenly changed shape and color. What an interesting point of v
Nothing is ever as it seems. Particularly as it seems in the beginning. Everything that is softer comes with a double edged sword. There are consequences for every action on every side. So when things don’t act like you think they should, then
What does it feel like to come face-to-face with things that have been hidden in your subconscious, in your heart and in the deepest recesses of your soul? This is only the beginning. The monsters that have been in the closet are now going to c
One of the first things people want to do when they care about depression is start cramming pills down your throat. Medication certainly has a place, and it is something that definitely should be considered, but I don’t know if it’s the only an
So the reality of taking medication for depression is simply this: there are going to be trades no matter what you do. The trade for having the “sandpaper” disappear was some fairly dramatic physical consequences, sexual consequences and the nu
After finally taking a work at things as they really are, I’m left with a difficult and complicated question. What is the course of action that make sense? Who can I get involved? How long is it going to take? What is the road forward?
The event that started it all. The terrifying reality that let me understand something truly was wrong that needed to be carefully examined, truthfully attacked and ultimately overcome. Uncensored and in all its glory.
A simple and easy thing to understand was the immediate impact of the drugs on my physical well-being. This episode deals not only with the fact that I was excessively tired, but the fact that the tiredness seemed to permeate all aspects of my
One immediate effect is to get rid of what I always called the "sandpaper." It sort of makes things feel softer, things have a little bit of a different view. But the real question is this, what difference does it make? Can it last? Is it perma
A delicate and uncomfortable topic is the effect of the medication on both sexual desire and performance. My experience was that the medication affected both and in a fairly dramatic way. The doctor told me there would be “some impact.” Nothing
The cancer that I have is not serious... at least that is what I keep hearing. But no matter what is said, the fact that you have cancer makes you wonder about mortality and death. On top of that, a second lump on my face is now scheduled for s
As it always does, the day of action comes. For me it is about getting the cancer I talked about earlier in the series removed from my face. The experience was interesting, a bit fearful and most of all an unwelcome but powerful detour on my ro
One of the most incessant problems that I have faced in my depression battle is the feeling that no matter what I do, it will never be enough. This feeling has been with me from my early years and still is a major factor in my daily walk with a
This is the post event podcast. After three days of intense performing, and three days of providing guidance and value for clients, there is practically a total collapse. Even when things go well, people sign up and more money comes in, the bes
After you get good at speaking, it is easy to get on stage and say some good stuff so you get a complement or two or even 50. There is a chasm between getting compliments and getting told "that was awesome" and actually getting paid. You know,
Another part of being in the coaching business that I am in means that I regularly appear on stage is speaking to anywhere between 10 and 500 people. Getting up for those kind of speeches and doing an awesome job so you get invited back is alwa
As crazy as it seems, my job requires that I hold events. These events are three days long and put me on stage in front of a dozen or so people for three days solid. This is a difficult, challenging and sometimes terrifying prospect for someone
At the end of the day, if I give up, the fight is over. While that is sometimes very attractive, the one thing that has kept me from committing suicide over the years is the feeling that suicide is a cowardly way out. I can never shake the feel
One option that is always at the front of mind of every person with depression is the option of giving up. Because so many days have been a fight just to perform and just to get by, the notion of giving up is never very far from a possible outc
About this time, I have been diagnosed with skin cancer. Fortunately it is the least dangerous and least terrifying kind. Even with that reality, there is no easy way to look yourself in the mirror and say, oh yeah I have cancer. This opens a w
One option on the table is to go back to drinking. That terrifies my wife, and me to frankly. Sometimes I feel like the only way to get past the impacts is to do some kind of numbing. The obvious rotten consequence of that is that your life is
One consequence of stopping the medication is that I could immediately feel the change in my physiology. They keep saying it takes 4 to 6 weeks for these changes to have an impact. That’s absolute nonsense. I can feel the difference in one day.
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